Fic: Hairline Fractures Final chapter
Title: Hairline Fractures 9
Disclaimer: Bones belongs to Fox, Hanson & Reichs
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Season 3 & 4
Summary: Brennan and Booth have been saying "I love you" for quite some time. It just took them a while to use the actual words.
oOoOoOo
Brennan looks at the screen in front of her. Words. Words forming sentences and growing into paragraphs. All these words and they do not say a thing. An evening wasted on empty words. A dead text. For once she does what she wants to rather than what she thinks she should.
Booth does not question her presence, instead he opens his frontdoor wider to let her in.
"No spaghetti left, but I could check if there are any tater tots in the freezer," he says as he takes her coat. "I'll take that eye roll as a no. I'm going to go fish Parker out of the bath before he grows gills, you make yourself at home."
Just like that, she thinks as she sits down and reaches for the remote to switch channels to the news. No reminder about what she said earlier about having to write, just quiet acceptance. She leans forward to pull out the object digging into her back. It is a small, plastic figure. She is not sure if it is supposed to be human, animal or some creature altogether made up.
"You found my Star Wars robot!"
Parker's hair is a wet tangled mess and he is wearing his Superman pajamas again.
"I hope I didn't break it, I almost sat on it," she says and holds it out to him.
"Darth Vader only has one arm. Dad says uncle Jared broke it off. Not now, a long time ago, when it was new. Dad saved them in a shoe box and now they're mine. Do you have Star Wars things?"
"No. But I'm sure it's fun."
The boy sits down and reaches for some crayons and a piece of paper on the table. He looks up at Brennan every now and then. "I have to make your hair orange, I can't find the brown crayon."
"That's okay, Parker." Spending time with Russ and Amy and the girls has taught her not to comment on green horses, unnaturally giant flowers or purple hair.
Booth's voice floats through the house. "Parker, get back here! You haven't brushed your teeth yet and it's way past your bedtime."
"Here. There's only one earring, I can draw the other tomorrow," Parker says and hands her the drawing before he runs down the hall.
"Thank you, Parker," Brennan calls after him.
His father hands him his toothbrush. "You were only supposed to say good night and come straight back, remember?"
"I forgot. Bones looked sad so I made her a picture. She looked sad anyway. Do you think it was because I made her hair orange?"
"No, buddy. I think she's sad because her friend is in hospital."
"I know what would make her happy again."
"Yeah, what's that, Parks?" Booth asks as he reaches for a comb.
"If I showed her my Star Wars things. She doesn't have any but she thinks they're fun."
Booth pauses with the comb mid-air above his son's head and meets his eyes in the bathroom mirror. "If you hurry up and get those teeth clean you can ask her."
oOoOoOo
"If you want to I can show you Darth Vader and the others." Brennan does not particularly want to, but she can see that Parker is about to burst with excitement.
"I'd like that."
"They're in my room," he says and takes her hand to pull her along with him. He empties the contents of an old shoe box on the floor and starts dividing it into two piles explaining that the ones to one side are the good ones and the ones to the other side are the bad ones. He singles out what she assumes are the most important characters and holds them out to Brennan for her inspection. When she has tried to respond to Parker's enthusiastic words about them she helps him put them back in the box and places it on a shelf. There it is. On one of the shelves is the robot that Zack built. Before she has realized what she is doing she has picked it up.
"It's broken," Parker says.
Just like Zack, she thinks, but then she tells herself to stop being so melodramatic. She notices Booth in the doorway when she turns to put back the robot on the shelf.
"Okay, time to break it up you two, it's late."
Parker holds out his hand. "Here, your sick friend can borrow this. It's my favorite."
For some reason it is the small outstretched hand with the gold colored plastic figure that gets to her. How Parker tries to help the only way he knows how. Brennan drops to her knees and hugs him close. She clears her throat to steady her voice.
"Thank you, Parker."
Booth grasps her hand when she has managed a "goodnight" to Parker and they meet in the doorway.
"I'll be out in a minute, don't leave."
oOoOoOo
She curls up on the couch with the small toy in a firm grip. Her eyes and nose burn and the lump in her throat will not go away. Brennan doubts a plastic figurine would be of much use to Zack, but she can not tell Parker that. She will never have Booth's talent for reading people, but she noticed how the little boy delivered his offer with all the studied nonchalance he could manage, as if it did not matter one way or the other to him if she accepted it or not, when in fact it did. Parker already takes after his father in offering up pieces of himself and trying to act as if it is no big deal. She will keep the toy for a while before she returns it. It will be like the whole Father Christmas thing and Peru being in Africa, lying to a child not to hurt it.
"One minute I blame myself," she says when Booth sits down opposite her on the coffee table and gently pries open her fingers and replaces the toy with his hand. "And the next I get so angry with him. How could he? How could he do this to us? Don't we mean anything to him?"
"We do, Bones. You do."
"Then why did he listen to Gormogon? Why did he chose him over us?" Brennan wipes her free hand under her eyes when the tears in them well over.
Booth takes her other hand too and squeezes it before he loosens his grip and runs his thumbs over her fingers as he speaks. "People are complicated, you can't control them or expect them to behave in a certain way. You can't control them the way you do things in your lab. Zack is an independent human being."
"Sweets thinks that if Zack had not been at the Jeffersonian someone like Gormogon might have found Zack sooner."
"He does, huh?"
"Yes. He came to the lab today."
"What else did he have to say?"
"I'm not sure. He kept hinting at something, but he wouldn't clarify what he meant." Brennan unclasps their hands and scrubs her face. "Could we talk about this tomorrow? It's been a long day."
Booth swallows a sigh and forces himself to keep his voice light. "Sure we can. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
"No."
"You want to go to bed? I did the laundry, your pajamas is clean so you don't need to use my t-shirts. No? You haven't drunk all of my good scotch," he tries as a last resort.
Brennan moves over on the coach and grasps his hand again to pull on it lightly. "Could you sit with me for a while?"
When Booth has sunk into the couch next to her she folds herself into his side and tucks her head under his chin. She plucks at a stain on his shirt. "If this is tomato sauce it's not going to come out. You should have put it in cold water straightaway."
"Yeah, whatever," Booth yawns. "You steal all my t-shirts anyway."
"I do not. That would imply I take them away, I don't."
"Like I said, whatever."
She intends to points out that she uses them, which is different, but Booth's hand sifting through her hair and continuing down her spine is very relaxing. She did not get much sleep last night.
Brennan wakes up to Booth's snores. His head has fallen back against the couch and his mouth is slightly open. She sits up and looks at the man she has known and not known for almost four years. She may not know what his favorite flavor ice cream is or if he had a dog growing up but she knows the things that really matter. She knows she can trust him and that he will do anything to help his family and friends. This time she does not need to stop her impulse to touch his face. She traces his face lightly and the day old stubble feels prickly beneath her fingertips.
"What? Huh, what time is it?"
Brennan smiles at Booth's startled look. "It's late, way past your bedtime. Come on."
oOoOoOo
"We got you mussels, Bones," Parker announces proudly when she comes into the kitchen the next morning.
"He means muesli," Booth explains as he hands her a cup of coffee.
"Dad says it tastes like dust they've found on the floor in the cereal factory so we bought more froot lops too."
"Mom's boyfriend eats that too," Parker comments as Brennan pours some muesli into a bowl.
"Captain Crunch is very smart," she replies and picks up her spoon.
"Captain Crunch?" Parker giggles.
"I think you mean Captain Fantastic. I feel like a UN interpreter," Booth sighs and grabs the froot loops from Parker. "That's enough, buddy. And remember what we call mom's boyfriend."
"Brent, cause we like him."
"That's right." Booth throws a warning glance in Brennan's direction.
"I didn't say anything."
"Bones, are you taking my robot to your friend today?"
Brennan falters, she must have left it in the living room. Then she has an idea. Why did she not think of it yesterday? "Parker, if you want to I can ask my friend if he can fix the other robot for you. He built it."
"I'll get it!" Parker exclaims and slides down his chair. "Captain Crunch" can be heard in his sing-song voice as he runs to his room.
"Thanks a lot, Bones. It took me weeks to get him to stop with the Captain Fantastic thing."
"I bet that's what you'd prefer to call him, though."
They are interrupted by Parker skidding to a halt at the kitchen table and plunking down the robot in front of Brennan. "Here. Don't drop it, that's what I did."
"I'll be careful."
"I can go get the Star Wars one."
"Thank you, Parker. It's on the table in the living room."
Booth starts collecting their breakfast things. He pauses on his way to the dishwasher and drops a kiss on Brennan's head. "Thanks, Bones."
oOoOoOo
It is not Wednesday but she goes to see Zack anyway. When she calls the hospital they inform her he has been released. She wants to tell the nurse that "released" is incorrect. It is not a word that will ever be used where Zack is concerned. She is about to ask why she was not informed, but then she remembers that to them she is just one of Zack's former colleagues. She is not family.
"Sweets came to the lab," she tells Zack.
"Is he working with you on something?"
"No. We talked about you." Brennan looks closely at Zack before she continues. "He wanted to know if I had any idea why you would try and kill yourself. And do you know what Zack, the only reason I can think of is that being here is not enough for you. Your mind needs more. I'm right, aren't I?"
Zack's eyes drops to the table.
"Would you look at me, please?" Brennan's hand circles his wrists. "But if I'm right that means you're mentally sane. You did what you did being fully aware of your actions. You weren't under any delusions when you did what Gormogon asked you to."
"You're right."
Maybe deep down she has known all along. Maybe she simply could not bring herself to admit it, not even when Sweets hinted at it yesterday. Yet she feels as if Zack has just punched her right in the stomach.
"You murdered someone Zack. You murdered another human being."
oOoOoOo
Her movements are automatic as she signs out and gets into her car. If she empties her head of thoughts she does not have to think about it. The front steps are even colder than they were the last time she sat on them, but it does not matter. She feels numb.
"Why didn't you use your key?" Booth slams the car door and shifts the grocery bag to his other arm as he unlocks his front door.
Brennan stands and follows him into the house. "I don't know."
He leans in and pecks her cheek. "You're ice cold. How long were you out here?"
"I don't know. Booth, I went to see Zack."
"Why didn't you call me?"
Brennan continues as if she didn't hear him. "He knows what he was doing. He's perfectly sane, he knew what he was doing when he murdered that man. That's what Sweets was trying to say."
Booth pushes some newspapers aside and puts down the grocery bag on a side table and turns to her. "You should have called me," he repeats. Brennan shivers as the warmth from his hands on her arms seeps through the fabric of her shirt. "You're freezing. I can make you some hot tea or soup."
"You've probably got things to do. I don't know why I came here. There's nothing you can do."
"Come here." Booth wraps his arms around her. "That's not the point. You were right to come here."
"I can manage on my own."
"I know you can. But that's not the point. The point is you don't have too."
"If you've bought ice cream it's going to melt."
"Then let it."
oOoOoOo
Brennan pushes the empty soup bowl aside. "We need to inform the authorities."
"About what?"
"Of Zack's mental status."
"You do know what that would mean, don't you?"
"It's the correct thing to do."
"You sure about that, Bones?"
"It's the law."
"Zack would never make it in prison."
"My father went to prison."
"You're father is not Zack. You're not responsible for your father the way you are for Zack."
"He betrayed us."
"He did. And we were too busy to notice what was happening."
"He murdered someone."
Booth knows he could simply agree and offer her a beer. But that would be the easy way out and they do not do easy.
"You trust me, don't you?"
"Yes."
Booth almost smiles at her tone. No hesitation, no reassurance. Just a simple yes, as if there is no reason for doubt. "Then trust me on this, Zack didn't murder anyone."
"Do you have proof?"
"I don't need any proof. I've sat opposite hundreds of murderers in the interrogation room. Zack did not kill anyone."
"We need to get him a lawyer."
"No."
"No?"
"Zack's still guilty. He helped Gormogon. And it's not as if he's going to get his sentence reduced, he was never sentenced as he didn't go to court for his crimes."
"There's no way around this, is there? What if I talked to Caroline? Would she be able to do something?"
Booth's hand covering hers is answer enough. "I'm sorry, Bones."
oOoOoOo
He does not offer and she does not accept but when it is time to go he turns up in her office and they leave in his car as if they were going to a crime scene. But this time Booth does not go to the Starbucks across the street.
"Bones will be along in a minute. They're checking the robot she brought you," Booth says as he sits down opposite Zack.
"She got me a robot?"
"It's the one you got me when we were stuck in the lab over Christmas. I gave it to Parker, but he broke it. You're the one with the engineering degree, Bones thought that maybe you could fix it? Unless you're too busy?" Booth realizes he has never asked Zack for a favor. That he has never really sat down and talked to Zack, not until he ended up in this facility that is.
"I have read all the books in the library. There is a table tennis tournament on Thursdays. I don't play table tennis."
"So is that a yes?" Not getting what Zack means is not new to Booth.
"Yes."
"Great, thanks." Now what? It is not as if he can count on Zack to help out with small talk until Brennan joins them. "So... how are you sleeping? Back to your big boy sleeping habits?"
"I'm sleeping better here than at the hospital."
"That's good. Yeah, that's good." Booth is relieved when the door opens to let Brennan in.
"So what happened with the robot, Bones?"
"Zack will be allowed to work on it under supervision."
"I get supervised a lot," Zack states.
"Yeah, popping pills tends to result in that, kid." Booth regrets his words the moment they are out. This place puts him off balance. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"It's true," Zack observes. Booth can not help thinking that there is something ruthless in the way Zack never censors his speech. But it is not deliberate and he never spares himself. He just states facts.
"Zack, I know you didn't murder anyone." Brennan says and Booth wonders if conversations with Zack and Brennan will ever stop surprising him. If he will ever fully understand how they reason.
"You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?" Brennan continues.
"It wouldn't change anything,"Zack replies and Booth realizes he is more even surprised when Zack sees things the way he does.
It is late when they finally sign out. Brennan can not help thinking about all the late nights she and Zack have spent working at the lab and how they will never do that again. She can not help wondering how she will be able to keep doing this instead, go to this place with its heavy, locked doors and sit across from Zack telling him about a world he is not part of anymore. How he will never get to try out the new technique for cleaning bones, how she will never walk over to his desk to discuss a set of bones she is working on or check his progress on something. Then it occurs to her, she is in the middle of it, she has been doing it for quite some time now.
Zack will become part of the things that she talks to Booth about when they share confidences in the middle of the night. No one listening to her delivering a paper at a conference or observing her at a crime scene will be able to tell, it will not be visible to the naked eye. Zack has become a hairline fracture deep inside her, in that place that Booth would call her soul.
oOoOoOo
Booth's side of the bed is empty when she awakes. Brennan does not switch on the light, the moonlight through the windows is enough. She digs out his shirt among their clothes strewn around the bed and buttons it as she makes her way to the couch in her living room. He asks her when she is sitting next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.
"Why do you love me, Bones?"
Had it not been in the middle of the night she would have smiled and asked if he was fishing for a compliment. But because it is in the middle of the night, because this is the time they trade secrets she takes his question seriously.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"For everything I can never be."
"I love you for all the things you are and for all the things you'll never be." Her fingers against his lips stop his reply. "The things you've done wouldn't wake you up at night if you didn't care. You're a good person, Booth. Parker and Jared are very lucky to have you. I am too." He can feel her words against his lips as she leans in closer. "I love you for being you."
oOoOoOo
Brennan will never sprinkle "I love you-s" in conversations. A statement that can be full of meaning or just empty words you utter because you feel obliged to or out of habit. Like "Hi, how are you?" or "Nice to meet you." She and Booth have been saying "I love you" for quite some time. You do not rustle up a decorated Christmas tree and plug it into your car outside a prison or lie to the FBI and enlist your felony father looking for someone you do not love. It just took them a while to use the actual words.
Fin
Disclaimer: Bones belongs to Fox, Hanson & Reichs
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Season 3 & 4
Summary: Brennan and Booth have been saying "I love you" for quite some time. It just took them a while to use the actual words.
oOoOoOo
Brennan looks at the screen in front of her. Words. Words forming sentences and growing into paragraphs. All these words and they do not say a thing. An evening wasted on empty words. A dead text. For once she does what she wants to rather than what she thinks she should.
Booth does not question her presence, instead he opens his frontdoor wider to let her in.
"No spaghetti left, but I could check if there are any tater tots in the freezer," he says as he takes her coat. "I'll take that eye roll as a no. I'm going to go fish Parker out of the bath before he grows gills, you make yourself at home."
Just like that, she thinks as she sits down and reaches for the remote to switch channels to the news. No reminder about what she said earlier about having to write, just quiet acceptance. She leans forward to pull out the object digging into her back. It is a small, plastic figure. She is not sure if it is supposed to be human, animal or some creature altogether made up.
"You found my Star Wars robot!"
Parker's hair is a wet tangled mess and he is wearing his Superman pajamas again.
"I hope I didn't break it, I almost sat on it," she says and holds it out to him.
"Darth Vader only has one arm. Dad says uncle Jared broke it off. Not now, a long time ago, when it was new. Dad saved them in a shoe box and now they're mine. Do you have Star Wars things?"
"No. But I'm sure it's fun."
The boy sits down and reaches for some crayons and a piece of paper on the table. He looks up at Brennan every now and then. "I have to make your hair orange, I can't find the brown crayon."
"That's okay, Parker." Spending time with Russ and Amy and the girls has taught her not to comment on green horses, unnaturally giant flowers or purple hair.
Booth's voice floats through the house. "Parker, get back here! You haven't brushed your teeth yet and it's way past your bedtime."
"Here. There's only one earring, I can draw the other tomorrow," Parker says and hands her the drawing before he runs down the hall.
"Thank you, Parker," Brennan calls after him.
His father hands him his toothbrush. "You were only supposed to say good night and come straight back, remember?"
"I forgot. Bones looked sad so I made her a picture. She looked sad anyway. Do you think it was because I made her hair orange?"
"No, buddy. I think she's sad because her friend is in hospital."
"I know what would make her happy again."
"Yeah, what's that, Parks?" Booth asks as he reaches for a comb.
"If I showed her my Star Wars things. She doesn't have any but she thinks they're fun."
Booth pauses with the comb mid-air above his son's head and meets his eyes in the bathroom mirror. "If you hurry up and get those teeth clean you can ask her."
oOoOoOo
"If you want to I can show you Darth Vader and the others." Brennan does not particularly want to, but she can see that Parker is about to burst with excitement.
"I'd like that."
"They're in my room," he says and takes her hand to pull her along with him. He empties the contents of an old shoe box on the floor and starts dividing it into two piles explaining that the ones to one side are the good ones and the ones to the other side are the bad ones. He singles out what she assumes are the most important characters and holds them out to Brennan for her inspection. When she has tried to respond to Parker's enthusiastic words about them she helps him put them back in the box and places it on a shelf. There it is. On one of the shelves is the robot that Zack built. Before she has realized what she is doing she has picked it up.
"It's broken," Parker says.
Just like Zack, she thinks, but then she tells herself to stop being so melodramatic. She notices Booth in the doorway when she turns to put back the robot on the shelf.
"Okay, time to break it up you two, it's late."
Parker holds out his hand. "Here, your sick friend can borrow this. It's my favorite."
For some reason it is the small outstretched hand with the gold colored plastic figure that gets to her. How Parker tries to help the only way he knows how. Brennan drops to her knees and hugs him close. She clears her throat to steady her voice.
"Thank you, Parker."
Booth grasps her hand when she has managed a "goodnight" to Parker and they meet in the doorway.
"I'll be out in a minute, don't leave."
oOoOoOo
She curls up on the couch with the small toy in a firm grip. Her eyes and nose burn and the lump in her throat will not go away. Brennan doubts a plastic figurine would be of much use to Zack, but she can not tell Parker that. She will never have Booth's talent for reading people, but she noticed how the little boy delivered his offer with all the studied nonchalance he could manage, as if it did not matter one way or the other to him if she accepted it or not, when in fact it did. Parker already takes after his father in offering up pieces of himself and trying to act as if it is no big deal. She will keep the toy for a while before she returns it. It will be like the whole Father Christmas thing and Peru being in Africa, lying to a child not to hurt it.
"One minute I blame myself," she says when Booth sits down opposite her on the coffee table and gently pries open her fingers and replaces the toy with his hand. "And the next I get so angry with him. How could he? How could he do this to us? Don't we mean anything to him?"
"We do, Bones. You do."
"Then why did he listen to Gormogon? Why did he chose him over us?" Brennan wipes her free hand under her eyes when the tears in them well over.
Booth takes her other hand too and squeezes it before he loosens his grip and runs his thumbs over her fingers as he speaks. "People are complicated, you can't control them or expect them to behave in a certain way. You can't control them the way you do things in your lab. Zack is an independent human being."
"Sweets thinks that if Zack had not been at the Jeffersonian someone like Gormogon might have found Zack sooner."
"He does, huh?"
"Yes. He came to the lab today."
"What else did he have to say?"
"I'm not sure. He kept hinting at something, but he wouldn't clarify what he meant." Brennan unclasps their hands and scrubs her face. "Could we talk about this tomorrow? It's been a long day."
Booth swallows a sigh and forces himself to keep his voice light. "Sure we can. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
"No."
"You want to go to bed? I did the laundry, your pajamas is clean so you don't need to use my t-shirts. No? You haven't drunk all of my good scotch," he tries as a last resort.
Brennan moves over on the coach and grasps his hand again to pull on it lightly. "Could you sit with me for a while?"
When Booth has sunk into the couch next to her she folds herself into his side and tucks her head under his chin. She plucks at a stain on his shirt. "If this is tomato sauce it's not going to come out. You should have put it in cold water straightaway."
"Yeah, whatever," Booth yawns. "You steal all my t-shirts anyway."
"I do not. That would imply I take them away, I don't."
"Like I said, whatever."
She intends to points out that she uses them, which is different, but Booth's hand sifting through her hair and continuing down her spine is very relaxing. She did not get much sleep last night.
Brennan wakes up to Booth's snores. His head has fallen back against the couch and his mouth is slightly open. She sits up and looks at the man she has known and not known for almost four years. She may not know what his favorite flavor ice cream is or if he had a dog growing up but she knows the things that really matter. She knows she can trust him and that he will do anything to help his family and friends. This time she does not need to stop her impulse to touch his face. She traces his face lightly and the day old stubble feels prickly beneath her fingertips.
"What? Huh, what time is it?"
Brennan smiles at Booth's startled look. "It's late, way past your bedtime. Come on."
oOoOoOo
"We got you mussels, Bones," Parker announces proudly when she comes into the kitchen the next morning.
"He means muesli," Booth explains as he hands her a cup of coffee.
"Dad says it tastes like dust they've found on the floor in the cereal factory so we bought more froot lops too."
"Mom's boyfriend eats that too," Parker comments as Brennan pours some muesli into a bowl.
"Captain Crunch is very smart," she replies and picks up her spoon.
"Captain Crunch?" Parker giggles.
"I think you mean Captain Fantastic. I feel like a UN interpreter," Booth sighs and grabs the froot loops from Parker. "That's enough, buddy. And remember what we call mom's boyfriend."
"Brent, cause we like him."
"That's right." Booth throws a warning glance in Brennan's direction.
"I didn't say anything."
"Bones, are you taking my robot to your friend today?"
Brennan falters, she must have left it in the living room. Then she has an idea. Why did she not think of it yesterday? "Parker, if you want to I can ask my friend if he can fix the other robot for you. He built it."
"I'll get it!" Parker exclaims and slides down his chair. "Captain Crunch" can be heard in his sing-song voice as he runs to his room.
"Thanks a lot, Bones. It took me weeks to get him to stop with the Captain Fantastic thing."
"I bet that's what you'd prefer to call him, though."
They are interrupted by Parker skidding to a halt at the kitchen table and plunking down the robot in front of Brennan. "Here. Don't drop it, that's what I did."
"I'll be careful."
"I can go get the Star Wars one."
"Thank you, Parker. It's on the table in the living room."
Booth starts collecting their breakfast things. He pauses on his way to the dishwasher and drops a kiss on Brennan's head. "Thanks, Bones."
oOoOoOo
It is not Wednesday but she goes to see Zack anyway. When she calls the hospital they inform her he has been released. She wants to tell the nurse that "released" is incorrect. It is not a word that will ever be used where Zack is concerned. She is about to ask why she was not informed, but then she remembers that to them she is just one of Zack's former colleagues. She is not family.
"Sweets came to the lab," she tells Zack.
"Is he working with you on something?"
"No. We talked about you." Brennan looks closely at Zack before she continues. "He wanted to know if I had any idea why you would try and kill yourself. And do you know what Zack, the only reason I can think of is that being here is not enough for you. Your mind needs more. I'm right, aren't I?"
Zack's eyes drops to the table.
"Would you look at me, please?" Brennan's hand circles his wrists. "But if I'm right that means you're mentally sane. You did what you did being fully aware of your actions. You weren't under any delusions when you did what Gormogon asked you to."
"You're right."
Maybe deep down she has known all along. Maybe she simply could not bring herself to admit it, not even when Sweets hinted at it yesterday. Yet she feels as if Zack has just punched her right in the stomach.
"You murdered someone Zack. You murdered another human being."
oOoOoOo
Her movements are automatic as she signs out and gets into her car. If she empties her head of thoughts she does not have to think about it. The front steps are even colder than they were the last time she sat on them, but it does not matter. She feels numb.
"Why didn't you use your key?" Booth slams the car door and shifts the grocery bag to his other arm as he unlocks his front door.
Brennan stands and follows him into the house. "I don't know."
He leans in and pecks her cheek. "You're ice cold. How long were you out here?"
"I don't know. Booth, I went to see Zack."
"Why didn't you call me?"
Brennan continues as if she didn't hear him. "He knows what he was doing. He's perfectly sane, he knew what he was doing when he murdered that man. That's what Sweets was trying to say."
Booth pushes some newspapers aside and puts down the grocery bag on a side table and turns to her. "You should have called me," he repeats. Brennan shivers as the warmth from his hands on her arms seeps through the fabric of her shirt. "You're freezing. I can make you some hot tea or soup."
"You've probably got things to do. I don't know why I came here. There's nothing you can do."
"Come here." Booth wraps his arms around her. "That's not the point. You were right to come here."
"I can manage on my own."
"I know you can. But that's not the point. The point is you don't have too."
"If you've bought ice cream it's going to melt."
"Then let it."
oOoOoOo
Brennan pushes the empty soup bowl aside. "We need to inform the authorities."
"About what?"
"Of Zack's mental status."
"You do know what that would mean, don't you?"
"It's the correct thing to do."
"You sure about that, Bones?"
"It's the law."
"Zack would never make it in prison."
"My father went to prison."
"You're father is not Zack. You're not responsible for your father the way you are for Zack."
"He betrayed us."
"He did. And we were too busy to notice what was happening."
"He murdered someone."
Booth knows he could simply agree and offer her a beer. But that would be the easy way out and they do not do easy.
"You trust me, don't you?"
"Yes."
Booth almost smiles at her tone. No hesitation, no reassurance. Just a simple yes, as if there is no reason for doubt. "Then trust me on this, Zack didn't murder anyone."
"Do you have proof?"
"I don't need any proof. I've sat opposite hundreds of murderers in the interrogation room. Zack did not kill anyone."
"We need to get him a lawyer."
"No."
"No?"
"Zack's still guilty. He helped Gormogon. And it's not as if he's going to get his sentence reduced, he was never sentenced as he didn't go to court for his crimes."
"There's no way around this, is there? What if I talked to Caroline? Would she be able to do something?"
Booth's hand covering hers is answer enough. "I'm sorry, Bones."
oOoOoOo
He does not offer and she does not accept but when it is time to go he turns up in her office and they leave in his car as if they were going to a crime scene. But this time Booth does not go to the Starbucks across the street.
"Bones will be along in a minute. They're checking the robot she brought you," Booth says as he sits down opposite Zack.
"She got me a robot?"
"It's the one you got me when we were stuck in the lab over Christmas. I gave it to Parker, but he broke it. You're the one with the engineering degree, Bones thought that maybe you could fix it? Unless you're too busy?" Booth realizes he has never asked Zack for a favor. That he has never really sat down and talked to Zack, not until he ended up in this facility that is.
"I have read all the books in the library. There is a table tennis tournament on Thursdays. I don't play table tennis."
"So is that a yes?" Not getting what Zack means is not new to Booth.
"Yes."
"Great, thanks." Now what? It is not as if he can count on Zack to help out with small talk until Brennan joins them. "So... how are you sleeping? Back to your big boy sleeping habits?"
"I'm sleeping better here than at the hospital."
"That's good. Yeah, that's good." Booth is relieved when the door opens to let Brennan in.
"So what happened with the robot, Bones?"
"Zack will be allowed to work on it under supervision."
"I get supervised a lot," Zack states.
"Yeah, popping pills tends to result in that, kid." Booth regrets his words the moment they are out. This place puts him off balance. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"It's true," Zack observes. Booth can not help thinking that there is something ruthless in the way Zack never censors his speech. But it is not deliberate and he never spares himself. He just states facts.
"Zack, I know you didn't murder anyone." Brennan says and Booth wonders if conversations with Zack and Brennan will ever stop surprising him. If he will ever fully understand how they reason.
"You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?" Brennan continues.
"It wouldn't change anything,"Zack replies and Booth realizes he is more even surprised when Zack sees things the way he does.
It is late when they finally sign out. Brennan can not help thinking about all the late nights she and Zack have spent working at the lab and how they will never do that again. She can not help wondering how she will be able to keep doing this instead, go to this place with its heavy, locked doors and sit across from Zack telling him about a world he is not part of anymore. How he will never get to try out the new technique for cleaning bones, how she will never walk over to his desk to discuss a set of bones she is working on or check his progress on something. Then it occurs to her, she is in the middle of it, she has been doing it for quite some time now.
Zack will become part of the things that she talks to Booth about when they share confidences in the middle of the night. No one listening to her delivering a paper at a conference or observing her at a crime scene will be able to tell, it will not be visible to the naked eye. Zack has become a hairline fracture deep inside her, in that place that Booth would call her soul.
oOoOoOo
Booth's side of the bed is empty when she awakes. Brennan does not switch on the light, the moonlight through the windows is enough. She digs out his shirt among their clothes strewn around the bed and buttons it as she makes her way to the couch in her living room. He asks her when she is sitting next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.
"Why do you love me, Bones?"
Had it not been in the middle of the night she would have smiled and asked if he was fishing for a compliment. But because it is in the middle of the night, because this is the time they trade secrets she takes his question seriously.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"For everything I can never be."
"I love you for all the things you are and for all the things you'll never be." Her fingers against his lips stop his reply. "The things you've done wouldn't wake you up at night if you didn't care. You're a good person, Booth. Parker and Jared are very lucky to have you. I am too." He can feel her words against his lips as she leans in closer. "I love you for being you."
oOoOoOo
Brennan will never sprinkle "I love you-s" in conversations. A statement that can be full of meaning or just empty words you utter because you feel obliged to or out of habit. Like "Hi, how are you?" or "Nice to meet you." She and Booth have been saying "I love you" for quite some time. You do not rustle up a decorated Christmas tree and plug it into your car outside a prison or lie to the FBI and enlist your felony father looking for someone you do not love. It just took them a while to use the actual words.
Fin