"When Happiness Beckons" [1/1]
Title: When Happiness Beckons [1/1]
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, implied Kangin/Eeteuk
Genre: AU, drama, romance
Warnings: more-than-implied sex
Words: 8729
Summary: Two years after college graduation, Sungmin meets an old friend on a cold winter night.
Soundtrack: I don't usually do this but this song seemed to fit the theme surprisingly well. It's also a very beautiful track and listening to this after writing the fic gave me a different experience, so I hope you enjoy it anyway. Go here for translated lyrics.
EDIT: Imeem is evil and killed the player so that it only plays 30 seconds of the song. For the record, it's called "let go" by m-flo LOVES YOSHIKA (it's a jpop song). Here's a live performance!
Life often worked in circles.
This was the thought that ran through Lee Sungmin's mind as he walked home from work. As a reporter for a small newspaper, he was responsible for narrating life's oddities (those 'circles,' if you will) - little stories that nobody cared to hear about, although he was ordered to write about them anyway. The neighbourhood he lived in was a secluded one. Practically everybody knew everybody else; it didn't allow for much privacy. But he liked it. Easier for him to find those stories to fill the back pages of the daily news and fill his bank account with his meagre wages.
This was where a college degree in radio and television broadcasting had gotten him. A little dump of apartments that never rose above eight storeys high, situated between a strip mall where he took his laundry to and a chain of restaurants he’d sampled the first week after he'd moved in. Now he had one for every day of the week.
But - circles. And life. Sungmin had worked his way out of a mundane life of belonging to a middle class family living in the city (school all day, karate class, homework, dinner, sleep) and worked his way into an equally repetitive routine of work and sleep, sitting at park benches and sipping at coffee, casually jotting down notes or watching the photographer flash his camera at whatever seemed interesting.
Sometimes he would find himself wondering about certain things (possibilities), and then he'd stop himself, shaking his head. Twenty-four and already disillusioned with the world. It made him chuckle just thinking about it.
A routine he'd learned by heart was hard to break. When he was young, he'd done everything under the sun to leave it behind, from bleaching his hair pink to joining a performing arts club during college where all he and the boys did was sing and dance, practicing all the cool moves they'd seen on television. Well, no - a few of them actually had had the talent in dancing or singing (none he could recall actually had both), but they were history, accounting, biology majors whose parents' money funded them through their secondary education.
He'd been working at this job since he'd graduated nearly two years ago. His friends had packed up and left to pursue whatever they'd dedicated their lives to, not necessarily what they'd studied at school, and he had sent applications and résumés to the biggest TV channels and radio stations in South Korea. Optimistic, hopeful, and bright, he'd gone to several job interviews, all of which proved meaningless. In the end, he'd had to accept whatever job he could find and the cheapest place available on the market. His pride didn't allow himself to crawl back home or beg his father for a job at his company.
Sungmin was stuck and he knew it.
He turned the corner, his path made visible only by way of a single street lamp several feet ahead of him. There was a dark figure leaning against it, but this area was less than dangerous and Sungmin could more than defend himself, so he merely strolled past without quickening his pace. By the time he'd turned the corner and stepped off the sidewalk to cross the street to his apartment complex, he'd forgotten about the odd non-encounter.
It wasn't until later that night when he'd showered and, having thrown on an old shirt and his favourite pair of sweats, seated himself before the blinking screen of his laptop of four years, that the doorbell rang.
The sound itself was a low muted buzzer and he missed it the first time, having plugged in his speakers to listen to an album he'd bought last week.
"I don’t wanna see like you and / I don’t wanna be like you and / I wanna be free so break it down..." he mumbled along as he typed. His next story was about a cat his neighbour had rescued from a tree that morning. It had been an expensive looking cat adorned with an expensive collar and tag, and was being kept at his neighbour's place at the moment. The editor told him to write up a notice to include in tomorrow's issue, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't make the story, well, interesting. For one thing, the story didn't leave many possibilities for an attractive headline.
His earphone slipped out of his ear, and that was when he noticed the continuous buzzing. Sighing, he got up to answer it. "I said I would have the rent by tomorrow when I get paid - "
His dongsaeng blinked down at him from a height difference of five centimetres (these five centimetres had secretly been the bane of his college existence). "Your rent?"
He gaped openly. "What are you doing here?"
The other man glanced to the side embarrassedly, shuffling his feet a little, in the same way Sungmin had used to consider the most adorable thing in the world. He'd barely changed, except his hair was a bit longer and his face was a bit older; he wore an expensive looking grey sweater and slacks, fitting for the particularly cold winter they'd been having this year. Completely different from the fashion impaired person Sungmin remembered from two years ago. "I wanted to see you."
"But - you were the one who said - Well, the question should be, how did you find me?" Sungmin didn't feel like dredging up the past.
It seemed as if the younger man felt the same. "I got your address from Jungsu hyung."
"...I knew I shouldn't have sent that postcard." He sighed and stepped aside, allowing his sudden, unexpected, and not wholly welcome guest to enter. "Well, come in. Can I get you some tea? Do you still like green tea? I think I have some around here."
"Thank you, hyung," he said respectfully, as he always used to do. But back then, he'd had a hint of a teasing smile and now he was solemn and quiet, taking off his shoes, slipping into a pair of slippers that Sungmin offered him, and he took a seat on the rug by the low table that Sungmin now used for, well, everything.
"I know it doesn't look, um, very...homey - " He glanced around his apartment and winced. He hadn't cleaned the place for a week and he could tell it would seem small and unbecoming to anyone who had known him before. They would be shocked at the kind of life he led now. He'd been the brightest, the most cheerful, the happiest - at the time.
"It feels like you," the other interrupted, finally smiling shyly. Sungmin was struck by a sudden memory of their first meeting. It had been much like this.
"Oh - does it? You mean it's as messy as my old dorm room?" he joked.
"Something like that. Like the cup of coffee with extra cream at eleven at night or the books all over the couch - " He stopped, blinking up at him from where he sat. Sungmin looked wordlessly back at him, feeling as though the ground was crumbling beneath him.
Still, Sungmin smiled uncomfortably and turned back to the boiling hot water. "You have good memory. I can't even remember who roomed with who, we always switched around so much."
"I don't either. I just have a good memory for things involving you and what we - "
"Here, have a chocolate bar." He tossed it and surprised, the younger allowed it fall next to him with a thump without lifting a hand. He looked back at him. "The tea will take awhile."
Silence reigned as Sungmin turned resolutely back towards the counter. Five minutes later, he was pouring steaming water into a mug with a tea bag and he walked over to the table, handing the cup to him, who murmured a quiet word of thanks. Sungmin lifted his own cup of coffee and sipped it, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight even without it.
"You never answered my question."
"Which one?"
Sungmin tried to smile politely but failed spectacularly. "What you're doing here. I heard from Ryeowookie that you and Jongwoon hyung went to Seoul to pursue a music career. That's what you've always wanted."
"Yes, that's what I did. We released our debut single a month ago."
His eyes widened and he grinned, genuinely pleased. "I'm happy for you. Did you guys send everyone a copy? I'm sure they'd love to hear it."
"Everyone already knows," he looked down, fiddling with his cup.
Sungmin felt a cold feeling wash over him. "Everyone, huh?" Apparently everyone except him.
"You disappeared, hyung. I couldn't reach you even if I wanted to. Jungsu hyung didn't even want to give me your address when I asked for it."
"I guess you're right about that," he muttered and sipped his drink again. "How are the others doing?" he tried to change the subject.
"Ryeowookie and Jongwoon - well, Yesung now, we formed KRY. Donghae hyung, Donghee hyung, and Hyukjae hyung got jobs at a dance school after college; they live together. Jungsu hyung's a kindergarten teacher but you probably already know that." He nodded. "Kibum is doing his masters in law, Siwon hyung is pursuing an acting career, Heechul hyung opened his own clothing store, Hankyung hyung went back to China to pursue a career there, and Youngwoon hyung works at a TV station."
He couldn't hide his shock. "That's amazing! But Siwon was studying business and Jongwoon hyung was in chemistry - "
"And I was in accounting." There was that amused smile, that look in his eyes whenever Sungmin said or did something silly and he had to put up with it. Sungmin looked away. "But I guess we decided life's too short to be restrained by what people expected us to do."
"That's nice," he coughed lightly, staring down at his cup.
The other edged closer, looking at an angle towards Sungmin's face. He studied him for a few minutes, during which Sungmin fidgeted and sipped and clicked his mouse a few times. "What happened to your dream, hyung?"
The question, not entirely unexpected, still sent Sungmin into a choking fit. A second later, something - lighter than expected - slammed into him and he opened his eyes to find himself staring at the ceiling, with a tuft of black hair somewhere at the bottom of his vision. A chest pressed warmly against his and puffs of air wormed its way from his neck to behind his ear and, deciding that life had suddenly decided to not only screw him over once again, but prove his circle theory correct, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
He still smelled the same.
"My dream?" His voice wavered and the body on top of his shook, in what he knew was laughter. "Stop laughing, you brat."
Arms holding him down tightened. "I missed you, hyung." That quiet, melodic voice, still as beautiful and sexy as he remembered. He wanted to hit him.
"I didn't."
He moved, propping himself up to stare down at Sungmin. Large, dark eyes seemed sad but resigned. "I knew you wouldn't. I screwed up, didn't I?"
"Yeah."
Frustration seeped into his expression. "I thought it would be better, for the both of us."
"I thought we shared the same dream, would pursue the same path, would wind up in the same place. I guess we were both wrong."
He made to get off him, frowning so hard Sungmin was afraid his face would break. Tears had gathered, but pure determination kept them from falling. "I just - "
"Stop thinking." Sungmin never had a chance to regret his decision - he reached up and pulled the younger, taller but lighter man down and kissed him, gliding his lips lightly against his and burying a hand into rough (rougher than he remembered, as if he'd bleached his hair several times but that didn't make sense because he hated doing anything with his hair, he'd hated it when Sungmin had bleached his own hair pink) inky black hair. He felt a hand slither up his shirt, the other pulling at the waistband of his pants.
The kiss deepened, he decided his coffee had definitely been spiked, and he pulled them both towards the bed. He pretended he didn't notice the drops of wetness against his cheek.
Kyuhyun.
~*~*~
Four in the morning and he was pulling on his pants as quietly as he could, glancing around nervously as though the walls were going to cave in on them. Sungmin watched him for a few minutes before he sighed, rolled over, and switched on the lights, startling him.
Kyuhyun turned to him, guilty faced, and Sungmin was sick of seeing that expression. Even after two years, at the point of separation, Kyuhyun was still unable to face him with anything else besides guilt. "Are you going to get back into bed or will you sleep in the station and then take the earliest train to Seoul?" again, he wanted to add, but he felt like playing nice.
Under his watchful gaze, Kyuhyun slipped off what he'd scrambled to put on just minutes ago and slid back into the covers, keeping to his side. The bed was too small for two grown men, but luckily they were as skinny (even skinnier, in Kyuhyun's case) as they'd been during their college days and Sungmin's dorm room bed had been even smaller. It used to take a few minutes, but then they'd been tucked up against each other in the most comfortable way possible and although Kyuhyun was the younger one, Sungmin often relished the way he could tuck his head under Kyuhyun's chin and Sungmin's arm would be around Kyuhyun's waist, his arm around Sungmin's shoulder.
Now they kept to their own side and Sungmin, being against the wall, smiled a little at the way Kyuhyun kept glancing behind him, as if afraid he'd fall off. But he made no attempt to welcome him into an embrace that would certainly make fitting into the bed a better and more pleasurable experience. Pleasure had come and gone, and now that that kind of tension had stopped ebbing at Sungmin's self control, he could get down to business.
"What are you doing here?" Ah, the still yet unanswered question. Startled, Kyuhyun stared at him, a bit incredulously. "Well what did you expect? The sex was great and all, but I still want to know why you magically showed up on my doorstep."
"You've really changed, hyung."
"For the better, I'd like to believe."
Kyuhyun sighed. "I just wanted to see you."
"Shouldn't you be promoting your single right now? A new singer has no business leaning against light posts in old towns like this." At his surprised expression, Sungmin rolled his eyes. "I recognize what you were wearing. You never used to resort to stalking, Kyuhyunie." The term of endearment slipped out and he stopped. Kyuhyun looked up at him, surprised.
"I don't," Kyuhyun said, voice stronger, as if gaining courage from the fact that Sungmin could still refer to him affectionately. "There's not much point knocking on your door if you weren't home yet, is there?" The old mischievous glint was slowly coming back and Sungmin suddenly saw little point in talking about this now.
He turned to face the wall, pouting to himself. He could never win against this guy. He felt Kyuhyun press up against his back (like he used to do, whenever Sungmin was angry and faced away from him), arms going around him, and he tried to work up the urge to protest. Eyes slipping close, an arm reaching over him to shut the light off, the last thing he heard whispered against his ear was, "God, I missed you so fucking much."
You didn't used to swear.
~*~*~
He knew this was going to happen. Every time he slept over. Sungmin supposed it wasn't surprising to find that things didn't change even after two years.
"I know you probably don't need to wake up for a nine to five day, but can you please not shut off my alarm clock? Some people have to work, you know," he practically growled, pulling on a blazer over his shirt and reaching for his socks.
All he heard was a muffled sound against his pillow and he sighed exasperatedly, feeling the frustration leave as quickly as it 'd come when he had opened his eyes, saw the winter sun glimmering amidst the blinds over his windows, and flew out of bed to scramble for his 'work uniform.' Kyuhyun had merely turned over, found him gone, and blinked blearily at the whirlwind that was Sungmin.
He pulled on his shoes and grabbed his jacket and side bag. By the time he was ready to head out the door, Kyuhyun was sitting cross-legged on the bed, rubbing at his eyes with the blanket bunched up around him. The heater wasn't strong in the apartment and he had to admit last night was the warmest he'd been since the season had changed. Shirtless as he was, Kyuhyun must've been freezing. Still, he made no move to pull on his sweater or curl up beneath the blanket. He simply watched him.
Sungmin fidgeted with the keys in his hand for a second before shutting his eyes. He was so going to regret this (and last night, but he still wasn't regretting and that scared him), he thought, and opened his eyes to throw his keys at him. This time his reflexes were better and Kyuhyun caught them, looking questioningly back at him.
"If you're not here to open the door for me when I get home tonight at five, I'm going to freeze to death and it'll be your fault. So you better not disappear until I can interrogate you, got it?" He stared hard at him.
Kyuhyun finally grinned, a bit too happily and nodded quickly, hand tightening around the keys. Sungmin hesitantly smiled back and left, shutting the door behind him. By the time he reached the bottom floor and had set foot outside to be met with a gust of wind, he was wondering if he'd gone insane.
Yes, last night had been amazing. It had also brought back memories of scrambling with buttons and zippers in the dead of night, trying to find each other in the darkest part of the dorm. He still remembered catcalls and voices screaming for them to shut the hell up from people in the rooms beside theirs, and laughing quietly into Kyuhyun's mouth. It helped that he roomed beside Heechul and Youngwoon, both of whom had probably been doing the same. They never would've been so bold otherwise.
He shook his head hard, wisps of black hair dangling for his eyes as he fought against the elements. He set off on a brisk walk to the office, stopping on the way to a small coffee shop for the essentials (a coffee with extra cream and a bagel). When he reached the double doors he had to practically wrench open, most of the office was filled.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Is this Lee Sungmin coming in late for work? Hey, Inyoung, stop the press! We've got a new front page story!"
"My alarm clock was broken," he said, sighing as he dropped down onto his seat, not bothering to look up as he booted the computer. "And don't you have reporting to do? I heard on the radio this morning there was a major car accident on the express way."
"And if you don't go and snap some pictures, the boss will have your head," a female co-worker popped up from several seats away. The laugher that followed made Sungmin smile as the photographer scrambled out the door, his partner seconds after him. Even though he hated the job, he had to admit he worked with some good people.
Minutes later, any pleasant feelings disappeared at the realization that due to the unpleasant (but entirely unpredictable, he tried to reason) surprise last night, he hadn't finished his article, and he had also left his laptop at home. Having to start from scratch was not difficult, however, and he'd only bothered to brainstorm last night because he'd had the time. Quickly outlining the situation in a few short sentences, he finished it by urging the owner to come forth and claim the cat. He was never a particularly good writer (that was Ryeowook, who asides from being particularly skilled at writing lyrics and composing songs, was a literature major) but even he could write a notice for a lost cat in under ten minutes. He emailed it to the editor (the so-called boss) and sat back, resigning himself to keeping his chair warm for the rest of the day. It was Wednesday and nothing happened on Wednesday (at least, nothing that involved his department, which consisted of two people anyway. Him and the photographer).
Just as he was about to embark on a quest to find the most entertaining game he could find on the computer (hearts looked pretty good, but so did minesweeper), a notice popped up and he clicked. Expecting to find spam, he rolled his eyes as he discovered it was an email from the editor (deep within the confines of his toasty warm office, whereas Sungmin sat in front of the door. He never had to take off his jacket), scolding him for writing such a 'heartless' piece and how readers expected 'heart-warming' stories from his section and that he'd better 'shape up.'
Sighing, he pulled up the article again and added such adjectives as 'adorable' (he wasn't lying; he'd had a chance to play with the cat after it'd been found and it was unbearably cute), his neighbour was described as an 'animal lover' (again, not lying), and had come to the rescue of the cat out of fear of the cat falling out (that was lying - the cat had been causing a racket). A few more flowery descriptions of that nature weren't difficult to tack on to the end and the article was an extra five lines when he sent it back to the editor.
He went back to browsing the internet and decided to search for Kyuhyun's newest song. It was bound to be on the internet. Digging through his bag, he retrieved a pair of headphones and glanced around to make sure no one saw him. Plugging them in, he clicked to open the media player. He saw clearly the credits, composed by Kim Ryeowook, co-written by Ryeowook and Yesung. He smiled at the thought of his two friends, both of whom had been obsessed with music and, along with Kyuhyun, often hogged the music practice rooms from the actual music majors. It was nice to know they had succeeded in doing what they'd always wanted, even though it made Sungmin feel rather put out.
However, all thoughts were erased from his mind when the music started and Kyuhyun began to sing.
~*~*~
It was a little odd to return to an apartment that wasn't dark, cold, and lonely. He tugged nervously at the doorknob, wishing he hadn't done such a dumb thing that morning. So what if Kyuhyun left again? He'd done it once before and Sungmin hadn't been completely broken by the whole thing. At all. Besides, what guarantee was there that Kyuhyun wasn't going to leave him freezing and locked out of his own home?
Except that the lights were on (he cringed at the thought of the bills), wonderful smells drifted from beyond the door, and there was someone singing. Loudly.
And after an afternoon of looping the same song (and getting yelled at for doing something that wasn't work related, not that there was much to do anyway), he could recognize that voice anywhere.
Sighing (he seemed to be doing that a lot lately), Sungmin pressed the doorbell and the door flew open.
"Hyung," a quiet voice greeted him and he smiled back hesitantly, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. Instantly he noticed a difference.
"It's warm in here," he said, blinking. "And...you cooked dinner. When did you learn to cook?"
"Ryeowookie taught me," Kyuhyun took his bag and jacket from him as he changed his shoes to slippers, "we - Ryeowookie, Jongwoon hyung, and I - rented an apartment in Seoul for a year before we debuted. So we took turns cooking. And I got your heater repaired today."
"You got it repaired?"
"It's the responsibility of your landlord to pay for repairs, didn't you know?"
"Well...yes but he's never - "
"A little convincing did the trick," Kyuhyun smirked in that achingly familiar way and Sungmin had to look away again, "he also promised to give you a week for the rent. I understand that it was due today."
He snapped his fingers. "That's what I forgot - "
"I had a feeling you would." Sungmin watched awkwardly as Kyuhyun set his bag and jacket on his bed and gestured for him to take a seat by the table. "I only know how to make the basics, so I hope you don't mind how bland it is."
"Of course not...Thank you," he said quietly and Kyuhyun smiled, pleased. They both took up their bowls of rice and began to eat. Kyuhyun had prepared vegetables, a fish, soup, small dishes of kimchi and other appetizers, and rice. It was a very home oriented meal and Sungmin had no idea how much he'd missed a home cooked meal until the taste of it almost brought tears to his eyes. Kyuhyun pretended not to notice.
"How was work today?"
He looked up and suddenly remembered. "Bad. I was late."
"Ah...I'm sorry," Kyuhyun said a little meekly. "I guess - old habits - "
Sungmin waved his chopsticks in dismissal. "I listened to your song today. From your single?"
"Oh." Suddenly nervous, Kyuhyun fidgeted, picking at the rice and putting it back down. "What did you think?"
"It's beautiful," he said honestly. The smile that that brought was almost blinding. "You guys have really improved. I mean, you were all already really good but - "
"We did a lot of vocal training prior to the recording," Kyuhyun interrupted, nodding in understanding. "And we'd never seriously sat down and tried to sing a song together. Well Ryeowookie and Jongwoon hyung did it all the time, but I had trouble adjusting to their voices. But we found a good middle ground, so we ran with that."
"Because you transferred in your second year?"
Kyuhyun fell silent, nodding. The silence was deafening and both ate quickly after that, as if there was something to do after dinner that needed immediate attention. As soon as he was done, he collected the plates and stood up.
"I'll do the washing since you cooked. By the way, I had almost nothing in my fridge, how did you - "
"I just did a little shopping, since you gave me the keys," Kyuhyun said as he stretched, knowing better than to argue about the washing. "I also cleaned up a bit but I didn't touch your laptop or your desk. Is that okay?"
Sungmin laughed, shaking his head. "You're my guest, not my servant. I'd be pretty ungrateful if I yelled at you for making things easier for me."
After the dishes were washed, put away (Sungmin was perfectly fine with leaving them on the rack but making a disapproving sound, Kyuhyun had dried them and returned them to their proper place), the night found the two lying around the apartment. Sungmin was splayed on the bed, having thrown on some more comfy clothes, while Kyuhyun sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, still in his clothes from yesterday. He was browsing an old photo album that Sungmin had dug up.
"The last trip we went on."
"What about it?" He had a hand over his eyes to block the light. Suddenly, he was feeling exhausted.
"Nothing. I just like this picture," Sungmin tilted his head and Kyuhyun lifted it to show him. It was a picture of them taken while on the bus back, all thirteen of them. The driver had taken it; they had large silly grins and some had their arms shaped in hearts. Sungmin was one of them. Kyuhyun had an arm around his waist, he noted, and he looked away.
"We all have a copy, don't we?"
"Yeah, but I lost mine when we moved."
"You can keep it then."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
"You'll probably look at it more often than I do."
There was silence again and then there was rustling, of a book being put aside, and the click of the light. The temperature was at a more comfortable level than last night, so the body that settled over his made it too warm. An arm curled around his shoulders and instinctively he turned. Thinking he was unwelcome, Kyuhyun stiffened, but Sungmin tucked his head under his chin and pulled him closer to throw an arm over his waist.
"Kyuhyun?"
"Hm?"
"Get out of those clothes."
"What?"
He grinned, feeling Kyuhyun's body vibrate along with his exclamation. It wasn't every day he was able to surprise him, and he'd done it twice in the past two days. "You're too hot." He tightened his arm and flipped onto his back, dragging the younger man on top of him. Now Kyuhyun had his thighs pressed to his side and his face was an inch from his.
"Hyung - "
He shifted and the soft gasp that Kyuhyun tried to hide sounded delicious. So was the sudden hardness that pressed down on him. "Or should I do it for you?"
The sweater pulled off, pants and boxers pulled down, the sounds that filled the room filled Sungmin with a rush of memories. His head felt too full for him to think, his body too hot to protest. It was unbelievable how familiar this was. Two years, and nothing had changed.
The gasps and pants in his ear sounded the same. The way his eyes slid close as Sungmin reached for the lube he'd bought on the way home from work (the lack of it last night had stopped them from doing anything beyond the use of hands and spit), the way his breath hitched at the way Sungmin's hand moved. When Kyuhyun sat up and shifted forward, he had to bite back a scream.
Fuck, harder, slid past his ear like liquid honey and he groaned.
Afterwards, when neither of them could see a foot beyond their own noses, and they laid curled up against each other unlike last night, deep breaths excessively loud in the night, and as much as he hated to ruin the mood, Sungmin had to say it.
"Kyuhyun?"
"Hyung?" Tired, spent, but content - Sungmin could hear it all from his voice. Kyuhyun had always had an expressive voice.
"No more swearing."
He could still feel and hear the quiet chuckles as he drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~
He reached over to shut off the alarm - and smacked Kyuhyun's face instead. The alarm clock was ringing shrilly on his closet - he had to climb over the slumbering man and reach on his toes to shut it off. He'd forgotten he had placed the alarm there to prevent Kyuhyun from making him late again. He didn't think he could go through another yesterday, when news of his first late work day had spread like wildfire and everyone, besides a few kinder female co-workers and a sympathetic cleaning lady, had decided to take a verbal jab at him. It had taken three cups of coffee and grinding his teeth to maintain his usual smile.
Sitting at his desk now, however, skimming the latest list of topics the editor had sent him to work on (nobody really communicated with him during the winter, only through email), several thoughts came to mind. Sungmin had his left hand stuffed into his pocket, with only his fingers from his right clicking the mouse. He missed his warm apartment and, as much as he hated to admit, the person in it.
Two days, and his mind could barely function beyond the tangling of limbs and harsh breaths searing his brain.
Still, he wondered why he could never ask his questions and actually get an answer. Why was Kyuhyun here, after two years of virtually no contact? How had he known Jungsu hyung would be the one with his contact information? Speaking of Jungsu...
He picked up his phone (he had his own extension number, one of the only perks in this job) and dialled, copying the number off his cell phone. Sungmin checked his watch - it was a week day, but it was too early for kindergarten. A low, gruff voice answered the phone.
"Yeah?"
He promptly hung up, eyes wide. Was the world bent on surprising him at every twist and turn? A few minutes later, the phone rang and he picked it up, breathing in relief as Jungsu's considerably softer and higher voice spoke up on the other end.
"A little early for you to call isn't it, Sungmin?" He sounded amused.
"Yes and I didn't expect Youngwoon hyung to answer either."
He could practically hear the older man blush. "He, um, was drunk last night. He's just staying over until he gets over his hangover."
"Right. I'll leave that one alone for the sake of preserving your privacy, which, if you don't remember, you promised me - "
"Is this about Kyuhyun?"
"Yes!"
"So he did visit." It wasn't a question.
He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, trying to hide behind his computer screen. Several of his co-workers were already beginning to glance strangely at him. "I didn't want to see him. You know that. Why did you give him my address?"
Jungsu sighed. "He was desperate, okay? You know I wouldn't break our promise if it wasn't as serious as it was."
"And just how serious was it?"
"He wanted to see you, that's all. Look, you know Kyuhyun better than all of us - "
"Not anymore," Sungmin reminded him, voice hard.
"He's facing some issues with his company, okay? I just heard of this from Ryeowookie, Kyuhyun didn't explain anything. They don't think he's good enough or whatever, I don't know. I think he feels that seeing you would help him with whatever seems to be the problem."
His jaw dropped. "How could they think that? He's amazing. He's better than half the so-called artists out there - "
"Sungmin! Answer your phone!"
He looked down, there was a call waiting. "Jungsu hyung - "
"Just...talk to him. For him, for yourself - it's obvious he misses you. You're the only one who missed our reunion last year and we all felt it. I'll talk to you later," Sungmin frowned at the disappointment in his voice and then he was met with a dial tone. He bit his lip and pressed the oncoming call button that was flashing madly. "Hello, Lee Sungmin speaking."
"Sungmin sshi? Hi! I'm calling about the cat you wrote about in your column. I think it may be mine. Did her tag say Sunny?"
He blinked. "Yes it did."
"That's great!" The girlish voice exclaimed and he smiled at her excitement.
"If you wish to claim her, I can give you the address to my neighbour - he's the one who rescued her - "
"Actually," she interrupted, "I was wondering if I could meet with you. I'd like to talk to you regarding your article. Would that be a problem?" There was suddenly an authoritarian tone to her voice.
"Well, no but I'm not - "
"I'm sure your neighbour wouldn't mind if you brought my cat, would he? I don't want to trouble him - " So you'll trouble me?, "and I really would like to meet you."
"But...why? My articles are nothing special."
"To be honest, I have a proposition for you. But I must see you face to face. Can we meet at the Starbucks near your office on Friday at noon? It shouldn't take longer than ten minutes. All I need is a yes or no from you."
"Um, sure."
"Great! Thank you! By the way, I'm Lee Sunkyu. I'll see you later!"
He stared at the phone before he placed it back on the receiver. He was sure there was nothing particularly outstanding about the way he wrote - at least nothing to warrant a proposition of any kind. For the rest of the day, he put it out of his mind.
~*~*~
They had developed a routine. Kyuhyun cooked, cleaned, and Sungmin didn't ask any questions. There was no point in prying anymore, when all attempts led to them in bed and their clothes scattered all over the floor, leaving Kyuhyun with more to do the next day. None of their conversations ever came close to bringing up the past; they had unanimously decided - in silence - that it was far more trouble than it was worth. Sungmin was initially concerned with what Jungsu had told him regarding Kyuhyun's reason for being here, but that he decided to ignore. Kyuhyun's personal life was no longer his business.
Then what do you call this 'arrangement'? Old flings with benefits? He often shook his head and twitched whenever his brain felt it the right time to remind him he was trying to escape from the life he'd built for himself in the last two years. Somehow, Kyuhyun's presence was a comfort.
That was why, Thursday night, he found it almost normal to snuggle up to Kyuhyun who held him with his back to the wall behind the bed, arms around his waist. Sungmin's head was leaning against his chest and they both listened to each other breathe. If Sungmin closed his eyes, he could see his old dorm room, and them in the exact position.
Tonight was different from the past three nights, he was soon to discover, when he could feel Kyuhyun fiddling with something. When, finally, he'd had had enough and he closed his hand over his, he discovered it was a mp3 player.
"What is it?" Sungmin said, staring down at the black device.
Wordlessly, Kyuhyun gave him an earphone and took one for himself. They both placed it in their ear and Kyuhyun pressed play. A sweet melody played on a piano began, and as if on cue, Kyuhyun began to sing, his deep voice resounding in the small room.
Sungmin closed his eyes, feeling the rumbling in Kyuhyun's chest. It was a sad song, an expression of longing from a lonely person to another, and he'd never heard it before. There was also something different about Kyuhyun's voice tonight; better than the recording Sungmin had listened to, far more skilful than the young man he'd been in college, Kyuhyun sung effortlessly with the music; Sungmin knew that Kyuhyun was in fact speaking to him.
As the music faded away, there was silence. But this time, the silence was different. It was expectant.
"So?"
"What?"
"The song."
Sungmin tried to smile but failed. He couldn't open his eyes because he knew his tears would spill out. "It was beautiful," he whispered. "The best I've ever heard you."
There was a deep breathy sigh that came from the man behind him. "Sungmin, you know that's not what I meant." Forgoing the usual honorific meant Kyuhyun was serious. It also meant he knew exactly what was going through his mind.
"I don't know what you mean then," Sungmin said coldly, pulling away to slide off the bed. He stood up and walked over to the bathroom. "I'm going to get ready for bed."
Kyuhyun shot to his feet. "Sungmin!"
"What? You mean after two years, after you telling me that being together would be detrimental to whatever future careers either of us would pursue in the future, are you trying to tell me you want to forget all that and go back to the way we were? That's what your little song was trying to say?"
He froze. "I just - "
"What? What exactly did you mean then? Tell me."
"I'm sorry. I was wrong," Kyuhyun looked away. "You're right. I can't - I can't do this without you." He looked back at him, glaring so hard that tears spilled over and he barely noticed. "I realized that these past few days. I thought I'd see you once and I'd get inspired by our past memories and how - how happy I was when you were the first to accept me into the group, and the first time we kissed - but when you're at work and I imagine myself alone in Seoul, nothing comes out right. I sound like an amateur and - I just need you." The words came rushing out and Sungmin had never seen Kyuhyun so vulnerable, so wide-eyed with hurt and anger, nearly shaking with emotion as he pressed a hand to the wall to keep himself from falling over.
Sungmin rubbed at his forehead. "This is what Jungsu hyung meant then. Your company tells you you're lacking some kind of emotion in your singing and you thought I would be your answer?" Kyuhyun had barely finished nodding when he forged ahead. "But don't you get it? These past few days was an illusion of what we had. What you told me just now finally confirmed that for me."
"But - "
Suddenly, he was tired of all this, trying to convince himself that there was nothing to these days he'd spent with Kyuhyun. "I was happy, to be honest with you. But everything you did reminded me of our days together in college. And then that reminds me of what you said to me. That's all this is. Why we keep reaching for each other; it's because neither of us really let go. But don't you think it's time? You need to make some new memories as your inspiration and I need to move on and stop hiding."
"I think you're wrong."
"It makes no difference. I want you to leave tomorrow, okay? Go back to Seoul, back to making music with Ryeowookie and Jongwoon hyung, back to singing on stage and making hearts swoon. Where you belong."
He knew he would never forget the stricken look on Kyuhyun's face after that. That night, they slept with their backs to each other, and when Sungmin woke up, he was gone.
~*~*~
There was a reason why everyone was avoiding him, and that was because he looked like he had a giant thundercloud hanging over his head. At exactly twenty to noon, he grabbed his bag and left the office without informing anyone. He figured nobody would give him any trouble for it, considering it felt like a more evil version of himself, one that would steal a car and run little old ladies down. Evil things that sad, angry, having-just-been-ditched-a-second-time people did.
Never mind that he'd been the one to tell him to go. Never mind that he'd practically kicked him out. He kicked the pop can in frustration.
He went home to retrieve the cat and his neighbour gladly let him have it, seeing no reason to keep a glaring man (who usually greeted him with a grin and a 'have you eaten yet?' every day) waiting. By the time he had walked back to the office and turned the corner towards the Starbucks, he was feeling sorry for himself and the cat. It was a cold day today.
"Sorry, just a few more minutes and you'll be back with your owner, okay?" He whispered to it as he set the carrier onto a table, ignoring the glances and whispers around him. Any minute now, an employee of Starbucks was probably going to kick him out for bringing in an animal, but he could really care less. They overcharged their drinks anyway.
"Sungmin sshi?"
He turned. A short girl with large eyes, long curly hair and a cute smile waved at him as she walked over, heels of her boots clacking against the floor. She looked young - younger than he'd thought. He tried to smile in return.
"Hi, Sunkyu sshi. How are you?"
"Fine, thank you. Call me Sunny, will you? I really don't like my name."
"I thought Sunny was your cat's name?"
"No, she's actually my sister's cat. She gave the cat my nickname. Anyway, what would you like to drink? My treat?"
"I'm fine, thanks." He watched as she shrugged pleasantly and bought herself a hot chocolate. When she made her way back to their table, he was still on his feet, making no move to sit. She gestured, however, and he reluctantly sat down, glancing at his watch. Sure, his attitude had stopped anyone from questioning him as he openly left during his work hours, but it wouldn't do to intentionally stay out longer than he should. He was sure his inbox was going to get fifty new emails within the next hour alone, if he wasn't back by then.
"Well, let's just get down to business then, shall we?" Her cutely decorated nails tapped her cup and she smiled. He was suddenly reminded of the cat sitting next to them, and he realized why his sister would name the cat after her.
"You said something about a proposition but - "
"I really loved your article," Sunny leaned forward, eyes shining. "The beginning was a bit trite but I liked your attempt to appear as though you really cared about the cat. I mean, I'm sure you did, but you obviously had better things to do than try to write an article like that. Still, you did a good job."
Unsure of whether he'd just been insulted or complimented by someone who looked like she was barely out of high school, he nodded uncertainly. "Thank you?"
"And when I heard your voice over the phone, I was sure I had made the right choice." She sat back and brought the cup to her lips, satisfied. Her smile never left her face.
"I'm sorry...what exactly did you choose me for?"
"My uncle is the CEO of SM Entertainment," she admitted without shame, staring straight at him, "I'm not sure if you've heard of SM Entertainment - "
"Who hasn't?"
"Excellent!" She smiled even wider, her eyes mere half moons of delight. "My uncle and I have been working on a radio show to appeal to young people. I want you to be my co-DJ."
He gaped at her. "Are you serious?"
"Yes, of course!" She looked mildly insulted.
"No offense, but you look rather young. Do you even have the authority to just hire someone like this?"
"That's why I want you to come with me back to Seoul for an interview. The editor of the newspaper sent me your resume and you're totally qualified."
"When did you do that?"
"These past two days. I've been doing some research," she said, pleased.
He sat back, stunned. If this girl was the real thing (and he had many doubts), this was the big chance he'd waited for two years ago. Suddenly, he remembered, and startled, Sungmin stared at her. "Wait, Seoul?"
"Yep. You know, the capital of South Korea, the center of the entertainment industry, where all the celebrities and wannabe celebrities flock to, ecetera. Will you come with me?" she stood up and offered her hand, that cute smile ever still present on her face.
Sungmin stared at her hand, thought about Seoul, thought of the people in Seoul, and took it. "Yeah," he said slowly, "I think I will."
~*~*~
Three weeks later, he stood in front of a tall skyscraper of an apartment, staring blankly down at the slip of paper in his hands. It turned out that Sunny hadn't been lying, and SM Entertainment had hired him on the spot. Apparently Sunny's word had more power than he'd assumed. She had been his guide as he made the decision to quit his current job and move to Seoul to pursue the career he'd missed out on two years ago. Finding him a hotel (and assuring him that management would pay for it until he found himself a place) and helping him settle into working (he still wasn't quite used to the odd hours yet), she'd also found him a job as a manager at the radio broadcasting station.
A whirlwind of several train trips and signed papers (he'd also met with his parents, who had given him their approval, though he rather thought that they were just relieved he was out of the hell hole he'd been in), he was permanently settled in the city, earning a much higher wage and doing what he loved.
Sunny was a great companion, who introduced him to the other DJs and many of the staff at the station. He'd incidentally also managed to run into Youngwoon hyung and had narrowly escaped getting punched. They'd gone out drinking, and after numerous attempts to apologize and threats from Youngwoon if he decided to disappear again, the older man had finally (albeit reluctantly) given him the address he now held in his hand (Youngwoon also determinedly avoided his questions regarding Jungsu, and an hour later, he’d been too drunk for Sungmin to try any further).
Sighing, he walked into the classy looking building and managed to bypass the security (nobody was actually sitting by the desk in the lobby - so much for first-class surveillance), taking the elevator up to the twenty-first floor. When he stepped off, every step towards the correct door filled him with an anxiety he was unused to. Was this how Kyuhyun had felt, approaching his door?
He'd had some time to think in the last three weeks. Three weeks of tossing and turning, of eating half-cooked food and take-out (on a physical level, he felt like he was going through withdrawal), of serious consideration as to whether he could turn his whole life around based on a ten minute meeting (Sunny hadn't been kidding), whether anything was worth it anymore - he'd finally winded up here, in front of a tall mahogany door. He rang the bell.
The door was flung open and he was pulled inside. Sungmin barely registered the door being slammed before he was suddenly being slammed against it. A mouth pressed fiercely against his, a hand ran through his hair and another hand, familiar in its warmth, rested on his hip. He returned the kiss just as hard, mouth opening under Kyuhyun's, hands reaching up to pull him down (damn those five centimetres) and when they pulled away, both panting heavily, Kyuhyun pressed his forehead against his.
"What made you change your mind?" he asked quietly, hand sliding down to caress the side of his face.
Sungmin leaned into the touch, smiling. "I still want to punch you in the face."
Kyuhyun's eyes widened, jerking back. "I - I'm sorry, I don't know how many times I - "
"But," he continued, closing his eyes to hug him tightly, "I figured we could make some new memories, you know, to replace the old. Not to go back to the way we were, but what we can become."
The younger man kissed him again, this time a soft brush of lips and Sungmin shivered. No matter what, those college days and that last fateful day would hang over their heads. Sungmin was sure he would always remember the nights he'd lay curled up in bed, wondering what had gone wrong, why the day before he'd been an inspiration and the next day a burden.
But with Kyuhyun tugging him into the apartment (much more spacious than his own), towards the bedroom and the both of them clutching tightly to each other's hand, he figured surely there would be plenty of time now for Kyuhyun to try to make him forget.
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, implied Kangin/Eeteuk
Genre: AU, drama, romance
Warnings: more-than-implied sex
Words: 8729
Summary: Two years after college graduation, Sungmin meets an old friend on a cold winter night.
Soundtrack: I don't usually do this but this song seemed to fit the theme surprisingly well. It's also a very beautiful track and listening to this after writing the fic gave me a different experience, so I hope you enjoy it anyway. Go here for translated lyrics.
EDIT: Imeem is evil and killed the player so that it only plays 30 seconds of the song. For the record, it's called "let go" by m-flo LOVES YOSHIKA (it's a jpop song). Here's a live performance!
Life often worked in circles.
This was the thought that ran through Lee Sungmin's mind as he walked home from work. As a reporter for a small newspaper, he was responsible for narrating life's oddities (those 'circles,' if you will) - little stories that nobody cared to hear about, although he was ordered to write about them anyway. The neighbourhood he lived in was a secluded one. Practically everybody knew everybody else; it didn't allow for much privacy. But he liked it. Easier for him to find those stories to fill the back pages of the daily news and fill his bank account with his meagre wages.
This was where a college degree in radio and television broadcasting had gotten him. A little dump of apartments that never rose above eight storeys high, situated between a strip mall where he took his laundry to and a chain of restaurants he’d sampled the first week after he'd moved in. Now he had one for every day of the week.
But - circles. And life. Sungmin had worked his way out of a mundane life of belonging to a middle class family living in the city (school all day, karate class, homework, dinner, sleep) and worked his way into an equally repetitive routine of work and sleep, sitting at park benches and sipping at coffee, casually jotting down notes or watching the photographer flash his camera at whatever seemed interesting.
Sometimes he would find himself wondering about certain things (possibilities), and then he'd stop himself, shaking his head. Twenty-four and already disillusioned with the world. It made him chuckle just thinking about it.
A routine he'd learned by heart was hard to break. When he was young, he'd done everything under the sun to leave it behind, from bleaching his hair pink to joining a performing arts club during college where all he and the boys did was sing and dance, practicing all the cool moves they'd seen on television. Well, no - a few of them actually had had the talent in dancing or singing (none he could recall actually had both), but they were history, accounting, biology majors whose parents' money funded them through their secondary education.
He'd been working at this job since he'd graduated nearly two years ago. His friends had packed up and left to pursue whatever they'd dedicated their lives to, not necessarily what they'd studied at school, and he had sent applications and résumés to the biggest TV channels and radio stations in South Korea. Optimistic, hopeful, and bright, he'd gone to several job interviews, all of which proved meaningless. In the end, he'd had to accept whatever job he could find and the cheapest place available on the market. His pride didn't allow himself to crawl back home or beg his father for a job at his company.
Sungmin was stuck and he knew it.
He turned the corner, his path made visible only by way of a single street lamp several feet ahead of him. There was a dark figure leaning against it, but this area was less than dangerous and Sungmin could more than defend himself, so he merely strolled past without quickening his pace. By the time he'd turned the corner and stepped off the sidewalk to cross the street to his apartment complex, he'd forgotten about the odd non-encounter.
It wasn't until later that night when he'd showered and, having thrown on an old shirt and his favourite pair of sweats, seated himself before the blinking screen of his laptop of four years, that the doorbell rang.
The sound itself was a low muted buzzer and he missed it the first time, having plugged in his speakers to listen to an album he'd bought last week.
"I don’t wanna see like you and / I don’t wanna be like you and / I wanna be free so break it down..." he mumbled along as he typed. His next story was about a cat his neighbour had rescued from a tree that morning. It had been an expensive looking cat adorned with an expensive collar and tag, and was being kept at his neighbour's place at the moment. The editor told him to write up a notice to include in tomorrow's issue, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't make the story, well, interesting. For one thing, the story didn't leave many possibilities for an attractive headline.
His earphone slipped out of his ear, and that was when he noticed the continuous buzzing. Sighing, he got up to answer it. "I said I would have the rent by tomorrow when I get paid - "
His dongsaeng blinked down at him from a height difference of five centimetres (these five centimetres had secretly been the bane of his college existence). "Your rent?"
He gaped openly. "What are you doing here?"
The other man glanced to the side embarrassedly, shuffling his feet a little, in the same way Sungmin had used to consider the most adorable thing in the world. He'd barely changed, except his hair was a bit longer and his face was a bit older; he wore an expensive looking grey sweater and slacks, fitting for the particularly cold winter they'd been having this year. Completely different from the fashion impaired person Sungmin remembered from two years ago. "I wanted to see you."
"But - you were the one who said - Well, the question should be, how did you find me?" Sungmin didn't feel like dredging up the past.
It seemed as if the younger man felt the same. "I got your address from Jungsu hyung."
"...I knew I shouldn't have sent that postcard." He sighed and stepped aside, allowing his sudden, unexpected, and not wholly welcome guest to enter. "Well, come in. Can I get you some tea? Do you still like green tea? I think I have some around here."
"Thank you, hyung," he said respectfully, as he always used to do. But back then, he'd had a hint of a teasing smile and now he was solemn and quiet, taking off his shoes, slipping into a pair of slippers that Sungmin offered him, and he took a seat on the rug by the low table that Sungmin now used for, well, everything.
"I know it doesn't look, um, very...homey - " He glanced around his apartment and winced. He hadn't cleaned the place for a week and he could tell it would seem small and unbecoming to anyone who had known him before. They would be shocked at the kind of life he led now. He'd been the brightest, the most cheerful, the happiest - at the time.
"It feels like you," the other interrupted, finally smiling shyly. Sungmin was struck by a sudden memory of their first meeting. It had been much like this.
"Oh - does it? You mean it's as messy as my old dorm room?" he joked.
"Something like that. Like the cup of coffee with extra cream at eleven at night or the books all over the couch - " He stopped, blinking up at him from where he sat. Sungmin looked wordlessly back at him, feeling as though the ground was crumbling beneath him.
Still, Sungmin smiled uncomfortably and turned back to the boiling hot water. "You have good memory. I can't even remember who roomed with who, we always switched around so much."
"I don't either. I just have a good memory for things involving you and what we - "
"Here, have a chocolate bar." He tossed it and surprised, the younger allowed it fall next to him with a thump without lifting a hand. He looked back at him. "The tea will take awhile."
Silence reigned as Sungmin turned resolutely back towards the counter. Five minutes later, he was pouring steaming water into a mug with a tea bag and he walked over to the table, handing the cup to him, who murmured a quiet word of thanks. Sungmin lifted his own cup of coffee and sipped it, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight even without it.
"You never answered my question."
"Which one?"
Sungmin tried to smile politely but failed spectacularly. "What you're doing here. I heard from Ryeowookie that you and Jongwoon hyung went to Seoul to pursue a music career. That's what you've always wanted."
"Yes, that's what I did. We released our debut single a month ago."
His eyes widened and he grinned, genuinely pleased. "I'm happy for you. Did you guys send everyone a copy? I'm sure they'd love to hear it."
"Everyone already knows," he looked down, fiddling with his cup.
Sungmin felt a cold feeling wash over him. "Everyone, huh?" Apparently everyone except him.
"You disappeared, hyung. I couldn't reach you even if I wanted to. Jungsu hyung didn't even want to give me your address when I asked for it."
"I guess you're right about that," he muttered and sipped his drink again. "How are the others doing?" he tried to change the subject.
"Ryeowookie and Jongwoon - well, Yesung now, we formed KRY. Donghae hyung, Donghee hyung, and Hyukjae hyung got jobs at a dance school after college; they live together. Jungsu hyung's a kindergarten teacher but you probably already know that." He nodded. "Kibum is doing his masters in law, Siwon hyung is pursuing an acting career, Heechul hyung opened his own clothing store, Hankyung hyung went back to China to pursue a career there, and Youngwoon hyung works at a TV station."
He couldn't hide his shock. "That's amazing! But Siwon was studying business and Jongwoon hyung was in chemistry - "
"And I was in accounting." There was that amused smile, that look in his eyes whenever Sungmin said or did something silly and he had to put up with it. Sungmin looked away. "But I guess we decided life's too short to be restrained by what people expected us to do."
"That's nice," he coughed lightly, staring down at his cup.
The other edged closer, looking at an angle towards Sungmin's face. He studied him for a few minutes, during which Sungmin fidgeted and sipped and clicked his mouse a few times. "What happened to your dream, hyung?"
The question, not entirely unexpected, still sent Sungmin into a choking fit. A second later, something - lighter than expected - slammed into him and he opened his eyes to find himself staring at the ceiling, with a tuft of black hair somewhere at the bottom of his vision. A chest pressed warmly against his and puffs of air wormed its way from his neck to behind his ear and, deciding that life had suddenly decided to not only screw him over once again, but prove his circle theory correct, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
He still smelled the same.
"My dream?" His voice wavered and the body on top of his shook, in what he knew was laughter. "Stop laughing, you brat."
Arms holding him down tightened. "I missed you, hyung." That quiet, melodic voice, still as beautiful and sexy as he remembered. He wanted to hit him.
"I didn't."
He moved, propping himself up to stare down at Sungmin. Large, dark eyes seemed sad but resigned. "I knew you wouldn't. I screwed up, didn't I?"
"Yeah."
Frustration seeped into his expression. "I thought it would be better, for the both of us."
"I thought we shared the same dream, would pursue the same path, would wind up in the same place. I guess we were both wrong."
He made to get off him, frowning so hard Sungmin was afraid his face would break. Tears had gathered, but pure determination kept them from falling. "I just - "
"Stop thinking." Sungmin never had a chance to regret his decision - he reached up and pulled the younger, taller but lighter man down and kissed him, gliding his lips lightly against his and burying a hand into rough (rougher than he remembered, as if he'd bleached his hair several times but that didn't make sense because he hated doing anything with his hair, he'd hated it when Sungmin had bleached his own hair pink) inky black hair. He felt a hand slither up his shirt, the other pulling at the waistband of his pants.
The kiss deepened, he decided his coffee had definitely been spiked, and he pulled them both towards the bed. He pretended he didn't notice the drops of wetness against his cheek.
Kyuhyun.
~*~*~
Four in the morning and he was pulling on his pants as quietly as he could, glancing around nervously as though the walls were going to cave in on them. Sungmin watched him for a few minutes before he sighed, rolled over, and switched on the lights, startling him.
Kyuhyun turned to him, guilty faced, and Sungmin was sick of seeing that expression. Even after two years, at the point of separation, Kyuhyun was still unable to face him with anything else besides guilt. "Are you going to get back into bed or will you sleep in the station and then take the earliest train to Seoul?" again, he wanted to add, but he felt like playing nice.
Under his watchful gaze, Kyuhyun slipped off what he'd scrambled to put on just minutes ago and slid back into the covers, keeping to his side. The bed was too small for two grown men, but luckily they were as skinny (even skinnier, in Kyuhyun's case) as they'd been during their college days and Sungmin's dorm room bed had been even smaller. It used to take a few minutes, but then they'd been tucked up against each other in the most comfortable way possible and although Kyuhyun was the younger one, Sungmin often relished the way he could tuck his head under Kyuhyun's chin and Sungmin's arm would be around Kyuhyun's waist, his arm around Sungmin's shoulder.
Now they kept to their own side and Sungmin, being against the wall, smiled a little at the way Kyuhyun kept glancing behind him, as if afraid he'd fall off. But he made no attempt to welcome him into an embrace that would certainly make fitting into the bed a better and more pleasurable experience. Pleasure had come and gone, and now that that kind of tension had stopped ebbing at Sungmin's self control, he could get down to business.
"What are you doing here?" Ah, the still yet unanswered question. Startled, Kyuhyun stared at him, a bit incredulously. "Well what did you expect? The sex was great and all, but I still want to know why you magically showed up on my doorstep."
"You've really changed, hyung."
"For the better, I'd like to believe."
Kyuhyun sighed. "I just wanted to see you."
"Shouldn't you be promoting your single right now? A new singer has no business leaning against light posts in old towns like this." At his surprised expression, Sungmin rolled his eyes. "I recognize what you were wearing. You never used to resort to stalking, Kyuhyunie." The term of endearment slipped out and he stopped. Kyuhyun looked up at him, surprised.
"I don't," Kyuhyun said, voice stronger, as if gaining courage from the fact that Sungmin could still refer to him affectionately. "There's not much point knocking on your door if you weren't home yet, is there?" The old mischievous glint was slowly coming back and Sungmin suddenly saw little point in talking about this now.
He turned to face the wall, pouting to himself. He could never win against this guy. He felt Kyuhyun press up against his back (like he used to do, whenever Sungmin was angry and faced away from him), arms going around him, and he tried to work up the urge to protest. Eyes slipping close, an arm reaching over him to shut the light off, the last thing he heard whispered against his ear was, "God, I missed you so fucking much."
You didn't used to swear.
~*~*~
He knew this was going to happen. Every time he slept over. Sungmin supposed it wasn't surprising to find that things didn't change even after two years.
"I know you probably don't need to wake up for a nine to five day, but can you please not shut off my alarm clock? Some people have to work, you know," he practically growled, pulling on a blazer over his shirt and reaching for his socks.
All he heard was a muffled sound against his pillow and he sighed exasperatedly, feeling the frustration leave as quickly as it 'd come when he had opened his eyes, saw the winter sun glimmering amidst the blinds over his windows, and flew out of bed to scramble for his 'work uniform.' Kyuhyun had merely turned over, found him gone, and blinked blearily at the whirlwind that was Sungmin.
He pulled on his shoes and grabbed his jacket and side bag. By the time he was ready to head out the door, Kyuhyun was sitting cross-legged on the bed, rubbing at his eyes with the blanket bunched up around him. The heater wasn't strong in the apartment and he had to admit last night was the warmest he'd been since the season had changed. Shirtless as he was, Kyuhyun must've been freezing. Still, he made no move to pull on his sweater or curl up beneath the blanket. He simply watched him.
Sungmin fidgeted with the keys in his hand for a second before shutting his eyes. He was so going to regret this (and last night, but he still wasn't regretting and that scared him), he thought, and opened his eyes to throw his keys at him. This time his reflexes were better and Kyuhyun caught them, looking questioningly back at him.
"If you're not here to open the door for me when I get home tonight at five, I'm going to freeze to death and it'll be your fault. So you better not disappear until I can interrogate you, got it?" He stared hard at him.
Kyuhyun finally grinned, a bit too happily and nodded quickly, hand tightening around the keys. Sungmin hesitantly smiled back and left, shutting the door behind him. By the time he reached the bottom floor and had set foot outside to be met with a gust of wind, he was wondering if he'd gone insane.
Yes, last night had been amazing. It had also brought back memories of scrambling with buttons and zippers in the dead of night, trying to find each other in the darkest part of the dorm. He still remembered catcalls and voices screaming for them to shut the hell up from people in the rooms beside theirs, and laughing quietly into Kyuhyun's mouth. It helped that he roomed beside Heechul and Youngwoon, both of whom had probably been doing the same. They never would've been so bold otherwise.
He shook his head hard, wisps of black hair dangling for his eyes as he fought against the elements. He set off on a brisk walk to the office, stopping on the way to a small coffee shop for the essentials (a coffee with extra cream and a bagel). When he reached the double doors he had to practically wrench open, most of the office was filled.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Is this Lee Sungmin coming in late for work? Hey, Inyoung, stop the press! We've got a new front page story!"
"My alarm clock was broken," he said, sighing as he dropped down onto his seat, not bothering to look up as he booted the computer. "And don't you have reporting to do? I heard on the radio this morning there was a major car accident on the express way."
"And if you don't go and snap some pictures, the boss will have your head," a female co-worker popped up from several seats away. The laugher that followed made Sungmin smile as the photographer scrambled out the door, his partner seconds after him. Even though he hated the job, he had to admit he worked with some good people.
Minutes later, any pleasant feelings disappeared at the realization that due to the unpleasant (but entirely unpredictable, he tried to reason) surprise last night, he hadn't finished his article, and he had also left his laptop at home. Having to start from scratch was not difficult, however, and he'd only bothered to brainstorm last night because he'd had the time. Quickly outlining the situation in a few short sentences, he finished it by urging the owner to come forth and claim the cat. He was never a particularly good writer (that was Ryeowook, who asides from being particularly skilled at writing lyrics and composing songs, was a literature major) but even he could write a notice for a lost cat in under ten minutes. He emailed it to the editor (the so-called boss) and sat back, resigning himself to keeping his chair warm for the rest of the day. It was Wednesday and nothing happened on Wednesday (at least, nothing that involved his department, which consisted of two people anyway. Him and the photographer).
Just as he was about to embark on a quest to find the most entertaining game he could find on the computer (hearts looked pretty good, but so did minesweeper), a notice popped up and he clicked. Expecting to find spam, he rolled his eyes as he discovered it was an email from the editor (deep within the confines of his toasty warm office, whereas Sungmin sat in front of the door. He never had to take off his jacket), scolding him for writing such a 'heartless' piece and how readers expected 'heart-warming' stories from his section and that he'd better 'shape up.'
Sighing, he pulled up the article again and added such adjectives as 'adorable' (he wasn't lying; he'd had a chance to play with the cat after it'd been found and it was unbearably cute), his neighbour was described as an 'animal lover' (again, not lying), and had come to the rescue of the cat out of fear of the cat falling out (that was lying - the cat had been causing a racket). A few more flowery descriptions of that nature weren't difficult to tack on to the end and the article was an extra five lines when he sent it back to the editor.
He went back to browsing the internet and decided to search for Kyuhyun's newest song. It was bound to be on the internet. Digging through his bag, he retrieved a pair of headphones and glanced around to make sure no one saw him. Plugging them in, he clicked to open the media player. He saw clearly the credits, composed by Kim Ryeowook, co-written by Ryeowook and Yesung. He smiled at the thought of his two friends, both of whom had been obsessed with music and, along with Kyuhyun, often hogged the music practice rooms from the actual music majors. It was nice to know they had succeeded in doing what they'd always wanted, even though it made Sungmin feel rather put out.
However, all thoughts were erased from his mind when the music started and Kyuhyun began to sing.
~*~*~
It was a little odd to return to an apartment that wasn't dark, cold, and lonely. He tugged nervously at the doorknob, wishing he hadn't done such a dumb thing that morning. So what if Kyuhyun left again? He'd done it once before and Sungmin hadn't been completely broken by the whole thing. At all. Besides, what guarantee was there that Kyuhyun wasn't going to leave him freezing and locked out of his own home?
Except that the lights were on (he cringed at the thought of the bills), wonderful smells drifted from beyond the door, and there was someone singing. Loudly.
And after an afternoon of looping the same song (and getting yelled at for doing something that wasn't work related, not that there was much to do anyway), he could recognize that voice anywhere.
Sighing (he seemed to be doing that a lot lately), Sungmin pressed the doorbell and the door flew open.
"Hyung," a quiet voice greeted him and he smiled back hesitantly, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. Instantly he noticed a difference.
"It's warm in here," he said, blinking. "And...you cooked dinner. When did you learn to cook?"
"Ryeowookie taught me," Kyuhyun took his bag and jacket from him as he changed his shoes to slippers, "we - Ryeowookie, Jongwoon hyung, and I - rented an apartment in Seoul for a year before we debuted. So we took turns cooking. And I got your heater repaired today."
"You got it repaired?"
"It's the responsibility of your landlord to pay for repairs, didn't you know?"
"Well...yes but he's never - "
"A little convincing did the trick," Kyuhyun smirked in that achingly familiar way and Sungmin had to look away again, "he also promised to give you a week for the rent. I understand that it was due today."
He snapped his fingers. "That's what I forgot - "
"I had a feeling you would." Sungmin watched awkwardly as Kyuhyun set his bag and jacket on his bed and gestured for him to take a seat by the table. "I only know how to make the basics, so I hope you don't mind how bland it is."
"Of course not...Thank you," he said quietly and Kyuhyun smiled, pleased. They both took up their bowls of rice and began to eat. Kyuhyun had prepared vegetables, a fish, soup, small dishes of kimchi and other appetizers, and rice. It was a very home oriented meal and Sungmin had no idea how much he'd missed a home cooked meal until the taste of it almost brought tears to his eyes. Kyuhyun pretended not to notice.
"How was work today?"
He looked up and suddenly remembered. "Bad. I was late."
"Ah...I'm sorry," Kyuhyun said a little meekly. "I guess - old habits - "
Sungmin waved his chopsticks in dismissal. "I listened to your song today. From your single?"
"Oh." Suddenly nervous, Kyuhyun fidgeted, picking at the rice and putting it back down. "What did you think?"
"It's beautiful," he said honestly. The smile that that brought was almost blinding. "You guys have really improved. I mean, you were all already really good but - "
"We did a lot of vocal training prior to the recording," Kyuhyun interrupted, nodding in understanding. "And we'd never seriously sat down and tried to sing a song together. Well Ryeowookie and Jongwoon hyung did it all the time, but I had trouble adjusting to their voices. But we found a good middle ground, so we ran with that."
"Because you transferred in your second year?"
Kyuhyun fell silent, nodding. The silence was deafening and both ate quickly after that, as if there was something to do after dinner that needed immediate attention. As soon as he was done, he collected the plates and stood up.
"I'll do the washing since you cooked. By the way, I had almost nothing in my fridge, how did you - "
"I just did a little shopping, since you gave me the keys," Kyuhyun said as he stretched, knowing better than to argue about the washing. "I also cleaned up a bit but I didn't touch your laptop or your desk. Is that okay?"
Sungmin laughed, shaking his head. "You're my guest, not my servant. I'd be pretty ungrateful if I yelled at you for making things easier for me."
After the dishes were washed, put away (Sungmin was perfectly fine with leaving them on the rack but making a disapproving sound, Kyuhyun had dried them and returned them to their proper place), the night found the two lying around the apartment. Sungmin was splayed on the bed, having thrown on some more comfy clothes, while Kyuhyun sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, still in his clothes from yesterday. He was browsing an old photo album that Sungmin had dug up.
"The last trip we went on."
"What about it?" He had a hand over his eyes to block the light. Suddenly, he was feeling exhausted.
"Nothing. I just like this picture," Sungmin tilted his head and Kyuhyun lifted it to show him. It was a picture of them taken while on the bus back, all thirteen of them. The driver had taken it; they had large silly grins and some had their arms shaped in hearts. Sungmin was one of them. Kyuhyun had an arm around his waist, he noted, and he looked away.
"We all have a copy, don't we?"
"Yeah, but I lost mine when we moved."
"You can keep it then."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
"You'll probably look at it more often than I do."
There was silence again and then there was rustling, of a book being put aside, and the click of the light. The temperature was at a more comfortable level than last night, so the body that settled over his made it too warm. An arm curled around his shoulders and instinctively he turned. Thinking he was unwelcome, Kyuhyun stiffened, but Sungmin tucked his head under his chin and pulled him closer to throw an arm over his waist.
"Kyuhyun?"
"Hm?"
"Get out of those clothes."
"What?"
He grinned, feeling Kyuhyun's body vibrate along with his exclamation. It wasn't every day he was able to surprise him, and he'd done it twice in the past two days. "You're too hot." He tightened his arm and flipped onto his back, dragging the younger man on top of him. Now Kyuhyun had his thighs pressed to his side and his face was an inch from his.
"Hyung - "
He shifted and the soft gasp that Kyuhyun tried to hide sounded delicious. So was the sudden hardness that pressed down on him. "Or should I do it for you?"
The sweater pulled off, pants and boxers pulled down, the sounds that filled the room filled Sungmin with a rush of memories. His head felt too full for him to think, his body too hot to protest. It was unbelievable how familiar this was. Two years, and nothing had changed.
The gasps and pants in his ear sounded the same. The way his eyes slid close as Sungmin reached for the lube he'd bought on the way home from work (the lack of it last night had stopped them from doing anything beyond the use of hands and spit), the way his breath hitched at the way Sungmin's hand moved. When Kyuhyun sat up and shifted forward, he had to bite back a scream.
Fuck, harder, slid past his ear like liquid honey and he groaned.
Afterwards, when neither of them could see a foot beyond their own noses, and they laid curled up against each other unlike last night, deep breaths excessively loud in the night, and as much as he hated to ruin the mood, Sungmin had to say it.
"Kyuhyun?"
"Hyung?" Tired, spent, but content - Sungmin could hear it all from his voice. Kyuhyun had always had an expressive voice.
"No more swearing."
He could still feel and hear the quiet chuckles as he drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~
He reached over to shut off the alarm - and smacked Kyuhyun's face instead. The alarm clock was ringing shrilly on his closet - he had to climb over the slumbering man and reach on his toes to shut it off. He'd forgotten he had placed the alarm there to prevent Kyuhyun from making him late again. He didn't think he could go through another yesterday, when news of his first late work day had spread like wildfire and everyone, besides a few kinder female co-workers and a sympathetic cleaning lady, had decided to take a verbal jab at him. It had taken three cups of coffee and grinding his teeth to maintain his usual smile.
Sitting at his desk now, however, skimming the latest list of topics the editor had sent him to work on (nobody really communicated with him during the winter, only through email), several thoughts came to mind. Sungmin had his left hand stuffed into his pocket, with only his fingers from his right clicking the mouse. He missed his warm apartment and, as much as he hated to admit, the person in it.
Two days, and his mind could barely function beyond the tangling of limbs and harsh breaths searing his brain.
Still, he wondered why he could never ask his questions and actually get an answer. Why was Kyuhyun here, after two years of virtually no contact? How had he known Jungsu hyung would be the one with his contact information? Speaking of Jungsu...
He picked up his phone (he had his own extension number, one of the only perks in this job) and dialled, copying the number off his cell phone. Sungmin checked his watch - it was a week day, but it was too early for kindergarten. A low, gruff voice answered the phone.
"Yeah?"
He promptly hung up, eyes wide. Was the world bent on surprising him at every twist and turn? A few minutes later, the phone rang and he picked it up, breathing in relief as Jungsu's considerably softer and higher voice spoke up on the other end.
"A little early for you to call isn't it, Sungmin?" He sounded amused.
"Yes and I didn't expect Youngwoon hyung to answer either."
He could practically hear the older man blush. "He, um, was drunk last night. He's just staying over until he gets over his hangover."
"Right. I'll leave that one alone for the sake of preserving your privacy, which, if you don't remember, you promised me - "
"Is this about Kyuhyun?"
"Yes!"
"So he did visit." It wasn't a question.
He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, trying to hide behind his computer screen. Several of his co-workers were already beginning to glance strangely at him. "I didn't want to see him. You know that. Why did you give him my address?"
Jungsu sighed. "He was desperate, okay? You know I wouldn't break our promise if it wasn't as serious as it was."
"And just how serious was it?"
"He wanted to see you, that's all. Look, you know Kyuhyun better than all of us - "
"Not anymore," Sungmin reminded him, voice hard.
"He's facing some issues with his company, okay? I just heard of this from Ryeowookie, Kyuhyun didn't explain anything. They don't think he's good enough or whatever, I don't know. I think he feels that seeing you would help him with whatever seems to be the problem."
His jaw dropped. "How could they think that? He's amazing. He's better than half the so-called artists out there - "
"Sungmin! Answer your phone!"
He looked down, there was a call waiting. "Jungsu hyung - "
"Just...talk to him. For him, for yourself - it's obvious he misses you. You're the only one who missed our reunion last year and we all felt it. I'll talk to you later," Sungmin frowned at the disappointment in his voice and then he was met with a dial tone. He bit his lip and pressed the oncoming call button that was flashing madly. "Hello, Lee Sungmin speaking."
"Sungmin sshi? Hi! I'm calling about the cat you wrote about in your column. I think it may be mine. Did her tag say Sunny?"
He blinked. "Yes it did."
"That's great!" The girlish voice exclaimed and he smiled at her excitement.
"If you wish to claim her, I can give you the address to my neighbour - he's the one who rescued her - "
"Actually," she interrupted, "I was wondering if I could meet with you. I'd like to talk to you regarding your article. Would that be a problem?" There was suddenly an authoritarian tone to her voice.
"Well, no but I'm not - "
"I'm sure your neighbour wouldn't mind if you brought my cat, would he? I don't want to trouble him - " So you'll trouble me?, "and I really would like to meet you."
"But...why? My articles are nothing special."
"To be honest, I have a proposition for you. But I must see you face to face. Can we meet at the Starbucks near your office on Friday at noon? It shouldn't take longer than ten minutes. All I need is a yes or no from you."
"Um, sure."
"Great! Thank you! By the way, I'm Lee Sunkyu. I'll see you later!"
He stared at the phone before he placed it back on the receiver. He was sure there was nothing particularly outstanding about the way he wrote - at least nothing to warrant a proposition of any kind. For the rest of the day, he put it out of his mind.
~*~*~
They had developed a routine. Kyuhyun cooked, cleaned, and Sungmin didn't ask any questions. There was no point in prying anymore, when all attempts led to them in bed and their clothes scattered all over the floor, leaving Kyuhyun with more to do the next day. None of their conversations ever came close to bringing up the past; they had unanimously decided - in silence - that it was far more trouble than it was worth. Sungmin was initially concerned with what Jungsu had told him regarding Kyuhyun's reason for being here, but that he decided to ignore. Kyuhyun's personal life was no longer his business.
Then what do you call this 'arrangement'? Old flings with benefits? He often shook his head and twitched whenever his brain felt it the right time to remind him he was trying to escape from the life he'd built for himself in the last two years. Somehow, Kyuhyun's presence was a comfort.
That was why, Thursday night, he found it almost normal to snuggle up to Kyuhyun who held him with his back to the wall behind the bed, arms around his waist. Sungmin's head was leaning against his chest and they both listened to each other breathe. If Sungmin closed his eyes, he could see his old dorm room, and them in the exact position.
Tonight was different from the past three nights, he was soon to discover, when he could feel Kyuhyun fiddling with something. When, finally, he'd had had enough and he closed his hand over his, he discovered it was a mp3 player.
"What is it?" Sungmin said, staring down at the black device.
Wordlessly, Kyuhyun gave him an earphone and took one for himself. They both placed it in their ear and Kyuhyun pressed play. A sweet melody played on a piano began, and as if on cue, Kyuhyun began to sing, his deep voice resounding in the small room.
Sungmin closed his eyes, feeling the rumbling in Kyuhyun's chest. It was a sad song, an expression of longing from a lonely person to another, and he'd never heard it before. There was also something different about Kyuhyun's voice tonight; better than the recording Sungmin had listened to, far more skilful than the young man he'd been in college, Kyuhyun sung effortlessly with the music; Sungmin knew that Kyuhyun was in fact speaking to him.
As the music faded away, there was silence. But this time, the silence was different. It was expectant.
"So?"
"What?"
"The song."
Sungmin tried to smile but failed. He couldn't open his eyes because he knew his tears would spill out. "It was beautiful," he whispered. "The best I've ever heard you."
There was a deep breathy sigh that came from the man behind him. "Sungmin, you know that's not what I meant." Forgoing the usual honorific meant Kyuhyun was serious. It also meant he knew exactly what was going through his mind.
"I don't know what you mean then," Sungmin said coldly, pulling away to slide off the bed. He stood up and walked over to the bathroom. "I'm going to get ready for bed."
Kyuhyun shot to his feet. "Sungmin!"
"What? You mean after two years, after you telling me that being together would be detrimental to whatever future careers either of us would pursue in the future, are you trying to tell me you want to forget all that and go back to the way we were? That's what your little song was trying to say?"
He froze. "I just - "
"What? What exactly did you mean then? Tell me."
"I'm sorry. I was wrong," Kyuhyun looked away. "You're right. I can't - I can't do this without you." He looked back at him, glaring so hard that tears spilled over and he barely noticed. "I realized that these past few days. I thought I'd see you once and I'd get inspired by our past memories and how - how happy I was when you were the first to accept me into the group, and the first time we kissed - but when you're at work and I imagine myself alone in Seoul, nothing comes out right. I sound like an amateur and - I just need you." The words came rushing out and Sungmin had never seen Kyuhyun so vulnerable, so wide-eyed with hurt and anger, nearly shaking with emotion as he pressed a hand to the wall to keep himself from falling over.
Sungmin rubbed at his forehead. "This is what Jungsu hyung meant then. Your company tells you you're lacking some kind of emotion in your singing and you thought I would be your answer?" Kyuhyun had barely finished nodding when he forged ahead. "But don't you get it? These past few days was an illusion of what we had. What you told me just now finally confirmed that for me."
"But - "
Suddenly, he was tired of all this, trying to convince himself that there was nothing to these days he'd spent with Kyuhyun. "I was happy, to be honest with you. But everything you did reminded me of our days together in college. And then that reminds me of what you said to me. That's all this is. Why we keep reaching for each other; it's because neither of us really let go. But don't you think it's time? You need to make some new memories as your inspiration and I need to move on and stop hiding."
"I think you're wrong."
"It makes no difference. I want you to leave tomorrow, okay? Go back to Seoul, back to making music with Ryeowookie and Jongwoon hyung, back to singing on stage and making hearts swoon. Where you belong."
He knew he would never forget the stricken look on Kyuhyun's face after that. That night, they slept with their backs to each other, and when Sungmin woke up, he was gone.
~*~*~
There was a reason why everyone was avoiding him, and that was because he looked like he had a giant thundercloud hanging over his head. At exactly twenty to noon, he grabbed his bag and left the office without informing anyone. He figured nobody would give him any trouble for it, considering it felt like a more evil version of himself, one that would steal a car and run little old ladies down. Evil things that sad, angry, having-just-been-ditched-a-second-time people did.
Never mind that he'd been the one to tell him to go. Never mind that he'd practically kicked him out. He kicked the pop can in frustration.
He went home to retrieve the cat and his neighbour gladly let him have it, seeing no reason to keep a glaring man (who usually greeted him with a grin and a 'have you eaten yet?' every day) waiting. By the time he had walked back to the office and turned the corner towards the Starbucks, he was feeling sorry for himself and the cat. It was a cold day today.
"Sorry, just a few more minutes and you'll be back with your owner, okay?" He whispered to it as he set the carrier onto a table, ignoring the glances and whispers around him. Any minute now, an employee of Starbucks was probably going to kick him out for bringing in an animal, but he could really care less. They overcharged their drinks anyway.
"Sungmin sshi?"
He turned. A short girl with large eyes, long curly hair and a cute smile waved at him as she walked over, heels of her boots clacking against the floor. She looked young - younger than he'd thought. He tried to smile in return.
"Hi, Sunkyu sshi. How are you?"
"Fine, thank you. Call me Sunny, will you? I really don't like my name."
"I thought Sunny was your cat's name?"
"No, she's actually my sister's cat. She gave the cat my nickname. Anyway, what would you like to drink? My treat?"
"I'm fine, thanks." He watched as she shrugged pleasantly and bought herself a hot chocolate. When she made her way back to their table, he was still on his feet, making no move to sit. She gestured, however, and he reluctantly sat down, glancing at his watch. Sure, his attitude had stopped anyone from questioning him as he openly left during his work hours, but it wouldn't do to intentionally stay out longer than he should. He was sure his inbox was going to get fifty new emails within the next hour alone, if he wasn't back by then.
"Well, let's just get down to business then, shall we?" Her cutely decorated nails tapped her cup and she smiled. He was suddenly reminded of the cat sitting next to them, and he realized why his sister would name the cat after her.
"You said something about a proposition but - "
"I really loved your article," Sunny leaned forward, eyes shining. "The beginning was a bit trite but I liked your attempt to appear as though you really cared about the cat. I mean, I'm sure you did, but you obviously had better things to do than try to write an article like that. Still, you did a good job."
Unsure of whether he'd just been insulted or complimented by someone who looked like she was barely out of high school, he nodded uncertainly. "Thank you?"
"And when I heard your voice over the phone, I was sure I had made the right choice." She sat back and brought the cup to her lips, satisfied. Her smile never left her face.
"I'm sorry...what exactly did you choose me for?"
"My uncle is the CEO of SM Entertainment," she admitted without shame, staring straight at him, "I'm not sure if you've heard of SM Entertainment - "
"Who hasn't?"
"Excellent!" She smiled even wider, her eyes mere half moons of delight. "My uncle and I have been working on a radio show to appeal to young people. I want you to be my co-DJ."
He gaped at her. "Are you serious?"
"Yes, of course!" She looked mildly insulted.
"No offense, but you look rather young. Do you even have the authority to just hire someone like this?"
"That's why I want you to come with me back to Seoul for an interview. The editor of the newspaper sent me your resume and you're totally qualified."
"When did you do that?"
"These past two days. I've been doing some research," she said, pleased.
He sat back, stunned. If this girl was the real thing (and he had many doubts), this was the big chance he'd waited for two years ago. Suddenly, he remembered, and startled, Sungmin stared at her. "Wait, Seoul?"
"Yep. You know, the capital of South Korea, the center of the entertainment industry, where all the celebrities and wannabe celebrities flock to, ecetera. Will you come with me?" she stood up and offered her hand, that cute smile ever still present on her face.
Sungmin stared at her hand, thought about Seoul, thought of the people in Seoul, and took it. "Yeah," he said slowly, "I think I will."
~*~*~
Three weeks later, he stood in front of a tall skyscraper of an apartment, staring blankly down at the slip of paper in his hands. It turned out that Sunny hadn't been lying, and SM Entertainment had hired him on the spot. Apparently Sunny's word had more power than he'd assumed. She had been his guide as he made the decision to quit his current job and move to Seoul to pursue the career he'd missed out on two years ago. Finding him a hotel (and assuring him that management would pay for it until he found himself a place) and helping him settle into working (he still wasn't quite used to the odd hours yet), she'd also found him a job as a manager at the radio broadcasting station.
A whirlwind of several train trips and signed papers (he'd also met with his parents, who had given him their approval, though he rather thought that they were just relieved he was out of the hell hole he'd been in), he was permanently settled in the city, earning a much higher wage and doing what he loved.
Sunny was a great companion, who introduced him to the other DJs and many of the staff at the station. He'd incidentally also managed to run into Youngwoon hyung and had narrowly escaped getting punched. They'd gone out drinking, and after numerous attempts to apologize and threats from Youngwoon if he decided to disappear again, the older man had finally (albeit reluctantly) given him the address he now held in his hand (Youngwoon also determinedly avoided his questions regarding Jungsu, and an hour later, he’d been too drunk for Sungmin to try any further).
Sighing, he walked into the classy looking building and managed to bypass the security (nobody was actually sitting by the desk in the lobby - so much for first-class surveillance), taking the elevator up to the twenty-first floor. When he stepped off, every step towards the correct door filled him with an anxiety he was unused to. Was this how Kyuhyun had felt, approaching his door?
He'd had some time to think in the last three weeks. Three weeks of tossing and turning, of eating half-cooked food and take-out (on a physical level, he felt like he was going through withdrawal), of serious consideration as to whether he could turn his whole life around based on a ten minute meeting (Sunny hadn't been kidding), whether anything was worth it anymore - he'd finally winded up here, in front of a tall mahogany door. He rang the bell.
The door was flung open and he was pulled inside. Sungmin barely registered the door being slammed before he was suddenly being slammed against it. A mouth pressed fiercely against his, a hand ran through his hair and another hand, familiar in its warmth, rested on his hip. He returned the kiss just as hard, mouth opening under Kyuhyun's, hands reaching up to pull him down (damn those five centimetres) and when they pulled away, both panting heavily, Kyuhyun pressed his forehead against his.
"What made you change your mind?" he asked quietly, hand sliding down to caress the side of his face.
Sungmin leaned into the touch, smiling. "I still want to punch you in the face."
Kyuhyun's eyes widened, jerking back. "I - I'm sorry, I don't know how many times I - "
"But," he continued, closing his eyes to hug him tightly, "I figured we could make some new memories, you know, to replace the old. Not to go back to the way we were, but what we can become."
The younger man kissed him again, this time a soft brush of lips and Sungmin shivered. No matter what, those college days and that last fateful day would hang over their heads. Sungmin was sure he would always remember the nights he'd lay curled up in bed, wondering what had gone wrong, why the day before he'd been an inspiration and the next day a burden.
But with Kyuhyun tugging him into the apartment (much more spacious than his own), towards the bedroom and the both of them clutching tightly to each other's hand, he figured surely there would be plenty of time now for Kyuhyun to try to make him forget.