Te amo
Okay, I'm finally ready to update about Mexico. This is going to be really long so I'll put it into cuts for your sake, but i spent alot of time on it.
The trip this year was amazing, on so many levels. It really affected the way I see things back home as well. There are so many little stories like Rosi breaking the shower, all the banyo antics, and the carnival...but that's not really what the trip was about. This trip was different from in years past, before we just kinda showed up. Don't get me wrong, it was great, but we'd just come and play with the kids and have a little V.B.S. This year it was different. I still spoke close to no Spanish, but I was a little better. I felt like this year, God would tell us to do something, and we just would, without regard for what others thought. There was a little taco stand across the street from a parking lot where we ate lunch everyday, and everyday we would bring them our leftover food. We'd also give some to a woman who worked at the market, we saved extra for her because she told us about how her husband abused her and she had to work to bring home food for her children. We were talking to the people one day and Rosi told one of the men she liked his shirt, it said "Christ changed my life" in Spanish, he started to take it off (he had a shirt on underneath) and rosi tried to decline but he said he had alot of others. It turns out he was a pastor at another church and actually knew Pastor Eduardo. The last night we were there we took about 400 kids to a little mexican carnival and the parents watched the Passion of the Christ, so we invited them to the party for it.
On the first day we were there, I met a precious little girl named Alexandra, she was six years old and I quickly became her gringa. Alexandra had a twin brother named Enrique, or Angel, either one. She also had two other little brothers, Juan and Pedro. On the second day I met Alexandra's mom at the park, Kristen helped me to translate and talk, it was so great to actually meet Alexandra's mom because alot of these kids come from really really bad families and it was a big comfort to me to know that that wasn't the case with her. Alexandra was such a blessing to me, she showed me such unconditional love and was so joyful. Everytime she saw me, even if somebody else was holding her, she'd jump down and come running over to me with her arms open.
Some other girls that I became really close to were Maira, Marta, Lucia, and a boy named Ezekiel. Maira was an adorable round little ten-year old who loved to carry my bag for me and was so helpful in trying to translate. Marta was a girl that I actually knew from last year. It took her a few days to warm up to me and remember who I was but by the end of the week we were just as good of friends as we used to be. Lucia was a girl who actually spoke alot of English because her mom was living in California trying to get enough money to bring her and her sisters up. The night before I met Lucia her grandpa had been hit by a car and died. To us this seems and unimaginable tragedy, and it was, but she was so happy and kind. She really helped translate for me because she could speak both English and Spanish very well.
One day Rosi and I decided to walk around the streets and just talk to some people, see if we could round up some more kids to come. We walked into a yard where there were alot of kids and some women sitting around a plastic table. We started to talk to one of the women and she agreed to let her kids come with us, but first she invited us in, she was so excited to show us her little baby. Next thing I know she was placing a beautiful 1 month old baby boy in my arms. He was so precious and tiny! she was very excited and kept pointing to my eyes because the baby had blue eyes just like me. that really stuck in my memory.
The last day we had hundreds of kids show up because they all knew that we were paying for them to all go to the carnival. Have you ever seen a Mexican carnival? Trust me, ride at your own risk...they're the rides that didn't meet the American safety standards by a long shot so they are in Mexico. The kids had such a good time there. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when they came running down the street and saw the carnival all lit up. That was a really hard night because it was the last time we saw the kids. Maira had to leave early and I started crying as soon as she had to leave, then all the kids congregated and we started to say our goodbyes. Ezekiel was already crying, he's such a sweet boy and always has the hardest time out of everybody with us leaving. I was holding Alexandra and trying to explain to her what what going on and she understood but didn't seem sad. As soon as I said "Adios" she realized what was happening and started to cry, which then turned to sobbing...and I was already a complete wreck. She was just clinging to me and crying and then her mom came to take her away. Another really hard goodbye was Lucia, because, unlike the other kids, I won't see her next year, she'll be in California. That was really hard to deal with. I'm tearing up as I write this now.
Now for this icing on the cake, how did all this affect me? Because if this trip had no effect on my, I might as well have just thrown away that $1200
We have chapel everymorning and every night. What that means is that basically all 2000 of us in tent city drag our lawn chairs out around this tiny 20 X 20 ft. stage that's just a few feet off the ground. We worship, led by Brian E. and Tim Meany *woot woot* and then this guy Tim was the speaker. I personally didn't really like him much, but the last day he talked about being called to service, and what that meant. He then asked us to stand if we believed we had received that calling, so I stood, then all of my teammates came a prayed for me and a few other people on our team that stood. I've known for a long time that God specifically wanted me in ministry but a plan is just now starting to come together. The biggest issue is my pride, right now it seems the way that I could be most useful is to finish my A.A. at B.C.C. and then do Youth with a Mission for six months and then finish my degree at S.P.U. The pride thing is just this, and it really is stupid, but I really don't want to say that I'm going to B.C.C. because I know I could do better, but I know that's my deal. One thing that has become apparent to me is this: my life is not my own. It's as simple as that. I also have come to realize what a flake I am about my faith. Like I'm scared for people to really know what a complete Christian freak I am. For two reasons: Alot of people have a very negative reaction to christians, and if people know, then I'll have to start living up to everything that comes along with following God. While we were down in Mexico I had no problem telling everybody about God (with the help of Rosi) because I was never going to see them again, there was no risk. But I'm really going to try to carry that on up here. No don't everybody panic! I'm not going to turn every non-christian I see into my new "project", I'm not that stupid. I'm just going to try really hard not to hide that part of my life anymore. I'm also beginning to see that all the things that have happened in my life have been leading towards missions work. I have so much more that I need to learn, I feel so spiritually immature. But there are alot of things that God has done to set this up for me. Like having different small group leaders. I envy those girls who have the same leader for all 4 years of high school they are so close. But having different leaders has given me the opportunity to learn alot of things that I couldn't learn from any one person. For example, Amber taught me alot theologically, and how to justify my faith, what I really beleived in. And, although at times I really strongly dislike Miranda, she's teaching me how to not be a lame-ass Christian. *pictures coming soon* lj-cut>