I really admire your responsibility to yourself. Willingness to grow and change is pretty rare. I resist it like crazy most of the time. Recently I was told that I was very manipulative and I think that that's part of putting effort into other people's thoughts, which I never realized was a negative thing until now. I'm also glad that you called attention to the fact that it's ignorant to think of the ghetto as glamorous because that's something I've always felt and it really would be insulting to say that to someone who's struggling to get by. Granted I think it depends on the person and for some people it can actually be glamorous but that's very rare. Even though you're not growing up to be the person you once thought you'd be, you've become a much better person because you're more aware of and responsible for yourself. I'm happy that you see this change in a positive way, because it's a good thing.
Thank you for your kind words sug. I don't really like change but I guess it's a need. I don't know how I stopped resisting change, I think it just became to important to resist and now like you said I do feel a responsibility to myself
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That's a really good point. People who choose to go to the ghetto are the ones who lives glamorously there, but most people are stuck there and don't know how to get out. I guess it's very much divided because of racist America too, like so many minority groups have been forced into ghettos and their life there is so much different than some white middle class college student who wants to be artistic and live among the cultured class. It's really great that your parents were able to achieve so much and I'm glad you see it from that perspective too. I think the reason I'm attracted to the sleaze glam thing is because I want to feel tough. I'm tired of being seen as meek and timid and I want people to see me as dangerous. I also think that choosing to live that way is rebellious and it's basically a big fuck you to everyone else because they're all afraid of those people. I want the normals to know that I'm threatening and wild.
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