Merlin's saggy left-
My stay with crumbcake was super fantabulous just as I expected it to be. She’s pretty much my favorite person despite her tendency to cruelly mock me, refuse to go to the movies (holy god though you were so right about not going to see Transformers. Soooooo bad), force me to go on longass walks when it’s HOT as hell out, and pick her comics up days ( days!) after they come out. We visited this really creepy plantation (Oh noes! I gave away the general region where she lives! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!!), went for scenic drives, played volleyball (well she played volleyball but I watched so that counts for something), took about a million naps a day (alright that was all me), bitched a lot about the heat (fine, fine me again), and talked ceaselessly about Jaime, Tim, Jay, Bruce, and Dick. You guys will never hear it because she is 1) lame and lazy so she never does fandom shit anymore, 2) a paranoid freak, and 3) MINE so I wouldn’t let you hear it even if she wanted you to - but man you haven’t lived until you’ve heard her Tim voice. It’s the kind of hilarity descriptions can never do justice. GOD. Making my day thinking about it.
Anyways, I see all of your caring faces and I’ll be reigning in my weird possessive crumbcake boasting (Everyone should have a crumbcake to talk Tim to them, listen to their family drama, and write them Jaime/Tim ficlets while they nap. EVERYONE ♥ ♥) in 3, 2, 1. I’ll be reigning in my wish to have never left in 3, 2, Not Anytime Soon.
I spent a day at home doing laundry and repacking and then off again. This time driving with my family down to California to stay with my grandparents for a week. Highlights included: Sharing looks and squeezing hands with my sister Gill while my mom goes around curves at 90 miles an hour and our lives flash before our eyes, spending the day with my sister Bill who met us from San Francisco, seeing my mom in a better mood and more relaxed than I have in months and months, all the secret planning and whispers it took to sneak my brother and sister off with me to watch Order of the Phoenix (Lying about Harry Potter together? True bonding!), engaging in pointless and infuriating yet fun arguments (Did Transformers Suck Hairy, Huge Nuts? Are Comics Better And Always Will Be Than Video Games?) with my brother and cousin.
The plan now is for me to stay here while my grandma undergoes radiation treatment for breast cancer. To help out as much as I can for the 30 something day duration. And so here I am and here I’ll be until the first week of September. Gill, Henry, and my mom left a week ago. I’m starting to feel a little homesick and I don’t have much internet time but it’s all good. It’s pretty and calming here with all of the vineyards, oak trees, and small town feeling. crumbcake, hackthis, and ethrosdemon are all beyond awesome and have gone out of their way to keep me in good spirits. I’ve been eating lots of Mexican food and listening to my grandma’s fascinating stories about when she was a little girl in Mexico, the crazy man that tried to steal her sister’s house, the way her father used to talk to her mother’s ghost, and all the various jobs she’s had over the years. I have lots of time to read the comics that have piled up. In addition to the new stuff (Who has read last week's Robin #164? Tim is GAY and Bruce and Tim are MARRIED), have now gone through the first three Gotham Central trades (and what a fucking awesome Bat book it is), the entire recent Green Arrow from Quiver till now (Arrows = YAAAAAAYE), and a couple random Kyle related Green Lantern books (HOTASS thy name is Kyle). Have also been reading this little book you may have heard of. You know the one with that kid - Harry Potter.
My first reactions to Deathly Hallows:
My feelings are likely to change once I’ve had a chance let it settle, re-read, and talk it out with people/read their thoughts but these are the things that hit me as I was reading. Completely disorganized of course.
- I was extremely sulky about missing the chance to go at midnight with my friend for the last time but I got over most of it when it finally came in the mail in its ATTENTION MUGGLES amazon.com box. I spent ten minutes just looking at the box and then a half an hour just holding and petting the book before I read a word. I made myself take long breaks while reading to try and spread it out. It was agonizing and no matter what I did during those breaks I couldn’t keep still or stop itching to read it. I wish I had tortured myself and dragged it out even longer. I’m heartbroken that it’s over.
What’s worse than it actually being over, is the way it feels over. HP fandom has been losing interest for me for over a year now but when I shut the cover after finishing, I felt like I was shutting the cover on that fandom part of me too. I’m sure I’ll still read fic and poke around HP things once in a while. I mean certain people write it and I can not pretend that I won’t be there in a heartbeat.
But. It just feels gone. It shouldn’t be a big deal and there’s definitely no excuse for the way I blasted the sad parts of the POA score while going through all of the HP art saved on my computer while I cried. Or the way when I was through with that, I watched the Boy Was a Puppet vid (Which now I can not find the effing link to so if someone knows what I'm talking about - please share?) ten times in a row and cried some more. We’ll all pretend that never happened.
I still talk to all of my favorite HP people so it’s not like I’ve lost them. hackthis, ethrosdemon, kattiya, crumbcake, issyadore, cursescar - um we’ll cut this short because 99% of everybody I interact with on lj I found through HP.
And I have new loves so it’s not like I’ve lost my fannish oomph.
But. My first fandom.
My every free waking thought for years.
What led me one way or another to everything I’ve loved fannishly since.
DRACO.
No fandom or fannish thing will ever be quite like it for me. HP fandom is special.
*IS PATHETIC*
*CRIES, MOURNS, CLUTCHES MY COPY OF THE BOOK*
Okay I really should get on with talking about the book instead of blubbering.
- Dudley’s comment about Harry not being a waste of space had me crying and laughing so hard my face hurt. He left tea for him! Oh my fucking heart. Then Harry calling him Big D. Again. MY FUCKING HEART. If I had to pick one moment to be my favorite - this would be it.
- Hedwig. Her death made me more upset than Fred, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Lupin’s put together.
- Speaking of Lupin WTF? This Lupin was not the Lupin of POA that I know and love. Tonks completely ruined him or what? Harry yelling at him was sort of brattish but mostly hotass. Most of what Harry did this book was hotass.
Other examples of stomach squirming Harry hotassery:
- Treating his ‘I must not tell lies’ scar like a war wound and his habit of flashing it in people’s faces when they piss him off.
- Casting Crucio because Carrow spat on McGonagall!! Hot damn.
- Only being able to tolerate Umbridge’s awfulness in the ministry for so long before knocking her flat on her ass and rescuing all of the muggle borns while he’s at it.
- The entire last confrontation with Voldemort. Calling him Riddle, telling him what’s what. Harry’s got balls.
- Everything he did really. Yes, I do have a little girl crush on him and yes, I’ve had it since I first picked these books up. If you don’t have a little girl crush on him 1) um WHAT?! WHY NOT? And 2) I PITY YOU.
- That entire chapter where he’s going to meet Voldemort and let him kill him - I was a wreck. It was worse than when I was reading Lord of the Rings and Sam found Frodo again after he thought he was dead. It was worse than that part in that Roman book I read over and over when I was a teenager and the Christian girl, Hadassah, walked out into the arena and was mauled by lions. It was so much worse. Not only were there tears pouring out of my eyes but there were noises. Hiccupping sobs. I literally cried till my stomach hurt. It was awful. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to read it again. Part of it might have been crap in my rl coming to the surface but I don’t know. I think that I just love Harry that much.
- Luna knew it was Harry even when he was polyjuiced from his expression! Awww. She was unbelievably rad every single time she showed up. I absolutely adored getting to see her father and her house.
- FUCK HARRY/GINNY. No, seriously. You can tell me it’s because I’m a woman hater and that I’m just in love with Harry so am jealous or whatever you want but FUCK HARRY/GINNY. I hate it so much I can’t even. Every one of their dumb moments was like an annoying pinch and that epilogue. That epilogue was putrid PUTRESCENCE with repugnance on top and lots of maggots on the side. I wish I hadn’t read it or could obliviate myself now. HATE!! I don’t want to know that Harry went off and married stupid Lily replacement Ginny and became a Weasley and had a bunch of Ginny kids and became boring. UGHHHH. HATE. SO. MUCH. I SPIT AND SHAKE THINKING ABOUT IT.
The only tolerable things about that epilogue are that Draco named his kid Scorpius which had me belly laughing, and that Neville is the Herbology professor. Because Neville ♥
Oh and picturing Snape’s face if he ever found out in the after life that Harry named his kid Albus Severus is priceless.
Otherwise I choose to pretend that epilogue DOES NOT EXIST.
- Back to Neville!! I’m beyond happy that he got his moments to shine. And his gran. God damn but his gran rules. She was like A.J. Hall’s gran. (Hey isilweth if you're reading this remember how I said I would give you HP recs? Well I still will but for now mark Lust Over Pendle down. It's the most brilliant piece of fanfic I've ever read.) In canon!
- I loved that we got to see people we hadn’t seen in a while like Krum! And Umbridge.
- Percy!!!!!! I was a little ticked that his family didn’t apologize to him at all but he was back. And making jokes! Percy, Percy, Percy.
- Ravenclaw’s password is a question. PERFECT.
- Draco. He’s alive. Alive with Goyle to boot.
Not only did he live but his existence had a lot of impact on Harry - HARRY HAD HIS WAND. I screamed like the most ridiculous shipper at that and immediately had to text message everybody whose number I had.
I love Narcissa and Lucius and how we found out that Lucius does actually love Draco.
I hated that it looks like Crabbe and Goyle were purely his goons and not his friends. I also hated that he stayed at Hogwarts during the battle to try and kidnap Harry. It was pointless to hope I suppose, but man. I wanted him to do one good thing consciously to help Harry before the series was over. Help anybody besides himself.
He lived though. That will always make me happy.
- The Slytherins. Not one of the kids turned out to be ‘decent’. That. Pisses. Me. Off.
A. Lot.
Sure, Snape was good and Slughorn stayed and blah blah Harry told his kid it wouldn’t be so bad to be in Slytherin but WTF EVER. *BARES TEETH AND SNARLS*
- Snape. I wish he had gotten a bit more of a moment with Harry there at the end but otherwise I am very HAPPY with the way things turned out with him. Other than him being dead of course. Him being dead is the SUCK. Besides Harry, he’s definitely the greatest character in the series. And Harry is only better because I am biased.
- Wee Petunia!! Yesss. The way she wrote a letter to Hogwarts. So, so perfect.
- Dumbledore was lame to me this book. Too much crying there at the end and the way he treated both Harry and Snape pisses me off. Although, I did love everything we found out about his past. Good stuff.
- Ron’s ‘Merlin’s saggy left-‘ and ‘effing’.
- That line about Harry, Snape, and Voldemort being the lost boys of Hogwarts or whatever it was it said. YES.
- The moment Hermione and Ron kissed and Harry’s ‘OI!’ ♥ ♥ ♥
- Just the Trio. But most especially HARRY.
I’m off to cry some more, slowly answer my emails, and read everybody else's reactions.
P.S. Draco’s alive!!!!
Anyways, I see all of your caring faces and I’ll be reigning in my weird possessive crumbcake boasting (Everyone should have a crumbcake to talk Tim to them, listen to their family drama, and write them Jaime/Tim ficlets while they nap. EVERYONE ♥ ♥) in 3, 2, 1. I’ll be reigning in my wish to have never left in 3, 2, Not Anytime Soon.
I spent a day at home doing laundry and repacking and then off again. This time driving with my family down to California to stay with my grandparents for a week. Highlights included: Sharing looks and squeezing hands with my sister Gill while my mom goes around curves at 90 miles an hour and our lives flash before our eyes, spending the day with my sister Bill who met us from San Francisco, seeing my mom in a better mood and more relaxed than I have in months and months, all the secret planning and whispers it took to sneak my brother and sister off with me to watch Order of the Phoenix (Lying about Harry Potter together? True bonding!), engaging in pointless and infuriating yet fun arguments (Did Transformers Suck Hairy, Huge Nuts? Are Comics Better And Always Will Be Than Video Games?) with my brother and cousin.
The plan now is for me to stay here while my grandma undergoes radiation treatment for breast cancer. To help out as much as I can for the 30 something day duration. And so here I am and here I’ll be until the first week of September. Gill, Henry, and my mom left a week ago. I’m starting to feel a little homesick and I don’t have much internet time but it’s all good. It’s pretty and calming here with all of the vineyards, oak trees, and small town feeling. crumbcake, hackthis, and ethrosdemon are all beyond awesome and have gone out of their way to keep me in good spirits. I’ve been eating lots of Mexican food and listening to my grandma’s fascinating stories about when she was a little girl in Mexico, the crazy man that tried to steal her sister’s house, the way her father used to talk to her mother’s ghost, and all the various jobs she’s had over the years. I have lots of time to read the comics that have piled up. In addition to the new stuff (Who has read last week's Robin #164? Tim is GAY and Bruce and Tim are MARRIED), have now gone through the first three Gotham Central trades (and what a fucking awesome Bat book it is), the entire recent Green Arrow from Quiver till now (Arrows = YAAAAAAYE), and a couple random Kyle related Green Lantern books (HOTASS thy name is Kyle). Have also been reading this little book you may have heard of. You know the one with that kid - Harry Potter.
My first reactions to Deathly Hallows:
My feelings are likely to change once I’ve had a chance let it settle, re-read, and talk it out with people/read their thoughts but these are the things that hit me as I was reading. Completely disorganized of course.
- I was extremely sulky about missing the chance to go at midnight with my friend for the last time but I got over most of it when it finally came in the mail in its ATTENTION MUGGLES amazon.com box. I spent ten minutes just looking at the box and then a half an hour just holding and petting the book before I read a word. I made myself take long breaks while reading to try and spread it out. It was agonizing and no matter what I did during those breaks I couldn’t keep still or stop itching to read it. I wish I had tortured myself and dragged it out even longer. I’m heartbroken that it’s over.
What’s worse than it actually being over, is the way it feels over. HP fandom has been losing interest for me for over a year now but when I shut the cover after finishing, I felt like I was shutting the cover on that fandom part of me too. I’m sure I’ll still read fic and poke around HP things once in a while. I mean certain people write it and I can not pretend that I won’t be there in a heartbeat.
But. It just feels gone. It shouldn’t be a big deal and there’s definitely no excuse for the way I blasted the sad parts of the POA score while going through all of the HP art saved on my computer while I cried. Or the way when I was through with that, I watched the Boy Was a Puppet vid (Which now I can not find the effing link to so if someone knows what I'm talking about - please share?) ten times in a row and cried some more. We’ll all pretend that never happened.
I still talk to all of my favorite HP people so it’s not like I’ve lost them. hackthis, ethrosdemon, kattiya, crumbcake, issyadore, cursescar - um we’ll cut this short because 99% of everybody I interact with on lj I found through HP.
And I have new loves so it’s not like I’ve lost my fannish oomph.
But. My first fandom.
My every free waking thought for years.
What led me one way or another to everything I’ve loved fannishly since.
DRACO.
No fandom or fannish thing will ever be quite like it for me. HP fandom is special.
*IS PATHETIC*
*CRIES, MOURNS, CLUTCHES MY COPY OF THE BOOK*
Okay I really should get on with talking about the book instead of blubbering.
- Dudley’s comment about Harry not being a waste of space had me crying and laughing so hard my face hurt. He left tea for him! Oh my fucking heart. Then Harry calling him Big D. Again. MY FUCKING HEART. If I had to pick one moment to be my favorite - this would be it.
- Hedwig. Her death made me more upset than Fred, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Lupin’s put together.
- Speaking of Lupin WTF? This Lupin was not the Lupin of POA that I know and love. Tonks completely ruined him or what? Harry yelling at him was sort of brattish but mostly hotass. Most of what Harry did this book was hotass.
Other examples of stomach squirming Harry hotassery:
- Treating his ‘I must not tell lies’ scar like a war wound and his habit of flashing it in people’s faces when they piss him off.
- Casting Crucio because Carrow spat on McGonagall!! Hot damn.
- Only being able to tolerate Umbridge’s awfulness in the ministry for so long before knocking her flat on her ass and rescuing all of the muggle borns while he’s at it.
- The entire last confrontation with Voldemort. Calling him Riddle, telling him what’s what. Harry’s got balls.
- Everything he did really. Yes, I do have a little girl crush on him and yes, I’ve had it since I first picked these books up. If you don’t have a little girl crush on him 1) um WHAT?! WHY NOT? And 2) I PITY YOU.
- That entire chapter where he’s going to meet Voldemort and let him kill him - I was a wreck. It was worse than when I was reading Lord of the Rings and Sam found Frodo again after he thought he was dead. It was worse than that part in that Roman book I read over and over when I was a teenager and the Christian girl, Hadassah, walked out into the arena and was mauled by lions. It was so much worse. Not only were there tears pouring out of my eyes but there were noises. Hiccupping sobs. I literally cried till my stomach hurt. It was awful. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to read it again. Part of it might have been crap in my rl coming to the surface but I don’t know. I think that I just love Harry that much.
- Luna knew it was Harry even when he was polyjuiced from his expression! Awww. She was unbelievably rad every single time she showed up. I absolutely adored getting to see her father and her house.
- FUCK HARRY/GINNY. No, seriously. You can tell me it’s because I’m a woman hater and that I’m just in love with Harry so am jealous or whatever you want but FUCK HARRY/GINNY. I hate it so much I can’t even. Every one of their dumb moments was like an annoying pinch and that epilogue. That epilogue was putrid PUTRESCENCE with repugnance on top and lots of maggots on the side. I wish I hadn’t read it or could obliviate myself now. HATE!! I don’t want to know that Harry went off and married stupid Lily replacement Ginny and became a Weasley and had a bunch of Ginny kids and became boring. UGHHHH. HATE. SO. MUCH. I SPIT AND SHAKE THINKING ABOUT IT.
The only tolerable things about that epilogue are that Draco named his kid Scorpius which had me belly laughing, and that Neville is the Herbology professor. Because Neville ♥
Oh and picturing Snape’s face if he ever found out in the after life that Harry named his kid Albus Severus is priceless.
Otherwise I choose to pretend that epilogue DOES NOT EXIST.
- Back to Neville!! I’m beyond happy that he got his moments to shine. And his gran. God damn but his gran rules. She was like A.J. Hall’s gran. (Hey isilweth if you're reading this remember how I said I would give you HP recs? Well I still will but for now mark Lust Over Pendle down. It's the most brilliant piece of fanfic I've ever read.) In canon!
- I loved that we got to see people we hadn’t seen in a while like Krum! And Umbridge.
- Percy!!!!!! I was a little ticked that his family didn’t apologize to him at all but he was back. And making jokes! Percy, Percy, Percy.
- Ravenclaw’s password is a question. PERFECT.
- Draco. He’s alive. Alive with Goyle to boot.
Not only did he live but his existence had a lot of impact on Harry - HARRY HAD HIS WAND. I screamed like the most ridiculous shipper at that and immediately had to text message everybody whose number I had.
I love Narcissa and Lucius and how we found out that Lucius does actually love Draco.
I hated that it looks like Crabbe and Goyle were purely his goons and not his friends. I also hated that he stayed at Hogwarts during the battle to try and kidnap Harry. It was pointless to hope I suppose, but man. I wanted him to do one good thing consciously to help Harry before the series was over. Help anybody besides himself.
He lived though. That will always make me happy.
- The Slytherins. Not one of the kids turned out to be ‘decent’. That. Pisses. Me. Off.
A. Lot.
Sure, Snape was good and Slughorn stayed and blah blah Harry told his kid it wouldn’t be so bad to be in Slytherin but WTF EVER. *BARES TEETH AND SNARLS*
- Snape. I wish he had gotten a bit more of a moment with Harry there at the end but otherwise I am very HAPPY with the way things turned out with him. Other than him being dead of course. Him being dead is the SUCK. Besides Harry, he’s definitely the greatest character in the series. And Harry is only better because I am biased.
- Wee Petunia!! Yesss. The way she wrote a letter to Hogwarts. So, so perfect.
- Dumbledore was lame to me this book. Too much crying there at the end and the way he treated both Harry and Snape pisses me off. Although, I did love everything we found out about his past. Good stuff.
- Ron’s ‘Merlin’s saggy left-‘ and ‘effing’.
- That line about Harry, Snape, and Voldemort being the lost boys of Hogwarts or whatever it was it said. YES.
- The moment Hermione and Ron kissed and Harry’s ‘OI!’ ♥ ♥ ♥
- Just the Trio. But most especially HARRY.
I’m off to cry some more, slowly answer my emails, and read everybody else's reactions.
P.S. Draco’s alive!!!!