~*My reactions to SPN 6x06*~
Ok, to begin...since last weeks episode, I've been dying to see that we were going to find out what's going on with Sam. Since the first ep of this season, I've pretty much been whimpering, "What's wrong with Sam? He's broken! Fix him!" He has just been so...cold this season, robotic, like a machine. His face has no more expressions, like he forgot how to work it down in the pit. It was driving me crazy not knowing what was going on....but in a good way...in a way that's been keeping me glued to my seat at 8:55 on Fridays, phone on silent, laptop off...just WAITING....lol.
I liked this episode a lot...even with these dire circumstances with Dean freaking out about Sam, they still found moments to throw a little humour in there...I love that about this show. :) The chick with the tits at the bar, Bobby's confessional...hahaha, awesome!
But then things got serious again...I mean, I knew Sam was lying the first time Dean asked him about the vampire attack...and I wasn't surprised. It's not the first time Sam's been immune to some crazy supernatural whammy. But I still wasn't sure why he was lying. Ok, yeah, I probably wouldn't tell my brother that I essentially just threw him to the wolves, but still...I wouldn't have done that in the first place!
The final scene with in the Veritas' lair, after they defeated her, was what did it for me. When Dean was backing Sam up with the knife, demanding to know what was going on, Sam finally...broke. He has been so focused on the hunt this season, next job, next town, he hasn't really slowed down to think about what he's doing. When he finally had to face up to what he had done...you could see how hard he was struggling. Our sweet little Sammy was trying desperately to ask for help, for a feeling that he can no longer express.
I can't imagine what being void of all emotion must do to a person's psyche. To know that you care about someone, or something, that you have done so in the past. But to reach back for those feelings and not be able to find them...that must be awful. Our emotions give us power, but they also give us our humanity.
All of these seasons past, Dean has been his anchor back to humanity. Now I could see that he was struggling to find this connection again...and it's just not there. I actually felt proud of Sam for finally coming clean and admitting that something is wrong and he needs help, instead of shoving things aside in the good ole' Winchester way and saying everything is fine. Ok, it was under duress...but he chose not to lie anymore.
Then things got bad....
On the other side of this, Dean is an emotional wreck. He has been for a long time, but this was just everything bubbling to the surface at once. He's mad at Sam for lying to him (again) and mad at Sam for letting him be turned, knowing what it could have cost him. He has every right to be angry...Sam gambled with not only his life, but with Ben and Lisa's as well. Given Dean's self-loathing, he would NEVER have recovered if something had happened to them. The guilt would have literally destroyed him. And top of these feelings as well, he also realizes that he just lost Lisa...the girl he thought he could have been happy with, had things not gone this way. Everyone Dean loves, leaves him or lets him down in some way...this was a long time coming, I suppose.
The very last part really unnerved me...in a really visceral way. I have been saying all week that Sam needed a good ass kicking after what happened last week. But that was before I knew everything...and I have to say, I take it back! I thought we were gonna get a Dean/Cas season 5 - I'm-so-pissed-so-I'm-gonna-make-you-bleed-a-little-cause-that's-how-men-do-things beat down. Just enough to drive the point home....but I wasn't expecting something so brutal.
Obviously, Dean has every right to be mad...I don't blame him at all for laying into Sam a little...but after the first few punches...all of a sudden, I was really scared for Sam. I honestly thought Dean was going to kill him. Dean's face was just...rage incarnate...like he had checked out of his head for a minute. What I realized later is that...for the first time, in 5+ seasons, and after everything that's happened....I was afraid of Dean.
I was mad at Dean right then...all I could think was, "God, you're doing it again! This is season 4 all over again! The difference is that instead of a demon blood intervention, Sam actually ASKED for help....and the first thing you do is hit." It's never easy when a loved one is doing something you're against...but you also have to realize in those moments that...they're unwell. It's like someone with an addiction. They will steal, hide and lie to your face and you'll hate them for what they've become. But there's that moment of clarity that when they ask for help, you have to shove that aside and jump on that chance. It's a very small window that will slip thru your fingers if you don't act fast. But you have to be a big person to do that...it's hard with family.
But I was hoping that Dean would show some cognitive thinking and draw upon former experiences, realize that he had to approach things differently. Sam wouldn't have done this if he was ok...and he just said he's not ok, so do the right thing (not the easy thing) and help. But Dean's constant shoving down of emotions makes it to hard to sort thru what he's feeling. His first instinct is anger, he's like a caged animal lashing out and whatever's in his path is going to get the brunt of it. This time, it was his brother.
I know Sam probably deserved it...I know that...but I just can't get past the brutality. I didn't feel this way during season 4....but maybe that was because they were both fighting each other. This was just Dean delivering blow after blow after blow to someone who couldn't get a moment's respite. The thing is...if Dean had said, "Fine, let's get you help" and then Sam had backpedaled, then hell, knock his ass out and drag him with you. But Dean didn't ask...he just hit him. And it scared me a lot to see what this last year has done to Dean...there was this little moment, just after the last punch, right before the credits rolled when Dean "came back" to himself...the look in his eyes made it seem like he was even scaring himself.
But I have stuck by Sam this long...and I have a bit of a soft/blind spot for him, I know. But I still have faith in Sam...I just hope when they figure this out, the boys relationship won't be past salvage.
Oh my God...this got long...lol. If you're still reading, sorry! I'm not a writer, just a girl with an obsession. This is not a very unbiased opinion, just gut reactions...lol. But I'm glad...it's got me so chomping at the bit for next episode...it's gonna be a looooooooong week....haha.
Anyone else wanna weigh in?