Yes, I am, in fact, drifting.
It's hard to even say what I feel right now. I'm not angry, but I'm not happy. I'm just disappointed, I guess.
There's no reason for it, either. I just don't feel like hanging around sometimes anymore. Emotions are not that easy for me to fake anymore, either. I want to be happy, and I want to be amazing. I want to hear that someone misses me or thinks that I'm rad or to even feel that way for myself. It's like painting a picture for someone, working on it for days, and they just tilt their heads and tell you that it looks off center. It's not enough and they just don't understand what you're trying to do.
And apathy has me by the throat. I just don't care. I don't care about your fiance. I don't care about your oversensitive feelings. I don't care about how strange I seem to you and your friends. I don't care about your cat. And I don't care about that.
On the other side of the spectrum, I don't know how to properly show how much that I -do- care. I care about your well being, even though I come off as thoughtless. I care about your ideas, because you really do have a beautiful mind. I care about what you think of me, because you're the closest thing to a best friend I have. I don't want to let go of you, even though I feel you want to let go of me.
Life is taking a turn toward a place I've never been to before, and I'm scared that I'll make bigger mistakes than I have before. I don't want to do this without a map. I don't want to have to make these decisions. And I don't want to let go of your hand.
But I have to.
I'm sorry.
There's no reason for it, either. I just don't feel like hanging around sometimes anymore. Emotions are not that easy for me to fake anymore, either. I want to be happy, and I want to be amazing. I want to hear that someone misses me or thinks that I'm rad or to even feel that way for myself. It's like painting a picture for someone, working on it for days, and they just tilt their heads and tell you that it looks off center. It's not enough and they just don't understand what you're trying to do.
And apathy has me by the throat. I just don't care. I don't care about your fiance. I don't care about your oversensitive feelings. I don't care about how strange I seem to you and your friends. I don't care about your cat. And I don't care about that.
On the other side of the spectrum, I don't know how to properly show how much that I -do- care. I care about your well being, even though I come off as thoughtless. I care about your ideas, because you really do have a beautiful mind. I care about what you think of me, because you're the closest thing to a best friend I have. I don't want to let go of you, even though I feel you want to let go of me.
Life is taking a turn toward a place I've never been to before, and I'm scared that I'll make bigger mistakes than I have before. I don't want to do this without a map. I don't want to have to make these decisions. And I don't want to let go of your hand.
But I have to.
I'm sorry.