Tonight
kyumin (girl!min), 2929 words
pg, angst/romance, highschool! au
What are two lovers meant to do once High School is over?
Been listening to Tonight by FM Static too much...
I remember the time we spent together on those drives
We had a million questions all about our lives
You were both 18, you remember clearly-you were both 18 and in your last year of High School. You had just gotten your first car, and you remember that you would always take Sungmin out whenever you could-you’d love seeing her riding shotgun next to you in the car, with the wind in her hair and her lips pulled back into a sweet, serene smile.
“Where are we gonna go from here, Kyu?” She would always ask, as the both of you lay on top of your car hood, the starry night sky stretching far and wide in front of the both of you-it was so wide and endless; always making you feel so tiny and insignificant.
“I don’t know,” you’d say, interlacing your fingers with hers, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. You remember that her future always bothered her-what with her pressurizing parents and a family reputation to live up to, it was hard for her not to care. “But I know you’ll make the right choices when the time is right, Min, don’t worry.”
And then she would sigh, take her hand back from your grasp, and wrap them around your waist, hugging herself closer to your body. “How can I not worry?” she would question, her lips so close to your neck that you could feel her hot breath. “We’re graduating this year, Kyu. What am I gonna do after that? I… need to think this through.”
You never knew what to do when she got all worried about her future, so you would snake your arms around her and hold her close, pressing your lips to her strawberry-smelling hair. And then you remembered telling her, “Just know that wherever you go, Min, I’ll be there. I promise.”
And then she’d whack you for being so incredibly cheesy, but the genuine smile on her face made you feel so incredibly contented that you barely noticed.
And when we got to New York, everything felt right
I wish you were here with me… tonight
“I’m moving to New York,” she told you right after graduation, and it caught you off guard, but you had been quick to respond.
“And I’m coming with you,” you had replied seriously, and she smiled so radiantly that you couldn’t help but to give her a peck on the lips.
“You don’t even know why I’m going there,” she had said, an amused expression on her face. Her eyes showed something else though, they showed slight sadness and a little hesitation.
“Okay,” you had laughed, pulling her down so that she would sit down beside you on the grassy fields of your High School, and then ventured on, “So why are you going to New York?”
“I’m going to help out with my dad’s company over there,” She explains, fingering with the grass nervously. “He’s opening a new branch over in New York.”
You took her hand and made her look you straight in the eyes. “You don’t really want to do that, do you?”
“No,” she had said as a resigned sigh escaped her lips. “But I’ve… I’ve got to do it-for my family.”
“You can’t just do that just because your parents tell you to do it!” You had retorted, getting really annoyed by then-it wasn’t fair at all that Sungmin’s parents were being so over domineering in her life. First they made her work like crazy, and then now they were deciding her future for her? It just wasn’t right. “Do you know how hard it’s gonna be to learn English? Stay here-become the star you’ve always wanted to be-”
“I’ve just got to,” she had snapped, and you knew then that you couldn’t do anything to change her mind.
So you just simply pull her back down and let her lie on your chest as both of you watched the ever shifting clouds up in the sky, just drifting slowly by, without a care in the world.
I remember the days we spent together were not enough
And it used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now, would hurt so much
You can’t really remember the first few months that you spent in New York very well, but you are sure that Sungmin and you had shared an apartment (and a room, even), and you start your first days at a University nearby, while Sungmin worked hard day and night at her dad’s company, calculating shares and signing contracts and all the complicated stuff that you never could make much sense of.
You took up courses on social sciences, and even though it was hard, you told yourself that you couldn’t give up, because you had worked so hard to get into the university you were at (i.e. excessive begging at your parents), and it would have been a waste for you to just let it all go.
Even though you didn’t study long hours, and always made the point to be back before 7 in the evening, you couldn’t say the same for Sungmin. She would work so late into the night, and when she came home she would be so tired that she would just collapse onto the bed, leaving you no time to ask her how her day had been-in fact, it left you no time to talk to her at all.
You gave up on cooking dinner for the both of you after a while, and savoured the time you had to spend with her during the weekends-it seemed to you that it was all the time you had left to spend with her already, and you weren’t sure what to do about it.
You could feel the gap between the both of you widening, and even though the both of you had still shared the same bed, it was hard not to notice how distant she had become-so caught up in work, so far away from you all the time.
You remember finding it frustrating that she had refused to open up to you anymore; it was hard not to get annoyed at her especially when she would sulk in her room about something and not tell you what the hell was wrong. She was your girlfriend, for crying out loud. Why was she hiding things from you?
And then one day, two years after you both moved to New York, she told you that she was moving back to Seoul the next day, which left you so angry that you left the apartment, slamming the door as you stormed off.
Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you; I can just look up and know
The stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight
You regretted what you did that day, just storming off on her like that, not hearing her out, just leaving her there, but you hadn’t returned to the apartment immediately because of 1) your pride, and 2) you were still angry at her for keeping so many secrets from you.
So you went out and drank some beer-personally you felt that wine would have been the better choice, but you only drank wine with Sungmin and you only drank wine for pleasure-this time, however, you wanted to drink and get drunk, so you turned to beer.
You gulped down can after can after can, not stopping and not getting distracted by anything or anyone at the bar-your sole objective had been to get rid of all thoughts of Sungmin from your already troubled mind…
You remember waking up just outside the door of your own house, and you are shocked-you couldn’t have had a one night stand with anyone, right? You must have passed out on the way home, you tell yourself, but you are not entirely sure of what happened that night-everything was fuzzy and unclear, and you’re quite sure you don’t want to know what exactly happened, either.
You had prepared to open the door, scoop Sungmin into a hug, tell her that you were sorry, and then end it all charismatically with a full kiss on her pouty lips.
But when you opened the door, no one was there, and she was gone.
I remember the time you told me about when you were 8
And all those things you said that night that just couldn’t wait
You would like to say you took her leaving well, but of course you didn’t. Sungmin had been there with you for almost half your life, and suddenly she was just gone, and you didn’t even say goodbye, just because you were too immature to understand the situation she had been in.
You considered chasing after her, but you were scared-she had been so distant before, what if she had left for Seoul because she had a boyfriend behind your back? It didn’t seem very like her to do that, but you didn’t want to take chances-you were timid and scared, and even though you know it was stupid for you to feel that way, you didn’t do anything about it.
You simply lay down on the bed the both of you shared, trying to sniff out her strawberry flavoured scent that she should have left on the blankets, and let yourself cry. It was too hard, too soon, and too painful to remember the precious times that the both of you shared.
But you remembered them anyway, you remembered the first time you slept over at her house, when you were both 12, so young and naive and unaware of everything that had been around you.
"I'm gonna be a pop-star, Kyu," she had told you, while painting her nails a bright, neon pink. "What are you gonna be when you grow up?"
"With you," you remember telling her-you couldn't believe that you were such a cheesy back then too; how did she tolerate you? "I'll always be with you."
And then Sungmin had blushed, and reached over to hold your hand, smiling that bright, radiant smile that made you feel like you were the luckiest person in the world-the luckiest person to have made her smile like that.
"I love you, Kyu," she had told you, and you remember feeling even luckier then, to have someone as perfect as Sungmin to love you like that.
And now, as you lay on your bed, staring at the ceiling, you cursed yourself for being such a jerk-and a coward. Sungmin had left, she had left, and you weren't doing anything to get her back. The truth was, you wanted to go after her so badly, but the fear of being rejected kept you glued to the spot.
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we split our coffee, and stayed out way too late
Once you made sure that you didn’t sound like you just cried anymore, you gave your best friend, Eunhyuk, a ring.
“Hyuk,” you took deep breaths to prevent yourself from succumbing to the need to cry. “I… She… Sungmin’s gone.”
“Have you been crying, Kyu?” was Eunhyuk’s first question, which shocked you, and at his words, you do start crying again, feeling horribly alone and you needed someone to hug you so badly, someone to tell you it was all going to be okay, someone like Sungmin-to come back, and make everything good again…
“She’s gone, Hyuk,” you told him again, rubbing at your eyes furiously, trying to make the tears stop flowing. “She’s gone back to Korea, and I… I don’t know why.”
“Well, what are you still doing there then?” Eunhyuk seems genuinely shocked, his voice higher than usual on the other line. “Go get her back!”
“That’s the problem,” you say, sobbing now. “I-I don’t think I can. She's been so distant-I don't think, I don't think she wants to be with me anymore. It hurts to think about her.”
“I’m sorry, Kyu,” you hear Eunhyuk saying, words laced with care, comfort and love. You let Eunhyuk’s words comfort you, it felt almost like a caress-but you still didn’t feel much better.
Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you; I can just look up and know
The stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight
A year had almost passed, with you living alone, still missing Sungmin terribly-you hadn’t spoken to her since that day a long time ago.
You had just finished the diploma you were taking, and although you had managed to fit in quite well in the area-you had plenty of friends, and plenty of girls chasing after you, but you still wanted to return to Seoul, where your real home was She was there, Sungmin, who still had your heart in her pocket, and she was in Seoul. You had to go back and make things right.
It had been a long time since you had been home. Eunhyuk had been updating him about Sungmin from Seoul-apparently she was some really huge super star now-and you had been happy to hear it. Your girlfriend always had a thing for fame, so when you found out, you had felt so happy for her. She had finally broken free from the boundaries that her parents gave her, and became something she had always wanted to be.
You were proud of her, but your heart ached so much when you thought of all the boys that must have been ogling after her by now-she belonged to you, and no one else-but who was to say that? You both hadn’t talked in so long.
You missed her. It had been 10 months, and you know that no one would ever be able to fill up the empty void that she left behind. Your heart was meant for her; and for her only.
Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you; I can just look up and know
The stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight
When you get back to Seoul, you feel timid again once you can’t seem to find Eunhyuk at the airport, but then you see her making her way towards you, and you are incapable of moving.
She hadn’t changed much-she still had her wavy, brown hair, her slim, pretty face, her toned, curvaceous body, her strawberry scent that lingered everywhere. If anything, she had gotten prettier, and now a horde of fans would follow her everywhere she went.
“What are you,” you began, stuttering slightly, shocked by her mere presence, “What are you-are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to get my boyfriend from the airport, of course,” she smirks, walks up to you, and pecks you on the nose as if nothing had happened in the past few months, as if the both of you were still together.
You are a little speechless, and you blush as you notice a crowd growing around the both of you.
“I’m sorry that things turned out to be this bad,” Sungmin tells you, as if unaware of the people around her. “And I’m sorry for… I’m sorry for everything, Kyu. It's been a long time, and I'm so sorry for only telling you this now. But I know that I made you mad. I just… I just felt that I was treating you like how my parents treated me-you follow me everywhere I go-I didn’t want to restrain you. I’m sorry, Kyu. I-I know I hurt you.”
You don’t say anything, and just wrap your arms around her waist, pull her close and kiss her full on the lips, thinking oh god how long has it been since I’ve done this?, ignoring the gasps and murmurs that the crowd is making.
“I’m sorry, too,” you tell her once you’ve pulled apart. “I wanted to go after you, but... I was scared that you didn't want to see me. I-I had so many doubts, I was scared, I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch-but oh my god Min, I’ve missed you so much. Oh, and congratulations, Min. Finally the star that you were meant to be. I’m really proud.”
You watch her stare into your eyes, as if she was reading you, watching you for any sign of hesitation or guilt, but you didn't have any, because you have always known that you belonged to her and only to her. You think that perhaps the time the both of you spent apart wasn't all that bad-it made the both of you appreciate the other more, perhaps the time that you both spent apart was made to bring you two closer than you had already been before.
“I still love you,” she states (eliciting gasps from all around once again), as if it was the simplest sentence in the world, and you smile against her lips-Sungmin was back, you were home, and what mattered the most was that-the both of you were together again.
A/N: I know that some verses don't really link but I hope you like this song!fic anyway. Kinda predictable, wasn't it? I'm sorry for not making it tragic or something ):