A Little Voice Told Me
hyukmin (!psychotic min), 3458 words
PG, romance/suspense/angst
Sungmin is a ruthless serial killer-- and then he meets someone he is unable to murder.
Prequel to Dirty Little Secret!
Do you know what it’s like living with a voice inside your head? A voice that is forever debating with you, forever questioning your actions, forever throwing insults at you? Do you know how embarrassing it is to talk to yourself in public in a futile attempt to get that voice to just shut up?
The voice never agrees with me; instead it picks a fight with me every single time I make a decision, and it drives me crazy-I’m always at war with myself, never having achieved inner peace before.
I’ve now found a way to get rid of the voice. Every time I kill someone, the voice goes away for a while, as if shocked my decision. It’s scared of what I’ve become; scared of what I could do to it, too. But it always comes back, and I’m not going to stop killing people until it gives me the peace I deserve.
***
The gun shot runs loud and clear in the cold, dark night-- he smirks as his unsuspecting victim, a middle aged man who looks about just about dead drunk, crumples to the ground, not knowing what hit him.
Sungmin prides himself that he is helping rid the world of people that did not deserve to live, like the man he just shot, the man who had been wasting his life away drinking beer after beer after beer. He had been watching the man for a while now, and finally decided that he would be his target for the night, because, he reasoned with himself, how can someone so pathetic deserve a life?
So he waits for the man to finish his drinks, and follows the staggering man out of the bar, snickering slightly-- how he loved surprises. He grinned to himself as the man leads him to a deserted alley (why is it always a deserted alleys? Sungmin ponders, but saves the thought for later on), and cocks his gun, getting ready for the kill.
As he stares at the dead man on the ground later on, he feels no remorse at all, nor fear-- for some reason, he has never been apprehended for the countless murders he has committed, which he attributes his good luck to. Either that, or the police of Seoul just couldn't be bothered nowadays. He is satisfied-- for the voice has stopped its usual constant nagging.
Truthfully, Sungmin hates the world, and does not actually want to make it a better place. Sungmin kills so that he can get rid of the voice in his head, even if it is just for a little while.
***
Hey Min, hey, hey Min. Min, hey Min.
Sungmin growls as he is awoken by the voice in his head again. "No, please," he murmurs. "Not again. Not so soon."
The voice laughs, ringing loud and clear, bouncing around Sungmin's already cramped up mind, as if looking for a way out. Yes. I'm back. You should know your methods don't scare me anymore. You've killed so many people that I've gotten used to it.
Sungmin snarls, sitting upright on his bed, pulling at his hair angrily, hoping that the voice would just go far, far away. Of course, even he didn't have that much luck.
Sungmin stays in a one-room apartment by himself, mostly because every one thought he was insane. He had no one, no family, no friends, no anyone but the stupid voice always chattering away in his brain.
"I'm going to work, please shut the fuck up there, I'm ignoring you anyway," he says out loud, and goes to take a long, hot shower before leaving his home.
***
Sungmin works as a librarian, which is ironic because he is usually the one making the most noise, when he is supposed to maintain the peace in the library. He giggles every time he thinks about how no one would suspect an innocent librarian for all the crazy murders that has been happening out there.
You'll get found out soon, the voice tells him in a mocking tone. I can't wait till you land yourself in jail.
Sungmin keeps down the feral growl that threatens to come out of his mouth, biting his lips as he tells himself to be patient.
Tonight he will get another victim, he decides. Just as long as he gets inner peace for a few moments.
Inner peace will never last... not while I'm around, anyway.
Sungmin lets the growl out, but then composes himself and goes back to stamping and lending out books.
***
His shift ends at 9 o'clock, just in time for him to stake out bars and look for people to kill. After he closes up the library, though, he finds himself getting a little bit desperate for someone to murder, because the annoying voice up in his head is refusing to keep quiet, and he feels more than just a little irritated.
I told you, it teased, I will not be scared away that easily anymore
.
Sungmin chooses to ignore the voice, and quickly locks up the library. He decides that he would go to Myeongdong today, the shopping district in Seoul that is infamous for many, many things-- Sungmin figures that it would be easy to find a quick kill there.
The moon makes eerie, shifting shadows as Sungmin walks to Myeongdong: it is quick a long way from the library that he works at, but he didn't mind-- he only struck late at night, anyway. The voice in his head never stopped talking throughout his whole walk to Myeongdong, which put Sungmin in a horrible mood, but he tells himself to endure because the voice would go away soon.
I'm not scared anymore...
"Shut up!" He screams at himself, and ignores the strange looks he receives from various passers-by-- he is used to it by now.
It is around half past ten when he reaches the district, but as he starts to make his way towards the most notorious bar in the district, something catches his attention.
He turns to his right, and he sees a drunkard blundering back the way that he had come from. Sungmin smirks. Drunkards were such easy kill-- they don't scream, they don't struggle, and they don't realize that they are in danger before it is all too late. Sungmin grins to himself as he begins to follow the man.
He keeps a grip on the handle of his knife and lets the man lead him back to a BMW. Drink driving, Sungmin muses. The people of this place should be grateful-- I'm about to rid their district from a potentially dangerous driver.
Remember, the voice giggles. I'm not going anywhere.
Sungmin grits his teeth as he follows the man into the car. How he relished the look of utter fear and shock on his victims' faces as they comprehend the fact that they were in danger. Before the man can start his car, however, Sungmin pounces, knife at the ready-- he had always been one for theatrics.
However, just before his blade manages to reach the man's neck, he sees the man's face. He sees the man's face, and stays rooted at his position for several long seconds before hurriedly retracting his knife and running away.
Sungmin runs and runs and runs some more, and his train of thought was along the lines of why did that happen why couldn't I kill him what happened how did he stop me what's happening to me am i losing my skill, and was occasionally interrupted by the voice in his head, which just made him feel worse, because it mocked and teased him, and mocked him again, with jeering words and insulting jokes.
How could have that happened? Sungmin asks himself for about the hundredth time, finding himself back in Myeongdong again. Why couldn't I have killed him? He was right in front of me...
Right in front of you... taunts the voice.
As Sungmin kills another undeserving human being later on that night, so as to calm his fears that he could not kill people anymore, he remembers the face of the man he couldn't kill. He was the one person that he couldn't murder so far, and Sungmin reasoned, as he concentrates on the man's face some more, that perhaps it was because he was too beautiful to be killed.
He is extremely relieved that the voice had run away, and wasn't there to mock his reasoning for now.
***
It had been a few days after that strange encounter at the bar, and after a long day of work, while locking up his place of work he turns around he finds himself face to face with the same young man that he could not kill-- the incredibly good looking young man, at that-- who is holding what looks like a book and peering curiously at Sungmin.
He holds hid breath as he takes in the man's beauty: he was incredibly skinny, dressed in a button down shirt with incredibly tight skinny jeans, and for some reason Sungmin finds this strangely attractive; his hair looked almost copper coloured in the sunset, his piercing, almond-shaped eyes (which were not, of course, widened in fear) seemed to look right into his soul and for a few seconds, Sungmin feared that the strange man was able to see through his seemingly innocent self and find out just how many people that he had killed.
He had baby-soft skin, and his cheeks glowed with a hint of pink, but Sungmin was most distracted by the man's lips. He had his thin, pink lips pursed together as he concentrated on assessing Sungmin as well. Sungmin licked his own lips as they continued to stare at each other, feeling ashamed at how much lust he was feeling now.
Well, well, the voice seems to be laughing at him. Distracted, are we?
Sungmin wants to scream No, please just go and die but he decides otherwise, he doesn't want to scare away the mysterious man who he found himself extremely attracted to.
"Are you closed for the day?" The man speaks, but Sungmin is a little too lost in his thoughts and barely registers what he says. He takes a whole three minutes before he manages to formulate a reply.
"Yeah, I've just locked up," Sungmin tells the man, his heart hammering furiously in his chest. "Did you need something?"
"Nah, it's okay," he says, and Sungmin does a double take as he flashes a brilliantly dazzling, gummy smile at him. Sungmin is relieved that the man does not seem to realize that he had been the one who was trying to kill him a few days back. "I'll just come back tomorrow. Thanks anyway."
Sungmin nods, manages a small smile, and watches the man walk away. He doesn't stop watching until he can't see him anymore.
Looks like someone's got himself a little crush.
"Keep quiet please," Sungmin is in no mood to argue, or murder anyone, for that matter, and so, for the first time in ages, he returns home and retires early for the night.
***
The next morning, he rushes to the library, because, even though he is embarrassed to admit it, he wants to meet the man he saw the day before. He is intrigued by him, to say the least.
So he opens up the library, and sits at his counter and waits. The voice in his head starts singing a nonsensical song, but he steadfastly ignores, and patiently waits.
Sungmin feels a little bit betrayed as the clock hits 9 o'clock that night and no one had shown up, perhaps a little bit angry as well-- he had been looking forward to seeing the man, perhaps even getting to know him better, but no one turned up that day.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA goes the laughter that is ringing around in his head.
He takes his anger out on more people that night, this time a couple, because they looked too happy and too in love for their own good, and as both their bodies lay dead on the floor he feels a little bit sad as he wonders what it would be like to have someone to love, as well.
***
The man finally returns to the library after 5 more days of Sungmin's patient vigilance. Sungmin had begun to give up hope of ever seeing the man ever again, but he came back in the end and Sungmin feels his heart go boom boom in his chest as the man walks towards him, smiling slightly.
Looks who's here, Min. Sungmin steadfastly ignores and turns his attention to the man.
"Hey," Sungmin greets him with a grin. "Come to finally return your book?"
"Yeah," the man laughs, handing over the book to Sungmin. "I kept forgetting to come here until today."
Sungmin takes the book and chucks it aside, turning his attention back on the man. "Well, thanks then," he swallows nervously, and can't think of anything more to say.
Well, well, mocks the voice once again, I never thought I'd see a serial killer get all flustered in front of anyone.
Before Sungmin can tell the voice to shut up, the man begins to speak, his eyes were gentle now as he stared into Sungmin's own.
"So," he leans on the counter, supporting his head with his hand. "What's your name?"
"Sungmin," he blushes slightly, and feels a little horrified at his heart going boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. He tells himself to calm down, and reassures himself that he is just a little nervous because he hasn't done this in ages.
"Well, Sungmin," the man flashes his gummy smile once more, and says a tad bit flirtatiously, "I'm Hyukjae, and let's just say that I didn't come back only to return my library book. Wanna go out later for a late dinner? I know you'll be done at 9..."
Sungmin takes a long time to comprehend what the man-- Hyukjae has said, and after a decade or two he feels himself smile from ear to ear as he tells Hyukjae that yes, he would be delighted to go out for dinner.
My, my Sungmin, how soft you've become.
Sungmin doesn't retaliate, and just continues chatting with Hyukjae, feeling his heart flutter around in his ribcage; he was glad he didn't kill him-- he really was too beautiful.
***
After that first date with Hyukjae, Sungmin began seeing him a lot more; Hyukjae always visited Sungmin at the library when he could, and Sungmin spent so much time over at Hyukjae's apartment so much so that it had become somewhat like a second home for Sungmin. Sungmin felt like such a girl around Hyukjae, and he was shocked at himself when he screamed and threw himself at Hyukjae when he asked Sungmin to be his boyfriend.
And when Hyukjae kissed him, it made Sungmin feel all nice and warm inside; it was like honey was leaking from his heart , all sweet and tasty and gooey and it made Sungmin feel so good. When Hyukjae kissed him, it felt so right and perfect and even though he knew it was sort of girly, he felt giddy with joy every time Hyukjae was around and he told himself that this had to be love.
What delighted Sungmin the most was that when Hyukjae was around, the voice went away too. When Sungmin was around Hyukjae, he was a normal guy who did normal things, who had a normal boyfriend and lived a normal life. He became normal, and he can't remember the last time he ever felt that way. Ever since that first date with Hyukjae, Sungmin had not killed anyone, something which he used to do on a daily basis.
Perhaps the voice got pissed at Sungmin's lack of attention, perhaps it resented Sungmin because he was no longer in emotional turmoil, perhaps it was just scared of Hyukjae, and finally left for good. Sungmin hoped for this, but, of course, nothing good ever lasts.
***
Sungmin was awoken one day by the voice singing and annoying melody again and again and again in his head. "What do you want now?" He whispers to himself, because he didn't want to awake Hyukjae, who was lying peacefully next to him.
I want to make a deal, the voice tells him.
Sungmin thinks, I don't want to hear it.
Yes, yes, you do, Sungmin swears that he can almost hear the smirk masked in the voice's calm tone. Because if you go through with the deal, I'll leave you. Forever. Don't you want that?
"Fine," Sungmin says in a low, dangerous tone. "Tell me more."
***
Think about it.
Sungmin is torn in both directions. The voice had told him that all he had to do was kill Hyukjae, and it would leave him forever. And that if he chose to stay with Hyukjae, it would never leave him alone.
Sungmin shakes his head as he watches Hyukjae's sleeping, peaceful face. Why should he be listening to some creepy voice in his head? Why should he let himself get himself be intimidated by it? He had been living with it all his life, and he'd done fine-- he was not going to kill Hyukjae, he loved him.
Right?
***
Sungmin tolerates the voice well at first, but it soon became hard to ignore. It was always whispering senseless things at the back of his head, and no matter how hard Sungmin tried to push it into the deepest and darkest corners of his minds, it still refused to budge, and stayed there.
He lies on Hyukjae's chest as they watch a movie together. He watches Hyukjae yawn and wraps his hands tighter around his boyfriend's waist. How could he murder someone like him? Someone so pure and beautiful, he didn't deserve death. Sungmin never got around to asking why Hyukjae had been drunk the other time, because it would be weird, as Hyukjae didn't even know that he had been there that night, but he was sure that he had a good reason for drinking that night...
He looks at Hyukjae and worries if he will ever get desperate enough to kill such a perfect person.
***
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, sings the voice in his head, distracting Sungmin from Hyukjae's mouth for a while.
"What's wrong, Minnie?" coos Hyukjae, stroking his face.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, sings the voice in his head.
Sungmin tells himself to stay tolerant, and gives Hyukjae a playful smile as he tells him, "You aren't kissing me hard enough."
Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck!
Sungmin feels the voice getting to him-- for 5 seconds the thought of murdering Hyukjae lingers in his head.
***
"Will you really leave me for good if I..." Sungmin falters slightly as he whispers to himself in the darkness of the bedroom, "If I kill him?"
Yes, of course. A deal's a deal.
Sungmin didn't know what he was thinking, believing a non-existent person that lived in his head. He must have been desperate. He loved Hyukjae. He loved Hyukjae. He loved Hyukjae...
"Okay. I'll... I'll do it."
***
Sungmin makes his move a week after making the decision.
"What are you doing, Sungmin?" shouts Hyukjae, his pupils dilated with fear as Sungmin backs him up against a wall, knife in hand.
"I'm sorry, Hyukkie," Sungmin feels himself tearing up, but he couldn't show any sign of weakness in front of Hyukjae-- that night, Hyukjae was his victim, his prey, and certainly not his lover. "I... I have to do this."
As Hyukjae reaches the wall, Sungmin watches him close his eyes and look down, not attempting to fight back. "I believe you, Min," Hyukjae opens his eyes and looks right at Sungmin; his eyes seemed to look right into his soul again. "And... I love you."
Sungmin sees the same face that he had seen that night in the car. He can't do this. He was too perfect, too beautiful, too sweet to kill. Sungmin's eyes glaze over as he makes another decision.
What? the voice is scared. Are you insane?
He can't live with himself-- he realizes has to go.
No. Stop this.
All those years that he had been killing people just to get rid of that voice in his head... how could he have not seen it before? The solution was so simple, and it only was obvious to Sungmin now.
Don't even dare, Sungmin.
"I love you too, Hyukjae," Sungmin starts crying for the first time in ages. "And I'm really sorry."
And then, all Sungmin hears is Hyukjae's screams as he plunges the knife into his body.
A/N: I'm sorry this is so horrible. I couldn't write this at all, really ): And I know the grammar's horrible! /bricked thank you for reading anyway! <3
PG, romance/suspense/angst
Sungmin is a ruthless serial killer-- and then he meets someone he is unable to murder.
Prequel to Dirty Little Secret!
Do you know what it’s like living with a voice inside your head? A voice that is forever debating with you, forever questioning your actions, forever throwing insults at you? Do you know how embarrassing it is to talk to yourself in public in a futile attempt to get that voice to just shut up?
The voice never agrees with me; instead it picks a fight with me every single time I make a decision, and it drives me crazy-I’m always at war with myself, never having achieved inner peace before.
I’ve now found a way to get rid of the voice. Every time I kill someone, the voice goes away for a while, as if shocked my decision. It’s scared of what I’ve become; scared of what I could do to it, too. But it always comes back, and I’m not going to stop killing people until it gives me the peace I deserve.
***
The gun shot runs loud and clear in the cold, dark night-- he smirks as his unsuspecting victim, a middle aged man who looks about just about dead drunk, crumples to the ground, not knowing what hit him.
Sungmin prides himself that he is helping rid the world of people that did not deserve to live, like the man he just shot, the man who had been wasting his life away drinking beer after beer after beer. He had been watching the man for a while now, and finally decided that he would be his target for the night, because, he reasoned with himself, how can someone so pathetic deserve a life?
So he waits for the man to finish his drinks, and follows the staggering man out of the bar, snickering slightly-- how he loved surprises. He grinned to himself as the man leads him to a deserted alley (why is it always a deserted alleys? Sungmin ponders, but saves the thought for later on), and cocks his gun, getting ready for the kill.
As he stares at the dead man on the ground later on, he feels no remorse at all, nor fear-- for some reason, he has never been apprehended for the countless murders he has committed, which he attributes his good luck to. Either that, or the police of Seoul just couldn't be bothered nowadays. He is satisfied-- for the voice has stopped its usual constant nagging.
Truthfully, Sungmin hates the world, and does not actually want to make it a better place. Sungmin kills so that he can get rid of the voice in his head, even if it is just for a little while.
***
Hey Min, hey, hey Min. Min, hey Min.
Sungmin growls as he is awoken by the voice in his head again. "No, please," he murmurs. "Not again. Not so soon."
The voice laughs, ringing loud and clear, bouncing around Sungmin's already cramped up mind, as if looking for a way out. Yes. I'm back. You should know your methods don't scare me anymore. You've killed so many people that I've gotten used to it.
Sungmin snarls, sitting upright on his bed, pulling at his hair angrily, hoping that the voice would just go far, far away. Of course, even he didn't have that much luck.
Sungmin stays in a one-room apartment by himself, mostly because every one thought he was insane. He had no one, no family, no friends, no anyone but the stupid voice always chattering away in his brain.
"I'm going to work, please shut the fuck up there, I'm ignoring you anyway," he says out loud, and goes to take a long, hot shower before leaving his home.
***
Sungmin works as a librarian, which is ironic because he is usually the one making the most noise, when he is supposed to maintain the peace in the library. He giggles every time he thinks about how no one would suspect an innocent librarian for all the crazy murders that has been happening out there.
You'll get found out soon, the voice tells him in a mocking tone. I can't wait till you land yourself in jail.
Sungmin keeps down the feral growl that threatens to come out of his mouth, biting his lips as he tells himself to be patient.
Tonight he will get another victim, he decides. Just as long as he gets inner peace for a few moments.
Inner peace will never last... not while I'm around, anyway.
Sungmin lets the growl out, but then composes himself and goes back to stamping and lending out books.
***
His shift ends at 9 o'clock, just in time for him to stake out bars and look for people to kill. After he closes up the library, though, he finds himself getting a little bit desperate for someone to murder, because the annoying voice up in his head is refusing to keep quiet, and he feels more than just a little irritated.
I told you, it teased, I will not be scared away that easily anymore
.
Sungmin chooses to ignore the voice, and quickly locks up the library. He decides that he would go to Myeongdong today, the shopping district in Seoul that is infamous for many, many things-- Sungmin figures that it would be easy to find a quick kill there.
The moon makes eerie, shifting shadows as Sungmin walks to Myeongdong: it is quick a long way from the library that he works at, but he didn't mind-- he only struck late at night, anyway. The voice in his head never stopped talking throughout his whole walk to Myeongdong, which put Sungmin in a horrible mood, but he tells himself to endure because the voice would go away soon.
I'm not scared anymore...
"Shut up!" He screams at himself, and ignores the strange looks he receives from various passers-by-- he is used to it by now.
It is around half past ten when he reaches the district, but as he starts to make his way towards the most notorious bar in the district, something catches his attention.
He turns to his right, and he sees a drunkard blundering back the way that he had come from. Sungmin smirks. Drunkards were such easy kill-- they don't scream, they don't struggle, and they don't realize that they are in danger before it is all too late. Sungmin grins to himself as he begins to follow the man.
He keeps a grip on the handle of his knife and lets the man lead him back to a BMW. Drink driving, Sungmin muses. The people of this place should be grateful-- I'm about to rid their district from a potentially dangerous driver.
Remember, the voice giggles. I'm not going anywhere.
Sungmin grits his teeth as he follows the man into the car. How he relished the look of utter fear and shock on his victims' faces as they comprehend the fact that they were in danger. Before the man can start his car, however, Sungmin pounces, knife at the ready-- he had always been one for theatrics.
However, just before his blade manages to reach the man's neck, he sees the man's face. He sees the man's face, and stays rooted at his position for several long seconds before hurriedly retracting his knife and running away.
Sungmin runs and runs and runs some more, and his train of thought was along the lines of why did that happen why couldn't I kill him what happened how did he stop me what's happening to me am i losing my skill, and was occasionally interrupted by the voice in his head, which just made him feel worse, because it mocked and teased him, and mocked him again, with jeering words and insulting jokes.
How could have that happened? Sungmin asks himself for about the hundredth time, finding himself back in Myeongdong again. Why couldn't I have killed him? He was right in front of me...
Right in front of you... taunts the voice.
As Sungmin kills another undeserving human being later on that night, so as to calm his fears that he could not kill people anymore, he remembers the face of the man he couldn't kill. He was the one person that he couldn't murder so far, and Sungmin reasoned, as he concentrates on the man's face some more, that perhaps it was because he was too beautiful to be killed.
He is extremely relieved that the voice had run away, and wasn't there to mock his reasoning for now.
***
It had been a few days after that strange encounter at the bar, and after a long day of work, while locking up his place of work he turns around he finds himself face to face with the same young man that he could not kill-- the incredibly good looking young man, at that-- who is holding what looks like a book and peering curiously at Sungmin.
He holds hid breath as he takes in the man's beauty: he was incredibly skinny, dressed in a button down shirt with incredibly tight skinny jeans, and for some reason Sungmin finds this strangely attractive; his hair looked almost copper coloured in the sunset, his piercing, almond-shaped eyes (which were not, of course, widened in fear) seemed to look right into his soul and for a few seconds, Sungmin feared that the strange man was able to see through his seemingly innocent self and find out just how many people that he had killed.
He had baby-soft skin, and his cheeks glowed with a hint of pink, but Sungmin was most distracted by the man's lips. He had his thin, pink lips pursed together as he concentrated on assessing Sungmin as well. Sungmin licked his own lips as they continued to stare at each other, feeling ashamed at how much lust he was feeling now.
Well, well, the voice seems to be laughing at him. Distracted, are we?
Sungmin wants to scream No, please just go and die but he decides otherwise, he doesn't want to scare away the mysterious man who he found himself extremely attracted to.
"Are you closed for the day?" The man speaks, but Sungmin is a little too lost in his thoughts and barely registers what he says. He takes a whole three minutes before he manages to formulate a reply.
"Yeah, I've just locked up," Sungmin tells the man, his heart hammering furiously in his chest. "Did you need something?"
"Nah, it's okay," he says, and Sungmin does a double take as he flashes a brilliantly dazzling, gummy smile at him. Sungmin is relieved that the man does not seem to realize that he had been the one who was trying to kill him a few days back. "I'll just come back tomorrow. Thanks anyway."
Sungmin nods, manages a small smile, and watches the man walk away. He doesn't stop watching until he can't see him anymore.
Looks like someone's got himself a little crush.
"Keep quiet please," Sungmin is in no mood to argue, or murder anyone, for that matter, and so, for the first time in ages, he returns home and retires early for the night.
***
The next morning, he rushes to the library, because, even though he is embarrassed to admit it, he wants to meet the man he saw the day before. He is intrigued by him, to say the least.
So he opens up the library, and sits at his counter and waits. The voice in his head starts singing a nonsensical song, but he steadfastly ignores, and patiently waits.
Sungmin feels a little bit betrayed as the clock hits 9 o'clock that night and no one had shown up, perhaps a little bit angry as well-- he had been looking forward to seeing the man, perhaps even getting to know him better, but no one turned up that day.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA goes the laughter that is ringing around in his head.
He takes his anger out on more people that night, this time a couple, because they looked too happy and too in love for their own good, and as both their bodies lay dead on the floor he feels a little bit sad as he wonders what it would be like to have someone to love, as well.
***
The man finally returns to the library after 5 more days of Sungmin's patient vigilance. Sungmin had begun to give up hope of ever seeing the man ever again, but he came back in the end and Sungmin feels his heart go boom boom in his chest as the man walks towards him, smiling slightly.
Looks who's here, Min. Sungmin steadfastly ignores and turns his attention to the man.
"Hey," Sungmin greets him with a grin. "Come to finally return your book?"
"Yeah," the man laughs, handing over the book to Sungmin. "I kept forgetting to come here until today."
Sungmin takes the book and chucks it aside, turning his attention back on the man. "Well, thanks then," he swallows nervously, and can't think of anything more to say.
Well, well, mocks the voice once again, I never thought I'd see a serial killer get all flustered in front of anyone.
Before Sungmin can tell the voice to shut up, the man begins to speak, his eyes were gentle now as he stared into Sungmin's own.
"So," he leans on the counter, supporting his head with his hand. "What's your name?"
"Sungmin," he blushes slightly, and feels a little horrified at his heart going boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. He tells himself to calm down, and reassures himself that he is just a little nervous because he hasn't done this in ages.
"Well, Sungmin," the man flashes his gummy smile once more, and says a tad bit flirtatiously, "I'm Hyukjae, and let's just say that I didn't come back only to return my library book. Wanna go out later for a late dinner? I know you'll be done at 9..."
Sungmin takes a long time to comprehend what the man-- Hyukjae has said, and after a decade or two he feels himself smile from ear to ear as he tells Hyukjae that yes, he would be delighted to go out for dinner.
My, my Sungmin, how soft you've become.
Sungmin doesn't retaliate, and just continues chatting with Hyukjae, feeling his heart flutter around in his ribcage; he was glad he didn't kill him-- he really was too beautiful.
***
After that first date with Hyukjae, Sungmin began seeing him a lot more; Hyukjae always visited Sungmin at the library when he could, and Sungmin spent so much time over at Hyukjae's apartment so much so that it had become somewhat like a second home for Sungmin. Sungmin felt like such a girl around Hyukjae, and he was shocked at himself when he screamed and threw himself at Hyukjae when he asked Sungmin to be his boyfriend.
And when Hyukjae kissed him, it made Sungmin feel all nice and warm inside; it was like honey was leaking from his heart , all sweet and tasty and gooey and it made Sungmin feel so good. When Hyukjae kissed him, it felt so right and perfect and even though he knew it was sort of girly, he felt giddy with joy every time Hyukjae was around and he told himself that this had to be love.
What delighted Sungmin the most was that when Hyukjae was around, the voice went away too. When Sungmin was around Hyukjae, he was a normal guy who did normal things, who had a normal boyfriend and lived a normal life. He became normal, and he can't remember the last time he ever felt that way. Ever since that first date with Hyukjae, Sungmin had not killed anyone, something which he used to do on a daily basis.
Perhaps the voice got pissed at Sungmin's lack of attention, perhaps it resented Sungmin because he was no longer in emotional turmoil, perhaps it was just scared of Hyukjae, and finally left for good. Sungmin hoped for this, but, of course, nothing good ever lasts.
***
Sungmin was awoken one day by the voice singing and annoying melody again and again and again in his head. "What do you want now?" He whispers to himself, because he didn't want to awake Hyukjae, who was lying peacefully next to him.
I want to make a deal, the voice tells him.
Sungmin thinks, I don't want to hear it.
Yes, yes, you do, Sungmin swears that he can almost hear the smirk masked in the voice's calm tone. Because if you go through with the deal, I'll leave you. Forever. Don't you want that?
"Fine," Sungmin says in a low, dangerous tone. "Tell me more."
***
Think about it.
Sungmin is torn in both directions. The voice had told him that all he had to do was kill Hyukjae, and it would leave him forever. And that if he chose to stay with Hyukjae, it would never leave him alone.
Sungmin shakes his head as he watches Hyukjae's sleeping, peaceful face. Why should he be listening to some creepy voice in his head? Why should he let himself get himself be intimidated by it? He had been living with it all his life, and he'd done fine-- he was not going to kill Hyukjae, he loved him.
Right?
***
Sungmin tolerates the voice well at first, but it soon became hard to ignore. It was always whispering senseless things at the back of his head, and no matter how hard Sungmin tried to push it into the deepest and darkest corners of his minds, it still refused to budge, and stayed there.
He lies on Hyukjae's chest as they watch a movie together. He watches Hyukjae yawn and wraps his hands tighter around his boyfriend's waist. How could he murder someone like him? Someone so pure and beautiful, he didn't deserve death. Sungmin never got around to asking why Hyukjae had been drunk the other time, because it would be weird, as Hyukjae didn't even know that he had been there that night, but he was sure that he had a good reason for drinking that night...
He looks at Hyukjae and worries if he will ever get desperate enough to kill such a perfect person.
***
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, sings the voice in his head, distracting Sungmin from Hyukjae's mouth for a while.
"What's wrong, Minnie?" coos Hyukjae, stroking his face.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, sings the voice in his head.
Sungmin tells himself to stay tolerant, and gives Hyukjae a playful smile as he tells him, "You aren't kissing me hard enough."
Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck!
Sungmin feels the voice getting to him-- for 5 seconds the thought of murdering Hyukjae lingers in his head.
***
"Will you really leave me for good if I..." Sungmin falters slightly as he whispers to himself in the darkness of the bedroom, "If I kill him?"
Yes, of course. A deal's a deal.
Sungmin didn't know what he was thinking, believing a non-existent person that lived in his head. He must have been desperate. He loved Hyukjae. He loved Hyukjae. He loved Hyukjae...
"Okay. I'll... I'll do it."
***
Sungmin makes his move a week after making the decision.
"What are you doing, Sungmin?" shouts Hyukjae, his pupils dilated with fear as Sungmin backs him up against a wall, knife in hand.
"I'm sorry, Hyukkie," Sungmin feels himself tearing up, but he couldn't show any sign of weakness in front of Hyukjae-- that night, Hyukjae was his victim, his prey, and certainly not his lover. "I... I have to do this."
As Hyukjae reaches the wall, Sungmin watches him close his eyes and look down, not attempting to fight back. "I believe you, Min," Hyukjae opens his eyes and looks right at Sungmin; his eyes seemed to look right into his soul again. "And... I love you."
Sungmin sees the same face that he had seen that night in the car. He can't do this. He was too perfect, too beautiful, too sweet to kill. Sungmin's eyes glaze over as he makes another decision.
What? the voice is scared. Are you insane?
He can't live with himself-- he realizes has to go.
No. Stop this.
All those years that he had been killing people just to get rid of that voice in his head... how could he have not seen it before? The solution was so simple, and it only was obvious to Sungmin now.
Don't even dare, Sungmin.
"I love you too, Hyukjae," Sungmin starts crying for the first time in ages. "And I'm really sorry."
And then, all Sungmin hears is Hyukjae's screams as he plunges the knife into his body.
A/N: I'm sorry this is so horrible. I couldn't write this at all, really ): And I know the grammar's horrible! /bricked thank you for reading anyway! <3