About watching the moon - and drabbles

[lissas_elves]

Ithil (200 words)

As dusk greyed to evening, he peered out under the foliage of a mallorn under which he had taken cover from the drizzle. On the darkening skies, a glowing ball crept upwards, half-hidden behind the tall trees.

The silvery haze lent a hypnotic quality to the red moon: it seemed to grow as he watched. Finally he blinked and Ithil

Comments

[lethe_lloyd]

They're both beautiful, I love the " misty " moon and the imagery of her being hunted by spears of holly and sheltered by the oak tree, that is astoundingly lovely. * Claps * A lot of people cannot capture that oneness the Elves feel with all Arda, but you have there, brilliantly.

I find drabbles impossible, because I like long, lol. But these sort of ones are magical.

[lissas_elves]

Thank you, lethe - I'm so glad you like it!

I just wish you could have seen that moon - it was so beautiful I just stood there, gaping, wishing I could somehow imprint the sight in my memory. But all I could do was write an inadequate rendition of it. However, the memory does come back when I read it so it wasn't completely wasted. :-)

As to drabbles, I just can't do it - like you, I like words too much. *g*

But Gwynnyd is really good at it, although with this one, she was confined by my words. It really gave me much more insight in what drabbles are, or can be.

[lethe_lloyd]

I wish I could have seen that moon too, of course street lights are a problem, but yes, the feeling of it's magic comes across beautifully!

[lissas_elves]

lol - yes, street lights would be a problem!

I live in a village, and the last streetlamp is right at my driveway (very convenient). Fortunately, the moon rises to the other side.

[inzilbeth_liz]

You have a real way of capturing these moments lissa. And although Gwynnyd's is absolutely beautiful too, she was, as you say, limited to just your words. In my book, that makes it a whole lot easier than pulling them out of the however many words there are in the English language to start with!

[lissas_elves]

Thank you, Inzilbeth! It's very kind of you to say so.

As to the drabble being limited by my words, I think it works both ways: if Gwynnyd could have used all the words of the English language, she might have come up with something much more beautiful. ;-)

[heartofoshun]

They are both absolutely gorgeous. I am too predictable that I like the first one better. The second is lovely in construction and spare, but the first, for me, is still very short, but contains much more emotional intensity. Less is not always more

[lissas_elves]

Oshun, I'm so glad you think it 'freezes the moment' - that's what I wished to do (however, I'm not at all happy with the second-to-last paragraph, the wording is clumsy).

You're right in that you use many words, but I really enjoy that; too many stories end too fast! And I quite agree that there are seldom many superfluous words in your stories: every word contributes to convey the atmosphere or background.

As to writing such little pieces into full scenes: Usually, I'm able to do that, but not with this one. It refused to grow. ;-)

However, coming back to it now I think that nothing 'noteworthy' would have happened on the borders for a time - maybe weeks, but to an Elf that would hardly seem long - and that he experienced nothing while keeping watch these long nigths, except feeling the wind and watching the moon, following owls' flight and listening to nocturnal animals seeking food; most border watches would have been that way.

Hmmm .... it may still find its way into my story sometime.

[heartofoshun]

One last point. The moon was red--wow! I've never seen a red moon and the illusion that the moon was not just rising but moving closer made me catch my breath. Both things that made the experience unique for me in the first draft were removed to make it fit 100 words? Then 100 words were not enough. There I go again with all my flags and banners of prejudice about writing flapping in the wind.

[lissas_elves]

lol - well, I suppose you've got a point about having to cut out some aspects.

Btw, I don't know if 'red' is the exact right word; the colour is more of a very deep orange, although that word is not very suitable. Suggestions? The moving closer thing was funny: when I stared at it long enough, it did seem to grow, as if I was getting closer to it. Hypnotic feeling.

It's strange how the moon can have that colour when it rises and also look so huge, while some hours later in the sky, it's got the usual colour and size. Apparantly it's something to do with the atmosphere and wavelengths and stuff that doesn't really interest me enough to remember.

To get to your point: I don't think I'll ever write drabbles since I'm just too 'wordy', but I do find it an interesting exercise in determining the key points in a text.

[morethmusing]

It reminds me so much of watching a harvest moonrise, I can smell the mist! It's wonderful. The colour, the size, the fog (*I'll just squee incoherently...*)

I too prefer the first, partly because of the colour of the moon (which is missing from the second) and also because of the stunned reaction of the protagonist.

It must have been an amzing sight! Thanks for sharing :D

(Holly branches across the moon... Hmmmm. *Goes to off to fetch camera gear*)

[lissas_elves]

lol - I'm so glad you can feel it, moreth!

The moon can be an amazing sight; I watched this on my way to bed, standing outside in my night-tee, and found it very hard to go back inside.

But I suspect only an elf would be able to appreciate the sight properly.

As to getting the camera ready, I think you'll have to wait a couple of weeks before the moon is full again. :-)