Social experiements
I conducted a phone poll recently, and this is a preliminary write up of some of those results.
Society is funny. So many things are considered inappropriate for conventional conversations because it pushes the buttons of privacy or immorality. My view on society from my perspective right now is that we are fairly conforming, we tend towards a patriarchy, and are reasonably conservative in the way we do things - both as a nation and individually. I think this is in part why so many problems within society go unnoticed, undisclosed or are simply swept under the carpet. Sexual abuse, mental health, substance abuse... all get delegated a sense of if we can't see it, it's not our problem... or even if it can be seen, it doesn't involve us, therefore it's not our problem. Breaking out of that shell becomes incredibly difficult - we're constantly fighting the flow when we try and step out of the constraints socity silently puts in place, regardless of how small the action is.
I went against the flow recently, and openly discussed a topic some would have frowned at. I say openly, but you know, I'm still bound by societal acceptance, and I still chose the people I spoke about this topic with very carefully. I went through and picked people I thought would be open to discussion, I went through and picked people I knew reasonably well enough, who weren't going to run kicking and screaming into the sunset, although they did raise a few eyebrows in my general direction.
Our topic of conversation was blowjobs. Fellatio. Head Jobs. They all mean the same thing at the end of the day. The action of oral sex being performed on the penis - where lips and the mouth are applied to a penis to stimulate. Definitely frowned upon by society for being too private, too sexual in nature and definitely out of the realms of conversation people should have in public areas - especially given most of the men I spoke to are partnered!
A question had come up as to how we knew whether a guy enjoyed being given a blow job. I mean, sure guys enjoy blow jobs, but do they enjoy it because it is a blowjob? If that's the case, how do we(used collectively) know if a guy is actually enjoying a blow job because there is some sense of skill involved? The question therefore put to the people I spoke with was Can men be subjective about a blow job? Does enjoyment depend on technique or is a bad blow job better than none at all?
I did a phone poll after initial conversations. The message was sent out to maybe 15 people in my phone, who I felt would be open enough to discussing this. I have to say, I have some incredibly awesome friends, who will suspend their disbelief and who are willing to answer my questions.
Given the size of this sample group, I make the disclaimers that this is no way substantiated, nor are my findings the be all and end all of research. Given it was such a selective group, and the numbers so small, I think this is just me putting into place some of my discoveries.
I had a fairly decent response rate I have to say, and that some of this was further followed up by face to face discussions. Some of these discussions became quite animated! It was all fun, and definitely something I wouldn't have any hesitation in doing again, further down the track.
So some of the responses I got back:
A: A bad blow job is better than no blow job - though I don't necessarily believe there is anything such as a bad blow job.
B: A bad blow job is just annoying. I'd rather no blow job.
C: Bad is better than none at all, but technique certainly makes a difference.
D: I would rather a solo wank than a bad blow job.
E: If it's not done correctly, the volcano does not erupt.
F: Bad is bad so none is better than bad.
G: You need to organise dinner so this can be discussed properly!
H: Sometimes a bad blowjob will suffice but you can train your partner in what you like!
I: Practice makes a world of difference. Also, most guys will say a bad blow job is better than none because they are afraid if they say it's a bad blowjob, it will be the last one they get.
J: Bad is better than none, although I think this depends on the qualifer 'bad'. Bad to me would be teeth and blood! And in that case, there really isn't anything good that can come from this.
K: Bad is bad!
L: When you've been grazed by teeth, you know the difference between good and bad!
M: As far as my mind and body work, I'd rather do something else than receive a blow job. There are so many better things to do with a woman than have her trapped down there.
So most of the guys who responded to me definitely think bad is better than none, though those who had experienced pain were of the opinion that bad is bad! The guys thought about their responses... they didn't just give me a are you nuts look. They contemplated what they wanted to say to me, and a lot fo their responses were quite measured. Some of them felt the need to explain so they pulled me aside to have proper conversations with me. I appreciate this immensely - that they trusted me enough to tell me what was properly on their mind. That they felt they could be honest enough with me, to give me their unbiased, truthful answers. That for a moment, they too were willing to push against societal norms, and discuss soemthing society would in most circumstances frown upon.
This was an awesome conversation. I delight in my friends, I delight in the fact they accept me so readily. I loved how they openly embraced this amongst themselves and were quite happy discussing this in a restaurant! Definitely a conversation I want to follow up :)
This entry was originally posted at http://linstar.dreamwidth.org/165633.html
Society is funny. So many things are considered inappropriate for conventional conversations because it pushes the buttons of privacy or immorality. My view on society from my perspective right now is that we are fairly conforming, we tend towards a patriarchy, and are reasonably conservative in the way we do things - both as a nation and individually. I think this is in part why so many problems within society go unnoticed, undisclosed or are simply swept under the carpet. Sexual abuse, mental health, substance abuse... all get delegated a sense of if we can't see it, it's not our problem... or even if it can be seen, it doesn't involve us, therefore it's not our problem. Breaking out of that shell becomes incredibly difficult - we're constantly fighting the flow when we try and step out of the constraints socity silently puts in place, regardless of how small the action is.
I went against the flow recently, and openly discussed a topic some would have frowned at. I say openly, but you know, I'm still bound by societal acceptance, and I still chose the people I spoke about this topic with very carefully. I went through and picked people I thought would be open to discussion, I went through and picked people I knew reasonably well enough, who weren't going to run kicking and screaming into the sunset, although they did raise a few eyebrows in my general direction.
Our topic of conversation was blowjobs. Fellatio. Head Jobs. They all mean the same thing at the end of the day. The action of oral sex being performed on the penis - where lips and the mouth are applied to a penis to stimulate. Definitely frowned upon by society for being too private, too sexual in nature and definitely out of the realms of conversation people should have in public areas - especially given most of the men I spoke to are partnered!
A question had come up as to how we knew whether a guy enjoyed being given a blow job. I mean, sure guys enjoy blow jobs, but do they enjoy it because it is a blowjob? If that's the case, how do we(used collectively) know if a guy is actually enjoying a blow job because there is some sense of skill involved? The question therefore put to the people I spoke with was Can men be subjective about a blow job? Does enjoyment depend on technique or is a bad blow job better than none at all?
I did a phone poll after initial conversations. The message was sent out to maybe 15 people in my phone, who I felt would be open enough to discussing this. I have to say, I have some incredibly awesome friends, who will suspend their disbelief and who are willing to answer my questions.
Given the size of this sample group, I make the disclaimers that this is no way substantiated, nor are my findings the be all and end all of research. Given it was such a selective group, and the numbers so small, I think this is just me putting into place some of my discoveries.
I had a fairly decent response rate I have to say, and that some of this was further followed up by face to face discussions. Some of these discussions became quite animated! It was all fun, and definitely something I wouldn't have any hesitation in doing again, further down the track.
So some of the responses I got back:
A: A bad blow job is better than no blow job - though I don't necessarily believe there is anything such as a bad blow job.
B: A bad blow job is just annoying. I'd rather no blow job.
C: Bad is better than none at all, but technique certainly makes a difference.
D: I would rather a solo wank than a bad blow job.
E: If it's not done correctly, the volcano does not erupt.
F: Bad is bad so none is better than bad.
G: You need to organise dinner so this can be discussed properly!
H: Sometimes a bad blowjob will suffice but you can train your partner in what you like!
I: Practice makes a world of difference. Also, most guys will say a bad blow job is better than none because they are afraid if they say it's a bad blowjob, it will be the last one they get.
J: Bad is better than none, although I think this depends on the qualifer 'bad'. Bad to me would be teeth and blood! And in that case, there really isn't anything good that can come from this.
K: Bad is bad!
L: When you've been grazed by teeth, you know the difference between good and bad!
M: As far as my mind and body work, I'd rather do something else than receive a blow job. There are so many better things to do with a woman than have her trapped down there.
So most of the guys who responded to me definitely think bad is better than none, though those who had experienced pain were of the opinion that bad is bad! The guys thought about their responses... they didn't just give me a are you nuts look. They contemplated what they wanted to say to me, and a lot fo their responses were quite measured. Some of them felt the need to explain so they pulled me aside to have proper conversations with me. I appreciate this immensely - that they trusted me enough to tell me what was properly on their mind. That they felt they could be honest enough with me, to give me their unbiased, truthful answers. That for a moment, they too were willing to push against societal norms, and discuss soemthing society would in most circumstances frown upon.
This was an awesome conversation. I delight in my friends, I delight in the fact they accept me so readily. I loved how they openly embraced this amongst themselves and were quite happy discussing this in a restaurant! Definitely a conversation I want to follow up :)
This entry was originally posted at http://linstar.dreamwidth.org/165633.html