Comments | lilycobalt: Week 8: Bewitched and Bewildered

lilycobalt

Week 8: Bewitched and Bewildered

Mar 18, 2013 20:23

Alice wanted to believe that Orlando merely slept on his hospital bed, but his injuries and the stagnant beep of the machines told her that the accident had taken his life. Fortunately, she could reclaim it. Her arms moved in mechanical motions to touch the talismans she carried in her book bag. The instructions for the long-forbidden spell ( Read more... )

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Comments 23

audreybuttercup March 19 2013, 14:34:51 UTC

Love. This! Awesome job!

lilycobalt March 20 2013, 02:30:59 UTC

Thank you! :)

myrna_bird March 19 2013, 21:51:15 UTC

Oh! Such a sad state of affairs.

lilycobalt March 20 2013, 02:32:05 UTC

Things didn't turn out as well as she wanted :(

roina_arwen March 20 2013, 04:50:59 UTC

Poor Alice! I like where you took this prompt - it was my suggestion, so I was intrigued to see where you took it. :)

lilycobalt March 21 2013, 03:38:18 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad that I did well with your prompt. I wondered if it might have been yours when you mentioned your prompt went early--it seems like it is very you.

roina_arwen March 21 2013, 03:43:47 UTC

I guess it is very me, thank you! :)

jem0000000 March 20 2013, 17:38:20 UTC

Poor girl.

This is a very compelling story.

lilycobalt March 21 2013, 03:40:18 UTC

Thank you!

halfshellvenus March 20 2013, 17:39:26 UTC

Might be nice to list the prompt in the "credits" below. Just a thought.

I liked that the way in which Orlando was "different" was not at ALL anything Alice or the reader would have anticipated. He was alive, he was sort of himself for awhile, but in a different incarnation that was spawned by him thinking he'd been "on the verge of dying." Even had he come back on his own, that change might have happened (I liked that it was a possible logical outcome).

It's funny, I can't even say that this was necessarily a mistake from Alice's POV. She will have to choose to let go of this Orlando, who is no longer the person she loved, but she will know why she's making that choice and can finish her studies. Had he actually died, that devastation might have lasted a lifetime.

lilycobalt March 22 2013, 01:16:22 UTC

That would have been good. By habit, I just put the prompt in the subject line and forget everything else.

Thanks! I'm not a zombie fan or anything, but I am a fan of death having consequences. It would have made sense for Orlando to change post-near death experience, and I tried to push a little further on the personality change without going full on into weird.

True. Alice may very well be better off in the end--just a breakup, in a way, and find someone more like her who hopefully does not die.