The WIP Meme
I love this meme, so I thought I'd do it. Only it turns out that there's a serious downside to that, namely, one has to read one's old works in progress.
The Valentine's Day Massacre (BtVS AU)
Angel: *is evil*
Buffy: *is horribly and disgustingly dead in her bedroom*
Joyce: AIIIIEEEE!
Police officer: Jesus, this girl had a lot of weapons. And what's with all this holy water?
Police officer: She had tons of healed injuries, too.
Police officer: And she spent a lot of time hanging around with that weird school librarian. Who, look, also has weapons and occult stuff everywhere.
Giles: Oh, shit. I'm going to be arrested. But I deserve it for being such a bad Watcher.
Willow: *lies badly to protect Giles*
Xander: *lies well, but at cross-purposes to Willow, to protect Giles*
Jenny Calendar: *is not dead, and therefore saves the day*
Author: See, this is why people who can write smut start with PWP. This plotty gen stuff is hard.
Clinging to the Wheel, Part 2
Author: It's probably a bad idea to write a sequel to somebody else's story without permission.
Jim and Blair: Yes, it is.
Author: Next!
Happy to See You
Random Police Officer Named for Nobel Prize Winner: *makes homophobic joke*
Ray: *swears*
Fraser: *acts clueless*
Plot: *completely absent*
Author: You know, there's an excellent reason I have that "don’t write in fandoms where you haven’t seen the canon" rule. Which this would violate.
Author: Plus, was this going somewhere?
Untitled SN Story
Young Jeremy: *has Deaf girlfriend*
Young Jeremy: *has assorted problems*
Author: Good god, this is the most boring thing I've ever read, and I've read both Moby Dick and the world's worst anthropology textbook.
Author: Also, I don't remember writing this, and you'd think I would, given that it's so astonishingly boring.
Author: *begins formulating conspiracy theories about aliens saving interloper works in progress on her computer solely to stop her writing fan fiction*
Author: The tragic part is, the aliens-against-bad-fan-fiction plot is much better than anything I've come up with so far.
Untitled Ocean's 11 Story
Danny: *has sex with Tess because he loves Rusty so much*
Rusty: *totally understands that*
Author: Oh my god. Now I understand why I don't write smut.
Untitled PotC Story
Jack: *is not present, even though he's the one of the two characters in PotC that I truly like*
Norrington: *is not present, even though he's the other of the two characters in PotC that I truly like*
Will: *is the main character even though I don't much like him, and, as it turns out, couldn't write his voice to save my soul*
Elizabeth: *drinks tea*
Author: You know, technically this isn't a work in progress. It's a finished piece of absolute crap.
Untitled BtVS S/X Story
Spike and Xander: *have sex, only it isn't very good sex, nor is it especially well-written*
Xander: *muses on a topic of interest only to the author, in the author's voice instead of his own*
Author: Wow, my issues are really showing, aren't they?
Surprise Me
Jeremy: *has relationship crisis*
Jeremy: *for reasons unknown, brings said crisis to Danny and Casey for advice*
Jeremy: You know, I'm supposed to be the smart one. Why would I do that?
Author: Shut up and sit down. I mean, at least this story has a plot.
Jeremy: I would shut up, only you have me babbling like an insane loon, or like you when you're drunk, for most of two pages.
Author: But there's a plot!
Danny and Casey: *bicker*
Jeremy: Holy shit, you guys are like totally fucking, aren’t you?
Danny and Casey: Well, of course.
Jeremy: Hey, that's completely solved my relationship problem!
Millions of imaginary readers: What?
Author: But it has a plot!
Jeremy: Doesn't help much unless it's a good one.
Danny: Plus, what's with the strange office basketball subplot? Does that have any relevance at all to the main plot? Or the story? Or anything at all on this planet?
Casey: I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that the dialog you write for me sounds exactly like Danny.
Author: The next person who makes an editorial remark will be in the next story I start but fail to finish, which will be about a random Sports Night staffer getting dunked in Jello for charity.
Jeremy, Danny, and Casey: …
There’s No I in Team
Dana: This is a TQM-type consultant, who has been hired by the network in a fit of greater than usual stupidity.
Combined staff of Sports Night: *eats TQM-type consultant alive*
TQM-type consultant: *is too dense to notice*
Author: Damn, I wish I had some idea where this is going, because there's actually some decent dialog in here.
Casey: Notice how I still sound like Danny, though.
Author: OK, buster, it's the Jello for you.
The Valentine's Day Massacre (BtVS AU)
Angel: *is evil*
Buffy: *is horribly and disgustingly dead in her bedroom*
Joyce: AIIIIEEEE!
Police officer: Jesus, this girl had a lot of weapons. And what's with all this holy water?
Police officer: She had tons of healed injuries, too.
Police officer: And she spent a lot of time hanging around with that weird school librarian. Who, look, also has weapons and occult stuff everywhere.
Giles: Oh, shit. I'm going to be arrested. But I deserve it for being such a bad Watcher.
Willow: *lies badly to protect Giles*
Xander: *lies well, but at cross-purposes to Willow, to protect Giles*
Jenny Calendar: *is not dead, and therefore saves the day*
Author: See, this is why people who can write smut start with PWP. This plotty gen stuff is hard.
Clinging to the Wheel, Part 2
Author: It's probably a bad idea to write a sequel to somebody else's story without permission.
Jim and Blair: Yes, it is.
Author: Next!
Happy to See You
Random Police Officer Named for Nobel Prize Winner: *makes homophobic joke*
Ray: *swears*
Fraser: *acts clueless*
Plot: *completely absent*
Author: You know, there's an excellent reason I have that "don’t write in fandoms where you haven’t seen the canon" rule. Which this would violate.
Author: Plus, was this going somewhere?
Untitled SN Story
Young Jeremy: *has Deaf girlfriend*
Young Jeremy: *has assorted problems*
Author: Good god, this is the most boring thing I've ever read, and I've read both Moby Dick and the world's worst anthropology textbook.
Author: Also, I don't remember writing this, and you'd think I would, given that it's so astonishingly boring.
Author: *begins formulating conspiracy theories about aliens saving interloper works in progress on her computer solely to stop her writing fan fiction*
Author: The tragic part is, the aliens-against-bad-fan-fiction plot is much better than anything I've come up with so far.
Untitled Ocean's 11 Story
Danny: *has sex with Tess because he loves Rusty so much*
Rusty: *totally understands that*
Author: Oh my god. Now I understand why I don't write smut.
Untitled PotC Story
Jack: *is not present, even though he's the one of the two characters in PotC that I truly like*
Norrington: *is not present, even though he's the other of the two characters in PotC that I truly like*
Will: *is the main character even though I don't much like him, and, as it turns out, couldn't write his voice to save my soul*
Elizabeth: *drinks tea*
Author: You know, technically this isn't a work in progress. It's a finished piece of absolute crap.
Untitled BtVS S/X Story
Spike and Xander: *have sex, only it isn't very good sex, nor is it especially well-written*
Xander: *muses on a topic of interest only to the author, in the author's voice instead of his own*
Author: Wow, my issues are really showing, aren't they?
Surprise Me
Jeremy: *has relationship crisis*
Jeremy: *for reasons unknown, brings said crisis to Danny and Casey for advice*
Jeremy: You know, I'm supposed to be the smart one. Why would I do that?
Author: Shut up and sit down. I mean, at least this story has a plot.
Jeremy: I would shut up, only you have me babbling like an insane loon, or like you when you're drunk, for most of two pages.
Author: But there's a plot!
Danny and Casey: *bicker*
Jeremy: Holy shit, you guys are like totally fucking, aren’t you?
Danny and Casey: Well, of course.
Jeremy: Hey, that's completely solved my relationship problem!
Millions of imaginary readers: What?
Author: But it has a plot!
Jeremy: Doesn't help much unless it's a good one.
Danny: Plus, what's with the strange office basketball subplot? Does that have any relevance at all to the main plot? Or the story? Or anything at all on this planet?
Casey: I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that the dialog you write for me sounds exactly like Danny.
Author: The next person who makes an editorial remark will be in the next story I start but fail to finish, which will be about a random Sports Night staffer getting dunked in Jello for charity.
Jeremy, Danny, and Casey: …
There’s No I in Team
Dana: This is a TQM-type consultant, who has been hired by the network in a fit of greater than usual stupidity.
Combined staff of Sports Night: *eats TQM-type consultant alive*
TQM-type consultant: *is too dense to notice*
Author: Damn, I wish I had some idea where this is going, because there's actually some decent dialog in here.
Casey: Notice how I still sound like Danny, though.
Author: OK, buster, it's the Jello for you.