Anecdote
There is a story of a woman which has been very much on my mind of late. Most of my friends are men, I just have the scattered few female friends. This particular friend is The Woman I Love Most in the World (Friend) and she is a former college roommate.
We used to trade anecdotes on our sexual shenanigans with a particular emphasis on cold-bloodedness. We made dirty limericks for each other.
Time passes and we become adults. She ventures into the realms of Christianity while I continue to wallow in atheism. She comes to visit me one fateful weekend when a guy friend is also in town. There are four of us: me and Friend, two guy friends. We have a really good time.
So at the end of a night the four of us are all crashing in my studio apt but as soon as the lights are out, Friend scoots over to Guy Friend and initiates some petting. She related to me later that GF asked specifically "you just want to cuddle, don't you?" and she assented that yes, that's what she wanted.
However, GF proceeded to go for the win and she didn't stop him.
(It's one of the things that makes me sad about male/female relations that women will often submit to sex when they want to be close to a man.)
I woke the next morning to find both male friends gone and plans to go to breakfast together were cancelled. (I didn't know yet that sex had taken place.)
It's a generic enough tale but then it goes off the rails. She finds out later that she is pregnant. Due to her new-found religious beliefs, she cannot countenance having an abortion so she looks into open adoption. She is searching for the right parents for her child but then she has a miscarriage. Problem solved but the hurt just goes deeper. She is still bleeding from the miscarriage when she tells her mom and mom's main focus is the 'problem solved' angle.
Male friend has no idea to this day that anything happened.
It's such a horrible chain of events. She slept around and got HPV which led to cervical cancer which led to an operation to cut off the tip of her cervix which led to a miscarriage.
She has never cried foul on anyone but herself. She knows that she took risks and lost. It's not about blaming the guy friend but if he had just left well enough alone so much pain could have been averted.
I love guy friend, I really do. He's great. But I can't look at him, living his life in blissful ignorance and not see the cost to her.
Is it her own fault that this chain of events ocurred? Yes. Is the man the villain? No. But it's still hard for me to disregard the harm that was done because he decided to go for it and she sadly submitted. It's the price that must be paid for a woman who just wants to be held.
Her first abortion was in high school. Her boyfriend liked her fine but he wasn't going to form his life plan around her. He held her hand while Phil Collins sang and she wanted to believe she could be loved by him so much that she believed it. Her second abortion was in college. Her boyfriend found them a ride 4 hours to the nearest abortion clinic and argued with the driver over where they should go for lunch and how much compensatory gas money was in order. Once she was home, bleeding still, to the dorm, her boyfriend insisted that she accompany him on a social call on the guy who would be his next year's roommate and his girl (me.)
I didn't know it then but I was first formally introduced to her on the day she aborted 2ndBF's child. On their first anniversary he gave her a pair of diamond earrings for which he paid $400. After they broke up I went with her to the jewelry store at the mall to find out they were cubic zirconia worth about $12.95. Because that's what she was really worth to him--$12.95 and a little lie to keep her happy--to convince her that this was more than just a steady lay.
Now she gets her love from God. Men are out of the picture. I'm sad for her but I can't deny that it is less risky to give your love to God than men.
None of the men mentioned here are evil. They are just normal guys.
We used to trade anecdotes on our sexual shenanigans with a particular emphasis on cold-bloodedness. We made dirty limericks for each other.
Time passes and we become adults. She ventures into the realms of Christianity while I continue to wallow in atheism. She comes to visit me one fateful weekend when a guy friend is also in town. There are four of us: me and Friend, two guy friends. We have a really good time.
So at the end of a night the four of us are all crashing in my studio apt but as soon as the lights are out, Friend scoots over to Guy Friend and initiates some petting. She related to me later that GF asked specifically "you just want to cuddle, don't you?" and she assented that yes, that's what she wanted.
However, GF proceeded to go for the win and she didn't stop him.
(It's one of the things that makes me sad about male/female relations that women will often submit to sex when they want to be close to a man.)
I woke the next morning to find both male friends gone and plans to go to breakfast together were cancelled. (I didn't know yet that sex had taken place.)
It's a generic enough tale but then it goes off the rails. She finds out later that she is pregnant. Due to her new-found religious beliefs, she cannot countenance having an abortion so she looks into open adoption. She is searching for the right parents for her child but then she has a miscarriage. Problem solved but the hurt just goes deeper. She is still bleeding from the miscarriage when she tells her mom and mom's main focus is the 'problem solved' angle.
Male friend has no idea to this day that anything happened.
It's such a horrible chain of events. She slept around and got HPV which led to cervical cancer which led to an operation to cut off the tip of her cervix which led to a miscarriage.
She has never cried foul on anyone but herself. She knows that she took risks and lost. It's not about blaming the guy friend but if he had just left well enough alone so much pain could have been averted.
I love guy friend, I really do. He's great. But I can't look at him, living his life in blissful ignorance and not see the cost to her.
Is it her own fault that this chain of events ocurred? Yes. Is the man the villain? No. But it's still hard for me to disregard the harm that was done because he decided to go for it and she sadly submitted. It's the price that must be paid for a woman who just wants to be held.
Her first abortion was in high school. Her boyfriend liked her fine but he wasn't going to form his life plan around her. He held her hand while Phil Collins sang and she wanted to believe she could be loved by him so much that she believed it. Her second abortion was in college. Her boyfriend found them a ride 4 hours to the nearest abortion clinic and argued with the driver over where they should go for lunch and how much compensatory gas money was in order. Once she was home, bleeding still, to the dorm, her boyfriend insisted that she accompany him on a social call on the guy who would be his next year's roommate and his girl (me.)
I didn't know it then but I was first formally introduced to her on the day she aborted 2ndBF's child. On their first anniversary he gave her a pair of diamond earrings for which he paid $400. After they broke up I went with her to the jewelry store at the mall to find out they were cubic zirconia worth about $12.95. Because that's what she was really worth to him--$12.95 and a little lie to keep her happy--to convince her that this was more than just a steady lay.
Now she gets her love from God. Men are out of the picture. I'm sad for her but I can't deny that it is less risky to give your love to God than men.
None of the men mentioned here are evil. They are just normal guys.