I'll Grab Her Hair, You Grab The Gun
yewook (+ other pairings), humour
pg, high school au, 1575 words
Follow up to Nerds Of A Feather. Yesung tries to get Ryeowook to stop missing school after he sinks into depression.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Ryeowook, why weren’t you in school today? Don’t tell me you’re wallowing in depression at home please. Why aren’t you answering my messages and my calls? CALL ME BACK WHEN YOU GET THIS.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Why didn’t you come to school today either? And oh my god, will you just pick up your damn phone. You make me feel like I’ve gotten you pregnant or something. Omg, did I? Are you pregnant? Wait, how could I- OH MY GOD, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST CALL ME BACK YOU ARE DRIVING ME INSANE OVER HERE.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“You’re missing out on a lot, Wookie. Just come back already. C’mon, we all miss you; don’t we matter, at least? Screw the rest of the school! Call me back or I’ll go over and touch your whole family’s philtrums.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“It’s been three days. Stop sulking at home! Get over yourself! Come back, Wook. I don’t think I can take listening to Kangin’s facts any longer without you there.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Kyuhyun touched my philtrum today. The most historic moment in my whole entire life, and you weren’t there to share it with me. Thanks a lot, best friend.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Honey bees have exploding testicles. Just thought I’d let you know. Because I had to endure listening to Kangin ramble on and on about this for the whole freaking day. Don’t you have the decency to at least come to school and save me?”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
“Hi, hyung.”
“OH MY GOD, FINALLY! What’s wrong with you? Are you sick? Where have you been? I have been so pissed with you but since you finally picked up, I guess its okay. Why have you been missing school so much?”
“Ehm, been sick.”
“Stop faking those sniffles! Why haven’t you been around? Is this still about us not being popular?”
“Well. Yeah. Sorta.”
“I thought we agreed that it didn’t matter anymore! What happened?”
“A girl from our class scoffed at me.”
“…Seriously, Wook?”
“I think I’d know if a girl scoffed at me or not.”
“I meant: why does this matter?”
“It was Taeyeon, that girl who leads the horde of eight other plastic girls? Gahh, I hate having Barbie dolls looking down on me.”
“Is this really why you have been missing-”
“OH HYUNG OH I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO! IT JUST HIT ME-”
“No, no, no, I am not listening to another one of your ideas-”
“If you do this for me I promise I’ll never ignore you again, okay? Please please please please please.”
“Fine, I’ll consider it if it isn’t just plain crazy like all your other ideas-what do you want to do?”
***
Yesung sent to Eeteuk, Heechul, Hankyung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, Henry: (16.07)
Lord help me, Ryeowook wants me to kill Taeyeon for him.
Siwon sent to Yesung: (16.08)
Not after you used his name in vain he won’t ):<
Yesung sent to Siwon: (16.08)
…
Sungmin sent to Kyuhyun: (16.08)
aww Yesung hyung’s so sweet! would you kill a girl for me, kyu?
Kyuhyun sent to Sungmin: (16.09)
i will the day you stop being a bimbo
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.09)
IS HE INSANE? ARE YOU REALLY DOING IT
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.10)
If you want him to come back to school, then yes
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.11)
what exactly does he want you to do!
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.12)
quoting directly, he said “i’ll grab her hair, you grab the gun, we’ll make her learn that scoffing isn’t fun” cause there was this girl who made faces at him and so he decides to stay home gahh why am i friends with him again
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.12)
wow he rhymes when he’s angry
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.14)
help me. what am i going to do?!
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.15)
does he really expect you to shoot her -.- you aren’t even of legal age to hold a freaking gun
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.16)
the things that crazy boy does for fame
Kyuhyun sent to Yesung: (16.20)
has he been driven crazy because i touched your philtrum
Henry sent to Ryeowook: (16.22)
why do you want yesung hyung to kill taeyeon?
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.23)
what are you doing telling everyone about our plan? ):
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.25)
YOUR PLAN. And I don’t see the point of shooting anyone? You know I don’t have a gun, right?
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.26)
FINE, LET’S USE WATERGUNS.
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.27)
I STILL DON’T GET THE POINT OF THIS
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.28)
ok, let me explain to you how this will work-hold on while i get my planner MUAHAHAHAHA
Yesung sent to Eeteuk, Heechul, Hankyung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, Henry: (16.30)
THE MAN HAS A PLANNER OMFG
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.31)
okay so this is how it will work out: we will attack taeyeon with waterguns in the cafeteria in front of everyone else, and hence make ourselves known as the crazy guys who drenched her. get it?
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.33)
do we really want a bad reputation?
Ryeowooksent to Yesung: (16.34)
it’s fame- so stop complaining ):<
***
Eeteuk sent to Kangin: (08.08)
did you see the size of that watergun today? do you think i should stop them?
Kangin sent to Eeteuk: (08.09)
lol wook wants to do this doesn’t he? let em be
Eeteuk sent to Kangin: (08.10)
but this could turn out horribly wrong! what if they’re expelled ):
Kangin sent to Eeteuk: (08.12)
PARANOID
Eeteuk sent to Yesung, Ryeowook: (08.15)
hey guys, i think you shouldn’t shoot taeyeon today
Ryeowook sent to Eeteuk: (08.17)
NO TURNING BACK
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (08.17)
HE WON’T BACK DOWN ):
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (08.19)
AREN’T YOU EXCITED HEHEHEHE :D
Yesung sent to Siwon: (08.21)
will God still help me if I stop using his name in vain?
Siwon sent to Yesung: (08.22)
…
***
Taeyeon sent to Jessica, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung, Yoona, Seohyun: (12.10)
LMAO ALL THAT CAME OUT OF THAT WATERGUN WAS AIR LOL OMG AND YOU GUYS WERE FEARING FOR MY LIFE
Sunny sent to Taeyeon: (12.14)
LOL that major fail. you’d think he’d remember to fill his stupid water gun up lmao FAILUREEEE
Seohyun sent to Taeyeon: (12.15)
well he had a gun, you know. you could have died, unni
Taeyeon sent to Seohyun: (12.16)
PARANOID!!!
Taeyeon sent to Sunny: (12.17)
IKR HAHAHAHA AND DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF HIS HANDS. GOD HE COULDN’T EVEN GRASP THE GUN PROPERLY LOL FAIL!!!
Jessica sent to Taeyeon: (12.18)
like, who is that dude anyway?
Taeyeon sent to Jessica: (12.19)
HAHA I HAVE NO IDEA
Jessica sent to Taeyeon: (12.20)
the number of weirdos we have in this school is like, just amazing.
***
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (12.25)
JSYK, I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE AFTER YOU JUST LEFT ME THERE FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL TO LAUGH AT
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.26)
OMFG HYUNG I AM SO SORRY ):
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.27)
sorry sorry sorry sorry
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.28)
forgive me, please? I WILL NEVER MAKE YOU DO THINGS FOR ME AGAIN. I’M SO SORRY.
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.29)
I feel horrible! HYUNG, DON’T IGNORE ME. I’M SORRY.
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.30)
aww hyung ):
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
“OH MY GOD, WHAT, RYEOWOOK?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ve missed you, hyung! DON’T PUT DOWN ON ME!”
“It’s been an hour ago since we last talked, what’s wrong with you?”
“You haven’t been answering any of my texts or calls! I’m so sorry for running out on you hyung, I really am, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
“You just left me there for the whole school to laugh at! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GRAB HER HAIR LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO. And you were supposed to fill up the stupid water guns, actually-”
“I KNOW HOW WE CAN SOLVE THIS-”
“I’m not sure I want to hear this, actually? So-”
“I’LL STOP MY CRAZY PURSUIT FOR FAME AND LIVE HAPPILY AS AN OUTCAST WITH YOU, OKAY?”
“…”
“All you need to do is forgive me!”
“No more crazy ideas?”
“Yes.”
“No more random bouts of depression?”
“Yes.”
“No more evil laughter?”
“Yes.”
“Well then fine, but if all of that starts again I’m seriously ignoring you.”
“Yay! I love you hyung!”
“Aww, I love you too Wookie.”
“Oh yeah, I was just thinking about maybe snipping off Taeyeon’s-”
“No!”
“Aww, hyung!”
A/N: idk what this is too, seriously. but thanks for reading hehe ♥ I LOVE SNSD, AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT THEM IN ANY WAY :D
pg, high school au, 1575 words
Follow up to Nerds Of A Feather. Yesung tries to get Ryeowook to stop missing school after he sinks into depression.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Ryeowook, why weren’t you in school today? Don’t tell me you’re wallowing in depression at home please. Why aren’t you answering my messages and my calls? CALL ME BACK WHEN YOU GET THIS.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Why didn’t you come to school today either? And oh my god, will you just pick up your damn phone. You make me feel like I’ve gotten you pregnant or something. Omg, did I? Are you pregnant? Wait, how could I- OH MY GOD, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST CALL ME BACK YOU ARE DRIVING ME INSANE OVER HERE.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“You’re missing out on a lot, Wookie. Just come back already. C’mon, we all miss you; don’t we matter, at least? Screw the rest of the school! Call me back or I’ll go over and touch your whole family’s philtrums.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“It’s been three days. Stop sulking at home! Get over yourself! Come back, Wook. I don’t think I can take listening to Kangin’s facts any longer without you there.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Kyuhyun touched my philtrum today. The most historic moment in my whole entire life, and you weren’t there to share it with me. Thanks a lot, best friend.”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
“You’ve reached Ryeowook’s voice mail; wait for the beep, you know what to do!”
Beep
“Honey bees have exploding testicles. Just thought I’d let you know. Because I had to endure listening to Kangin ramble on and on about this for the whole freaking day. Don’t you have the decency to at least come to school and save me?”
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
“Hi, hyung.”
“OH MY GOD, FINALLY! What’s wrong with you? Are you sick? Where have you been? I have been so pissed with you but since you finally picked up, I guess its okay. Why have you been missing school so much?”
“Ehm, been sick.”
“Stop faking those sniffles! Why haven’t you been around? Is this still about us not being popular?”
“Well. Yeah. Sorta.”
“I thought we agreed that it didn’t matter anymore! What happened?”
“A girl from our class scoffed at me.”
“…Seriously, Wook?”
“I think I’d know if a girl scoffed at me or not.”
“I meant: why does this matter?”
“It was Taeyeon, that girl who leads the horde of eight other plastic girls? Gahh, I hate having Barbie dolls looking down on me.”
“Is this really why you have been missing-”
“OH HYUNG OH I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO! IT JUST HIT ME-”
“No, no, no, I am not listening to another one of your ideas-”
“If you do this for me I promise I’ll never ignore you again, okay? Please please please please please.”
“Fine, I’ll consider it if it isn’t just plain crazy like all your other ideas-what do you want to do?”
***
Yesung sent to Eeteuk, Heechul, Hankyung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, Henry: (16.07)
Lord help me, Ryeowook wants me to kill Taeyeon for him.
Siwon sent to Yesung: (16.08)
Not after you used his name in vain he won’t ):<
Yesung sent to Siwon: (16.08)
…
Sungmin sent to Kyuhyun: (16.08)
aww Yesung hyung’s so sweet! would you kill a girl for me, kyu?
Kyuhyun sent to Sungmin: (16.09)
i will the day you stop being a bimbo
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.09)
IS HE INSANE? ARE YOU REALLY DOING IT
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.10)
If you want him to come back to school, then yes
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.11)
what exactly does he want you to do!
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.12)
quoting directly, he said “i’ll grab her hair, you grab the gun, we’ll make her learn that scoffing isn’t fun” cause there was this girl who made faces at him and so he decides to stay home gahh why am i friends with him again
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.12)
wow he rhymes when he’s angry
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.14)
help me. what am i going to do?!
Eeteuk sent to Yesung: (16.15)
does he really expect you to shoot her -.- you aren’t even of legal age to hold a freaking gun
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (16.16)
the things that crazy boy does for fame
Kyuhyun sent to Yesung: (16.20)
has he been driven crazy because i touched your philtrum
Henry sent to Ryeowook: (16.22)
why do you want yesung hyung to kill taeyeon?
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.23)
what are you doing telling everyone about our plan? ):
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.25)
YOUR PLAN. And I don’t see the point of shooting anyone? You know I don’t have a gun, right?
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.26)
FINE, LET’S USE WATERGUNS.
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.27)
I STILL DON’T GET THE POINT OF THIS
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.28)
ok, let me explain to you how this will work-hold on while i get my planner MUAHAHAHAHA
Yesung sent to Eeteuk, Heechul, Hankyung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, Henry: (16.30)
THE MAN HAS A PLANNER OMFG
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (16.31)
okay so this is how it will work out: we will attack taeyeon with waterguns in the cafeteria in front of everyone else, and hence make ourselves known as the crazy guys who drenched her. get it?
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (16.33)
do we really want a bad reputation?
Ryeowooksent to Yesung: (16.34)
it’s fame- so stop complaining ):<
***
Eeteuk sent to Kangin: (08.08)
did you see the size of that watergun today? do you think i should stop them?
Kangin sent to Eeteuk: (08.09)
lol wook wants to do this doesn’t he? let em be
Eeteuk sent to Kangin: (08.10)
but this could turn out horribly wrong! what if they’re expelled ):
Kangin sent to Eeteuk: (08.12)
PARANOID
Eeteuk sent to Yesung, Ryeowook: (08.15)
hey guys, i think you shouldn’t shoot taeyeon today
Ryeowook sent to Eeteuk: (08.17)
NO TURNING BACK
Yesung sent to Eeteuk: (08.17)
HE WON’T BACK DOWN ):
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (08.19)
AREN’T YOU EXCITED HEHEHEHE :D
Yesung sent to Siwon: (08.21)
will God still help me if I stop using his name in vain?
Siwon sent to Yesung: (08.22)
…
***
Taeyeon sent to Jessica, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung, Yoona, Seohyun: (12.10)
LMAO ALL THAT CAME OUT OF THAT WATERGUN WAS AIR LOL OMG AND YOU GUYS WERE FEARING FOR MY LIFE
Sunny sent to Taeyeon: (12.14)
LOL that major fail. you’d think he’d remember to fill his stupid water gun up lmao FAILUREEEE
Seohyun sent to Taeyeon: (12.15)
well he had a gun, you know. you could have died, unni
Taeyeon sent to Seohyun: (12.16)
PARANOID!!!
Taeyeon sent to Sunny: (12.17)
IKR HAHAHAHA AND DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF HIS HANDS. GOD HE COULDN’T EVEN GRASP THE GUN PROPERLY LOL FAIL!!!
Jessica sent to Taeyeon: (12.18)
like, who is that dude anyway?
Taeyeon sent to Jessica: (12.19)
HAHA I HAVE NO IDEA
Jessica sent to Taeyeon: (12.20)
the number of weirdos we have in this school is like, just amazing.
***
Yesung sent to Ryeowook: (12.25)
JSYK, I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE AFTER YOU JUST LEFT ME THERE FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL TO LAUGH AT
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.26)
OMFG HYUNG I AM SO SORRY ):
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.27)
sorry sorry sorry sorry
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.28)
forgive me, please? I WILL NEVER MAKE YOU DO THINGS FOR ME AGAIN. I’M SO SORRY.
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.29)
I feel horrible! HYUNG, DON’T IGNORE ME. I’M SORRY.
Ryeowook sent to Yesung: (12.30)
aww hyung ):
***
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
“OH MY GOD, WHAT, RYEOWOOK?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ve missed you, hyung! DON’T PUT DOWN ON ME!”
“It’s been an hour ago since we last talked, what’s wrong with you?”
“You haven’t been answering any of my texts or calls! I’m so sorry for running out on you hyung, I really am, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
“You just left me there for the whole school to laugh at! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GRAB HER HAIR LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO. And you were supposed to fill up the stupid water guns, actually-”
“I KNOW HOW WE CAN SOLVE THIS-”
“I’m not sure I want to hear this, actually? So-”
“I’LL STOP MY CRAZY PURSUIT FOR FAME AND LIVE HAPPILY AS AN OUTCAST WITH YOU, OKAY?”
“…”
“All you need to do is forgive me!”
“No more crazy ideas?”
“Yes.”
“No more random bouts of depression?”
“Yes.”
“No more evil laughter?”
“Yes.”
“Well then fine, but if all of that starts again I’m seriously ignoring you.”
“Yay! I love you hyung!”
“Aww, I love you too Wookie.”
“Oh yeah, I was just thinking about maybe snipping off Taeyeon’s-”
“No!”
“Aww, hyung!”
A/N: idk what this is too, seriously. but thanks for reading hehe ♥ I LOVE SNSD, AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT THEM IN ANY WAY :D