[Fic] Of nightmares and new hope
Title: Of nightmares and new hope
Author: linksync182
Characters: Charles Xavier/ Erik Lehnsherr
Rating: PG 13
Word Count: 1476
Disclaimer: Sadly do not own either of these fellows
Summary: Erik awakes from a terrible nightmare and reaches out for the only man who can pull him back from edge of oblivion - Charles Xavier
~*~
“Charles,” Erik calls softly into the night, and knows his voice will beckon his friend from slumber.
He’s just woken from what one would hardly call a peaceful sleep and though he will scarcely admit it, his hands are shaking with the effort to keep the monsters (Shaw) at bay. It’s that dream…that nightmare again. He swallows dryly as he stares unseeingly at the dark ceiling. His bed feels as though it were the floor, cold and unyielding; he feels small under the expanse of the blanket- tattered, dirty, blood… so much blood - and he’s struggling to come back to reality.
He needs company; specifically Charles’ because the smaller man is the only person in this world who can hold and captivate his attention for longer than 5 minutes. And he desperately needs his mind distracted.
In under a minute later there is a hesitant but polite knock on his door that is so undeniably Charles that Erik’s heart clenches and aches all at once within his iron ribcage. May I come in? flits across his mind and Erik realizes even if he hadn’t called for Charles, he would never deny the man anyway.
Charles seems to take these thoughts as permission and gently eases the solid oak wood door open, noting how he did not hear any locks disengage as he does so. He knows Erik well; he is one to never leave his door unguarded, and it indicated that the man had already unlocked them in anticipation of Charles’ arrival. The door closes with hardly a sound behind him. This time the click of several locks falling into place is heard.
“What troubles you, my friend?” Charles asks softly but his voice is still audible in the quietness of night.
Erik’s dim bedside lamps are on, though he can’t recall ever reaching for them and they cast wary shadows over his tired face. His hands are still trembling and he is frightened to voice his dreams (memories) unto a man he should hardly know but feels as though he has known for many, many years.
“I understand how you are feeling,” Charles voices a reply, sitting gingerly next to Erik’s feet on the bed. “As I am also perturbed by our kinship. But I no longer dwell on these thoughts for you are my friend, my closest friend and that is something I would never change, even if given the chance.”
Charles’ soothing yet confident voice allows Erik to calm and he breathes deeply, catching a scent that is not his own. This small man in front of him would never judge or hold over him what had happened in his past, this much the native born German knows. Charles is too kind and too close a friend to ever harm him with that information.
“I will never betray your trust,” Charles reaffirms gently, his intelligent blue eyes piercing through Erik like a dagger and captivating the scarred man for many more moments then he would have liked. “Tell me why you wish to speak with me.”
“Do you not already know?” Erik asks, looking away. He can fell how glossy and bloodshot his eyes are from many nights with little sleep; he wishes he was stronger.
“Not entirely, no. I do not delve lightly into peoples’ defenseless minds as they slumber,” Charles looks slightly amused as he says this, perhaps recollecting on a private joke he has shared once.
“I might have known,” Erik says with a quiet chuckle. It’s so Charles.
His heart squeezes again and he feels embarrassed. Certainly Charles can feel that when they are in the same room. But Charles’ facial expression doesn’t change and Erik breathes a small sigh of relief.
“Tell me,” Charles coaxes again, gently placing his hand on Erik’s calf through the comforter; a reassuring touch.
“Shaw,” Erik whispers, closing his eyes forcefully after several moments of tense silence.
Charles gasps a little as his mind is suddenly overflowing with memories that are not his own and he grips onto Erik’s leg as if it were a life line thrown to him as he drowned in the unforgiving sea. His eyes are unfocused and his shoulders shake with the burden he will now carry for the rest of his life. Flickers of blood, a gun, a coin - twisted metal, Shaw’s malicious face grinning with such pure evil and Charles can’t comprehend how such a man has been given the gift of life. He must die!
Charles is shocked to realize the voice is his own and not Erik’s. Erik looks taken aback too, as the memories abruptly stop. Charles closes his eyes and tries to pull his mind back into itself with great effort. His hands are shaking.
“I am…very sorry,” he apologizes, almost breathless. “It is…deeply difficult to control my powers when I am…” murderously angry “This emotional.” He finishes.
Charles’ eyebrows pinch together as he holds his hand to his temple in an attempt to regain control of himself. He doesn’t notice Erik sit up next to him, or when the man puts a large calloused hand on his shoulder. What he does notice is the sudden - so beautiful when he’s like this - that flutters like a butterfly on the outskirts of his mind. He doesn’t flinch when he hears this, afraid to push Erik away in the cruelest way one can do to a friend.
“I must apologize again, my friend,” he begins softly. “For I have heard something you may not have wished me to. My defenses are weakened when I am like this and I am unable to block any mind that is so near.” He finishes apologetically.
Erik pulls away, shocked and humiliated but also angry with himself for allowing his mind to wander like that while the object of his desire (telepath) was in the same room. How could he be so negligent?
He opens his mouth to apologize but Charles beats him to the punch. Of course, Erik thinks, of course.
“What you feel does not deserve apology,” Charles says, almost fiercely. “And I am not offended.” He adds, openly answering Erik’s thoughts now. “I am…deeply honored by your admiration.”
If it can be called that, Erik thinks bitterly. He’s let his emotions get the best of him, like he did with Shaw. Anger, love, pain. What did it matter? All of them played him for the fool. How had he not mastered control over them yet?
Charles looks pained at the onslaught of self-doubt and anger and he feels helpless against it. He should have never said anything. As Erik turns his back to Charles and hunches over, the smaller man cannot understand the overwhelming pain that erupts in his chest. Don’t leave me, he begs inwardly before he can stop himself and knows that Erik heard it too because the man turns around with a look of surprise.
“I am…sorry,” Charles apologizes for the umpteenth time. He presses a hand over his eyes and he is most definitely not hiding tears, no, he is trying to reign in his powers again to prevent any further damage then they have already caused him tonight.
But then Erik is suddenly wrapped around Charles in an unyielding embrace and the smaller man leans into Erik’s chest, his breath hitching. Don’t be afraid, Eric is projecting, rather loudly; as if Charles couldn’t already hear him.
Anyone Charles has ever loved has left him. He fears the emotion and the attachment and the need to protect. He has tried so hard to lock away the feeling that is encompassing him now. But he knows he is fighting a losing battle because he would never give up Erik. He is too selfish for that.
“I will never hurt or leave you like the others,” Erik says aloud, sternly; protectively. Clearly the man hears every thought Charles makes and the smaller man finally finds his last ounces of strength to close off his mind completely; desperately afraid he is projecting to every mind in the castle.
“Not if you would have me.” Erik adds in an unsure whisper, his words being offered on an open silver platter; beautiful and irresistible. Dangerous.
“How could I ever say no to an offer like that?” Charles says with a watery smile. He knows this will be his undoing, as he knew all those weeks ago as he dived into frigid cold water to save a man he didn’t know.
Erik is his weakness and he is utterly defenseless against this man.
“You will be my undoing,” Charles voices softly as he looks up into Erik’s eyes, so close their noses bump lightly.
“And you mine.” Erik breathes and the moist air is caught between their lips as they pressed together with a tenderness that neither knew they could possess.
~End~