On shyness

[lirion]

Been meaning to post about this for awhile now:

From a post by drjon:

"If someone who appears to you to be outgoing, tells you that they are shy, believe them. What you are seeing is their performance face, their coping mechanisms. It may come over as arrogance, be expressed as sarcasm, be over ebullient, or talking too much. It may exhaust them so

Comments

[lirion]

Thought you might.
It certainly rings true for me.

The bashful quiz result on stalkbook reminded me I'd been meaning to share this.

[usekh]

Me to a tee

[travisjhall]

It is actually quite common for introverts to be mistaken for extroverts. Being introverted means having to develop techniques to cope with people, and some people learn to do this very well. So, sometimes people skills are the result of introversion, not extroversion.

I've been told many times that I'm an extrovert, which is very far from the truth.

[umbra_mentis]

So very, very true - I'm extremely shy and the thought of meeting new people makes me a nervous wreck. However I have pretty good social skills (even if I do say so myself :) and they only exist because I knew I had to deal with the rest of the world somehow. Most of my social ability comes from working in retail and customer service industries where I *had* to at least appear friendly and welcoming. Most people would laugh to hear me say I'm an introvert but that's only because they can't see me holding my fears in check.

[sandypawozbun]

Agreed. The amount of times people say to me something like, 'You're an interovert!?!? No way. You're so outgoing.

Yes, I am outgoing when I need to. I had to learn to be outgoing so kids didn't spit and bbq me in the playground. It was a learned behaviour, and is certainly not natural.

Although I seem to have no trouble talking to a complete stranger on the internet. :/ Hi!

[lirion]

Also, for me introversion is a lot about valuing my time alone - I recharge by having solitary time. This doens't mean I can't function around people, but it's not where I source my people energy from.

And if I've been doing a lot of social stuff I start to not function as well until I take a break from folk.

[emilyjane]

Oh hells yes. The worst part of my shyness, I think, is that it translates sometimes as a kind of stern aloofness. Which isn't at all what I want to convey, it's just me trying to keep together and not say/do something foolish. Then I get to know someone properly, and feel free to be as foolish as I wish. The mind is its own place... ;)

[persephone_20]

*snuggles*

[lirion]

Yeppers. I hear you :)

[penguin2]

My husband is like that. Or was; eight years around me has cured him of much of his inner shyness, not least because he lives with a superior being who makes a point of cherishing him and praising him :-) People are often surprised because he's outgoing, personable and good at people-management (and cat-herding), but those are all coping strategies he taught himself.

I wear public masks (of course I do - forty years as an entertainer, duh), but they aren't for protecting myself from the world, they're for keeping myself apart from all but those who pass the Good Enough for My Gang audition. No surprise there, what with the sociopathy and the INTJ an' a' tha'...