Rant: Me and My Tampons

[littera_abactor]

Note: This post contains discussion of feminine unmentionables. Those who have issues with this - or who are deeply disturbed by the normal cycles of the female human body - should skip right over this one. (And probably start some therapy, but that's just my guess

Comments

[ficbyzee]

My god I love your rants. So much. So much.

This is why I'm relatively happy using O.B. tamons. No stupid 'feminine' name, no pink or purple or tulip-y box, and best of all no annoying wasteful applicators. I haven't bothered to read the instructions, which are probably as moronic as the ones you ranted about, but I have yet to read instructions for anything under the sun that were remotely useful, so.

[littera_abactor]

Thank you.

And, you know, after this little reading experience, I'm seriously considering switching to the Diva Cup. I mean, the name is annoying, but I bet the manufacturers can tell the difference between me and my dog, and that would be a huge step up.

And if that doesn't work, I'll be investigating OB.

(Also, my advice is: read the instructions on everything. Instructions are the most underappreciated form of humor writing in this country.)

[bonniers]

The grams/flow thing was a major step forward for women with heavy flow when they introduced it a few years back. It let you figure out which "super" tampons really did absorb enough to let you sit through lunch without having to get up to change twice during the meal. OB is the only company that has an ultra-super-heavy-duty tampon that can cope with life after three kids and approaching menopause...

[littera_abactor]

*eyes your icon with great suspicion*

That wouldn't be an all-natural, running-jumping-playing tulip, now, would it? Okay, I thought not, but right now these are questions I've got to ask.

And thank you! I'm glad I made you laugh.

I'm actually at this point investigating cups, on the grounds that they'd be cheaper and could hardly be more irritating and patronizing, and if not? OB for me. (Although my plumber brother-in-law says you shouldn't flush any part of a tampon, and I always trust a man with a giant snake, so I still won't be flushing them.)

[littera_abactor]

See, the idea of not flushing them icked me right out, too. But the prospect of having yet another conversation about the Menace of Tampons (second only to the Menace of Trees, on which my BiL is just...wow) with the man who is married to my sister, well. That changed things. Suddenly not flushing them didn't seem nearly so unappealing.

*eyes Teyla*

Much better. (Am I the only person who wonders if the Atlantis expedition worried about running out of tampons when they were cut off from earth? Or is it just one of those things that everyone except me knows better than to think about, let alone talk about?)

[suchthefangirl]

I am going to make a confession here. I am very, very old, and in my life, I have bought exactly one box of tampons and half of said box is still sitting in my bathroom, and I had to ask a complete stranger at the store for advice in buying said box. I personally hate the damn things and only bought them so I could swim all month, and eventually gave up swimming cause it was easier. The box (which, gotta admit, I did read) scared the hell out of me, and confirmed all the fears that had kept me from using them for the 30plus years that I could have been. I am a wuss.

Your post, however was very funny.

[littera_abactor]

For medical reasons - namely, it's the easiest way to check for an imperforate hymen on a girl who refuses to get a pelvic exam (my sister had one, which put me at risk, so my mother issued me a tampon and some instructions in a conversation that left me scarred for life) - I was introduced to tampons at the age of 12.

I hated them. I did my medically prescribed insertion and then went running back to pads.

A few years later, though, I tried them again, and after spending a lot of time wearing what I thought of as diapers, only somehow less dignified, tampons were not nearly so repellant. My point is: I totally sympathize with not liking the fuckers, although (if you ever want to take up swimming again) I promise you using them does get easier.

[batshua]

"…so my mother issued me a tampon and some instructions in a conversation that left me scarred for life"

What on God's green earth did your mother tell you?!

[indywind]

They do get easier to use, honest. Just like sex, the more tense you are about it, the more awkward and unpleasant it feels.

There are some women for whom they just don't fit quite right. My gf is one; her body tends to expell them over an hour or two, just due to her shape and involuntary muscle contraction. She has the same problem with, ahem, other things inserted in the same way.

[mamadeb]

Okay. Tears. I have tears in my eyes from laughing.

That is just beautiful. Like a red tulip.

On the hand.

The Keeper.

I haven't purchased a box of tampons in years. (But I'm still not wearing white during my period.)

[mamadeb]

On the OTHER hand

sheesh

[littera_abactor]

Seeeriously considering it at this point. May shell out the dollars today, in fact, because - well. *waves hand at post*

I'm just trying to decide between The Keeper and the Diva Cup, both of which I've seen mentioned positively right here on LJ.

*considers*

[mamadeb]

Honestly? I have the Keeper and I like it just fine, but I'd go for the Diva Cup, on the grounds that silicon is probably a better thing to have in your body than latex.

[kassrachel]

::dies laughing::

You are awesome.

[littera_abactor]

*beams*

Thank you!