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[lindapendant]

The kittens I'm taking care of until they go to a foster home might have Panleuk virus and could all be dead within the next 48 hours and all I can do is stand around and wait, and I guess - watch them die.

I am not cut out for this.

Comments

[liminal_space]

Oh, no. :( I'm so sorry.

[liminal_space]

I hate when people always come in with a "let me tell you my story" response to things like this, but....

We had a cat that we had rescued; she was pregnant.

All the kittens were born early, she wanted nothing to do with them, and I was relentless in getting up every few hours to feed and warm them and tell them they'd be fine.

One little guy just didn't respond. The little thing died in my cupped hand one night and I was so heartbroken because it was such a visceral thing. I remember crying and apologizing to the little cooling body -- feeling like I didn't do enough, didn't help enough, wasn't good enough.

The boyfriend at the time, in one of his very rare moments of compassion and insight, consoled me by saying I made sure that little life didn't leave the world unloved.

For what it's worth, I give his words to you, because in the middle of the hurt it's sometimes hard to see how much light we give.

Love to you and the little ones.

[lindapendant]

Thanks for that. I told myself last night if they all have to die, at least I gave them a few days in a warm spot with soft bedding, a clean, safe living space, food and water. They were afraid, hiding and hissing at me at first, and now they don't run away or flinch when I pick them up and pet them, so they learned trust and kind human contact. That has to be worth something.

I just woke up and braced myself for carnage but they are all still alive, and look fine to me. I tell myself that they should be showing signs of severe illness by now, and they're not, but I know that this disease comes on fast and furious, so their condition right now may account for nothing.

All I can do is continue to care, and hope for the best.