On River's fish and what happened last night with Ryuuken
Gosh, I'm full of OOC crap lately, aren't I? In any case, this is an essay that I've been thinking about since the weekend and that has just become actually important to write, if only in my head. Anyway.
Del braided River's hair for the first time because of something traumatizing that had happened, with the intention of calming her down. I forget what the situation was, exactly. It MIGHT have been Bleach weekend, or everyone freaks out and goes evil weekend, or some kind of weekend. In any case, River was in a bad way, and to make her feel better, Del braided her hair and turned it rainbow. I went a step farther with this and gave her little silver fishies that swam through her underwater hair. When I thought it was going to be a one-off, I didn't really bother explaining it, but now that I think I'm going to be using it as a device to keep River functional during big emo/drama/badfeely campwide events, it probably deserves an explaination.
The fish that swim through River's hair are little encapsulated traumas and secrets, both her own and others, that are moved outside of River's consciousness. Since it's impossible to stop the influx of things into River's mind, I decided that it was worth it to me, as a player, to have an 'out' of sorts. Basically, everything that it is extremely difficult for River to deal with is not in her head. There are things she doesn't remember at all during the times when she has the fish, and there are other things that she can address somewhat dispassionately. While she's got the fish, River goes around in a kind of eerie serenity. She still feels what other people feel and hears their thoughts, but it doesn't overwhelm her.
The benefits to this are obvious, but there is one rather huge drawback. It becomes more difficult for River to speak when she has her fish--part of her trauma is that she has difficulty communicating and that words don't work for her as they do for everyone else. The fish don't take it away, but they do mute her drive to push people to understand her. Not being understood doesn't frustrate her (nothing much frustrates her, actually), so she doesn't make the normal effort required to talk to people.
I don't intend to use this device that often--only when things are happening on a camp-wide (or otherwise pretty large) scale that will render River either dangerous or completely nonfunctional. This solution is intended to be somewhat eerie and discomfiting without creating the sort of emo that would result if River went either catatonic with fear or snapped and started hurting people. I don't feel comfortable unleashing either of those senarios on the people close to River.
This thread in Ikkaku's post was actually a somewhat big deal in terms of River's characterization and would probably not have happened this way without River's fish, so I feel the need to explain it.
Obviously, River has fairly strong feelings toward Ryuuken. Most of these have happened offscreen and were started in no small way by Simon's affection and respect for Ryuuken. However, last night, for what I'm pretty sure is the first time, River's feelings and actions toward Ryuuken were not based off Simon's feelings. Her desire to comfort him and understanding that what he needed was to be held and accepted and given comfort freely came from River, not from Simon's desire for Ryuuken to stop hurting himself.
Further, in this thread River was presented a choice: to stay and comfort Ryuuken or follow after Simon and comfort him. For the first time in camp (I'm pretty sure, anyway), River chose to comfort someone else over her brother. Now, it must be understood (and I frequently take the for granted) that Simon is the center of River's universe. His pain trumps everything else. She spends a LOT of time offscreen hugging and comforting and sitting and being with Simon because he is a broken and very sad panda. But this time, she let him run off to cry without her.
Why? Because with her fish, River was capable of realizing that Ryuuken needed her more in that moment. Simon's (very justified) angst about the fact that their parents sold River to a horrible fate and then shamed and embarrassed Simon into attempting to ignore his instincts and River's pleas and leave her in that situation, and then disown him when he kept trying to get her out is a pretty freaking huge emo, and it all crashed down on him in that moment. However, it's not something she can help him deal with. She has known for a much longer time than Simon what her parents did, and while it does make her incoherently angry and sad to think about it, with her fish she cannot think about it. The memories are little silver fish swimming outside her head. Plus, on some level, she knows that she is a constant reminder of what her parents did and how it ruined both of their lives, and staring at that while trying to cope with the information is probably not helpful. Simon needed time to himself to freak out and then to mourn, and River-with-fish can understand that. River-without-fish would have run off after him and left Ryuuken because she is unable to ignore Simon's pain.
So. This situation, which changed River and Ryuuken's relationship in a big way (on River's end, anyway) and probably legitimately helped Ryuuken deal with stuff that he really, really couldn't cope with, would not have happened without River's fish. But that doesn't mean that when the fish are gone that the lesson won't still be there. River learned two very important lessons last night: that Simon is sometimes not the most important thing, and that she can actually comfort and help someone besides Simon. Plus, she declared Ryuuken as one of her surrougate-fathers in one of the most obvious and public ways that she could've and that she will, in the way that she can, try and take care of him too. Ryuudaddy ♥
Del braided River's hair for the first time because of something traumatizing that had happened, with the intention of calming her down. I forget what the situation was, exactly. It MIGHT have been Bleach weekend, or everyone freaks out and goes evil weekend, or some kind of weekend. In any case, River was in a bad way, and to make her feel better, Del braided her hair and turned it rainbow. I went a step farther with this and gave her little silver fishies that swam through her underwater hair. When I thought it was going to be a one-off, I didn't really bother explaining it, but now that I think I'm going to be using it as a device to keep River functional during big emo/drama/badfeely campwide events, it probably deserves an explaination.
The fish that swim through River's hair are little encapsulated traumas and secrets, both her own and others, that are moved outside of River's consciousness. Since it's impossible to stop the influx of things into River's mind, I decided that it was worth it to me, as a player, to have an 'out' of sorts. Basically, everything that it is extremely difficult for River to deal with is not in her head. There are things she doesn't remember at all during the times when she has the fish, and there are other things that she can address somewhat dispassionately. While she's got the fish, River goes around in a kind of eerie serenity. She still feels what other people feel and hears their thoughts, but it doesn't overwhelm her.
The benefits to this are obvious, but there is one rather huge drawback. It becomes more difficult for River to speak when she has her fish--part of her trauma is that she has difficulty communicating and that words don't work for her as they do for everyone else. The fish don't take it away, but they do mute her drive to push people to understand her. Not being understood doesn't frustrate her (nothing much frustrates her, actually), so she doesn't make the normal effort required to talk to people.
I don't intend to use this device that often--only when things are happening on a camp-wide (or otherwise pretty large) scale that will render River either dangerous or completely nonfunctional. This solution is intended to be somewhat eerie and discomfiting without creating the sort of emo that would result if River went either catatonic with fear or snapped and started hurting people. I don't feel comfortable unleashing either of those senarios on the people close to River.
This thread in Ikkaku's post was actually a somewhat big deal in terms of River's characterization and would probably not have happened this way without River's fish, so I feel the need to explain it.
Obviously, River has fairly strong feelings toward Ryuuken. Most of these have happened offscreen and were started in no small way by Simon's affection and respect for Ryuuken. However, last night, for what I'm pretty sure is the first time, River's feelings and actions toward Ryuuken were not based off Simon's feelings. Her desire to comfort him and understanding that what he needed was to be held and accepted and given comfort freely came from River, not from Simon's desire for Ryuuken to stop hurting himself.
Further, in this thread River was presented a choice: to stay and comfort Ryuuken or follow after Simon and comfort him. For the first time in camp (I'm pretty sure, anyway), River chose to comfort someone else over her brother. Now, it must be understood (and I frequently take the for granted) that Simon is the center of River's universe. His pain trumps everything else. She spends a LOT of time offscreen hugging and comforting and sitting and being with Simon because he is a broken and very sad panda. But this time, she let him run off to cry without her.
Why? Because with her fish, River was capable of realizing that Ryuuken needed her more in that moment. Simon's (very justified) angst about the fact that their parents sold River to a horrible fate and then shamed and embarrassed Simon into attempting to ignore his instincts and River's pleas and leave her in that situation, and then disown him when he kept trying to get her out is a pretty freaking huge emo, and it all crashed down on him in that moment. However, it's not something she can help him deal with. She has known for a much longer time than Simon what her parents did, and while it does make her incoherently angry and sad to think about it, with her fish she cannot think about it. The memories are little silver fish swimming outside her head. Plus, on some level, she knows that she is a constant reminder of what her parents did and how it ruined both of their lives, and staring at that while trying to cope with the information is probably not helpful. Simon needed time to himself to freak out and then to mourn, and River-with-fish can understand that. River-without-fish would have run off after him and left Ryuuken because she is unable to ignore Simon's pain.
So. This situation, which changed River and Ryuuken's relationship in a big way (on River's end, anyway) and probably legitimately helped Ryuuken deal with stuff that he really, really couldn't cope with, would not have happened without River's fish. But that doesn't mean that when the fish are gone that the lesson won't still be there. River learned two very important lessons last night: that Simon is sometimes not the most important thing, and that she can actually comfort and help someone besides Simon. Plus, she declared Ryuuken as one of her surrougate-fathers in one of the most obvious and public ways that she could've and that she will, in the way that she can, try and take care of him too. Ryuudaddy ♥