Lonely Ch 4
Title: Lonely Ch 4
Author: limnological
Rating: PG
Pairing: YoonYul
Description: AU, Slice of life
Chapter 4
Words can be heavy on the heart.
“Yoona, play with us.”
“Yoona, you’re so pretty.”
“You’re so smart.”
“You’re so nice!”
“You’re so helpful!
These were words that Im Yoona had grown accustomed to while growing up. Those words of praise gave her pride and happiness in the beginning, but became burdensome later. Everyone around her praised her so much that she felt like she couldn’t be anything, but what they were saying. Their expectations molded her, shaping her into the person she was today.
“You’re so cool!”
“Wow, you’re really awesome.”
“You’re perfect.”
I cannot fail. I cannot fail.
It was like failure was not an option for Yoona. She was expected to exceed in everything she did. All Yoona learned to do while growing up was to please others. Everything she did was for someone else.
The pressure from those around her weighed heavily on the 12 year old’s shoulders.
When she turned 14 the words full of praise turned into words brimming with jealousy.
Jealousy was never a pretty thing.
“Yoona, I envy you.”
Don’t.
“Do you think you’re better than us?”
No, I never did.
“You look down on us, don’t you?”
That’s not true!
She had learned quite early that words could be hurtful, but she persevered. She brushed aside those hurtful words, tucking them into a small corner of her heart.
“Yoona.”
People flocked around her, never leaving her alone for a second.
“Yoona.”
People talked to her constantly.
“Yoona.”
People always wanted her attention.
She rarely had space to herself, except for home. Home was where here happiness was. Home was where she could breathe, could be herself, could finally make mistakes like a normal person.
School was hell. School was where she had to put on her front, fake smiles, give constant attention to everyone.
Don’t get her wrong though. Yoona was definitely nice and put in 110% effort in everything she did. She excelled in many areas because she worked for it. She was kind from the bottom of her heart.
It wasn’t that she was a fraud and secretly hated everyone around her. It was just that she was getting tired. Getting tired of being around people who she knew was using her for social status, people who genuinely didn’t care about her, people who expected too much of her.
Everyone was always complimenting her, labeling her, but no one really tried to get to know her. No one gave her the chance to be herself.
She always tried not to show it, but Yoona was truly lonely.
All of those people around her, constantly by her side, but not a soul she could confide in. Not a soul she really trusted. Not a soul who seemed to genuinely care about her. Not a soul who really cared about giving her space.
Sometimes, the loneliness would show on her face on accident.
Sometimes, she’d glance over at Kwon Yuri who sat at the back of the classroom.
Kwon Yuri was a loner to Yoona. Kwon Yuri had space. Kwon Yuri didn’t have friends.
Ironically, Yoona was envious of those things as she became more and more suffocated.
But her view of Kwon Yuri changed when she finally met her. The last five days had been really interesting. Yuri was definitely a loner, socially awkward at times, an innocently lost soul, and yet, so damn genuine that it attracted Yoona. Yuri was just misunderstood.
Yoona liked how down to earth Yuri was. She liked that Yuri gave her space, didn’t shower her with questions, didn’t nag for her attention, and didn’t expect much of her.
She liked that Yuri treated her differently. Yuri didn’t suck up to her. Yuri was herself around her.
So her heart ached at the thought of Hyuna hurting Yuri with her words. She walked quickly through the halls, head turning everywhere as she scanned for that familiar face.
“Yul?”
Yoona called out here and there as she checked the bathrooms. With no luck, she made her way back to the courtyard.
“Yul? Where are you?”
Yoona spotted black hair poking out from behind a tree trunk.
“Yul?”
She stepped closer and let out a sigh of relief as Yuri glanced at her. Yuri said nothing, but her face said it all. Yoona sighed, noting that Yuri’s eyes were slightly red and her face frowning deeply.
“Are you okay?”
Yuri nodded, causing Yoona to frown deeper.
“Yul, you don’t say much, but did you know that your emotions are always displayed on your face?”
The comment caused Yuri to look down at the ground. Silence overtook them and Yoona honestly didn’t know what to do. What was the best way of comforting Yuri?
“Are we friends?” Yuri whispered softly.
“Of course we are.”
Yuri’s hands clasped together and her fingers fidgeted.
“But… we’re only friends because of my glasses breaking…”
Yoona was starting to understand what Yuri was implying.
Words. Yuri has a hard time with words. She’s easily offended by them. Actions are stronger than words, right?
Yoona looked at the girl before her, recounting her memories with Yuri so far. She took in a deep breath, hoping that she could properly convey what she wanted to say.
“As silly as this is, I’m glad that I ran into you on that night and spiraled all of these events to happen. I’m really glad to have met you, Yul. The truth is I wanted to get to know you for a long time. I wanted to get to know the girl who looked lonely, but also content at the same time. I’ve always wanted to be your friend. I’m glad to have met you and I hope I get to continue getting to know you.”
Yuri’s hands stopped fidgeting, but she showed no other response to Yoona. Yoona held out her hand for Yuri.
“No matter what anyone says Yul, I want to be your friend. I, and only I have the right to choose who I want to be my friend. And I choose you, Yul. But you have your own choice to make. You can choose me too or let go of this friendship.”
Please choose me.
Yoona felt nervous as she waited for Yuri to respond.
Cautiously, Yuri stretched out her own hand and placed it into Yoona’s.
“I… would like to be your friend.”
Yoona’s fingers wrapped around that hand gently as relief washed through her body. A genuine smile appeared on her face.
--
What a long Friday.
Yuri thought as they walked home. She glanced to her left, smiling slightly as she remembered Yoona’s words earlier that day.
“And I choose you, Yul.”
Yuri’s smile grew a little wider as she directed her eyes back to the ground.
“Yul?”
“Yes?”
“Is there anywhere you need to go during the weekend?”
Yuri shook her head as they reached her house.
“Oh…” Yoona muttered softly. “Do you still have my number?”
Yuri had indeed kept the piece of paper Yoona had given her a week ago in a drawer.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
Yoona dawdled. She was acting a bit different.
What’s wrong?
Yuri stood still, unsure why Yoona was taking longer to see her off. Finally, Yoona spat out what she couldn’t say before.
“If you end up going somewhere this weekend or need me or… if you just want to talk or something, give me a call, okay? I don’t have work this weekend.”
Oh that’s right. I’m not going to see Yoona over the weekend.
She had spent the last five days basically attached to Yoona’s hip. Now it was the weekend. They didn’t have school so they wouldn’t see each other for the next two days.
“Okay.”
It was all Yuri could muster to say as she watched Yoona walk away, steps slower than usual.
--
Day 6
It was strange.
Yuri felt like she was supposed to get ready for school today, open that door of hers and see a blurry Im Yoona standing in front of her.
But it didn’t happen.
It was Saturday and it was going by slowly.
The house was quiet as always, her father at work and not returning again until late at night.
She took her time cooking, as always and ate her meals by herself. When she was done, she grabbed her sketchbook and stared at the empty space on the piece of paper. She glanced over to her left and right side, also noting the empty space next to her.
There was no one by her side.
She should have been happy, happy to be in her comfort zone again, but something was telling her that what she was feeling wasn’t happiness.
It wasn’t even close to happiness, but she didn’t quite know how to name the feeling.
--
Day 7
The morning went on slow for Yuri. She ate breakfast, cleaned the house and then retired to her living room with her sketchbook by her side. The afternoon sunlight lit up her house as she tapped her sketchbook with her pencil.
Something was amiss just like yesterday.
Yuri’s eyebrows furrowed together as she tapped the white paper over and over.
Her muse wasn’t working with her today either.
Neither was her mind.
I wonder what Yoona is doing.
She shook her head at that thought.
“Focus.”
She hadn’t talked to herself in quite a while since Yoona was attached to her hip. She frowned as she stared at the blank piece of paper.
“How about blouses today?”
Not a single spark of inspiration came up at the suggestion.
“Jackets?”
Nothing.
“Scarves. Can’t go wrong with scarves.”
Zip.
“Shirts?”
Zilch.
Yuri groaned.
She wasn’t in the mood for designing today and it was ticking her off. She was always in the mood to design.
Why was today and yesterday different?
“Maybe I’m tired?”
She set aside her materials and made her way back into her bedroom.
--
Yuri lied on her bed, limbs sprawled out as she glanced at the alarm clock beside her. It was only two in the afternoon.
She had laid there for maybe an hour.
“What is wrong with me today?”
Without realizing it, her eyes travelled to her desk’s top drawer. She stared at the drawer, coming to a realization.
She was missing Yoona’s company. She had gotten used to Yoona’s company so much that now she was actually missing her.
But Yuri was too stubborn to admit it.
“I shouldn’t bother her if I don’t need her.”
Yuri bit her lip as she rolled over, facing the wall. Her pride was battling with her heart.
“Don’t do it if you don’t have anything to say.”
Yuri sat up, staring hard at the drawer and then averted her eyes to her backpack.
“Homework. I’ll do my homework.”
She got off her bed and pulled her chair back as her eyes were still glued onto the drawer. She shook her head and sat down, opening her textbooks.
When she reached problem #21, Yuri ruffled her own hair. Why was Chemistry so difficult to understand sometimes?
“I don’t understand it.”
Yuri glanced at the drawer again and bit her lip.
Her pride was going to lose the battle.
--
“Hello?”
Yuri felt like sweating bullets as her throat closed up at the sound of that familiar voice.
“Is this… Yul?”
Just say it. Be more courageous.
She gulped.
I miss you.
“Are you good at Chemistry?”
Close enough.
----------
TBC
Author: limnological
Rating: PG
Pairing: YoonYul
Description: AU, Slice of life
Chapter 4
Words can be heavy on the heart.
“Yoona, play with us.”
“Yoona, you’re so pretty.”
“You’re so smart.”
“You’re so nice!”
“You’re so helpful!
These were words that Im Yoona had grown accustomed to while growing up. Those words of praise gave her pride and happiness in the beginning, but became burdensome later. Everyone around her praised her so much that she felt like she couldn’t be anything, but what they were saying. Their expectations molded her, shaping her into the person she was today.
“You’re so cool!”
“Wow, you’re really awesome.”
“You’re perfect.”
I cannot fail. I cannot fail.
It was like failure was not an option for Yoona. She was expected to exceed in everything she did. All Yoona learned to do while growing up was to please others. Everything she did was for someone else.
The pressure from those around her weighed heavily on the 12 year old’s shoulders.
When she turned 14 the words full of praise turned into words brimming with jealousy.
Jealousy was never a pretty thing.
“Yoona, I envy you.”
Don’t.
“Do you think you’re better than us?”
No, I never did.
“You look down on us, don’t you?”
That’s not true!
She had learned quite early that words could be hurtful, but she persevered. She brushed aside those hurtful words, tucking them into a small corner of her heart.
“Yoona.”
People flocked around her, never leaving her alone for a second.
“Yoona.”
People talked to her constantly.
“Yoona.”
People always wanted her attention.
She rarely had space to herself, except for home. Home was where here happiness was. Home was where she could breathe, could be herself, could finally make mistakes like a normal person.
School was hell. School was where she had to put on her front, fake smiles, give constant attention to everyone.
Don’t get her wrong though. Yoona was definitely nice and put in 110% effort in everything she did. She excelled in many areas because she worked for it. She was kind from the bottom of her heart.
It wasn’t that she was a fraud and secretly hated everyone around her. It was just that she was getting tired. Getting tired of being around people who she knew was using her for social status, people who genuinely didn’t care about her, people who expected too much of her.
Everyone was always complimenting her, labeling her, but no one really tried to get to know her. No one gave her the chance to be herself.
She always tried not to show it, but Yoona was truly lonely.
All of those people around her, constantly by her side, but not a soul she could confide in. Not a soul she really trusted. Not a soul who seemed to genuinely care about her. Not a soul who really cared about giving her space.
Sometimes, the loneliness would show on her face on accident.
Sometimes, she’d glance over at Kwon Yuri who sat at the back of the classroom.
Kwon Yuri was a loner to Yoona. Kwon Yuri had space. Kwon Yuri didn’t have friends.
Ironically, Yoona was envious of those things as she became more and more suffocated.
But her view of Kwon Yuri changed when she finally met her. The last five days had been really interesting. Yuri was definitely a loner, socially awkward at times, an innocently lost soul, and yet, so damn genuine that it attracted Yoona. Yuri was just misunderstood.
Yoona liked how down to earth Yuri was. She liked that Yuri gave her space, didn’t shower her with questions, didn’t nag for her attention, and didn’t expect much of her.
She liked that Yuri treated her differently. Yuri didn’t suck up to her. Yuri was herself around her.
So her heart ached at the thought of Hyuna hurting Yuri with her words. She walked quickly through the halls, head turning everywhere as she scanned for that familiar face.
“Yul?”
Yoona called out here and there as she checked the bathrooms. With no luck, she made her way back to the courtyard.
“Yul? Where are you?”
Yoona spotted black hair poking out from behind a tree trunk.
“Yul?”
She stepped closer and let out a sigh of relief as Yuri glanced at her. Yuri said nothing, but her face said it all. Yoona sighed, noting that Yuri’s eyes were slightly red and her face frowning deeply.
“Are you okay?”
Yuri nodded, causing Yoona to frown deeper.
“Yul, you don’t say much, but did you know that your emotions are always displayed on your face?”
The comment caused Yuri to look down at the ground. Silence overtook them and Yoona honestly didn’t know what to do. What was the best way of comforting Yuri?
“Are we friends?” Yuri whispered softly.
“Of course we are.”
Yuri’s hands clasped together and her fingers fidgeted.
“But… we’re only friends because of my glasses breaking…”
Yoona was starting to understand what Yuri was implying.
Words. Yuri has a hard time with words. She’s easily offended by them. Actions are stronger than words, right?
Yoona looked at the girl before her, recounting her memories with Yuri so far. She took in a deep breath, hoping that she could properly convey what she wanted to say.
“As silly as this is, I’m glad that I ran into you on that night and spiraled all of these events to happen. I’m really glad to have met you, Yul. The truth is I wanted to get to know you for a long time. I wanted to get to know the girl who looked lonely, but also content at the same time. I’ve always wanted to be your friend. I’m glad to have met you and I hope I get to continue getting to know you.”
Yuri’s hands stopped fidgeting, but she showed no other response to Yoona. Yoona held out her hand for Yuri.
“No matter what anyone says Yul, I want to be your friend. I, and only I have the right to choose who I want to be my friend. And I choose you, Yul. But you have your own choice to make. You can choose me too or let go of this friendship.”
Please choose me.
Yoona felt nervous as she waited for Yuri to respond.
Cautiously, Yuri stretched out her own hand and placed it into Yoona’s.
“I… would like to be your friend.”
Yoona’s fingers wrapped around that hand gently as relief washed through her body. A genuine smile appeared on her face.
--
What a long Friday.
Yuri thought as they walked home. She glanced to her left, smiling slightly as she remembered Yoona’s words earlier that day.
“And I choose you, Yul.”
Yuri’s smile grew a little wider as she directed her eyes back to the ground.
“Yul?”
“Yes?”
“Is there anywhere you need to go during the weekend?”
Yuri shook her head as they reached her house.
“Oh…” Yoona muttered softly. “Do you still have my number?”
Yuri had indeed kept the piece of paper Yoona had given her a week ago in a drawer.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
Yoona dawdled. She was acting a bit different.
What’s wrong?
Yuri stood still, unsure why Yoona was taking longer to see her off. Finally, Yoona spat out what she couldn’t say before.
“If you end up going somewhere this weekend or need me or… if you just want to talk or something, give me a call, okay? I don’t have work this weekend.”
Oh that’s right. I’m not going to see Yoona over the weekend.
She had spent the last five days basically attached to Yoona’s hip. Now it was the weekend. They didn’t have school so they wouldn’t see each other for the next two days.
“Okay.”
It was all Yuri could muster to say as she watched Yoona walk away, steps slower than usual.
--
Day 6
It was strange.
Yuri felt like she was supposed to get ready for school today, open that door of hers and see a blurry Im Yoona standing in front of her.
But it didn’t happen.
It was Saturday and it was going by slowly.
The house was quiet as always, her father at work and not returning again until late at night.
She took her time cooking, as always and ate her meals by herself. When she was done, she grabbed her sketchbook and stared at the empty space on the piece of paper. She glanced over to her left and right side, also noting the empty space next to her.
There was no one by her side.
She should have been happy, happy to be in her comfort zone again, but something was telling her that what she was feeling wasn’t happiness.
It wasn’t even close to happiness, but she didn’t quite know how to name the feeling.
--
Day 7
The morning went on slow for Yuri. She ate breakfast, cleaned the house and then retired to her living room with her sketchbook by her side. The afternoon sunlight lit up her house as she tapped her sketchbook with her pencil.
Something was amiss just like yesterday.
Yuri’s eyebrows furrowed together as she tapped the white paper over and over.
Her muse wasn’t working with her today either.
Neither was her mind.
I wonder what Yoona is doing.
She shook her head at that thought.
“Focus.”
She hadn’t talked to herself in quite a while since Yoona was attached to her hip. She frowned as she stared at the blank piece of paper.
“How about blouses today?”
Not a single spark of inspiration came up at the suggestion.
“Jackets?”
Nothing.
“Scarves. Can’t go wrong with scarves.”
Zip.
“Shirts?”
Zilch.
Yuri groaned.
She wasn’t in the mood for designing today and it was ticking her off. She was always in the mood to design.
Why was today and yesterday different?
“Maybe I’m tired?”
She set aside her materials and made her way back into her bedroom.
--
Yuri lied on her bed, limbs sprawled out as she glanced at the alarm clock beside her. It was only two in the afternoon.
She had laid there for maybe an hour.
“What is wrong with me today?”
Without realizing it, her eyes travelled to her desk’s top drawer. She stared at the drawer, coming to a realization.
She was missing Yoona’s company. She had gotten used to Yoona’s company so much that now she was actually missing her.
But Yuri was too stubborn to admit it.
“I shouldn’t bother her if I don’t need her.”
Yuri bit her lip as she rolled over, facing the wall. Her pride was battling with her heart.
“Don’t do it if you don’t have anything to say.”
Yuri sat up, staring hard at the drawer and then averted her eyes to her backpack.
“Homework. I’ll do my homework.”
She got off her bed and pulled her chair back as her eyes were still glued onto the drawer. She shook her head and sat down, opening her textbooks.
When she reached problem #21, Yuri ruffled her own hair. Why was Chemistry so difficult to understand sometimes?
“I don’t understand it.”
Yuri glanced at the drawer again and bit her lip.
Her pride was going to lose the battle.
--
“Hello?”
Yuri felt like sweating bullets as her throat closed up at the sound of that familiar voice.
“Is this… Yul?”
Just say it. Be more courageous.
She gulped.
I miss you.
“Are you good at Chemistry?”
Close enough.
----------
TBC