first snark | voice
[the voice that emerges on the network is that of a teen girl. it’s deadpan, almost completely devoid of emotion, yet thick with sarcasm:]
Oh, good. I was so hoping the rumors about the decline of freshman hazing in college were overblown to epic proportions. I can now safely say I am comforted by the knowledge that certain long-standing traditions in this fine country have not fallen by the wayside over the years. After all, what can we count on in life if not the endurance of illegal and patently stupid initiation rituals designed to humiliate unsuspecting newcomers? “Nothing says ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ like a nice, healthy dose of degradation” - I believe it was Jefferson who said that.
Furthermore, I would like to say that I’m pretty sure kidnapping is still a felony is most states, so I hope whoever’s responsible for this has a damn good lawyer. Also? I’m not joining any of your damn sororities. Ever.
Oh, good. I was so hoping the rumors about the decline of freshman hazing in college were overblown to epic proportions. I can now safely say I am comforted by the knowledge that certain long-standing traditions in this fine country have not fallen by the wayside over the years. After all, what can we count on in life if not the endurance of illegal and patently stupid initiation rituals designed to humiliate unsuspecting newcomers? “Nothing says ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ like a nice, healthy dose of degradation” - I believe it was Jefferson who said that.
Furthermore, I would like to say that I’m pretty sure kidnapping is still a felony is most states, so I hope whoever’s responsible for this has a damn good lawyer. Also? I’m not joining any of your damn sororities. Ever.