The Moment
Title: The Moment
Author: __penetration
Genre: Fanfiction: McFly
Rating: 15 I would say
Pairing: Poynter/Jones
Summary: Point blank: he had never lost anything before in his life.
Author's Note: This was originally written for _i_know at mcsecretsanta. Cross-posted in my writing journal: liptolip
Point blank: he had never lost anything before in his life. Sure, there were the occasional jackets left in the playground and toys left at a playmate’s house, for which he had been scolded for, but on the larger scale, Dougie Poynter had never actually lost anything major. Major as in a person. He’d never been to a funeral before-his great-grandmother never even knew him-and he’d never had his heart broken. Girlfriends, summer flings, and there was that one guy, but he’d never come away completely broken and lost. He’d never lost Danny before; he’d never dreamed of losing Danny. Danny, his best friend, his confidante, partner in crime, his... boyfriend?
Danny had left with such an air of hurt that cut through Dougie’s heart, or the fact that Dougie
Was Danny his boyfriend?
Dougie didn’t know. He sighed, digging the heel of his palm into his eyes. He’d always heard that so much could change in so short a time, but Dougie never realized exactly how fast that time could really be. His eyes dropped onto the cushion next to him. Just two hours ago, Danny had been sitting right next to him, laughing as he held onto Dougie for support. In fact, Dougie was sure that he could still feel the older boy’s hand there. And then, only two minutes later, Dougie was alone. He’d been stuck in the same spot since Danny had fled, trying to piece together exactly what had happened. He wasn’t really sure. He kept rewinding the scene in his mind, back to right before, “The Moment”, as he’d titled it.
“Doug?” Danny had said, his voice strangely subdued as their laughed died down. Dougie couldn’t remember what they were laughing about.
“Yeah?”
“Doug... I have to tell you something...”
Immediately, terrible thoughts came to his mind. Was Danny dying of some rare disease? Was he leaving McFly-and, more importantly, him? Did Danny’s relative die? Of course, if Dougie had been thinking rationally, he would’ve realized that if it was the first or the last, Danny would’ve told him sometime in the three hours prior that they’d spent together. But he hadn’t been in a rational thinking kind of mood. Instead, he just tilted his head as he looked up at his best friend, eyes clouded over with concern. He had convinced himself, in just about five seconds, that Danny had made a resolve to leave the band. He sucked in a breath, eyes closed, preparing himself for the blow. But nothing, nothing, could’ve prepared Dougie for what came next.
“I... Dougie, I think I’m in love with you.”
His eyes flew open, “What?!”
Thinking back on it, Dougie mused to himself, he probably shouldn’t have reacted in such a manner; he should’ve thought about it before he said anything. But then again, when did he ever think before he spoke? It was a gift and a curse and at that particular moment, Dougie cursed himself for it. He could remember the look in Danny’s eyes, the perpetual fear and the worry lines creased across his smooth forehead. How could Danny be in love with him?
It was at this point that things got a little bit blurry in Dougie’s memory. He wasn’t quite sure who moved closer and who leaned in, but the next thing that he could remember clearly was the feeling of Danny’s lips against his. Admittedly, this wasn’t the first time that it’d happened, but unlike the previous times, they were not on television, they were not playing a game of dare, and they were most definitely not drunk. But it was different this time than any time that they had kissed. Dougie couldn’t quite place the electric feeling that coursed through his veins. He wondered vaguely if this was what it was supposed to be like in the movies.
And just as suddenly as it had started, it ended. Dougie opened his eyes again only to find that Danny was staring at him in awe. It could’ve ended there. Both boys could’ve had his fairytale ending just like in those American Hollywood films-just like The Notebook. Minus the dementia and old age of course. But, as always, Dougie opened his mouth, and it wasn’t to try and kiss Danny again, which he should’ve done instead.
“I... don’t think... I... I’m confused.” He uttered.
It was here that Dougie started to see only blurs again. All he knew was that Danny had said something to him-he couldn’t remember what it was that he said-and left. Not angrily. The door didn’t even slam. He just left. Dougie couldn’t figure out which was worse: the fact that hadn’t wanted him to go because he wanted to do that again. He wanted to be like a normal teenager and make out on his couch with his best friend.
Although, he wasn’t sure if normal teenagers did that very often. Especially if their best friend was another guy.
He replayed that scene in his head over and over again, but he didn’t know why. Every time it got to the part where Danny got up and left, Dougie felt a strange pang in his chest. What was that feeling?
“Masochism at it’s best.” He muttered to himself as he finally moved from that place on his couch, forever marked by “The Moment”. And there it was. That pang. Again. Why couldn’t these stupid emotions just leave him alone? Why did they insist on leaving that daunting feeling of hurt and guilt as he thought of Danny walking out that front door?
He knew what he had to do. Dougie reached over and picked up the mobile that he’d desperately hoped would ring for the past couple of hours-though, logically, it would make more sense for him to call Danny-and dialed the all too familiar number of his other next door neighbour.
“What’d you do this time, Doug?”
“Why do you always assume that I did something wrong whenever I call?” he pouted, even though Tom couldn’t see him.
“Let’s face it: when don’t do you need some advice on what to do whenever you call me?” Tom pointed out, “Plus, I saw Danny leave your house earlier and he didn’t look too happy. It was only a matter of time before you phoned.”
Dougie rolled his eyes, not finding Tom’s joke the least bit amusing, and fell back into the cushions of the couch with a sigh, “I think I really screwed up.”
“You say that every time and it’s never really that bad. Come on, mate. What happened?”
So, Dougie began to reiterate the story of what had happened, hesitating only a little when he got to ‘The Moment’. It had never been spoken of, the sexuality of the boys, but all four seemed to just have a sense of each other’s preferences. It was just understood that Danny and Dougie were a bit of swingers, and that Tom was devoted to Giovanni and would probably never love anyone else ever again, and that Harry was the biggest womanizer on the planet, so Tom didn’t even seem fazed when Dougie said that Danny kissed him. It was what came after that surprised the blonde.
“He’s in love with you?!” Tom exclaimed. Dougie could picture his older friend jumping out of the seat that he was in and pacing the room anxiously; “He’s in love with you and you told him you were confused after you kissed him?!”
The only response Dougie gave was a soft sigh.
“Doug...” Tom groaned, “Doug, you really are an idiot!”
“Hey!”
“You’re not supposed to do that. And even if you are confused, you have to break it to him a little bit nicer than just bluntly blurting out that you’re... confused!”
It was Dougie’s turn to groan, “Well, why didn’t someone tell me this before it happened?!”
“Well who would’ve thought that this would’ve happened?!”
“What do I do?” Dougie curled up, just wanting to disappear. This call to Tom was supposed to help, but it was only making him feel worse.
It was silent on the other end and Dougie began to get nervous. He started to panic. There was no way to fix this, was there? He’d lost Danny forever, hadn’t he? He just had to open up his big mouth and say those stupid words, especially when he knew he wasn’t all that confused. Why was he so stupid? He knew he should’ve listened to Tom the first time when he was told to watch his mouth. But, of course, he hadn’t, and now he’d gone and lost his best friend of all time! There had to be a way to reverse this.
“... Dougie?! Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?!”
Oh... Tom had been speaking...
“Umm... sorry, mate.”
“Look, Doug. This is only to help you. Do you want my help or not?” Tom demanded, raising an eyebrow.
Dougie didn’t answer him. Instead, he asked, “Tom, do you think I should watch my mouth more?”
“Yeah.” There was a snort at the other end, “If anything, you need to watch your mouth more.”
“I know.” Dougie sighed miserably, “Do you think Danny’s going to quit the band?”
“Dougie... what the hell are you talking about?”
Dougie sighed overdramatically-and Tom told him he should listen when he didn’t listen to Dougie at all. “Danny. You know, how I was a bit of an arse to him? Do you think he’ll leave?”
“Doug... I’m pretty sure that he won’t leave because of this.”
“But I’ve gone and lost him!”
“... He’s right next door.”
“Tom!” Dougie exclaimed impatiently, jumping to his feet and pacing back and forth. He couldn’t deal with this. It was ridiculous. Tom was absolutely no help. “Listen, I’m going to fix this.” He said boldly, although he had no idea how he was going to do that yet. “Bye, Tom.”
Without waiting for the other boy to respond, Dougie hung up his mobile and paced some more, walking back and forth, debating in his head what to say when he called Danny. Yes, called, he’d decided. He wouldn’t say what he wanted to say if he was not on the phone. But what exactly was he going to say? Dougie groaned, dropping onto the couch; all this walking around in circles and thinking in circles was doing nothing for his growing headache.
Did he love Danny? Well, yes. Of course he loved Danny. But did he love Danny the way Danny loved him? Now that was the real question. How was Dougie supposed to be able to measure that kind of thing? He was only nineteen for Christ sake. He’d never known what it was to be in love. Wasn’t that the kind of thing that meant forever? Dougie shuddered. Forever... with one person? Although, forever with Danny didn’t really sound quite as scary as forever with his ex-girlfriend. Now, that was a nightmare not to be wished upon anybody. Maybe he was just thinking too hard about things. Just because they were in love, it didn’t mean forever. He’d heard somewhere that it was possible to be in love more than once in your life. Well, that meant you couldn’t be going around spending forever with more than one person. Unless you were a Mormon, Dougie supposed, but he had seen plenty of people in love more than once and they were certainly not Mormon.
“Oh, what the hell.” Dougie murmured, picking up his phone and letting it ring, hoping that the boy on the other end would pick up.
“Hello?” a soft voice came at the other end, and Dougie felt his heart rate picking up. What was he supposed to say? He’d totally forgotten about that part of it; he forgot that he’d actually have to talk! Well, he was the master of blurting things out, wasn’t he? But no. He couldn’t. He could not ruin something that could be an actual something.
“Doug?”
Dougie bit down on his lip. Goddamn caller ID. Before he could even think about it, he blurted out, “I love you.”
Author: __penetration
Genre: Fanfiction: McFly
Rating: 15 I would say
Pairing: Poynter/Jones
Summary: Point blank: he had never lost anything before in his life.
Author's Note: This was originally written for _i_know at mcsecretsanta. Cross-posted in my writing journal: liptolip
Point blank: he had never lost anything before in his life. Sure, there were the occasional jackets left in the playground and toys left at a playmate’s house, for which he had been scolded for, but on the larger scale, Dougie Poynter had never actually lost anything major. Major as in a person. He’d never been to a funeral before-his great-grandmother never even knew him-and he’d never had his heart broken. Girlfriends, summer flings, and there was that one guy, but he’d never come away completely broken and lost. He’d never lost Danny before; he’d never dreamed of losing Danny. Danny, his best friend, his confidante, partner in crime, his... boyfriend?
Danny had left with such an air of hurt that cut through Dougie’s heart, or the fact that Dougie
Was Danny his boyfriend?
Dougie didn’t know. He sighed, digging the heel of his palm into his eyes. He’d always heard that so much could change in so short a time, but Dougie never realized exactly how fast that time could really be. His eyes dropped onto the cushion next to him. Just two hours ago, Danny had been sitting right next to him, laughing as he held onto Dougie for support. In fact, Dougie was sure that he could still feel the older boy’s hand there. And then, only two minutes later, Dougie was alone. He’d been stuck in the same spot since Danny had fled, trying to piece together exactly what had happened. He wasn’t really sure. He kept rewinding the scene in his mind, back to right before, “The Moment”, as he’d titled it.
“Doug?” Danny had said, his voice strangely subdued as their laughed died down. Dougie couldn’t remember what they were laughing about.
“Yeah?”
“Doug... I have to tell you something...”
Immediately, terrible thoughts came to his mind. Was Danny dying of some rare disease? Was he leaving McFly-and, more importantly, him? Did Danny’s relative die? Of course, if Dougie had been thinking rationally, he would’ve realized that if it was the first or the last, Danny would’ve told him sometime in the three hours prior that they’d spent together. But he hadn’t been in a rational thinking kind of mood. Instead, he just tilted his head as he looked up at his best friend, eyes clouded over with concern. He had convinced himself, in just about five seconds, that Danny had made a resolve to leave the band. He sucked in a breath, eyes closed, preparing himself for the blow. But nothing, nothing, could’ve prepared Dougie for what came next.
“I... Dougie, I think I’m in love with you.”
His eyes flew open, “What?!”
Thinking back on it, Dougie mused to himself, he probably shouldn’t have reacted in such a manner; he should’ve thought about it before he said anything. But then again, when did he ever think before he spoke? It was a gift and a curse and at that particular moment, Dougie cursed himself for it. He could remember the look in Danny’s eyes, the perpetual fear and the worry lines creased across his smooth forehead. How could Danny be in love with him?
It was at this point that things got a little bit blurry in Dougie’s memory. He wasn’t quite sure who moved closer and who leaned in, but the next thing that he could remember clearly was the feeling of Danny’s lips against his. Admittedly, this wasn’t the first time that it’d happened, but unlike the previous times, they were not on television, they were not playing a game of dare, and they were most definitely not drunk. But it was different this time than any time that they had kissed. Dougie couldn’t quite place the electric feeling that coursed through his veins. He wondered vaguely if this was what it was supposed to be like in the movies.
And just as suddenly as it had started, it ended. Dougie opened his eyes again only to find that Danny was staring at him in awe. It could’ve ended there. Both boys could’ve had his fairytale ending just like in those American Hollywood films-just like The Notebook. Minus the dementia and old age of course. But, as always, Dougie opened his mouth, and it wasn’t to try and kiss Danny again, which he should’ve done instead.
“I... don’t think... I... I’m confused.” He uttered.
It was here that Dougie started to see only blurs again. All he knew was that Danny had said something to him-he couldn’t remember what it was that he said-and left. Not angrily. The door didn’t even slam. He just left. Dougie couldn’t figure out which was worse: the fact that hadn’t wanted him to go because he wanted to do that again. He wanted to be like a normal teenager and make out on his couch with his best friend.
Although, he wasn’t sure if normal teenagers did that very often. Especially if their best friend was another guy.
He replayed that scene in his head over and over again, but he didn’t know why. Every time it got to the part where Danny got up and left, Dougie felt a strange pang in his chest. What was that feeling?
“Masochism at it’s best.” He muttered to himself as he finally moved from that place on his couch, forever marked by “The Moment”. And there it was. That pang. Again. Why couldn’t these stupid emotions just leave him alone? Why did they insist on leaving that daunting feeling of hurt and guilt as he thought of Danny walking out that front door?
He knew what he had to do. Dougie reached over and picked up the mobile that he’d desperately hoped would ring for the past couple of hours-though, logically, it would make more sense for him to call Danny-and dialed the all too familiar number of his other next door neighbour.
“What’d you do this time, Doug?”
“Why do you always assume that I did something wrong whenever I call?” he pouted, even though Tom couldn’t see him.
“Let’s face it: when don’t do you need some advice on what to do whenever you call me?” Tom pointed out, “Plus, I saw Danny leave your house earlier and he didn’t look too happy. It was only a matter of time before you phoned.”
Dougie rolled his eyes, not finding Tom’s joke the least bit amusing, and fell back into the cushions of the couch with a sigh, “I think I really screwed up.”
“You say that every time and it’s never really that bad. Come on, mate. What happened?”
So, Dougie began to reiterate the story of what had happened, hesitating only a little when he got to ‘The Moment’. It had never been spoken of, the sexuality of the boys, but all four seemed to just have a sense of each other’s preferences. It was just understood that Danny and Dougie were a bit of swingers, and that Tom was devoted to Giovanni and would probably never love anyone else ever again, and that Harry was the biggest womanizer on the planet, so Tom didn’t even seem fazed when Dougie said that Danny kissed him. It was what came after that surprised the blonde.
“He’s in love with you?!” Tom exclaimed. Dougie could picture his older friend jumping out of the seat that he was in and pacing the room anxiously; “He’s in love with you and you told him you were confused after you kissed him?!”
The only response Dougie gave was a soft sigh.
“Doug...” Tom groaned, “Doug, you really are an idiot!”
“Hey!”
“You’re not supposed to do that. And even if you are confused, you have to break it to him a little bit nicer than just bluntly blurting out that you’re... confused!”
It was Dougie’s turn to groan, “Well, why didn’t someone tell me this before it happened?!”
“Well who would’ve thought that this would’ve happened?!”
“What do I do?” Dougie curled up, just wanting to disappear. This call to Tom was supposed to help, but it was only making him feel worse.
It was silent on the other end and Dougie began to get nervous. He started to panic. There was no way to fix this, was there? He’d lost Danny forever, hadn’t he? He just had to open up his big mouth and say those stupid words, especially when he knew he wasn’t all that confused. Why was he so stupid? He knew he should’ve listened to Tom the first time when he was told to watch his mouth. But, of course, he hadn’t, and now he’d gone and lost his best friend of all time! There had to be a way to reverse this.
“... Dougie?! Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?!”
Oh... Tom had been speaking...
“Umm... sorry, mate.”
“Look, Doug. This is only to help you. Do you want my help or not?” Tom demanded, raising an eyebrow.
Dougie didn’t answer him. Instead, he asked, “Tom, do you think I should watch my mouth more?”
“Yeah.” There was a snort at the other end, “If anything, you need to watch your mouth more.”
“I know.” Dougie sighed miserably, “Do you think Danny’s going to quit the band?”
“Dougie... what the hell are you talking about?”
Dougie sighed overdramatically-and Tom told him he should listen when he didn’t listen to Dougie at all. “Danny. You know, how I was a bit of an arse to him? Do you think he’ll leave?”
“Doug... I’m pretty sure that he won’t leave because of this.”
“But I’ve gone and lost him!”
“... He’s right next door.”
“Tom!” Dougie exclaimed impatiently, jumping to his feet and pacing back and forth. He couldn’t deal with this. It was ridiculous. Tom was absolutely no help. “Listen, I’m going to fix this.” He said boldly, although he had no idea how he was going to do that yet. “Bye, Tom.”
Without waiting for the other boy to respond, Dougie hung up his mobile and paced some more, walking back and forth, debating in his head what to say when he called Danny. Yes, called, he’d decided. He wouldn’t say what he wanted to say if he was not on the phone. But what exactly was he going to say? Dougie groaned, dropping onto the couch; all this walking around in circles and thinking in circles was doing nothing for his growing headache.
Did he love Danny? Well, yes. Of course he loved Danny. But did he love Danny the way Danny loved him? Now that was the real question. How was Dougie supposed to be able to measure that kind of thing? He was only nineteen for Christ sake. He’d never known what it was to be in love. Wasn’t that the kind of thing that meant forever? Dougie shuddered. Forever... with one person? Although, forever with Danny didn’t really sound quite as scary as forever with his ex-girlfriend. Now, that was a nightmare not to be wished upon anybody. Maybe he was just thinking too hard about things. Just because they were in love, it didn’t mean forever. He’d heard somewhere that it was possible to be in love more than once in your life. Well, that meant you couldn’t be going around spending forever with more than one person. Unless you were a Mormon, Dougie supposed, but he had seen plenty of people in love more than once and they were certainly not Mormon.
“Oh, what the hell.” Dougie murmured, picking up his phone and letting it ring, hoping that the boy on the other end would pick up.
“Hello?” a soft voice came at the other end, and Dougie felt his heart rate picking up. What was he supposed to say? He’d totally forgotten about that part of it; he forgot that he’d actually have to talk! Well, he was the master of blurting things out, wasn’t he? But no. He couldn’t. He could not ruin something that could be an actual something.
“Doug?”
Dougie bit down on his lip. Goddamn caller ID. Before he could even think about it, he blurted out, “I love you.”