Like A Ball of Wool
kyumin, 1743 words.
PG, angst/romance
Sungmin is forgetting everything.
prequel to Dear Diary, Do You Remember Him?
You fumble around the house, not caring if you made an absolute fool of yourself as you try your best to prepare a meal.
You've already made the kitchen a mess: pumpkin seeds strewn all over the floor, flour coating the table tops, egg shells carelessly discarded around the place.
You hear a giggle, and you turn around expectantly.
"Oh Kyu," he smiles at you fondly. "You're hopeless."
You feel yourself blush, and you tell him a little too fiercely, "Don't make fun of me! I'm doing this for you!"
He simply smirks, but you can see fear glaze over his eyes for a second.
You know what he's afraid of. It scares you too, but you try to stay strong for the both of you, but you know that your loved one will eventually forget about everything: about life, about himself, and most painfully, about you, too...
You don’t want to see him lose himself, because watching him helplessly losing bits of himself will be like losing bits of yourself, as well.
But you push that thought towards the back of your mind-you had to stay strong for him now, and you grin back at him as you try to finish concocting his favourite Pumpkin Soup.
***
You remember when he first showed signs of the disease. It was about a year ago when your usually careful boyfriend started to misplace his things; the first time it happens, you barely take notice, the third time, you begin to wonder, and by the fifth, you begin to worry.
The sixth time, he loses track of his favourite pink guitar: you decide then that something is wrong, (he never loses his pink guitar) as you watch him turn the house upside down looking for it.
You know that Sungmin was exasperated as well, he was vexed at himself for not being his usual perfect self-he is used to being able to remember everything, why has he been faltering?
He seems close to pulling out his hair when he pauses and stares at you, fear filling his eyes, tears threatening to fall.
You remember that you are at his side in a second; you remember his face is scrunched up in a frown, and you remember that he tells you solemnly,
“I…can’t remember what I was looking for.”
***
You take him to the doctor, and you cry with him as the doctor tells him that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
***
You watch him fuss around the house as he tried to make the place cleaner than it already was: adjusting the furniture, dusting the floor, arranging your video games, etc, etc. You chuckle as you tell him, “You know, Min, you would have made an adorable housewife.”
He laughs, and you smile at the soothing sound-you didn’t know then how much you would miss the sound later on.
You let him go back to his house cleaning and you start to play Starcraft, grinning as every now and then Sungmin would whoosh into his view, cleaning up the area, and whoosh out again; like a little tornado, you think fondly.
And then he comes out from your shared room holding a photo album, sits down next to you and asks you worriedly, “Who… who are these people?”
You look at the photo album, and try to keep back the shock that is overwhelming you. You tell yourself that you cannot scare him, so you try to fabricate a lie on the spot.
“Those are my family members!” You tell him a little too happily, lying through clenched teeth. “Of course you won’t remember them, Minnie…”
To his surprise, Sungmin flips through the photo album furiously, and points at a little boy standing with your ‘family members’, and screams, “Don’t lie to me, Kyuhyun! That’s me, not you! That’s me…”
Then he breaks down again, and runs back into the room as he rubs at the tears that are falling.
You feel your heart break at the sight, and you have only one thought in mind: if he could forget his family members, how long more would it be until he forgot you?
***
You find yourself awakened one day by his crying in the bathroom. Alarmed, you jump out of bed and hammered on the bathroom door.
"Min? Min, baby, what's wrong?"
You hear him catch his breath, and you can imagine him rubbing furiously at his eyes, trying to remove all evidence that he had been crying-he felt that crying was a sign of weakness; he hated being caught.
The door swung open after a few minutes, and he stood there; red eyes, puffy cheeks, dried tear tracks evident on his perfect, porcelain face. You are in awe that he is still so beautiful even though he is in an utter mess, and you take him into your arms and ask him soothingly, "What's wrong, Min?"
You feel his tears beginning to soak your shirt, but you don't mind, and you stroke his hair, hoping to make him feel better.
"I didn't know what I was doing there," he mumbles into your shirt, "All of a sudden I had no idea where I was, or what I was doing. I'm scared, Kyu..."
The last three words came out in almost a whisper, but you caught them anyway, and you held your boyfriend closer to your body, as if holding him tightly would prevent him from losing himself, and prevent you from losing him.
“It’ll be okay, Minnie,” you say into his hair, “It’s all going to be okay.”
But you know that things are just going to get worse, and you feel your own tears begin to make their solitary trail down your face.
***
Fifteen months after his diagnosis, Sungmin and you are having lunch together: your pumpkin soup skills have improved after so many failures, but you doubt that he knows what he is drinking, really.
“Kyuhyun…” he began nervously, looking up at you with those beautiful eyes; you find yourself lost in them for a while. “I don’t want to forget you.”
You keep quiet and stare at your soup. You feel the tears gathering; your boyfriend has been unravelling in front of your very eyes, and it hurts so badly that you can’t do anything to help him.
“I’m having trouble remembering so many things-sometimes I even forget my own name,” he continues in a whisper. “It’s so scary, I don’t want to forget you and our life together and there’s so much I can’t remember anymore and I hate it that I can’t do anything to stop this.”
You remind yourself that he must be feeling terrified, so you try to hold yourself together and reach out for his hand.
“I will always be here for you, Min,” you tell him; drawing circles with your thumb on his hand, hoping it will soothe him. “Always.”
“But…” Sungmin stopped as he choked and you see his tears flowing freely: he never holds back anymore, he never bothers to hide his tears; it’s as if he’s already given up hope, and that scares you. “I’m going to forget you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” you reply, reaching up to his cheeks and wiping away the tears that refuse to stop falling. “I’m never going to leave you.”
“Life’s not fair,” he sobs. “I’m going to end up hurting the person I love the most.”
You bring his face close to yours and kiss him softly on the lips. “It’s okay,” you hear yourself say against his lips. “I’m going to be with you, and that’s good enough for me.”
He doesn’t say anything, but wraps his hands around your neck and kisses back with a vengeance, and you know that even as he tries to make the moment last forever, he loses a bit more of himself, unravelling and unravelling and unravelling some more.
***
You start working from home now, because you never want to leave him alone, and as you are trying to make a sale online, he wanders out of the bedroom and plumps down onto the sofa next to you.
“Hey Kyu,” he says urgently, fear evident in his tone. “What’s… what’s my name?”
You dread the moment when the disease runs out of wool to unravel, and finally deletes Kyuhyun from your lover’s brain.
***
It becomes more worrying when his memory lapses become more severe.
They would attack at random moments; while you are snuggling on the couch with him, when he is taking a shower, when you are cooking dinner. It scares you every time his eyes cloud over and he becomes a different person entirely-you can imagine how scary it must be to be him, yet you feel a little sorry for yourself as well.
It is when you are making out with him one day on the couch when he suddenly pauses and pushes you off.
“What are you doing? Who am I? Where am I? What? Where? Kyu?”
You keep quiet, cursing at the disease angrily. You don’t answer him because these memory lapses never last long, and you allow him to fight for his own memories and soon he regains control over the situation, knowledge filling his eyes again.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs, and you shake your head, smiling back at him gently.
You hate it every time a memory lapse happens, because it just tears you up inside to see Sungmin so vulnerable and lost and hopeless, but you tell yourself to keep hopeful and happy because even though he forgets everything else, he never forgets you.
***
You remember the day when Sungmin unravels into nothingness.
You remember watching him as he slept, as peaceful as a newborn; you remember watching his chest rise and fall, and it calmed you; you remember smiling to yourself as you think about what you had planned for him today-you were going to bring him to the beach, and make him have the fun he deserved.
You remember feeling happy as you watch his eyelids flutter open; you remember his eyes assessing you curiously; you remember being oblivious to the impending disaster.
You remember as his face turns into a questioning one, you remember realization hitting you hard and you remember feeling like your whole world fall apart as he utters the next few words.
“Who are you?”
A/N: Thanks for reading this guys, it’s my first time posting so go easy on me? Hope you liked it (:
PG, angst/romance
Sungmin is forgetting everything.
prequel to Dear Diary, Do You Remember Him?
You fumble around the house, not caring if you made an absolute fool of yourself as you try your best to prepare a meal.
You've already made the kitchen a mess: pumpkin seeds strewn all over the floor, flour coating the table tops, egg shells carelessly discarded around the place.
You hear a giggle, and you turn around expectantly.
"Oh Kyu," he smiles at you fondly. "You're hopeless."
You feel yourself blush, and you tell him a little too fiercely, "Don't make fun of me! I'm doing this for you!"
He simply smirks, but you can see fear glaze over his eyes for a second.
You know what he's afraid of. It scares you too, but you try to stay strong for the both of you, but you know that your loved one will eventually forget about everything: about life, about himself, and most painfully, about you, too...
You don’t want to see him lose himself, because watching him helplessly losing bits of himself will be like losing bits of yourself, as well.
But you push that thought towards the back of your mind-you had to stay strong for him now, and you grin back at him as you try to finish concocting his favourite Pumpkin Soup.
***
You remember when he first showed signs of the disease. It was about a year ago when your usually careful boyfriend started to misplace his things; the first time it happens, you barely take notice, the third time, you begin to wonder, and by the fifth, you begin to worry.
The sixth time, he loses track of his favourite pink guitar: you decide then that something is wrong, (he never loses his pink guitar) as you watch him turn the house upside down looking for it.
You know that Sungmin was exasperated as well, he was vexed at himself for not being his usual perfect self-he is used to being able to remember everything, why has he been faltering?
He seems close to pulling out his hair when he pauses and stares at you, fear filling his eyes, tears threatening to fall.
You remember that you are at his side in a second; you remember his face is scrunched up in a frown, and you remember that he tells you solemnly,
“I…can’t remember what I was looking for.”
***
You take him to the doctor, and you cry with him as the doctor tells him that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
***
You watch him fuss around the house as he tried to make the place cleaner than it already was: adjusting the furniture, dusting the floor, arranging your video games, etc, etc. You chuckle as you tell him, “You know, Min, you would have made an adorable housewife.”
He laughs, and you smile at the soothing sound-you didn’t know then how much you would miss the sound later on.
You let him go back to his house cleaning and you start to play Starcraft, grinning as every now and then Sungmin would whoosh into his view, cleaning up the area, and whoosh out again; like a little tornado, you think fondly.
And then he comes out from your shared room holding a photo album, sits down next to you and asks you worriedly, “Who… who are these people?”
You look at the photo album, and try to keep back the shock that is overwhelming you. You tell yourself that you cannot scare him, so you try to fabricate a lie on the spot.
“Those are my family members!” You tell him a little too happily, lying through clenched teeth. “Of course you won’t remember them, Minnie…”
To his surprise, Sungmin flips through the photo album furiously, and points at a little boy standing with your ‘family members’, and screams, “Don’t lie to me, Kyuhyun! That’s me, not you! That’s me…”
Then he breaks down again, and runs back into the room as he rubs at the tears that are falling.
You feel your heart break at the sight, and you have only one thought in mind: if he could forget his family members, how long more would it be until he forgot you?
***
You find yourself awakened one day by his crying in the bathroom. Alarmed, you jump out of bed and hammered on the bathroom door.
"Min? Min, baby, what's wrong?"
You hear him catch his breath, and you can imagine him rubbing furiously at his eyes, trying to remove all evidence that he had been crying-he felt that crying was a sign of weakness; he hated being caught.
The door swung open after a few minutes, and he stood there; red eyes, puffy cheeks, dried tear tracks evident on his perfect, porcelain face. You are in awe that he is still so beautiful even though he is in an utter mess, and you take him into your arms and ask him soothingly, "What's wrong, Min?"
You feel his tears beginning to soak your shirt, but you don't mind, and you stroke his hair, hoping to make him feel better.
"I didn't know what I was doing there," he mumbles into your shirt, "All of a sudden I had no idea where I was, or what I was doing. I'm scared, Kyu..."
The last three words came out in almost a whisper, but you caught them anyway, and you held your boyfriend closer to your body, as if holding him tightly would prevent him from losing himself, and prevent you from losing him.
“It’ll be okay, Minnie,” you say into his hair, “It’s all going to be okay.”
But you know that things are just going to get worse, and you feel your own tears begin to make their solitary trail down your face.
***
Fifteen months after his diagnosis, Sungmin and you are having lunch together: your pumpkin soup skills have improved after so many failures, but you doubt that he knows what he is drinking, really.
“Kyuhyun…” he began nervously, looking up at you with those beautiful eyes; you find yourself lost in them for a while. “I don’t want to forget you.”
You keep quiet and stare at your soup. You feel the tears gathering; your boyfriend has been unravelling in front of your very eyes, and it hurts so badly that you can’t do anything to help him.
“I’m having trouble remembering so many things-sometimes I even forget my own name,” he continues in a whisper. “It’s so scary, I don’t want to forget you and our life together and there’s so much I can’t remember anymore and I hate it that I can’t do anything to stop this.”
You remind yourself that he must be feeling terrified, so you try to hold yourself together and reach out for his hand.
“I will always be here for you, Min,” you tell him; drawing circles with your thumb on his hand, hoping it will soothe him. “Always.”
“But…” Sungmin stopped as he choked and you see his tears flowing freely: he never holds back anymore, he never bothers to hide his tears; it’s as if he’s already given up hope, and that scares you. “I’m going to forget you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” you reply, reaching up to his cheeks and wiping away the tears that refuse to stop falling. “I’m never going to leave you.”
“Life’s not fair,” he sobs. “I’m going to end up hurting the person I love the most.”
You bring his face close to yours and kiss him softly on the lips. “It’s okay,” you hear yourself say against his lips. “I’m going to be with you, and that’s good enough for me.”
He doesn’t say anything, but wraps his hands around your neck and kisses back with a vengeance, and you know that even as he tries to make the moment last forever, he loses a bit more of himself, unravelling and unravelling and unravelling some more.
***
You start working from home now, because you never want to leave him alone, and as you are trying to make a sale online, he wanders out of the bedroom and plumps down onto the sofa next to you.
“Hey Kyu,” he says urgently, fear evident in his tone. “What’s… what’s my name?”
You dread the moment when the disease runs out of wool to unravel, and finally deletes Kyuhyun from your lover’s brain.
***
It becomes more worrying when his memory lapses become more severe.
They would attack at random moments; while you are snuggling on the couch with him, when he is taking a shower, when you are cooking dinner. It scares you every time his eyes cloud over and he becomes a different person entirely-you can imagine how scary it must be to be him, yet you feel a little sorry for yourself as well.
It is when you are making out with him one day on the couch when he suddenly pauses and pushes you off.
“What are you doing? Who am I? Where am I? What? Where? Kyu?”
You keep quiet, cursing at the disease angrily. You don’t answer him because these memory lapses never last long, and you allow him to fight for his own memories and soon he regains control over the situation, knowledge filling his eyes again.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs, and you shake your head, smiling back at him gently.
You hate it every time a memory lapse happens, because it just tears you up inside to see Sungmin so vulnerable and lost and hopeless, but you tell yourself to keep hopeful and happy because even though he forgets everything else, he never forgets you.
***
You remember the day when Sungmin unravels into nothingness.
You remember watching him as he slept, as peaceful as a newborn; you remember watching his chest rise and fall, and it calmed you; you remember smiling to yourself as you think about what you had planned for him today-you were going to bring him to the beach, and make him have the fun he deserved.
You remember feeling happy as you watch his eyelids flutter open; you remember his eyes assessing you curiously; you remember being oblivious to the impending disaster.
You remember as his face turns into a questioning one, you remember realization hitting you hard and you remember feeling like your whole world fall apart as he utters the next few words.
“Who are you?”
A/N: Thanks for reading this guys, it’s my first time posting so go easy on me? Hope you liked it (: