New chapter: Hairline Fractures
Title: Hairline Fractures 5
Disclaimer: Bones belong to Reichs, Hanson and Fox
Rating: PG-13
oOoOoOo
"You'd die in my place but you lie about why," Brennan says when the sound of Sweets' footsteps down the corridor has faded.
"Why are you so hung up on that? Why do you need a reason when the result is the same? You live, isn't that what matters?" Booth replies.
She looks into his face and the word imploring crosses her mind. "It's your job to protect people. Is that what I am to you, just another person to protect?"
Booth gets up and paces across the office. "No. But you already know that," he says as he moves to perch on the arm of Sweet's chair.
"Then what am I to you?"
He is the one who is supposed to be good at this. He is the one who holds little speeches about what happens between people. Now he suddenly seems lost for words. Brennan feels as if her insides, her heart, can be seen through the surface of her skin in the silence between them.
"Why do you always need everything to be spelled out?" Booth says finally.
"I'm not like you. I read bones, not people. You can't just say something or do something and expect me to fill in the blanks."
Fragments of the other night dance through Booth's mind. His shameful secrets never shared before. How he shared that fact with her too. Her temple smooth against his lips. Something stirs in him. A clue. She has given him a clue. This is part of whatever it is that bothers her and his part in it. What she won't share with him.
Brennan recognizes that look, it is the one he gets when a case starts to unravel. She should be relieved. This thing inside her is getting too big to conceal. But she won't confess here, not with Booth in Sweets' chair as if it were some kind of distorted therapy session. Not when she is too exhausted too deal with his rejection, his sympathy or, worst of all, his pity. Because if he had felt what she does would he not have seen through her already?
"I think Sweets is right," she says.
That wakes him from whatever thoughts that are running through his head.
"You agree with Sweets?"
Brennan repeats Sweets' words. "That we need a break."
"Oh."
oOoOoOo
Booth may have to hand in his badge, but that piece of metal is also what allows him to visit this late in the evening.
"Agent Booth, the guard said you're here on official business," Zack says when the door has closed behind his escort.
"Yeah, well, not exactly. Look this time you're right kid. About what you said last time I was here," Booth concedes.
"It would be helpful if you could specify to what you're referring. I'm not in the habit of giving out incorrect information, so your limitation to your last visit is not specific enough."
"I'm here because of Bones."
"She's also involved in this official business? Is it a new case?"
"I knew I would regret this," Booth mutters beneath his breath. "No, it's Bones."
"Is the official business about Dr Brennan?"
"Would you forget about the official business detail, I just said that so I could see you this late!" Booth slumps into the chair opposite Zack. "I know it's none of my business, what you and Bones talk about when she's here, but did she seem bothered about something when she saw you today? And I don't mean the whole 'my assistant joined forces with a cannibal mess' Zack."
"Yes."
Booth waits. "Care to develop that?" he asks eventually.
"Yes, she did seem distracted." Zack elaborates. "She said you were waiting for her."
"Did she say anything else about me?"Booth probes, feeling more like a teenager in the school cafeteria discussing a crush with a friend than a federal agent talking to a patient in a closed psychiatric facility.
"No."
"She hasn't said anything about not working with the Bureau? Not go out in the field anymore?"
"No. I'm curious Agent Booth, wouldn't she tell you that? You both seem very open about your views with each other."
"She used to be."
"And you're... concerned that Dr Brennan no longer... disagrees with you?" Zack tries.
"There's something eating her and she won't talk to me about it. If it's got to do with work I thought maybe she'd said something to you. As you were colleagues, I mean." Booth winces inwardly. As you were colleagues, simple words, but nothing is simple anymore. Zack has not mastered the art of hiding his emotions to the same degree, his wince is visible. Booth ignores the impulse to reach across the table. He meets people after they have murdered, not before. Yet here he is with one of them, someone he has everyday memories of. He almost smiles as he recollects Zack's and Hodgins' bug races and crazy experiments. He thinks of the robot Zack made, Parker's favorite toy.
Zack may not hide his emotions as well as Booth, but tonight he is better at focusing than he. He interrupts Booth reminiscing. "Agent Booth, I'm going to give you the best advice that I can."
"Yeah, what's that Zack?"
"Ask Dr Brennan." Zack tries again at Booth's eye rolling. "What I mean is that the person who can answer that question with the highest amount of certainty is Dr Brennan. I can only draw conclusions and make a conjecture based on second hand observations brought to my attention by you. I think you will agree that it is best to go to the source if it is available. In this case that means speaking to Dr Brennan directly."
Booth shakes his head as he is leaving. What just happened? Did he get advice on social interaction from Zack? From socially awkward, mind buried in science Zack?
oOoOoOo
Brennan almost hopes Angela will still be at the lab when Booth drops her off after their so called therapy, but everyone has left for the day. Not relishing the idea of a night with her swirling thoughts as the only company she considers going to a bar. But every bar between work and home won't be enough to drown him out.
She ends up at an all-night diner. Not the one they usually go to, she does not want to risk running into Booth. The food is not as good. In fact it is pretty awful, but the couple at the table next to hers does not seem to mind. They are unaware of anything but each other. Brennan can not help it, her eyes are drawn to them. The woman's face is partly obscured by her hair. Brennan's gaze travels from their linked hands on the tabletop to the man's face and his eyes blind to anyone but the woman opposite him. Brennan's fork clatters against her plate as it slips from her fingers. That is what love looks like she realizes, recognizing Booth's looks at her.
OooOoOo
"You're supposed to bring coffee on stakeouts," Booth says as he holds out a steaming mug to her. "You're also supposed to stay in the car," he adds and sits down next to her on his front steps.
He does not ask why she is camped out on his doorstep after eleven at night and she does not offer an explanation.
"You told Sweets I complicate your life," Booth states when Brennan remains silent. "Don't look so surprised, you think I wouldn't remember you saying a thing like that?" he smiles.
Brennan can tell his smile is for her benefit, to make her feel better. She wants to touch the parts of his face where the smile does not reach. Instead she lets her gaze move across his features. She can tell he is worried. She can also tell he is trying not to show it.
Booth grows serious. "I thought we were doing fine. I wish there was more I could do about Zack and I'll always regret not telling you in person I didn't die. But we work well together, don't we, Bones?"
"Yes, we do."
"We've got one of the highest success rates solving cases in the area. And I know you believe it's as important as I do putting away the murderers."
Brennan feels her heartbeat echoing at her pulse points. Staring at the oily surface of the black brew she sets down the mug and folds her arms over the queasiness in her middle. "I do and we were doing fine."
Booth feels his stomach knot at her "were."
"I was doing fine before I worked with you too. The Jeffersonian is a world renowned institution and the work there is challenging enough by itself."
Booth only nods in agreement, dreading what will come next.
"Identifying remains in Limbo can be very satisfying and give closure to families too and I did go out with Angela every once in a while. I interacted at book signings too, I talk to numerous persons at those things." The last is said in an almost accusatory tone. Brennan addresses the cold steps. "I was doing fine, but then you came along and suddenly it wasn't enough to work on the remains at the Jeffersonian anymore, I needed the field work too. And now that's not enough either."
"Look Bones, I know you said your work with the Bureau was one of the things that stopped you from noticing what was happening with Zack." Yes he knows, her words have replayed in his head ever since she threw them at him. Maybe if you hadn't made me help out on so many cases I would have had more time for Zack. "If you want to cut down on field work I can understand that."
"You don't understand."
Booth knows he should let this go, now, before things get out of hand. But that is the easy way out and they do not do easy. They look for the truth, however painful it may be. In the lab and in the interrogation room they peel away the layers, dig relentlessly until all is revealed, no matter what the consequences. He will not lie or pretend, not to himself, not to her.
"I lied to you." Brennan does not look up, she can not stand the look of disappointment she pictures meeting her. "I mean I've kept something from you."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, Bones. Sorry that you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on."
Brennan looks up. He does not look disappointed, only hurt. "It's not about trust. I trust you, Booth. I'm trying to protect you."
"What?" she bristles at his sigh. "You're allowed to step in front of bullets for me, but I'm not allowed to protect you?"
"Okay, then shouldn't you tell me what you're protecting me from? For my own safety, I mean."
"Me. I'm protecting you from me."
"You're right, I don't understand."
Brennan has an inkling of what Booth meant when he asked why she always has to have everything spelled out to her. She takes a deep breath, as if she was diving into deep water. "I've always known that objectively you are an attractive person, the problem is that lately I've made that observation subjectively too."
"Gee Bones, I'm sorry you feel that's a problem."
"It is because it's you." This time she does touch his face. His skin is warm against her cold fingers. "It just happened and now I can't stop it."
Her insides feel too close to the surface of her skin again. The foot of air between them might as well not have been there. Booth's presence envelops her and leaves the barking dog a few houses down and the car driving past in another reality she is not part of. Her now is Booth quietly waiting for her to continue, as effective as any direct question.
"If it were anyone else I'd ignore it or act on it, but you are my partner, my friend so I can't. I've ruined everything."
Brennan grabs her bag. Typically it topples over and when she scrambles together the things that have fallen out she makes the coffee mug fall over too. "I'm aware there isn't a forensic anthropologist available to work with the Bureau."
"Bones."
"Zack would have been the natural choice, but that won't be possible now," Brennan says as she pulls out some tissues from her bag and starts wiping up the cold coffee from the ground.
"Temperance." Booth's hand on her back stops her. "Would you please slow down."
She drops the sopping tissues and leans back. "I can't even think rationally anymore. You don't wipe up coffee outdoors."
"Is it because of what I told you the other night? Because of what I used to do? Is that why you're so upset about how you feel?"
"No, Booth. No."
"Then why? Why did you say that if it had been anyone else you would have ignored it or acted on it? Why is it different with me?"
"Because you've become one of the most important persons in my life. Because I love you."
oOoOoOo
End chapter 5
Disclaimer: Bones belong to Reichs, Hanson and Fox
Rating: PG-13
oOoOoOo
"You'd die in my place but you lie about why," Brennan says when the sound of Sweets' footsteps down the corridor has faded.
"Why are you so hung up on that? Why do you need a reason when the result is the same? You live, isn't that what matters?" Booth replies.
She looks into his face and the word imploring crosses her mind. "It's your job to protect people. Is that what I am to you, just another person to protect?"
Booth gets up and paces across the office. "No. But you already know that," he says as he moves to perch on the arm of Sweet's chair.
"Then what am I to you?"
He is the one who is supposed to be good at this. He is the one who holds little speeches about what happens between people. Now he suddenly seems lost for words. Brennan feels as if her insides, her heart, can be seen through the surface of her skin in the silence between them.
"Why do you always need everything to be spelled out?" Booth says finally.
"I'm not like you. I read bones, not people. You can't just say something or do something and expect me to fill in the blanks."
Fragments of the other night dance through Booth's mind. His shameful secrets never shared before. How he shared that fact with her too. Her temple smooth against his lips. Something stirs in him. A clue. She has given him a clue. This is part of whatever it is that bothers her and his part in it. What she won't share with him.
Brennan recognizes that look, it is the one he gets when a case starts to unravel. She should be relieved. This thing inside her is getting too big to conceal. But she won't confess here, not with Booth in Sweets' chair as if it were some kind of distorted therapy session. Not when she is too exhausted too deal with his rejection, his sympathy or, worst of all, his pity. Because if he had felt what she does would he not have seen through her already?
"I think Sweets is right," she says.
That wakes him from whatever thoughts that are running through his head.
"You agree with Sweets?"
Brennan repeats Sweets' words. "That we need a break."
"Oh."
oOoOoOo
Booth may have to hand in his badge, but that piece of metal is also what allows him to visit this late in the evening.
"Agent Booth, the guard said you're here on official business," Zack says when the door has closed behind his escort.
"Yeah, well, not exactly. Look this time you're right kid. About what you said last time I was here," Booth concedes.
"It would be helpful if you could specify to what you're referring. I'm not in the habit of giving out incorrect information, so your limitation to your last visit is not specific enough."
"I'm here because of Bones."
"She's also involved in this official business? Is it a new case?"
"I knew I would regret this," Booth mutters beneath his breath. "No, it's Bones."
"Is the official business about Dr Brennan?"
"Would you forget about the official business detail, I just said that so I could see you this late!" Booth slumps into the chair opposite Zack. "I know it's none of my business, what you and Bones talk about when she's here, but did she seem bothered about something when she saw you today? And I don't mean the whole 'my assistant joined forces with a cannibal mess' Zack."
"Yes."
Booth waits. "Care to develop that?" he asks eventually.
"Yes, she did seem distracted." Zack elaborates. "She said you were waiting for her."
"Did she say anything else about me?"Booth probes, feeling more like a teenager in the school cafeteria discussing a crush with a friend than a federal agent talking to a patient in a closed psychiatric facility.
"No."
"She hasn't said anything about not working with the Bureau? Not go out in the field anymore?"
"No. I'm curious Agent Booth, wouldn't she tell you that? You both seem very open about your views with each other."
"She used to be."
"And you're... concerned that Dr Brennan no longer... disagrees with you?" Zack tries.
"There's something eating her and she won't talk to me about it. If it's got to do with work I thought maybe she'd said something to you. As you were colleagues, I mean." Booth winces inwardly. As you were colleagues, simple words, but nothing is simple anymore. Zack has not mastered the art of hiding his emotions to the same degree, his wince is visible. Booth ignores the impulse to reach across the table. He meets people after they have murdered, not before. Yet here he is with one of them, someone he has everyday memories of. He almost smiles as he recollects Zack's and Hodgins' bug races and crazy experiments. He thinks of the robot Zack made, Parker's favorite toy.
Zack may not hide his emotions as well as Booth, but tonight he is better at focusing than he. He interrupts Booth reminiscing. "Agent Booth, I'm going to give you the best advice that I can."
"Yeah, what's that Zack?"
"Ask Dr Brennan." Zack tries again at Booth's eye rolling. "What I mean is that the person who can answer that question with the highest amount of certainty is Dr Brennan. I can only draw conclusions and make a conjecture based on second hand observations brought to my attention by you. I think you will agree that it is best to go to the source if it is available. In this case that means speaking to Dr Brennan directly."
Booth shakes his head as he is leaving. What just happened? Did he get advice on social interaction from Zack? From socially awkward, mind buried in science Zack?
oOoOoOo
Brennan almost hopes Angela will still be at the lab when Booth drops her off after their so called therapy, but everyone has left for the day. Not relishing the idea of a night with her swirling thoughts as the only company she considers going to a bar. But every bar between work and home won't be enough to drown him out.
She ends up at an all-night diner. Not the one they usually go to, she does not want to risk running into Booth. The food is not as good. In fact it is pretty awful, but the couple at the table next to hers does not seem to mind. They are unaware of anything but each other. Brennan can not help it, her eyes are drawn to them. The woman's face is partly obscured by her hair. Brennan's gaze travels from their linked hands on the tabletop to the man's face and his eyes blind to anyone but the woman opposite him. Brennan's fork clatters against her plate as it slips from her fingers. That is what love looks like she realizes, recognizing Booth's looks at her.
OooOoOo
"You're supposed to bring coffee on stakeouts," Booth says as he holds out a steaming mug to her. "You're also supposed to stay in the car," he adds and sits down next to her on his front steps.
He does not ask why she is camped out on his doorstep after eleven at night and she does not offer an explanation.
"You told Sweets I complicate your life," Booth states when Brennan remains silent. "Don't look so surprised, you think I wouldn't remember you saying a thing like that?" he smiles.
Brennan can tell his smile is for her benefit, to make her feel better. She wants to touch the parts of his face where the smile does not reach. Instead she lets her gaze move across his features. She can tell he is worried. She can also tell he is trying not to show it.
Booth grows serious. "I thought we were doing fine. I wish there was more I could do about Zack and I'll always regret not telling you in person I didn't die. But we work well together, don't we, Bones?"
"Yes, we do."
"We've got one of the highest success rates solving cases in the area. And I know you believe it's as important as I do putting away the murderers."
Brennan feels her heartbeat echoing at her pulse points. Staring at the oily surface of the black brew she sets down the mug and folds her arms over the queasiness in her middle. "I do and we were doing fine."
Booth feels his stomach knot at her "were."
"I was doing fine before I worked with you too. The Jeffersonian is a world renowned institution and the work there is challenging enough by itself."
Booth only nods in agreement, dreading what will come next.
"Identifying remains in Limbo can be very satisfying and give closure to families too and I did go out with Angela every once in a while. I interacted at book signings too, I talk to numerous persons at those things." The last is said in an almost accusatory tone. Brennan addresses the cold steps. "I was doing fine, but then you came along and suddenly it wasn't enough to work on the remains at the Jeffersonian anymore, I needed the field work too. And now that's not enough either."
"Look Bones, I know you said your work with the Bureau was one of the things that stopped you from noticing what was happening with Zack." Yes he knows, her words have replayed in his head ever since she threw them at him. Maybe if you hadn't made me help out on so many cases I would have had more time for Zack. "If you want to cut down on field work I can understand that."
"You don't understand."
Booth knows he should let this go, now, before things get out of hand. But that is the easy way out and they do not do easy. They look for the truth, however painful it may be. In the lab and in the interrogation room they peel away the layers, dig relentlessly until all is revealed, no matter what the consequences. He will not lie or pretend, not to himself, not to her.
"I lied to you." Brennan does not look up, she can not stand the look of disappointment she pictures meeting her. "I mean I've kept something from you."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, Bones. Sorry that you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on."
Brennan looks up. He does not look disappointed, only hurt. "It's not about trust. I trust you, Booth. I'm trying to protect you."
"What?" she bristles at his sigh. "You're allowed to step in front of bullets for me, but I'm not allowed to protect you?"
"Okay, then shouldn't you tell me what you're protecting me from? For my own safety, I mean."
"Me. I'm protecting you from me."
"You're right, I don't understand."
Brennan has an inkling of what Booth meant when he asked why she always has to have everything spelled out to her. She takes a deep breath, as if she was diving into deep water. "I've always known that objectively you are an attractive person, the problem is that lately I've made that observation subjectively too."
"Gee Bones, I'm sorry you feel that's a problem."
"It is because it's you." This time she does touch his face. His skin is warm against her cold fingers. "It just happened and now I can't stop it."
Her insides feel too close to the surface of her skin again. The foot of air between them might as well not have been there. Booth's presence envelops her and leaves the barking dog a few houses down and the car driving past in another reality she is not part of. Her now is Booth quietly waiting for her to continue, as effective as any direct question.
"If it were anyone else I'd ignore it or act on it, but you are my partner, my friend so I can't. I've ruined everything."
Brennan grabs her bag. Typically it topples over and when she scrambles together the things that have fallen out she makes the coffee mug fall over too. "I'm aware there isn't a forensic anthropologist available to work with the Bureau."
"Bones."
"Zack would have been the natural choice, but that won't be possible now," Brennan says as she pulls out some tissues from her bag and starts wiping up the cold coffee from the ground.
"Temperance." Booth's hand on her back stops her. "Would you please slow down."
She drops the sopping tissues and leans back. "I can't even think rationally anymore. You don't wipe up coffee outdoors."
"Is it because of what I told you the other night? Because of what I used to do? Is that why you're so upset about how you feel?"
"No, Booth. No."
"Then why? Why did you say that if it had been anyone else you would have ignored it or acted on it? Why is it different with me?"
"Because you've become one of the most important persons in my life. Because I love you."
oOoOoOo
End chapter 5