Smell The Lasting Perfume
bandfic (various pairings), 3041 words
pg, angst, postsuju!verse
And so, this is how Super Junior ends.
"Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume."
Jean de Boufflers
They had all known that it was coming. The idea had been sitting around in their minds for a long time now, except that no one voiced ever dared to voice it out, and so they just sat waiting for the confirmation they all knew would eventually come. When the news finally came, however, it still hit all of them hard, and they weren't sure how to deal with it at all.
It would be a lie to say that their group hadn't been falling apart. From the moment Kibum went MIA to the moment Hangeng decides to leave, Super Junior had been slowly losing the closeness they had once been proud of. Their members had been responsible for the bonds of their group, and now that some of them were missing, the glue that had been holding them together before wasn't as effective anymore.
So when their manager calls for a compulsory meeting one Saturday afternoon, all of them knew what it had to be about.
***
When Eeteuk walks into the uncomfortably silent dance studio that day, the tension that greets him is incredibly overwhelming-he realises that it’s been ages since they have gathered together like this, and his heart sighs a little as he blames himself for not being the better leader he should have been.
He surveys the room quickly, scanning the expressions of his members’ faces, feeling his heart sigh again at the sight. How segregated they had become. He looked at how far away Siwon and Heechul were seated from Eunhyuk and Donghae-all of them used to be so close. What happened? Eeteuk thinks sadly, taking a seat next to Heechul. We used to be one.
Their manager clears his throat nervously; the atmosphere was making him feel uneasy. All of them snapped their heads up, watching him intently-daring him to go on.
“Well,” he says, and sighs. “I’m going to make it short.”
The whole room waits with bated breath, and for the first time in a long time, all 10 of them shared the same emotion-fear.
“We’re disbanding you guys,” the manager tells them, eyes staring at the floor. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything… anything to stop it,” he says bitterly, and leaves the studio, hoping to give the group a little more time together before they went their separate ways.
Eeteuk doesn’t know how to feel-for one, he was relieved, because the wait was finally over, and he could finally get away from the tense atmosphere that he had been tolerating for a long time. But on the other hand, he still can’t believe that they were finally over, finally done, finally no more. Where did we go wrong?
And then, he hears Ryeowook begin to cry. Everyone crowds around their eternal magnae by instinct, and Yesung wraps his arms protectively around him, afraid that too much attention would make Ryeowook simply cry some more.
“Is this… is this really over?” Sungmin asks nervously, addressing everyone in the room, fingers interlaced with Kyuhyun’s for a little more strength-he had never been one for public speaking.
“I think so,” Heechul says, and laughs, breaking the tension a little. Eeteuk smiles to himself as everyone seems to lighten up more, and the awkwardness is barely there anymore as all of them laugh together, letting Heechul’s contagious laughter get to them.
“Well,” Shindong wheezes, still a little out of breath. “I can hardly believe it.”
And for some reason, all of them find this hilarious as well, and they burst out laughing together again-it was insane, laughing at something that was hardly funny, but Eeteuk suspected that all of them had been so tired of being so distant from one another that they felt the need to feel close again-it was probably their last chance to do so, anyway. He didn’t say this, and simply laughed, relishing the moment of rare togetherness.
“I don’t know what to say,” Donghae says, smiling tearfully at everyone around the room. “I’ll… I’ll really miss you guys.”
His comment brings them back to the reality of the whole situation, and they sombre up as one, all trying to soak up the last moments they could spend together as a band.
“Why is this happening?” Ryeowook wails out loud at this point, crying openly in Yesung’s arms. “I don’t want to lose all of you!”
Ryeowook’s sudden outburst tickles everyone again, and they all crowd around him, giggling at him, touching him, all in an attempt to make him feel better.
“You won’t ever lose us, Wook,” Siwon laughs, patting his cheek fondly. “We’ll always be together.”
And they laugh as one at how this only makes Ryeowook cry some more; and they savour each other as one, then and forever.
***
Donghae’s phone rings; and he hurries to pick it up, once he sees whose number it was.
“Kibum,” Donghae greets him nervously-how long had it been since he last talked to him?
“Donghae,” Kibum’s voice sounds far away, but it makes Donghae feel warm; he realizes how much he has been missing that voice a lot. “Management called me.”
“Oh,” Donghae nods into the phone, forgetting that Kibum couldn’t see him at all. “You heard?”
“Of course I heard,” Kibum seems to be getting a little defensive now, and Donghae cringes away from the phone. “I was never really officially out of the group.”
“I’m sorry,” Donghae sighs, feeling himself getting a little too teary again. “I didn’t mean it that way…”
“No, I’m sorry, Hae,” Kibum’s voice suddenly gets a little softer, and more affectionate, and Donghae drinks up the love in Kibum’s voice, feeling slightly better.
“For what?”
“For everything,” Kibum sighs. “You know what I mean.”
Of course Donghae knew. Kibum had left him alone for so long, left him alone just to pursue his stupid acting career, left him feeling like he’d never find someone he could count on again. He had been so angry and hurt at first, but it had been such a long time-he had learned how to forgive. Plus, he had Eunhyuk, who made everything slightly better-though he could never replace Kibum. He had felt so much for Kibum in the past two years: hurt, longing, and anger-and now, all of a sudden, said man was calling Donghae, after such a long time, saying sorry.
“Meet me at our dorm at 6?” Donghae says into the phone, letting his heart take a gamble. He had nothing more to lose, anyway. “You can help me pack.”
“I’ll be there in 15,” Kibum tells him, and ends the call; and Donghae simply stares at his phone, smiling.
***
“I do not want to pack up,” Ryeowook says stubbornly, watching Yesung begin cleaning up his side of the room.
“Stop being so childish, Wookie,” Yesung tells him sternly, but comes over to hug Ryeowook again-he knew how much Ryeowook didn’t want to let go of Super Junior; how much he didn’t want to leave.
“What am I supposed to do now, hyung?” Ryeowook cries, frustrated, and pulls at his hair in annoyance. “How can they just… break us up like that?”
Yesung pats Ryeowook’s head fondly, and sighs. “We all knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, Ryeowook. It was just all a matter of time.”
“Everyone except me, apparently,” mumbled Ryeowook with a scoff. “I had no idea, do you know that? I thought we’d be together-together forever, like we promised our fans.”
“This is why you’re my favourite,” Yesung tells him, pecking Ryeowook on the cheek. “You’re so ignorant it’s adorable.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better,” Ryeowook says grumpily, and then a sudden thought hits him, and he clutches at Yesung desperately. “You won’t… forget me, right, hyung?”
Yesung’s laugh rings loud and clear, which makes Ryeowook blush slightly-why was he always embarrassing himself? Yesung cups his face and brings him closer for a long, passionate kiss-and Ryeowook sighs as he wonders if this would be his last time kissing Yesung.
“Of course not, Wookie-I’ll remember you forever and ever.”
***
Kyuhyun and Sungmin lie next to each together on their shared bed, staring at the ceiling, both not knowing what to say to the other-they had been through so much together; what could you say to someone who had been there for majority of your life?
“I can’t believe this is it,” Kyuhyun murmurs; he doesn’t want to leave the dorm, he doesn’t want to leave Super Junior, and he certainly doesn’t want to leave Sungmin.
“Yeah,” sighs Sungmin, shaking his head, as if he still hadn’t properly accepted the news. “I can’t believe it either, shit.”
Kyuhyun sits up, and stares at the now barren room they were sitting in. They were all packed, and ready to leave-but the seriousness of the matter scared him, a lot.
“It won’t ever be the same, hyung,” Kyuhyun says as he feels Sungmin’s head against his shoulder.
“No, it won’t,” Sungmin agrees, thinking about how his parents had been talking about getting him a wife a few months ago, leaning into Kyuhyun’s embrace.
Kyuhyun wraps his hands around Sungmin solemnly and sighs. They always knew that it would never last, their relationship-Sungmin’s parents had already ordered him a bride and his parents would never approve of gay relationships-but he couldn’t believe that it was happening so quickly. It was all way too soon-he didn't want to let go of it all just yet.
“Kyu,” Sungmin murmurs, feeling a sudden wave of nostalgia overtake him. “You’ll always be special to me. No one will ever replace you.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun says, grinning-but breaking on the inside, because he knows just what Sungmin words mean; that they couldn’t be together, but he’d remember Kyuhyun forever. “I’ll always love you,” he says, and brings Sungmin’s lips to his.
When they break apart, Kyuhyun stands up, and pulls Sungmin up with him. “Come on, it’s time to leave.”
The both of them drag their packed luggage to the door, and turn around for one last look of the room that they had shared for so many years, of the room the room that they had shared intimate moments in, as well as heated arguments, and of course, of the room that had been theirs.
“It’s hard letting go,” Sungmin mumbles, and puts on a brave face as he pushes hard on the door, resisting the urge to turn back.
***
Eeteuk feels like crying as he begins filling up his luggage, getting ready for the move back home. His wardrobe soon becomes barren and empty, and that is all the more depressing, he feels.
Kangin was still in the army-he hadn’t come back yet; how could they disband them without Kangin being around? He missed having Kangin to hold him when the bad news came and knocked him down, he missed having Kangin telling him that it would all be okay; he missed having Kangin wiping his tears away for him.
Kangin had called a few minutes ago, and they had talked, and Kangin had told him to be strong, hyung, for me, and he had also said I love you, I miss you, and I wish I was there for you, and he had even said I’ll see you on my next off day-this Sunday. Kangin’s voice alone was enough to make Eeteuk really happy, but…
But Kangin still wasn’t around, he was far away at some military camp, not sitting there next to Eeteuk, not holding Eeteuk and wiping away his tears, and so Eeteuk felt more alone than ever once he ended the call.
“Hey,” someone says from the doorway, and Eeteuk turns around to find Heechul smiling fondly at him.
“Ready to go?” Heechul asks, and for once his expression is soft, devoid from all the sarcasm that usually came with it.
“No,” Eeteuk tells him honestly, because he wasn’t, and he was sure that he wouldn’t ever be ready to leave.
Heechul sighs, and sits himself next to Eeteuk on the bed, stroking his back in a comforting manner. “I miss him too, Teukie.”
Eeteuk begins crying at this statement-he can’t help it; here he was, feeling sorry for himself, not bothering about the rest of his band members, and Heechul had reached out to him and tried to make him feel better-he didn’t receive his kindness at all.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” coos Heechul, and holds Eeteuk close to him, still rubbing his back constantly. “I’m here for you when Kangin’s not, okay?”
Eeteuk can’t say anything because he is crying so hard, and he clutches at Heechul’s shirt desperately, savouring the feeling of love that it gave him.
“Thank…you,” Eeteuk manages to choke out, “I’m…here for you too, Heechul-ah.”
And as Heechul’s own tears begin to make their solitary way down his cheeks, both of them hold the other close, finding the comfort in each other that they had been yearning for so badly, and for the first time in ages, they don’t feel lonely.
***
When Heechul leaves Eeteuk’s room to go pack up his own belongings, his phone vibrates, and he realizes that he has 15 missed calls from Hankyung, and a voice mail from him, as well.
When he opens the voice message, and hears Hankyung’s worried voice rambling on in broken Korean, Heechul begins crying again, and it felt as if there was an emotional hurricane in him, what with all the feelings that he felt right then...
“Heechul-ah, be strong. I’m sorry I’m not there with you right now to make you feel better, but I’m flying over soon, Chul, and I’ll be at your apartment in six hours. I love you, so don’t kill yourself. Get some soju for us to drink, okay? See you soon.”
Heechul replays the message six times just to make sure he isn’t dreaming, and cuddles the phone to his chest happily.
***
Siwon sits in the living room, slightly dazed, while waiting for all the members to pack up.
He feels lost, lonely and extremely low-spirited, and really doesn’t know what to do.
So he closes his eyes, and prays.
***
“God, I am so pissed off with SM,” Eunhyuk grumbles as he watches Shindong pack up his room for him. “So we’re missing some members. It doesn’t mean that they have to disband us, right?”
Shindong keeps quiet as he takes down the posters that Eunhyuk has plastered onto his room walls. He knows that Eunhyuk knows the truth-that yes, SM did have to disband them-but Eunhyuk just hadn’t accepted it yet, so Shindong keeps quiet; he doesn’t want to make him cry or something.
“This is just insanely dumb,” Eunhyuk continues ranting, throwing a couple of CDs into a bag. “It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. Oh my god, why am I even packing up? I should be fighting for our rights.”
Shindong laughs silently at how Eunhyuk could make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes. He always made a fuss over the slightest of things-but it was one of the characteristics that made him so lovable-his being a complete drama queen.
“Yeah, I think I shall go and find Manager hyung right now, and speak for all of us… that’s what I’ll do-”
“No, that’s not what you’re going to do,” Shindong tells him seriously while folding a couple of t-shirts. “We’ve been falling apart for a long time now, Hyuk. It’s about time we went our separate ways. Don’t make a fuss, because you know that it’s not worth it, yeah?”
Eunhyuk keeps quiet for a moment, but then he sighs, admitting defeat. He didn’t like the truth, but he knew he had to listen to Shindong. “Okay,” he says, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”
“We’re all going to miss this,” Shindong smiles at Eunhyuk while patting his hands comfortingly. “You won’t be the only one.”
“It’s just depressing that it’s over,” Eunhyuk says grumpily. “I didn’t even notice us falling apart-and now it’s like we won’t even talk anymore.”
“It’s not going to be that bad,” Shindong says, amused at Eunhyuk’s tendency to exaggerate. “And besides, some things have to fall apart, so that other things can fall in.”
“I don’t recall you being this deep,” Eunhyuk says thoughtfully.
Shindong laughs, and throws a pair of pants at him.
***
All of them gather in the lobby with their packed baggage, quiet and thoughtful and a little sad.
Kibum speaks up from where he has sat himself on Donghae’s luggage. “I have something to say,” he says loudly, making sure that everyone is looking at him before he continues.
“I know that some of you guys may hate me for not being around for so long,” he says sincerely, clutching at Donghae’s hand for a little more courage needed to make his speech. “But I had my reasons, okay? I just want to say that I’m really sorry, for leaving you when you might have needed me the most-and I’m really sorry,” he pauses, and turns to look at Donghae, “if I wasn’t here when you needed me.”
No one responds to this, not even Donghae, who is looking like he wants to cry (but then again, all of them do), and then all of a sudden Eeteuk flies at him and hugs him tightly, tears in his eyes; and then Donghae takes him into his arms, and then everyone follows suit, and soon everyone is hugging everybody, savouring their last passing of touches, their last exchanges of affection.
“I love you guys,” Eeteuk tells them all sincerely, tearing up again. “Keep in touch, yeah? Don’t forget each other.”
And his band members all nod their heads in agreement, afraid that if they spoke, they would cry.
Eeteuk laughs at the sight, and sniffles slightly, and sighs. “Well,” he smiles at them bravely. “I think we should go.”
And finally, they leave the building together, as one group once again, for the last time in their lives, to start their own new beginnings.
“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”
A/N: A big thank-you to everyone who read and commented :D
pg, angst, postsuju!verse
And so, this is how Super Junior ends.
"Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume."
Jean de Boufflers
They had all known that it was coming. The idea had been sitting around in their minds for a long time now, except that no one voiced ever dared to voice it out, and so they just sat waiting for the confirmation they all knew would eventually come. When the news finally came, however, it still hit all of them hard, and they weren't sure how to deal with it at all.
It would be a lie to say that their group hadn't been falling apart. From the moment Kibum went MIA to the moment Hangeng decides to leave, Super Junior had been slowly losing the closeness they had once been proud of. Their members had been responsible for the bonds of their group, and now that some of them were missing, the glue that had been holding them together before wasn't as effective anymore.
So when their manager calls for a compulsory meeting one Saturday afternoon, all of them knew what it had to be about.
***
When Eeteuk walks into the uncomfortably silent dance studio that day, the tension that greets him is incredibly overwhelming-he realises that it’s been ages since they have gathered together like this, and his heart sighs a little as he blames himself for not being the better leader he should have been.
He surveys the room quickly, scanning the expressions of his members’ faces, feeling his heart sigh again at the sight. How segregated they had become. He looked at how far away Siwon and Heechul were seated from Eunhyuk and Donghae-all of them used to be so close. What happened? Eeteuk thinks sadly, taking a seat next to Heechul. We used to be one.
Their manager clears his throat nervously; the atmosphere was making him feel uneasy. All of them snapped their heads up, watching him intently-daring him to go on.
“Well,” he says, and sighs. “I’m going to make it short.”
The whole room waits with bated breath, and for the first time in a long time, all 10 of them shared the same emotion-fear.
“We’re disbanding you guys,” the manager tells them, eyes staring at the floor. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything… anything to stop it,” he says bitterly, and leaves the studio, hoping to give the group a little more time together before they went their separate ways.
Eeteuk doesn’t know how to feel-for one, he was relieved, because the wait was finally over, and he could finally get away from the tense atmosphere that he had been tolerating for a long time. But on the other hand, he still can’t believe that they were finally over, finally done, finally no more. Where did we go wrong?
And then, he hears Ryeowook begin to cry. Everyone crowds around their eternal magnae by instinct, and Yesung wraps his arms protectively around him, afraid that too much attention would make Ryeowook simply cry some more.
“Is this… is this really over?” Sungmin asks nervously, addressing everyone in the room, fingers interlaced with Kyuhyun’s for a little more strength-he had never been one for public speaking.
“I think so,” Heechul says, and laughs, breaking the tension a little. Eeteuk smiles to himself as everyone seems to lighten up more, and the awkwardness is barely there anymore as all of them laugh together, letting Heechul’s contagious laughter get to them.
“Well,” Shindong wheezes, still a little out of breath. “I can hardly believe it.”
And for some reason, all of them find this hilarious as well, and they burst out laughing together again-it was insane, laughing at something that was hardly funny, but Eeteuk suspected that all of them had been so tired of being so distant from one another that they felt the need to feel close again-it was probably their last chance to do so, anyway. He didn’t say this, and simply laughed, relishing the moment of rare togetherness.
“I don’t know what to say,” Donghae says, smiling tearfully at everyone around the room. “I’ll… I’ll really miss you guys.”
His comment brings them back to the reality of the whole situation, and they sombre up as one, all trying to soak up the last moments they could spend together as a band.
“Why is this happening?” Ryeowook wails out loud at this point, crying openly in Yesung’s arms. “I don’t want to lose all of you!”
Ryeowook’s sudden outburst tickles everyone again, and they all crowd around him, giggling at him, touching him, all in an attempt to make him feel better.
“You won’t ever lose us, Wook,” Siwon laughs, patting his cheek fondly. “We’ll always be together.”
And they laugh as one at how this only makes Ryeowook cry some more; and they savour each other as one, then and forever.
***
Donghae’s phone rings; and he hurries to pick it up, once he sees whose number it was.
“Kibum,” Donghae greets him nervously-how long had it been since he last talked to him?
“Donghae,” Kibum’s voice sounds far away, but it makes Donghae feel warm; he realizes how much he has been missing that voice a lot. “Management called me.”
“Oh,” Donghae nods into the phone, forgetting that Kibum couldn’t see him at all. “You heard?”
“Of course I heard,” Kibum seems to be getting a little defensive now, and Donghae cringes away from the phone. “I was never really officially out of the group.”
“I’m sorry,” Donghae sighs, feeling himself getting a little too teary again. “I didn’t mean it that way…”
“No, I’m sorry, Hae,” Kibum’s voice suddenly gets a little softer, and more affectionate, and Donghae drinks up the love in Kibum’s voice, feeling slightly better.
“For what?”
“For everything,” Kibum sighs. “You know what I mean.”
Of course Donghae knew. Kibum had left him alone for so long, left him alone just to pursue his stupid acting career, left him feeling like he’d never find someone he could count on again. He had been so angry and hurt at first, but it had been such a long time-he had learned how to forgive. Plus, he had Eunhyuk, who made everything slightly better-though he could never replace Kibum. He had felt so much for Kibum in the past two years: hurt, longing, and anger-and now, all of a sudden, said man was calling Donghae, after such a long time, saying sorry.
“Meet me at our dorm at 6?” Donghae says into the phone, letting his heart take a gamble. He had nothing more to lose, anyway. “You can help me pack.”
“I’ll be there in 15,” Kibum tells him, and ends the call; and Donghae simply stares at his phone, smiling.
***
“I do not want to pack up,” Ryeowook says stubbornly, watching Yesung begin cleaning up his side of the room.
“Stop being so childish, Wookie,” Yesung tells him sternly, but comes over to hug Ryeowook again-he knew how much Ryeowook didn’t want to let go of Super Junior; how much he didn’t want to leave.
“What am I supposed to do now, hyung?” Ryeowook cries, frustrated, and pulls at his hair in annoyance. “How can they just… break us up like that?”
Yesung pats Ryeowook’s head fondly, and sighs. “We all knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, Ryeowook. It was just all a matter of time.”
“Everyone except me, apparently,” mumbled Ryeowook with a scoff. “I had no idea, do you know that? I thought we’d be together-together forever, like we promised our fans.”
“This is why you’re my favourite,” Yesung tells him, pecking Ryeowook on the cheek. “You’re so ignorant it’s adorable.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better,” Ryeowook says grumpily, and then a sudden thought hits him, and he clutches at Yesung desperately. “You won’t… forget me, right, hyung?”
Yesung’s laugh rings loud and clear, which makes Ryeowook blush slightly-why was he always embarrassing himself? Yesung cups his face and brings him closer for a long, passionate kiss-and Ryeowook sighs as he wonders if this would be his last time kissing Yesung.
“Of course not, Wookie-I’ll remember you forever and ever.”
***
Kyuhyun and Sungmin lie next to each together on their shared bed, staring at the ceiling, both not knowing what to say to the other-they had been through so much together; what could you say to someone who had been there for majority of your life?
“I can’t believe this is it,” Kyuhyun murmurs; he doesn’t want to leave the dorm, he doesn’t want to leave Super Junior, and he certainly doesn’t want to leave Sungmin.
“Yeah,” sighs Sungmin, shaking his head, as if he still hadn’t properly accepted the news. “I can’t believe it either, shit.”
Kyuhyun sits up, and stares at the now barren room they were sitting in. They were all packed, and ready to leave-but the seriousness of the matter scared him, a lot.
“It won’t ever be the same, hyung,” Kyuhyun says as he feels Sungmin’s head against his shoulder.
“No, it won’t,” Sungmin agrees, thinking about how his parents had been talking about getting him a wife a few months ago, leaning into Kyuhyun’s embrace.
Kyuhyun wraps his hands around Sungmin solemnly and sighs. They always knew that it would never last, their relationship-Sungmin’s parents had already ordered him a bride and his parents would never approve of gay relationships-but he couldn’t believe that it was happening so quickly. It was all way too soon-he didn't want to let go of it all just yet.
“Kyu,” Sungmin murmurs, feeling a sudden wave of nostalgia overtake him. “You’ll always be special to me. No one will ever replace you.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun says, grinning-but breaking on the inside, because he knows just what Sungmin words mean; that they couldn’t be together, but he’d remember Kyuhyun forever. “I’ll always love you,” he says, and brings Sungmin’s lips to his.
When they break apart, Kyuhyun stands up, and pulls Sungmin up with him. “Come on, it’s time to leave.”
The both of them drag their packed luggage to the door, and turn around for one last look of the room that they had shared for so many years, of the room the room that they had shared intimate moments in, as well as heated arguments, and of course, of the room that had been theirs.
“It’s hard letting go,” Sungmin mumbles, and puts on a brave face as he pushes hard on the door, resisting the urge to turn back.
***
Eeteuk feels like crying as he begins filling up his luggage, getting ready for the move back home. His wardrobe soon becomes barren and empty, and that is all the more depressing, he feels.
Kangin was still in the army-he hadn’t come back yet; how could they disband them without Kangin being around? He missed having Kangin to hold him when the bad news came and knocked him down, he missed having Kangin telling him that it would all be okay; he missed having Kangin wiping his tears away for him.
Kangin had called a few minutes ago, and they had talked, and Kangin had told him to be strong, hyung, for me, and he had also said I love you, I miss you, and I wish I was there for you, and he had even said I’ll see you on my next off day-this Sunday. Kangin’s voice alone was enough to make Eeteuk really happy, but…
But Kangin still wasn’t around, he was far away at some military camp, not sitting there next to Eeteuk, not holding Eeteuk and wiping away his tears, and so Eeteuk felt more alone than ever once he ended the call.
“Hey,” someone says from the doorway, and Eeteuk turns around to find Heechul smiling fondly at him.
“Ready to go?” Heechul asks, and for once his expression is soft, devoid from all the sarcasm that usually came with it.
“No,” Eeteuk tells him honestly, because he wasn’t, and he was sure that he wouldn’t ever be ready to leave.
Heechul sighs, and sits himself next to Eeteuk on the bed, stroking his back in a comforting manner. “I miss him too, Teukie.”
Eeteuk begins crying at this statement-he can’t help it; here he was, feeling sorry for himself, not bothering about the rest of his band members, and Heechul had reached out to him and tried to make him feel better-he didn’t receive his kindness at all.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” coos Heechul, and holds Eeteuk close to him, still rubbing his back constantly. “I’m here for you when Kangin’s not, okay?”
Eeteuk can’t say anything because he is crying so hard, and he clutches at Heechul’s shirt desperately, savouring the feeling of love that it gave him.
“Thank…you,” Eeteuk manages to choke out, “I’m…here for you too, Heechul-ah.”
And as Heechul’s own tears begin to make their solitary way down his cheeks, both of them hold the other close, finding the comfort in each other that they had been yearning for so badly, and for the first time in ages, they don’t feel lonely.
***
When Heechul leaves Eeteuk’s room to go pack up his own belongings, his phone vibrates, and he realizes that he has 15 missed calls from Hankyung, and a voice mail from him, as well.
When he opens the voice message, and hears Hankyung’s worried voice rambling on in broken Korean, Heechul begins crying again, and it felt as if there was an emotional hurricane in him, what with all the feelings that he felt right then...
“Heechul-ah, be strong. I’m sorry I’m not there with you right now to make you feel better, but I’m flying over soon, Chul, and I’ll be at your apartment in six hours. I love you, so don’t kill yourself. Get some soju for us to drink, okay? See you soon.”
Heechul replays the message six times just to make sure he isn’t dreaming, and cuddles the phone to his chest happily.
***
Siwon sits in the living room, slightly dazed, while waiting for all the members to pack up.
He feels lost, lonely and extremely low-spirited, and really doesn’t know what to do.
So he closes his eyes, and prays.
***
“God, I am so pissed off with SM,” Eunhyuk grumbles as he watches Shindong pack up his room for him. “So we’re missing some members. It doesn’t mean that they have to disband us, right?”
Shindong keeps quiet as he takes down the posters that Eunhyuk has plastered onto his room walls. He knows that Eunhyuk knows the truth-that yes, SM did have to disband them-but Eunhyuk just hadn’t accepted it yet, so Shindong keeps quiet; he doesn’t want to make him cry or something.
“This is just insanely dumb,” Eunhyuk continues ranting, throwing a couple of CDs into a bag. “It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. Oh my god, why am I even packing up? I should be fighting for our rights.”
Shindong laughs silently at how Eunhyuk could make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes. He always made a fuss over the slightest of things-but it was one of the characteristics that made him so lovable-his being a complete drama queen.
“Yeah, I think I shall go and find Manager hyung right now, and speak for all of us… that’s what I’ll do-”
“No, that’s not what you’re going to do,” Shindong tells him seriously while folding a couple of t-shirts. “We’ve been falling apart for a long time now, Hyuk. It’s about time we went our separate ways. Don’t make a fuss, because you know that it’s not worth it, yeah?”
Eunhyuk keeps quiet for a moment, but then he sighs, admitting defeat. He didn’t like the truth, but he knew he had to listen to Shindong. “Okay,” he says, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”
“We’re all going to miss this,” Shindong smiles at Eunhyuk while patting his hands comfortingly. “You won’t be the only one.”
“It’s just depressing that it’s over,” Eunhyuk says grumpily. “I didn’t even notice us falling apart-and now it’s like we won’t even talk anymore.”
“It’s not going to be that bad,” Shindong says, amused at Eunhyuk’s tendency to exaggerate. “And besides, some things have to fall apart, so that other things can fall in.”
“I don’t recall you being this deep,” Eunhyuk says thoughtfully.
Shindong laughs, and throws a pair of pants at him.
***
All of them gather in the lobby with their packed baggage, quiet and thoughtful and a little sad.
Kibum speaks up from where he has sat himself on Donghae’s luggage. “I have something to say,” he says loudly, making sure that everyone is looking at him before he continues.
“I know that some of you guys may hate me for not being around for so long,” he says sincerely, clutching at Donghae’s hand for a little more courage needed to make his speech. “But I had my reasons, okay? I just want to say that I’m really sorry, for leaving you when you might have needed me the most-and I’m really sorry,” he pauses, and turns to look at Donghae, “if I wasn’t here when you needed me.”
No one responds to this, not even Donghae, who is looking like he wants to cry (but then again, all of them do), and then all of a sudden Eeteuk flies at him and hugs him tightly, tears in his eyes; and then Donghae takes him into his arms, and then everyone follows suit, and soon everyone is hugging everybody, savouring their last passing of touches, their last exchanges of affection.
“I love you guys,” Eeteuk tells them all sincerely, tearing up again. “Keep in touch, yeah? Don’t forget each other.”
And his band members all nod their heads in agreement, afraid that if they spoke, they would cry.
Eeteuk laughs at the sight, and sniffles slightly, and sighs. “Well,” he smiles at them bravely. “I think we should go.”
And finally, they leave the building together, as one group once again, for the last time in their lives, to start their own new beginnings.
“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”
A/N: A big thank-you to everyone who read and commented :D