Super Junior - { bandfic - Because Everyone Wants a Mini Super Junior Member in their Pockets - 3/3}
title:Super Junior - { bandfic - Because Everyone Wants a Mini Super Junior Member in their Pockets - 3/3}
rating: PG-13
words: 3,349
notes:admit it, we all want mini SuJu in our pockets :DD inspired by Lord of the Rings manuals and this fic i read alonggg time ago.
ps: COMING SOON: ZHOU MI/HENRY + BOXED SETS
part 1
part 2
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an DONGHAE! In order to expect the top performance from your mini DONGHAE unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s fishy to his full potential! The DONGHAE unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All DONGHAE units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard DONGHAE unit will be wearing black or white skinny jeans, a checkered shirt with a collar, a New Era cap of some sort and sandals. DONGHAE units also come with either their own fish bowls or a diving outfit. :D
Operating
The DONGHAE unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The DONGHAE unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Underwater Recovery - Lost something in your pool? Don’t worry! DONGHAE can find it! Stand back and watch this man take off his shirt (or not) and dive into the water to recover your missing object. Note: Many ladies (and guys) love to see a shirtless DONGHAE and therefore have a habit of repeatedly “loosing” their things in their pools. As a result of this, many DONGHAE units have refused to remove their shirts and go in the pool. Our management suggests to lose things occasionally rather than on purpose to not make your DONGHAE unit suspicious to your ulterior motive. On the other hand, you may also see a sopping wet EUNHYUK unit as DONGHAE has a tendency to pull the latter in as well.
Wanna play ding dong ditch? Find DONGHAE! This man is a perfect partner in crime, especially since he was caught once in his younger days, he will surely have more ideas up his sleeve as how not to get caught again!
Hate eating dinner alone? DONGHAE will eat with you all three meals of the day! This guy hates eating alone so you are perfect for each other’s company!
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
While the DONGHAE unit is usually compatible with most units, he is AWKWARD with units SUNGMIN and SHINDONG.
DONGHAE is very compatible with models HEECHUL and YUNHO. They hung around a lot before the creation of these little SJ toys.
DONGHAE also is very compatible with the EUNHYUK unit. They like to sleep together and shave and perform various acts of skinship. They also tend to slip into MARRIED couple mode and BEST FRIENDS mode.
When the KIBUM unit is actually around, the DONGHAE unit is very CLINGY and ADORABLE.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The DONGHAE unit should not be exposed to land locked areas, places where he can eat alone, funerals, father’s day, people who make him cry, alcohol, insomnia,and people who tell him he is short, the color pink.
Cleaning
DONGHAE units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water, but as the DONGHAE has an affinity with water, you may not have to clean him everyweek. Invest in some extra swimming trunks and some snorkels.
FAQ
Q: My Donghae unit spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, fixing his hair and making kissing noises towards his face. I think he might have the Heechul unit’s internal wiring??
A: We apologize for this but many of our customers seem to think that but in reality the DONGHAE unit self proclaims himself as the most handsome man in the SJ units, and even all of SM.LLC’s boxed sets. And frankly, who could blame him?
Q: One day I came home to find all of my Victoria’s secret items scribbled on and dripped in ice cream! And then I found my Donghae unit trying to bite off my pink cushion on the couch! Is this behavior normal?
A: As we have said before, DONGHAE is AWKWARD with the SUNGMIN unit and dislikes the color pink. The two have lived together for some time and the SUNGMIN unit LOVES pink to the extent that the DONGHAE goes on a RAMPAGE. Please refrain from using the color pink in your house. Maybe change your cushions and wallpaper to something more pristine, such as blue? :D
Final Note
Given the nature of the DONGHAE model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 60 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an SIWON! In order to expect the top performance from your mini SIWON unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s resident church boy to his full potential! The SIWON unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All SIWON units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard SIWON unit will be wearing usually a black wife beater (which can be taken off to your liking), a black pair of skinny jeans and Nike sneakers. All Siwon units come with their very own bibles. :DD
Operating
The SIWON unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The SIWON unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Gentleman - Siwon treats his members and friends well but women even better. He is known to be very respectful and considerate, completing his image of being the classic gentleman. Siwon has been quoted to say "i think women should be understood and protected.” So ladies, what are you waiting for? Call the 1800-Korean-Hunks for your boyfriend in a box now! Or you know, call SM.LLC’s hotline.
Missionary - Siwon is a very devout Christian and is not above praying before he does anything as well as preaching to the other members. His tweets sometimes include parts of the bible and the phrases “Praise the Lord” and “Thank you , god” :D He has also many times tried to convert units HANKYUNG and HEECHUL but in vain. If you are looking for guidance, Siwon will make sure you trust in the savior of all humans.
Compatibility with other Units
You will find that the SIWON unit is pretty compatible with all the Super Junior units.
Among them are the HEECHUL and HANKYUNG units. SIWON can most likely be found with these two hooligans talking about NONSENSE or TOUCHING THEM in anyway.
Besides the HANKYUNG and HEECHUL units actually, the SIWON unit can always be found with units EUNHYUK, DONGHAE, YESUNG, RYEOWOOK, KYUHYUN, SUNGMIN, ZHOU MI and HENRY, because the SIWON unit’s switches are generally jammed in the COCKBLOCKING mode. Because the COCKBLOCKING mode’s area is so big, the OT3 mode is usually that little sliver of space right next to it. Even if you tape down the COCKBLOCKING mode, it will usually slip back so just deal with your SIWON unit being a complete SLUT. (***)
When the KIBUM unit is around, SIWON is in GOOD FRIENDS mode. The SIWON unit occasionally turns the SUNGMIN unit into the SLUTTY mode because SIWON is always COCKBLOCKING and SLUTTY himself despite his image of being a GENTLEMAN.
SIWON’s eyebrows also have their SHIBROWS mode which is usually activated all the damn time.
Exhibit: (***)
Before:
After:
Other Warnings/Precautions
The SIWON unit should not being exposed to Voldemort, being alone with no people to show off his COCKBLOCKING skills, other religions besides Christianity, rude people, people who he can’t perform skinship with, people he can’t get kisses from to congratulate himself for doing a good job, and his Dad when he objects to something.
Cleaning
SIWON units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water but then again the SIWON model can take a shower in only 1 minute and 30 seconds so he appears NOT to have taken a shower. If he protests just make him wash again so you have mask your motive of seeing him in his birthday suit.
FAQ
Q: My Siwon unit keeps preaching parts of the bible to me. What can I do to make him stop? I’m atheist!
A: You have nothing to worry about- this is only a sign of affection as the SIWON unit often does to people he has met ( and haven’t met, via twitter ). The SIWON unit will love you no matter what religion you believe in so just let him pray and preach away!
Q: My Siwon unit is constantly asking me for kisses and asking if he is doing a good job for even just “washing the dishes”. This is getting really annoying.
A: Again, this is also a sign of affection. Who could actually reject that face and body? (except yourself of course). There are also plenty of women to take the SIWON unit off your hands if that makes you happy.
Final Note
Given the nature of the SIWON model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 80 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an RYEOWOOK! In order to expect the top performance from your mini RYEOWOOK unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s eternal maknae to his full potential! The RYEOWOOK unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All RYEOWOOK units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard RYEOWOOK unit will be wearing a deep v-neck shirt as this has been revealing his chest quite nicely since the past year, dark skinny jeans and adidas shoes. RYEOWOOK units will also come with their own microphones and paper to compose on.
Operating
The RYEOWOOK unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The RYEOWOOK unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Musician - RYEOWOOK is a very talented musician/singer/songwriter. He plays the piano and composes his own music. Whether you’re depressed or just want to see him perform, just plop him in front of the piano and you’re sure to get hours of enjoyment.
Cook- RYEOWOOK is a talented cook and you will be well fed for years to come. He will inevitably be obliged to cook whenever you want. Just ask the DONGHAE unit- he has made RYEOWOOK get up at midnight in the middle of SLEEPING just to make him food.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
RYEOWOOK is compatible with the most of the SJ units. For instance, he gets up to COOK for the DONGHAE unit, explains that the KYUHYUN unit’s rear end is like ELASTIC, and HANGS OUT with the HENRY unit a lot.
The RYEOWOOK model also shares a room and is close to the YESUNG unit. SOMETIMES they will be in CUTESY mode, leading to a very MILD MARRIED COUPLE MODE. This doesn’t happen as much as you would like but it is still very, very mild. :D
RYEOWOOK also drinks with the KIBUM, KANGIN, and KYUHYUN models, making up the four heaviest drinkers of the group so don’t judge a book by its cover.
Most of the time, the RYEOWOOK model is pretty laid back and acts very very ADORABLE.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The RYEOWOOK unit should not be exposed to radio shows where it is not opened for public viewing, boredom at 2am in the morning, making puzzles, assistants/camera crews, the KYUHYUN model when he is in BULLYING mode, HENRY - because the YESUNG unit does not like it, no make up, losing shoes during a performance, and stylists because they give him too many pairings.
Cleaning
RYEOWOOK units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water.
FAQ
Q: My Ryeowook unit has a habit of coming into my room at night…
A: This is a normal habit of Ryeowook - it’s a sign of affection, seriously. He just wants to be with you for awhile so why won’t you let him?
Q : I think that you should include MULTI-TASKING to the Uses part of the manual! One day I came home to my house all cleaned and he’s just sitting on the couch peeling potatoes for dinner and vacuuming and paying my bills online all at once!
A: Agreed! We will look into it! This is just one of the many testimonies saying that RYEOWOOK can multitask. The HEECHUL unit once commented that he’s seen RYEOWOOK eating, watching TV and browsing the Internet all at once!
Final Note
Given the nature of the RYEOWOOK model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 80 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an KIBUM! In order to expect the top performance from your mini KIBUM unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s rapper to his full potential! The KIBUM unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All KIBUM units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard KIBUM unit will be wearing Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak.
Operating
The KIBUM unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
Boxing - Wanna exercise? Or perhaps did you borrow money from loan sharks and can’t afford to pay them back? Ask Kibum! He’s been boxing for awhile and has very toned arms and definitely will not lose and go easy on his opponent!
Speaking English - Is English your 2nd language? Or perhaps you going touring in a predominately English speaking country? Ask Kibum to go with you! He’s lived in the United States for a few years and he will be the perfect translator!
…This is assuming if the KIBUM model is around.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
KIBUM is most compatible with units DONGHAE,HEECHUL and sometimes, SIWON. The EUNHYUK unit feels THREATENED when the KIBUM unit is around.
The DONGHAE unit was the first one to HUG the KIBUM unit after he moved back to Korea.
KIBUM is usually LAID BACK and QUIET.
KIBUM gets along with KYUHYUN sometimes because KIBUM is the HORROR of ALL HORRORS because he is the one who taught KYUHYUN how to play STAR CRAFT.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The KIBUM unit should not be exposed to acting, actors, actresses, acting classes, acting friends, acting partners, acting, and acting in general.
Note: Due to the fact that KIBUM is wearing an invisibility cloak, take the cloak off first.
Cleaning
KIBUM units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water…if you can find him because the KIBUM unit is prone to disappearing.
FAQ
Q: Help! I cannot find my KIBUM unit anywhere! I JUST OPENED THE BOX!
A: This is due to the fact that the KIBUM unit is wearing the Invisibility cloak like we have previously stated. Did you or did you not read the instruction manual? If worst comes to worst, goose step around your house with a butterfly net with units DONGHAE and HEECHUL on patrol. You’ll find him eventually.
Q: Um. My friend and I ordered a KIBUM unit at the same time and I got one with crazy hair and something called Bling Bling attached to him. My friend got one with a copy of a Boys over Flowers DVD?
A: Our deepest apologies as you may have a received a KEY unit from our SHINEE line who happens to share a name with KIBUM and similarly your friend may have received a KIBUM unit from another company’s UKISS line. Due to our KIBUM units being manufactured initially with an Invisibility cloak, glitches often happen. If you would like to have a legitimate KIBUM unit please fill out an order form at our website or call out hotline!
Final Note
Given the nature of the KIBUM model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 90 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an KYUHYUN In order to expect the top performance from your mini KYUHYUN unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s evil maknae! The KYUHYUN unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All KYUHYUN units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard KYUHYUN unit will be wearing a white tshirt, black adidas sweat pants and black converses. KYUHYUN units are also accompanied with their own laptops and copies of STAR CRAFT.
Operating
The KYUHYUN unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
Ever wanted an alter ego? Tired of being goody goody two shoes? Hang out with KYUHYUN. His life motto is “NOT LISTENING TO OTHERS”. He has a quick tongue and quite a witty brain who can tell off anybody whenever he wants.
Be like KYUHYUN and you too can receive lots of presents if you hang a pair of pants in front of your bed instead of stockings like normal children!
Avid gamer? Call up GameKyu! Nothing’s better than an atmosphere if two gamers know what they’re doing!
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
The KYUHYUN unit is pretty compatible ( or not, depending on how optimistic you are ) with most of the SJ units. The KYUHYUN unit is almost always in BITCH, EVIL or REBELLIOUS modes.
He SINGS with RYEWOOK and YESUNG, GAMES with KIBUM, FIGHTS with HEECHUL and EATS with SUNGMIN.
Lately he’s been hanging with the ZHOU MI model a lot, due to their promotions in China. Once upon a time, he liked to FEED pork chops to ZHOU MI but now he just NOM NOM’s away.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The KYUHYUN unit should not be exposed to bad ideas, gaming, places where he can’t game, bad gamers, SUNGMIN when he is in PINK mode, HEECHUL when they are both in FIGHT mode, ZHOU MI when he wants to shop, and driving.
Cleaning
KYUHYUN units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water.
FAQ
Q: MY KYUHYUN doesn’t seem to have a social life. Is it normal for this unit to stay holed up in his room all day and game?
A: If you really are asking this question then I would suggest you to return the KYUHYUN unit right away as it seems you do not really understand the KYUHYUN unit all that well. KYUHYUN has chosen the gaming way of life which occupies most of his free time when he isn’t being a bitch to his hyungs or FOOLING AROUND with the SUNGMIN and ZHOU MI units.
Q: The switch on my KYUHYUN unit is permanently jammed into BITCH mode. What can I do to fix this?
A: Either return this unit for another KYUHYUN unit or shove him into a room with ZHOU MI and SUNGMIN. That’ll make him feel better. What a whiny brat, KYUHYUN.
Final Note
Given the nature of the KYUHYUN model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 100 years.
rating: PG-13
words: 3,349
notes:admit it, we all want mini SuJu in our pockets :DD inspired by Lord of the Rings manuals and this fic i read alonggg time ago.
ps: COMING SOON: ZHOU MI/HENRY + BOXED SETS
part 1
part 2
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an DONGHAE! In order to expect the top performance from your mini DONGHAE unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s fishy to his full potential! The DONGHAE unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All DONGHAE units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard DONGHAE unit will be wearing black or white skinny jeans, a checkered shirt with a collar, a New Era cap of some sort and sandals. DONGHAE units also come with either their own fish bowls or a diving outfit. :D
Operating
The DONGHAE unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The DONGHAE unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Underwater Recovery - Lost something in your pool? Don’t worry! DONGHAE can find it! Stand back and watch this man take off his shirt (or not) and dive into the water to recover your missing object. Note: Many ladies (and guys) love to see a shirtless DONGHAE and therefore have a habit of repeatedly “loosing” their things in their pools. As a result of this, many DONGHAE units have refused to remove their shirts and go in the pool. Our management suggests to lose things occasionally rather than on purpose to not make your DONGHAE unit suspicious to your ulterior motive. On the other hand, you may also see a sopping wet EUNHYUK unit as DONGHAE has a tendency to pull the latter in as well.
Wanna play ding dong ditch? Find DONGHAE! This man is a perfect partner in crime, especially since he was caught once in his younger days, he will surely have more ideas up his sleeve as how not to get caught again!
Hate eating dinner alone? DONGHAE will eat with you all three meals of the day! This guy hates eating alone so you are perfect for each other’s company!
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
While the DONGHAE unit is usually compatible with most units, he is AWKWARD with units SUNGMIN and SHINDONG.
DONGHAE is very compatible with models HEECHUL and YUNHO. They hung around a lot before the creation of these little SJ toys.
DONGHAE also is very compatible with the EUNHYUK unit. They like to sleep together and shave and perform various acts of skinship. They also tend to slip into MARRIED couple mode and BEST FRIENDS mode.
When the KIBUM unit is actually around, the DONGHAE unit is very CLINGY and ADORABLE.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The DONGHAE unit should not be exposed to land locked areas, places where he can eat alone, funerals, father’s day, people who make him cry, alcohol, insomnia,and people who tell him he is short, the color pink.
Cleaning
DONGHAE units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water, but as the DONGHAE has an affinity with water, you may not have to clean him everyweek. Invest in some extra swimming trunks and some snorkels.
FAQ
Q: My Donghae unit spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, fixing his hair and making kissing noises towards his face. I think he might have the Heechul unit’s internal wiring??
A: We apologize for this but many of our customers seem to think that but in reality the DONGHAE unit self proclaims himself as the most handsome man in the SJ units, and even all of SM.LLC’s boxed sets. And frankly, who could blame him?
Q: One day I came home to find all of my Victoria’s secret items scribbled on and dripped in ice cream! And then I found my Donghae unit trying to bite off my pink cushion on the couch! Is this behavior normal?
A: As we have said before, DONGHAE is AWKWARD with the SUNGMIN unit and dislikes the color pink. The two have lived together for some time and the SUNGMIN unit LOVES pink to the extent that the DONGHAE goes on a RAMPAGE. Please refrain from using the color pink in your house. Maybe change your cushions and wallpaper to something more pristine, such as blue? :D
Final Note
Given the nature of the DONGHAE model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 60 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an SIWON! In order to expect the top performance from your mini SIWON unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s resident church boy to his full potential! The SIWON unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All SIWON units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard SIWON unit will be wearing usually a black wife beater (which can be taken off to your liking), a black pair of skinny jeans and Nike sneakers. All Siwon units come with their very own bibles. :DD
Operating
The SIWON unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The SIWON unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Gentleman - Siwon treats his members and friends well but women even better. He is known to be very respectful and considerate, completing his image of being the classic gentleman. Siwon has been quoted to say "i think women should be understood and protected.” So ladies, what are you waiting for? Call the 1800-Korean-Hunks for your boyfriend in a box now! Or you know, call SM.LLC’s hotline.
Missionary - Siwon is a very devout Christian and is not above praying before he does anything as well as preaching to the other members. His tweets sometimes include parts of the bible and the phrases “Praise the Lord” and “Thank you , god” :D He has also many times tried to convert units HANKYUNG and HEECHUL but in vain. If you are looking for guidance, Siwon will make sure you trust in the savior of all humans.
Compatibility with other Units
You will find that the SIWON unit is pretty compatible with all the Super Junior units.
Among them are the HEECHUL and HANKYUNG units. SIWON can most likely be found with these two hooligans talking about NONSENSE or TOUCHING THEM in anyway.
Besides the HANKYUNG and HEECHUL units actually, the SIWON unit can always be found with units EUNHYUK, DONGHAE, YESUNG, RYEOWOOK, KYUHYUN, SUNGMIN, ZHOU MI and HENRY, because the SIWON unit’s switches are generally jammed in the COCKBLOCKING mode. Because the COCKBLOCKING mode’s area is so big, the OT3 mode is usually that little sliver of space right next to it. Even if you tape down the COCKBLOCKING mode, it will usually slip back so just deal with your SIWON unit being a complete SLUT. (***)
When the KIBUM unit is around, SIWON is in GOOD FRIENDS mode. The SIWON unit occasionally turns the SUNGMIN unit into the SLUTTY mode because SIWON is always COCKBLOCKING and SLUTTY himself despite his image of being a GENTLEMAN.
SIWON’s eyebrows also have their SHIBROWS mode which is usually activated all the damn time.
Exhibit: (***)
Before:
After:
Other Warnings/Precautions
The SIWON unit should not being exposed to Voldemort, being alone with no people to show off his COCKBLOCKING skills, other religions besides Christianity, rude people, people who he can’t perform skinship with, people he can’t get kisses from to congratulate himself for doing a good job, and his Dad when he objects to something.
Cleaning
SIWON units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water but then again the SIWON model can take a shower in only 1 minute and 30 seconds so he appears NOT to have taken a shower. If he protests just make him wash again so you have mask your motive of seeing him in his birthday suit.
FAQ
Q: My Siwon unit keeps preaching parts of the bible to me. What can I do to make him stop? I’m atheist!
A: You have nothing to worry about- this is only a sign of affection as the SIWON unit often does to people he has met ( and haven’t met, via twitter ). The SIWON unit will love you no matter what religion you believe in so just let him pray and preach away!
Q: My Siwon unit is constantly asking me for kisses and asking if he is doing a good job for even just “washing the dishes”. This is getting really annoying.
A: Again, this is also a sign of affection. Who could actually reject that face and body? (except yourself of course). There are also plenty of women to take the SIWON unit off your hands if that makes you happy.
Final Note
Given the nature of the SIWON model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 80 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an RYEOWOOK! In order to expect the top performance from your mini RYEOWOOK unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s eternal maknae to his full potential! The RYEOWOOK unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All RYEOWOOK units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard RYEOWOOK unit will be wearing a deep v-neck shirt as this has been revealing his chest quite nicely since the past year, dark skinny jeans and adidas shoes. RYEOWOOK units will also come with their own microphones and paper to compose on.
Operating
The RYEOWOOK unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The RYEOWOOK unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Musician - RYEOWOOK is a very talented musician/singer/songwriter. He plays the piano and composes his own music. Whether you’re depressed or just want to see him perform, just plop him in front of the piano and you’re sure to get hours of enjoyment.
Cook- RYEOWOOK is a talented cook and you will be well fed for years to come. He will inevitably be obliged to cook whenever you want. Just ask the DONGHAE unit- he has made RYEOWOOK get up at midnight in the middle of SLEEPING just to make him food.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
RYEOWOOK is compatible with the most of the SJ units. For instance, he gets up to COOK for the DONGHAE unit, explains that the KYUHYUN unit’s rear end is like ELASTIC, and HANGS OUT with the HENRY unit a lot.
The RYEOWOOK model also shares a room and is close to the YESUNG unit. SOMETIMES they will be in CUTESY mode, leading to a very MILD MARRIED COUPLE MODE. This doesn’t happen as much as you would like but it is still very, very mild. :D
RYEOWOOK also drinks with the KIBUM, KANGIN, and KYUHYUN models, making up the four heaviest drinkers of the group so don’t judge a book by its cover.
Most of the time, the RYEOWOOK model is pretty laid back and acts very very ADORABLE.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The RYEOWOOK unit should not be exposed to radio shows where it is not opened for public viewing, boredom at 2am in the morning, making puzzles, assistants/camera crews, the KYUHYUN model when he is in BULLYING mode, HENRY - because the YESUNG unit does not like it, no make up, losing shoes during a performance, and stylists because they give him too many pairings.
Cleaning
RYEOWOOK units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water.
FAQ
Q: My Ryeowook unit has a habit of coming into my room at night…
A: This is a normal habit of Ryeowook - it’s a sign of affection, seriously. He just wants to be with you for awhile so why won’t you let him?
Q : I think that you should include MULTI-TASKING to the Uses part of the manual! One day I came home to my house all cleaned and he’s just sitting on the couch peeling potatoes for dinner and vacuuming and paying my bills online all at once!
A: Agreed! We will look into it! This is just one of the many testimonies saying that RYEOWOOK can multitask. The HEECHUL unit once commented that he’s seen RYEOWOOK eating, watching TV and browsing the Internet all at once!
Final Note
Given the nature of the RYEOWOOK model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 80 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an KIBUM! In order to expect the top performance from your mini KIBUM unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s rapper to his full potential! The KIBUM unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All KIBUM units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard KIBUM unit will be wearing Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak.
Operating
The KIBUM unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
Boxing - Wanna exercise? Or perhaps did you borrow money from loan sharks and can’t afford to pay them back? Ask Kibum! He’s been boxing for awhile and has very toned arms and definitely will not lose and go easy on his opponent!
Speaking English - Is English your 2nd language? Or perhaps you going touring in a predominately English speaking country? Ask Kibum to go with you! He’s lived in the United States for a few years and he will be the perfect translator!
…This is assuming if the KIBUM model is around.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
KIBUM is most compatible with units DONGHAE,HEECHUL and sometimes, SIWON. The EUNHYUK unit feels THREATENED when the KIBUM unit is around.
The DONGHAE unit was the first one to HUG the KIBUM unit after he moved back to Korea.
KIBUM is usually LAID BACK and QUIET.
KIBUM gets along with KYUHYUN sometimes because KIBUM is the HORROR of ALL HORRORS because he is the one who taught KYUHYUN how to play STAR CRAFT.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The KIBUM unit should not be exposed to acting, actors, actresses, acting classes, acting friends, acting partners, acting, and acting in general.
Note: Due to the fact that KIBUM is wearing an invisibility cloak, take the cloak off first.
Cleaning
KIBUM units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water…if you can find him because the KIBUM unit is prone to disappearing.
FAQ
Q: Help! I cannot find my KIBUM unit anywhere! I JUST OPENED THE BOX!
A: This is due to the fact that the KIBUM unit is wearing the Invisibility cloak like we have previously stated. Did you or did you not read the instruction manual? If worst comes to worst, goose step around your house with a butterfly net with units DONGHAE and HEECHUL on patrol. You’ll find him eventually.
Q: Um. My friend and I ordered a KIBUM unit at the same time and I got one with crazy hair and something called Bling Bling attached to him. My friend got one with a copy of a Boys over Flowers DVD?
A: Our deepest apologies as you may have a received a KEY unit from our SHINEE line who happens to share a name with KIBUM and similarly your friend may have received a KIBUM unit from another company’s UKISS line. Due to our KIBUM units being manufactured initially with an Invisibility cloak, glitches often happen. If you would like to have a legitimate KIBUM unit please fill out an order form at our website or call out hotline!
Final Note
Given the nature of the KIBUM model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 90 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an KYUHYUN In order to expect the top performance from your mini KYUHYUN unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s evil maknae! The KYUHYUN unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All KYUHYUN units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard KYUHYUN unit will be wearing a white tshirt, black adidas sweat pants and black converses. KYUHYUN units are also accompanied with their own laptops and copies of STAR CRAFT.
Operating
The KYUHYUN unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
Ever wanted an alter ego? Tired of being goody goody two shoes? Hang out with KYUHYUN. His life motto is “NOT LISTENING TO OTHERS”. He has a quick tongue and quite a witty brain who can tell off anybody whenever he wants.
Be like KYUHYUN and you too can receive lots of presents if you hang a pair of pants in front of your bed instead of stockings like normal children!
Avid gamer? Call up GameKyu! Nothing’s better than an atmosphere if two gamers know what they’re doing!
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
The KYUHYUN unit is pretty compatible ( or not, depending on how optimistic you are ) with most of the SJ units. The KYUHYUN unit is almost always in BITCH, EVIL or REBELLIOUS modes.
He SINGS with RYEWOOK and YESUNG, GAMES with KIBUM, FIGHTS with HEECHUL and EATS with SUNGMIN.
Lately he’s been hanging with the ZHOU MI model a lot, due to their promotions in China. Once upon a time, he liked to FEED pork chops to ZHOU MI but now he just NOM NOM’s away.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The KYUHYUN unit should not be exposed to bad ideas, gaming, places where he can’t game, bad gamers, SUNGMIN when he is in PINK mode, HEECHUL when they are both in FIGHT mode, ZHOU MI when he wants to shop, and driving.
Cleaning
KYUHYUN units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water.
FAQ
Q: MY KYUHYUN doesn’t seem to have a social life. Is it normal for this unit to stay holed up in his room all day and game?
A: If you really are asking this question then I would suggest you to return the KYUHYUN unit right away as it seems you do not really understand the KYUHYUN unit all that well. KYUHYUN has chosen the gaming way of life which occupies most of his free time when he isn’t being a bitch to his hyungs or FOOLING AROUND with the SUNGMIN and ZHOU MI units.
Q: The switch on my KYUHYUN unit is permanently jammed into BITCH mode. What can I do to fix this?
A: Either return this unit for another KYUHYUN unit or shove him into a room with ZHOU MI and SUNGMIN. That’ll make him feel better. What a whiny brat, KYUHYUN.
Final Note
Given the nature of the KYUHYUN model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 100 years.