fighting dragons with you.
so, a Taylor Swift song made my cry a few days ago.
this wouldn't surprise anyone who has ever met me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, pinned to my blouse or tucked in my hair, perched behind my ear like a flower. I'm proud of my tender heart and the amount of love it allows me to give and I no longer show any concern for how vulnerable it leaves me. mostly. usually, I can't even bring myself to mind how much trouble it gets me in.
except sometimes I'll hear a song or read a poem and it will unlock a puzzle in me. hidden pieces will slide into place once again and I'll realize just how much it hurts to think about the amazing people in my life just waking up one day to think "oh, rachel, we've grown tired of trying to keep up with you" and then I'll be left with nothing but that heart, pounding out a rhythm with no one to follow it.
and sometimes I'll think about nic and his patience, and all that he puts up with from me and his big dreams that won't fit in my small world. he is the very best thing, and I don't know how to rationalize a life without him. I think of raising my kids with uncle nic spoiling them rotten because they stay with him during the summer and he takes them to the movies and buys them all the things that I refuse to. we're wound into each other's lives; there is a red string that connects our hearts.
tonight I went to his house after work and danced to michael jackson with his mom, fed macaroni and cheese to his niece and curled up on the couch with him, muttering inside jokes as his family went on around us. it felt real and safe and sometimes I just need to find my light and wind around it, pull the beauty out from where I keep it hidden and pin it to my sleeve.
this wouldn't surprise anyone who has ever met me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, pinned to my blouse or tucked in my hair, perched behind my ear like a flower. I'm proud of my tender heart and the amount of love it allows me to give and I no longer show any concern for how vulnerable it leaves me. mostly. usually, I can't even bring myself to mind how much trouble it gets me in.
except sometimes I'll hear a song or read a poem and it will unlock a puzzle in me. hidden pieces will slide into place once again and I'll realize just how much it hurts to think about the amazing people in my life just waking up one day to think "oh, rachel, we've grown tired of trying to keep up with you" and then I'll be left with nothing but that heart, pounding out a rhythm with no one to follow it.
and sometimes I'll think about nic and his patience, and all that he puts up with from me and his big dreams that won't fit in my small world. he is the very best thing, and I don't know how to rationalize a life without him. I think of raising my kids with uncle nic spoiling them rotten because they stay with him during the summer and he takes them to the movies and buys them all the things that I refuse to. we're wound into each other's lives; there is a red string that connects our hearts.
tonight I went to his house after work and danced to michael jackson with his mom, fed macaroni and cheese to his niece and curled up on the couch with him, muttering inside jokes as his family went on around us. it felt real and safe and sometimes I just need to find my light and wind around it, pull the beauty out from where I keep it hidden and pin it to my sleeve.