"Misunderstood" [1/2]
Title: Misunderstood [1/2]
Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun
Genre: AU, drama/romance
Warnings: Not-quite-angst because I can't write angst; cameos from Heechul and Kangin
Summary: To Yunho, eight years was never too long. Until now.
Note: Companion piece to Mismatched.
Smoke curled above small pouty lips and to any person, be they gay or straight, would find it irresistible.
The problem, Yunho thought, was that the person possessing those lips and the cigarette dangling from long fingers knew it too. Fortunately, the man in question had three close friends who didn't have a problem with shoving his vanity in his face.
"If you don't stop eyeing that guy in the corner I'm going to take that cigarette and shove it up your pretty nose, Jaejoong," aforementioned friend number one said sweetly, before taking a long drag from his own cancer stick.
A loud guffaw from another direction, and then "Damn, what I have to put up with for you fruits." More exhalation of smoke.
"No contest - I'm putting my life on the line every time we decide to meet," Yunho finished with his own characteristic flare, popping some kimchi in his mouth to ward off the smell of smoke drifting around him like a murderous cloud.
To their surprise, however, Jaejoong shook his head and promptly stubbed out his cigarette into the available ashtray, before picking up his glass of coke to take sips out of. "Thanks for the reminder; I forgot I was trying to quit." He flashed Yunho a winning smile, aptly ignoring the other two.
"You, quit? That'd be the day," Kim Heechul smirked meanly and took another drag out of spite. One would have to do a double take to confirm Heechul's true identity - from even a few feet away he could easily be mistaken for a girl. Unlike Jaejoong, he didn't have the larger build to dispel possible assumptions made on his gender; on the contrary Heechul had a narrow frame and a softer face along with big eyes to match. His 'image,' as he liked to call it, didn't help either. The black frames (empty - all three knew Heechul had impeccable eyesight) perched daintily on his nose, black hair piled into a messy knot, his long knitted red coat and the striped scarf to ward off the cold air made him a rather elusive figure seated at their table.
"I'm really making an effort, you know." Jaejoong protested, staring forlornly at the ashtray, where remnants of his cigarette flickered.
"I support your decision," Yunho patted his shoulder reassuringly; "it's never too late to look after your health." Jaejoong eyed him, Heechul burst out laughing, and the last member of their little quartet, Kim Youngwoon, rolled his eyes while moving forward from his laidback position in his seat to stub out his cigarette as well. Heechul stubbornly held onto his. The youngest of them frowned, used to being the hyung at work but was the eternal dongsaeng with these three. "What?"
"Jaejoong's not a chain smoker. We've got Youngwoonie for that."
"Hey, shut up, I've been cutting back." The man grumbled and closed the pack he had just flicked open to replace the cigarette he'd put out. With broad shoulders, big arms, and a large, intimidating face, Kim Youngwoon seemed a force to be reckoned with. He, however, liked to view himself as a rather friendly and personable kind of guy. After all, it took greater men than him to deal with Heechul and Jaejoong together on a monthly basis and he was doing it willingly. Yunho was okay, but only because the kid practically had rose coloured glasses melded to his face.
It was an opinion shared amongst the three of them. "Yunho," Heechul sighed, shaking his head. "You always think so good of people, it's adorable."
"Whatever your reason is," Yunho said, having made the decision early on in his relationship with these three that giving up while he was ahead was usually the best course of action, "it's still a good decision to make."
Jaejoong stared at him with dark eyes before he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "That's exactly what Changmin said."
"Wait, what - "
Youngwoon grinned. "Just admit it Jaejoong - you're whipped."
"Shim Changmin?"
"You don't have to put it that way," Jaejoong muttered, shooting him a dirty look, before turning to Yunho with a curious nod. "How did you know?"
"Ah, Youngwoon - not exactly known for his refinement but I would express the same sentiment," Heechul sniffed, finally getting rid of his dying cigarette.
"I was wondering how long you'd suck on that thing," Youngwoon shot back, picking up his beer and knocking it back.
Heechul stared at him in distaste. "I'm moving out next week."
"What the hell?"
"I was hoping to find a better time to tell you that you'd have to start paying rent all on your own, but hey, now is as good a time as any. You won't have to see anything you don't want to and I can suck on whatever I want whenever and wherever I want." He smiled angelically.
Youngwoon made a face. "That's disgusting. Fine, move out. See if you can live without me fending off your crazy obsessive ex-boyfriends." Heechul sniffed.
"Since when?" Yunho did what he usually had to do to have a normal conversation at the table - ignore the other two.
"Hm, a few weeks ago," Jaejoong tapped his chin in thought, "when he suddenly showed up at my salon. But, well," all three turned to him in surprise when he blushed lightly and shrugged. "Things changed in the past year, I guess." The three knew Jaejoong wasn't really a 'relationship' person - rather, he wasn't much of a monogamous person. He'd been the most career-minded of the four of them in the past few years and all they'd heard of were the barest mentions of a "fling that doesn't matter, it's over anyway." He was often actively seeked, but steady relationships just wasn't high on his priority list.
"That's good to know," Yunho said, genuinely happy for his friend yet shocked at how the odd behaviour of his co-worker was suddenly laid out for him in a few short words. It was as if everything clicked into place, like his mind had finally mastered the game of connect-the-dots. He sighed.
"And there's your usual sigh of I'm-not-getting-any," Heechul piped up, crossing his arms in exasperation.
He looked up quickly. "What? No! Just that, I'm the last to know about Jaejoong's - "
"Hate to say it, but the fairy's right - Ow!"
"You haven't been getting any either, you self-proclaimed number one womanizer of Korea. Maybe you're not too far from being a fairy yourself."
Youngwoon twitched.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Jaejoong said regrettably, smiling in apology, "To be honest I'm still not sure if it will work out even though I've known him for a year. Heechul hyung called and grilled it out of me - "
"Heard it from the grapevine," Youngwoon interrupted, pointing at Heechul, who whistled and looked away.
" - but you know I don't really...I mean, if it doesn't work out, I don't even want my own hopes up, let alone anyone else's."
"No no, I understand," Yunho quickly reassured him, "but...you know I work with Changmin, right? He's in the same management I am."
The brown-haired man stared. "He is?"
"What a small world this is," he chuckled.
"Hm," Jaejoong eyed Heechul, who batted his eyes innocently, and Youngwoon, who merely knocked back his refilled glass again. He looked as if he wanted to ask Yunho something but changed his mind at the last minute. "Anyway," he turned back to Yunho with a grin, "you set this up but we haven't heard much from you tonight. How's work?"
"It's been alright," Yunho gave them all a tired smile and was met with three pairs of apprehensive eyes, none of them accepting his outright lie. "Okay, fine, it's been a shitty few days and seeing all of you has been the highlight of my week."
"Well we are quite delectable company."
Jaejoong was a bit more forthcoming. "It's your Park Yoochun, isn't it?"
"He's not mine - "
"But you want his ass to be," Youngwoon raised an eyebrow and signalled the waitress for another bottle, eyeing her butt as she turned to walk away. Yunho sputtered at what he said but finally fell silent.
Heechul took that as a sign of defeat and sighed dramatically, shaking his head. "Yunho, Yunho, Yunho...What are we going to do with you?"
"Hyung, you aren't going to do anything."
"We just want to help," Jaejoong said with a kind smile, patting his hand, "It has been..." His face twisted as he tried to calculate it, but eventually shrugged. "...a few years, right?"
"Can we not talk about this?" He tried to be polite but what came out was a harsh voice along with a closed expression, eyes hardening as he stared at the table. When Changmin had asked a few weeks ago (he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the whole Jaejoong and Changmin dynamic - wait, Changmin was gay?) he'd hinted that it wasn't a good topic to go after and Changmin had backed off. He'd appreciated that. Sometimes he wished he was always the hyung; he never derived any pleasure from having that authority (he wasn't Youngwoon or Heechul after all) but it was a convenient status to make use of when the situation called for it.
"And that's your problem right there," Heechul said, not looking up as he picked at the nuts in the tray with his chopsticks, "You don't talk about it and let it fester until it hurts too much to talk about it anymore. What's the point?"
"Because there isn't anything to talk about."
"No, you're just being a wimp," Youngwoon pointed out.
"Only you can make me agree with him, Yunho," Heechul shivered in mock horror and Youngwoon rolled his eyes, "seriously, how long are you going to drag this out? Either get into his pants or move out, because you look shittier every time we see you."
"Late hours, Youngwoon hyung knows how it is."
"If you mean late hours from work, sure. If you mean late hours from lying in bed with nothing better to do then jack off while your friend is having a little fun of his own in the next room with a lady friend, I'd have to pass. Try him," he pointed. Yunho stared at him shock.
"Oh my god, college. You were just a little freshman then, don't get too cocky. At least I didn't shut myself in my room for three days crying myself to sleep because my boyfriend - "
"Girlfriend!"
" - ditched me. And boyfriend because that was a hypothetical situation that never happened to me and thanks for proving my point."
Turning away from the two seething at each other, Jaejoong smiled faintly. "Maybe if your friendship with Yoochun was like theirs, you'd both have gotten over your problems years ago."
Yunho tried to imagine it but shook his head, horrified. "Please, Jaejoong, there is a limit to what kind of jokes one can make."
After a fun night out ("Go home, Yunho, I'll drop you off at your place." "But their car - " "Watching them get sloshed while we play the designated drivers makes me feel a little better about borrowing their car for the day, don't you?"), Yunho always felt a little lonely returning to a dark apartment, knowing exactly where his roommate had gone off to and once again not bothering to inform him. As he removed his jacket, he tried very hard to forget what had prompted him to arrange this little get-together.
He was ashamed to admit it, but even Yunho needed a little cheering up when he was down and quite frankly, being witness to Heechul and Youngwoon's banter could either be an extremely amusing experience or a terribly exasperating one. Despite one or the other, the effect it had on him was that it usually allowed him some respite from his thoughts. He knew Jaejoong often cited the same reason why he enjoyed his time, however short now that they were all working men and not merely college students, with their two hyungs. Luckily, the two did not disappoint tonight, and perhaps they had been aware of the sorry state of his mood - they had been going after each other with more determination than usual.
Leaving his keys on the rack by the door, he moved into his bedroom and dropped his wallet on his desk, sighing as he opened his closet to change into something comfortable. Maybe Heechul had been right. Yunho knew he was possibly subjecting himself to this torture knowing full well that one conversation would push it to its conclusion, but judging whether it was worth it had already taken four years. By now both him and Yoochun had slipped into some modicum of routine that was too difficult to break.
After all, living together didn't even mean they saw much of each other. Much of it had been Yunho's decision, to throw himself into a career he hadn't expected to be accepted into, but once he'd been scouted, saw the enormous opportunity it provided him. It helped pay off his school bills, for one thing.
The thought of school made his eyes stray towards the thick textbooks sitting on his desk as he pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. Putting off an education in law for modeling stints hadn't exactly pleased his father but Yunho treating it as a fulltime job and a necessity in order to pay himself through school at least earned his father's approval. And his father's approval was as important to Yunho as his earning his degree was to his father.
The last few days had been a collision of his work and his education, never really able to find time to himself. Yunho, in all respects, was an intensely private person and the endless strain of keeping up with a homework intensive program and a job that required him to go without sleep for endless hours did not bode well for his overall state of mind. He'd dealt with stress before but apparently simply having a bad week was not above Jung Yunho.
(He had felt bad for Changmin that day, who looked as bad as he did underneath all the make up, and had felt he'd done Changmin a favour by giving him some respite. He probably did do Changmin a favour, but giving the timing of Jaejoong's sudden confession tonight, Changmin was probably grateful to him for something else entirely)
Pulling his arm over his head to work at an aching muscle he'd gained from staying in one position too long for a rather absentminded photographer, he pulled his chair back and settled into the seat. Slender hands reached for the first textbook stacked next to him and yet, no sooner had he flipped to the correct chapter (he loathed catching up with his readings and his favourite spot was usually on the couch by the coffee table where a steaming cup of tea usually sat - it allowed him to slip into dreamland with the excuse of it being far too comfortable for serious reading) did he hear a key being turned in the lock a few feet from his door. He sucked in a breath in surprise.
He'd barely gotten out of his seat when Yoochun stumbled through the doorway, a giggling ('and fake') blonde dangling off his arm, their whispered murmurs ricocheting off the walls. It was a scene that happened just rarely enough for it to be unfamiliar to him but often enough for him not to be entirely shocked by it. Yoochun almost hit the counter as he dropped his keys with a loud sound and Yunho refrained from stepping out of his room to assist the clearly drunken man, his partner being of no help as she didn't appear any less sober herself. He watched as Yoochun crushed the poor woman against the wall next to the door to his own bedroom, watched as mouths were plundered and hands skimmed the bottom of shirts and the tops of slacks or a black pencil skirt - maybe an office lady - and he found that he could only tear his eyes away when the both of them fell through the open door to his roommate's humble abode. The door next to his slammed shut.
Oh yes, he'd forgotten about his wayward roommate. He quietly shut his own door and promptly collapsed onto his bed, feeling the desire to study slowly drain out of him as sounds from the next room rose in volume and penetrated the wall between them. They were difficult to ignore - bumps, moans, and womanly giggles were soon matched with groans and growls several octaves lower - he threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light from his desk. It was going to be a long night.
Yunho was not going to be able to sleep - and Youngwoon's words from earlier were of no help at all.
When the morning sun rose and his eyes automatically opened at six-thirty, it took him a minute to register the noise permeating his room. "Always, always happens," he growled low under his breath as he swung his legs over the edge and grabbed a towel from his closet. Loud snores followed him all the way to the bathroom and it took great effort not to slam the door and wake (presumably) the two in the other room.
Twenty minutes later he was pulling on his tracksuit and donning his cap. Grabbing his keys, he left without a second glance, feeling as though he'd just escaped - ran away - from something he should've stayed behind for.
(When he came back, she would be gone. That was a guarantee. But her presence would still linger. The smell of cheap perfume would follow him around for days until he went crazy with air freshener and Yoochun complained about suffocating. Then he would bite back his retort and leave the apartment to work out at the gym.)
Yunho never considered himself a confrontational person.
Ten minutes into his run, Junsu deftly slid into the spot next to him at the turn of a corner and confirmed this thought. He smiled over at his friend, but apparently last night had had a bigger effect on him than he'd anticipated, because Junsu's pleasant expression instantly twisted.
"Bad night?" His face, rarely very solemn, looked almost angry.
"Suppose you could say that," he offered his friend of four years a small smile (a second try), hoping to reassure.
It did the exact opposite. "Hyung, enough of that. If that bastard still refuses to - "
He sighed loudly. "Not you too."
"It was obvious to me and I've only known the two of you for four years! You've known each other twice that long!" Junsu's outrage was clear and Yunho reached over to pat him on the shoulder.
"Not everyone can be as intuitive as you, Junsu. But, thanks."
Not everyone could be as great a friend as Kim Junsu either; Yunho mused as the other man promptly closed his mouth and increased his pace determinedly. Junsu was loyal to a fault, always maintained a smile on his face, and hated seeing others ostracized for no reason. That was partly the reason Junsu had latched onto Yunho when he'd been the newest SM recruit, the bumbling country boy that he was. That was also why Junsu had discreetly placed Changmin under their wing when Changmin, the tall, quiet boy, had arrived in much the same way Yunho had. Junsu would've gladly done the same for Yoochun if Yoochun hadn't rebuffed his attempts at a friendship and brushed off his invitations to soccer matches and video game showdowns at his home. Almost immediately, Yoochun had joined another group of models and entertainers, not all from SM but all less innocent than Junsu, as far as those in the business was concerned.
Even Yunho had been taken back by Yoochun's hostility, and there were numerous times their own friendship became at odds whenever Junsu as a topic came up. Finally, they both mutually agreed - without doing much talking about it - that addressing the issue would merely cause unwanted conflict and always skirted around the topic. To this day, Yunho still could not understand. And after several months when their acquaintanceship became increasingly disruptive at the workplace, Junsu never referred to Park Yoochun without a pinch in expression on his face.
"Don't let him bully you around," Junsu said softly, sounding slightly out of breath as they reached the midway point of their daily jog together. "And you know he doesn't even need to speak to be able to do it. Because you let him."
"It's not bullying," he muttered, pulling his cap lower over his eyes to hide his frown. "It's fine the way things are right now. You and Jaejoong, Heechul, and Youngwoon are reading too much into whatever it is all of you are reading into. I've just had a bad week."
He threw his hands up, breaking his stride and Yunho surged ahead. It took him a few seconds to catch up but by the time he did he had a response ready. "So this bad week had nothing to do with him?"
"School. Entirely to do with school." Yunho kept his eyes trained in front of him.
Junsu sighed and slowed to a stop. Noticing a distinctive lack of a body next to him, Yunho turned back and saw Junsu standing several feet behind him, looking at him steadily. He sighed and dropped down by the sidewalk, back propped up against the wall as he slowly calmed his breathing. He waited for his friend to speak.
"Maybe we keep bringing it up because we're concerned about you. From what you've told me, your college friends haven't even met Yoochun before. All the stuff they say is based on what you show them, and maybe what you show them is something of a concern. It's just - not - " he ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair in frustration, " - it's not healthy. Can't you see that? Eight years, Yunho. You've been in love with him for eight years!"
His voice rang loudly throughout the otherwise silent and empty street and Yunho's head swivelled around so fast he almost felt his neck snap. Somehow, hearing someone, anyone, saying it out loud made it sound -
"It sounds ridiculous," he sighed softly, letting his chin drop as he rubbed the back of his head with a hand.
He heard Junsu sit down and sigh alongside him. "Just a bit."
"The span of eight years is what our - whatever we have right now is based on. You know, we haven't even mentioned the name of the high school we went to for the past two of those eight. We're running from something, but I'm the only one that knows what it is."
"Are you sure about that?" He looked at him pointedly. Junsu laughed, waving a hand. "Sorry. It's just that...when you introduced me to him four years ago, the look he gave me was like a jealous boyfriend trying to threaten a potential rival away through his glare alone."
He only sighed again. "Basically, he's aware of it but not aware that there's more to it...Never mind," Yunho chuckled at Junsu's lost look, "I'm guessing there's only so much I can be cryptic about before you decide I'm too annoying to be friends with and try to get rid of me."
"I would never do that!" Junsu said vehemently and grinned. "But I am drawing the line at self-delusion. Because you know that's what you've been doing all this time, right?"
"...No."
"Seriously."
They stared at each other challenging, before both getting up simultaneously to brush themselves off.
"So."
"Race?"
"Yeah."
"Under ten minutes back to my apartment."
"Loser pays for dinner at the next job."
Junsu grinned characteristically. "You're on!"
Their run ended, as always, with Junsu suddenly acquiring a burst of speed and disappearing around the corner as Yunho huffed and puffed on the uphill road. With a triumphant grin, Junsu patted him on the back and waved, shouting over his shoulder about a new restaurant he wanted to try out and how Yunho and Changmin would love it.
Yunho waved back and continued back to his own place, his mind surprisingly blank. The sun was visible high above the horizon line by then and he took a deep breath, feeling his breath work its way through his body, puffing out in a cloud of white smoke as the cool of the morning added crispness to the air. It rejuvenated him and he worked hard to run the way of the way back, feeling a bit happier. Sure, he had to treat the next meal (when did he ever not? But Junsu's company was often worth it) but at least he had some great friends. Even though those friends tended to nag at him about an eight year unrequited affection and wouldn't leave him to mope about in peace. He grinned to himself.
That grin, however, was quickly lost when he unlocked the door, stepped in, and found himself staring at a clearly hung over Yoochun sitting by the kitchen counter with an utterly lost look, staring at the woman prancing about in the kitchen. His kitchen (only because he would never let Yoochun into that area of the apartment). 'Well there goes that good mood.' Yoochun then turned to look at him and the woman stopped cracking eggs to blink as the door slammed behind him.
This crossed some imaginary boundary and Yunho witnessed it breaking before his eyes. Eight years of this? Who was he kidding? Living together didn't guarantee Yoochun wouldn't someday up and leave with a woman on his arm and wedding bells ringing over his head. Yunho would be relegated to the side lines, to clap and smile and generally be the best friend he was supposed to have been. At this very moment, it was as though he saw the possible future flashing before his eyes and suddenly he wanted to break something. Preferably Yoochun's nose.
He tried not to grind his teeth but returned the look anyway. "Care to explain this one?"
"I don't...shit," Yoochun groaned, holding his head.
"Chunnie, you never mentioned you had such a hot friend," the woman purred. She winked, "Care to join us for breakfast, handsome?"
"So is this a new habit of yours? First Changmin, now her?" He glared and felt gratified to see his friend cower a little, closing his eyes.
"She won't - leave."
"What? You asked me to make breakfast!"
It took him three strides to reach him, a second to grab him by the front of his shirt, and two seconds for the woman to start shrieking her head off. Yunho pulled Yoochun closer, narrowing his eyes. "You want her gone or not?" His voice was low and trembling, betraying his anger. He felt the frustration of the past week eating at his resolve, and when Yoochun lifted his eyes to meet his, he was lost.
"I - yes. Yes."
"Good," he growled and crushed their mouths together. He was gratified to hear the screeching quickly fading into a stunned silence.
Blessed silence.
He moved to deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue past immobile lips and keeping his hand on the back of Yoochun's neck. Slowly, as if unsure and unaware of what he was doing, Yunho felt hands grasp the ends of his shirt to pull him closer. Yoochun's head tilted slightly, allowing better access, and his mouth opened under his. The entirety of Yunho's attention narrowed, focusing only on the feel of those lips again, for the first time in so long. Yunho's other hand slipped down to rest at the small of his back and the whimper that came from the shivering man now in his arms nearly undid him again.
He wrenched himself back, panting lightly, gratified to see Yoochun staring at him with half-lidded, attentive eyes. The door slammed a second time. He let his arms drop.
Yoochun took a half-step back, bumping into the chair and fell into it, now staring up at him.
"Not exactly worth keeping, is she? Sure scares easily." He couldn't keep the bitter tone out of his voice and Yoochun blinked, startled.
"You - "
"And now that I've played the helpful gay friend in driving your latest conquest out, I'm taking a shower." He made to walk past him, feeling so angry his vision was literally flashing red. He expected Yoochun to laugh, perhaps to cheerfully thank him for his help, as he always did at the expense of Yunho's unrequited feelings, so he was the most surprised when Yoochun reached out instead and grabbed his wrist. Almost as surprised as Yoochun looked, himself.
"Wait."
He turned around half way. "You're not the only one who lives here, Yoochun. Please be more considerate next time." Stop shoving it into my face.
"You know that's not why I do this."
Yunho's eyes widened slightly. "Are we talking about this? Are you really bringing this up out of your own free will? Because then that would make the last four years utterly pointless."
Frustrated, Yoochun ran a hand through his hair but kept his fingers locked around his wrist. "Yunho, I know I...said some unforgiveable things in the past because you - we - " he shook his head and Yunho almost reeled back as Yoochun's eyes dropped towards the floor. The light blush painting his cheeks red was still visible. Yoochun took a deep breath and raised his eyes pleadingly, face twisted in pain as his hangover made his head pound. "Would you go up to the roof with me?"
Well, there it was. His answer to everything. Spoken in different words, but what he'd wanted all along (closure). But Yunho also knew there was no guarantee, because with Yoochun, nothing ever was. Yoochun was a man of uncertainties, towards others and towards his own life. Yoochun had no idea what he wanted, while Yunho strived for what he desired with a single-minded intensity that, as Heechul often said, scared the hell out of anyone who knew him personally.
Yunho had moved to the city of Seoul with his family from the countryside right before he was to begin high school. He'd been the bumbling village idiot in his new class. Everything was foreign to him and everything intimidated him, even the bright lights of the city and the loud rumbling of city traffic. He wasn't bullied but he didn't make friends easily.
When a quiet boy with dreamy eyes and a low, husky voice had reached out to him with a hand outstretched, he'd been grateful. But it wasn't until the boy brought him to the school roof, a low two-storey building, and pointed out all the cool things of the city to him, that he, well, fell for him. He still remembered, quite vividly even now, as the boy - man, now, looking up at him almost pleadingly - how Yoochun had slung an arm around his shoulder and said quietly into his ear, "Not so scary now, right? From up here, it even manages to look beautiful." And it had, at the time.
Yunho doubted that it would look very beautiful to him now. The city was his home now but him and Yoochun were different. Vows made together to achieve success, to live together in the tallest apartment in the city so that they could look over the city together forever had now been fulfilled, but what lay between them was a mass of unspoken words and memories that ate at what they had.
Yunho pulled his wrist from Yoochun's grip. "I'm busy today."
He tried to ignore the hurt eyes that followed him all the way into the bathroom. It was over now. Yunho was done waiting. Yunho was done with seeing random women - sometimes, men - leave little bits of them between the rift that only continued to grow between the two. Yunho didn't care who Yoochun slept with. As long as Yoochun kept it to the night, kept it out of sight in the morning, Yunho could still greet Yoochun with a smile or maybe a sardonic grin in the morning, pretend all was well. Pretend high school graduation hadn't been the day their friendship had changed forever and pretend Yoochun hadn't rejected him with biting words and silences that lasted weeks before they had managed to salvage whatever friendship had remained.
It wasn't until seeing the woman that Yunho realized how ridiculous this arrangement had been all along. Jaejoong, Heechul, and Youngwoon had seen it. Junsu had seen it. Yunho had been satisfied with it but it was simply a stupid way to live his life. Eight years had been eight years too long.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, the apartment was clear. Yoochun's shoes and jacket were gone, as was his cell phone. He glanced around the apartment again as he towelled his hair, feeling empty and more than a little dejected.
But it was better this way, even if it didn't feel like it.
Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun
Genre: AU, drama/romance
Warnings: Not-quite-angst because I can't write angst; cameos from Heechul and Kangin
Summary: To Yunho, eight years was never too long. Until now.
Note: Companion piece to Mismatched.
Smoke curled above small pouty lips and to any person, be they gay or straight, would find it irresistible.
The problem, Yunho thought, was that the person possessing those lips and the cigarette dangling from long fingers knew it too. Fortunately, the man in question had three close friends who didn't have a problem with shoving his vanity in his face.
"If you don't stop eyeing that guy in the corner I'm going to take that cigarette and shove it up your pretty nose, Jaejoong," aforementioned friend number one said sweetly, before taking a long drag from his own cancer stick.
A loud guffaw from another direction, and then "Damn, what I have to put up with for you fruits." More exhalation of smoke.
"No contest - I'm putting my life on the line every time we decide to meet," Yunho finished with his own characteristic flare, popping some kimchi in his mouth to ward off the smell of smoke drifting around him like a murderous cloud.
To their surprise, however, Jaejoong shook his head and promptly stubbed out his cigarette into the available ashtray, before picking up his glass of coke to take sips out of. "Thanks for the reminder; I forgot I was trying to quit." He flashed Yunho a winning smile, aptly ignoring the other two.
"You, quit? That'd be the day," Kim Heechul smirked meanly and took another drag out of spite. One would have to do a double take to confirm Heechul's true identity - from even a few feet away he could easily be mistaken for a girl. Unlike Jaejoong, he didn't have the larger build to dispel possible assumptions made on his gender; on the contrary Heechul had a narrow frame and a softer face along with big eyes to match. His 'image,' as he liked to call it, didn't help either. The black frames (empty - all three knew Heechul had impeccable eyesight) perched daintily on his nose, black hair piled into a messy knot, his long knitted red coat and the striped scarf to ward off the cold air made him a rather elusive figure seated at their table.
"I'm really making an effort, you know." Jaejoong protested, staring forlornly at the ashtray, where remnants of his cigarette flickered.
"I support your decision," Yunho patted his shoulder reassuringly; "it's never too late to look after your health." Jaejoong eyed him, Heechul burst out laughing, and the last member of their little quartet, Kim Youngwoon, rolled his eyes while moving forward from his laidback position in his seat to stub out his cigarette as well. Heechul stubbornly held onto his. The youngest of them frowned, used to being the hyung at work but was the eternal dongsaeng with these three. "What?"
"Jaejoong's not a chain smoker. We've got Youngwoonie for that."
"Hey, shut up, I've been cutting back." The man grumbled and closed the pack he had just flicked open to replace the cigarette he'd put out. With broad shoulders, big arms, and a large, intimidating face, Kim Youngwoon seemed a force to be reckoned with. He, however, liked to view himself as a rather friendly and personable kind of guy. After all, it took greater men than him to deal with Heechul and Jaejoong together on a monthly basis and he was doing it willingly. Yunho was okay, but only because the kid practically had rose coloured glasses melded to his face.
It was an opinion shared amongst the three of them. "Yunho," Heechul sighed, shaking his head. "You always think so good of people, it's adorable."
"Whatever your reason is," Yunho said, having made the decision early on in his relationship with these three that giving up while he was ahead was usually the best course of action, "it's still a good decision to make."
Jaejoong stared at him with dark eyes before he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "That's exactly what Changmin said."
"Wait, what - "
Youngwoon grinned. "Just admit it Jaejoong - you're whipped."
"Shim Changmin?"
"You don't have to put it that way," Jaejoong muttered, shooting him a dirty look, before turning to Yunho with a curious nod. "How did you know?"
"Ah, Youngwoon - not exactly known for his refinement but I would express the same sentiment," Heechul sniffed, finally getting rid of his dying cigarette.
"I was wondering how long you'd suck on that thing," Youngwoon shot back, picking up his beer and knocking it back.
Heechul stared at him in distaste. "I'm moving out next week."
"What the hell?"
"I was hoping to find a better time to tell you that you'd have to start paying rent all on your own, but hey, now is as good a time as any. You won't have to see anything you don't want to and I can suck on whatever I want whenever and wherever I want." He smiled angelically.
Youngwoon made a face. "That's disgusting. Fine, move out. See if you can live without me fending off your crazy obsessive ex-boyfriends." Heechul sniffed.
"Since when?" Yunho did what he usually had to do to have a normal conversation at the table - ignore the other two.
"Hm, a few weeks ago," Jaejoong tapped his chin in thought, "when he suddenly showed up at my salon. But, well," all three turned to him in surprise when he blushed lightly and shrugged. "Things changed in the past year, I guess." The three knew Jaejoong wasn't really a 'relationship' person - rather, he wasn't much of a monogamous person. He'd been the most career-minded of the four of them in the past few years and all they'd heard of were the barest mentions of a "fling that doesn't matter, it's over anyway." He was often actively seeked, but steady relationships just wasn't high on his priority list.
"That's good to know," Yunho said, genuinely happy for his friend yet shocked at how the odd behaviour of his co-worker was suddenly laid out for him in a few short words. It was as if everything clicked into place, like his mind had finally mastered the game of connect-the-dots. He sighed.
"And there's your usual sigh of I'm-not-getting-any," Heechul piped up, crossing his arms in exasperation.
He looked up quickly. "What? No! Just that, I'm the last to know about Jaejoong's - "
"Hate to say it, but the fairy's right - Ow!"
"You haven't been getting any either, you self-proclaimed number one womanizer of Korea. Maybe you're not too far from being a fairy yourself."
Youngwoon twitched.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Jaejoong said regrettably, smiling in apology, "To be honest I'm still not sure if it will work out even though I've known him for a year. Heechul hyung called and grilled it out of me - "
"Heard it from the grapevine," Youngwoon interrupted, pointing at Heechul, who whistled and looked away.
" - but you know I don't really...I mean, if it doesn't work out, I don't even want my own hopes up, let alone anyone else's."
"No no, I understand," Yunho quickly reassured him, "but...you know I work with Changmin, right? He's in the same management I am."
The brown-haired man stared. "He is?"
"What a small world this is," he chuckled.
"Hm," Jaejoong eyed Heechul, who batted his eyes innocently, and Youngwoon, who merely knocked back his refilled glass again. He looked as if he wanted to ask Yunho something but changed his mind at the last minute. "Anyway," he turned back to Yunho with a grin, "you set this up but we haven't heard much from you tonight. How's work?"
"It's been alright," Yunho gave them all a tired smile and was met with three pairs of apprehensive eyes, none of them accepting his outright lie. "Okay, fine, it's been a shitty few days and seeing all of you has been the highlight of my week."
"Well we are quite delectable company."
Jaejoong was a bit more forthcoming. "It's your Park Yoochun, isn't it?"
"He's not mine - "
"But you want his ass to be," Youngwoon raised an eyebrow and signalled the waitress for another bottle, eyeing her butt as she turned to walk away. Yunho sputtered at what he said but finally fell silent.
Heechul took that as a sign of defeat and sighed dramatically, shaking his head. "Yunho, Yunho, Yunho...What are we going to do with you?"
"Hyung, you aren't going to do anything."
"We just want to help," Jaejoong said with a kind smile, patting his hand, "It has been..." His face twisted as he tried to calculate it, but eventually shrugged. "...a few years, right?"
"Can we not talk about this?" He tried to be polite but what came out was a harsh voice along with a closed expression, eyes hardening as he stared at the table. When Changmin had asked a few weeks ago (he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the whole Jaejoong and Changmin dynamic - wait, Changmin was gay?) he'd hinted that it wasn't a good topic to go after and Changmin had backed off. He'd appreciated that. Sometimes he wished he was always the hyung; he never derived any pleasure from having that authority (he wasn't Youngwoon or Heechul after all) but it was a convenient status to make use of when the situation called for it.
"And that's your problem right there," Heechul said, not looking up as he picked at the nuts in the tray with his chopsticks, "You don't talk about it and let it fester until it hurts too much to talk about it anymore. What's the point?"
"Because there isn't anything to talk about."
"No, you're just being a wimp," Youngwoon pointed out.
"Only you can make me agree with him, Yunho," Heechul shivered in mock horror and Youngwoon rolled his eyes, "seriously, how long are you going to drag this out? Either get into his pants or move out, because you look shittier every time we see you."
"Late hours, Youngwoon hyung knows how it is."
"If you mean late hours from work, sure. If you mean late hours from lying in bed with nothing better to do then jack off while your friend is having a little fun of his own in the next room with a lady friend, I'd have to pass. Try him," he pointed. Yunho stared at him shock.
"Oh my god, college. You were just a little freshman then, don't get too cocky. At least I didn't shut myself in my room for three days crying myself to sleep because my boyfriend - "
"Girlfriend!"
" - ditched me. And boyfriend because that was a hypothetical situation that never happened to me and thanks for proving my point."
Turning away from the two seething at each other, Jaejoong smiled faintly. "Maybe if your friendship with Yoochun was like theirs, you'd both have gotten over your problems years ago."
Yunho tried to imagine it but shook his head, horrified. "Please, Jaejoong, there is a limit to what kind of jokes one can make."
After a fun night out ("Go home, Yunho, I'll drop you off at your place." "But their car - " "Watching them get sloshed while we play the designated drivers makes me feel a little better about borrowing their car for the day, don't you?"), Yunho always felt a little lonely returning to a dark apartment, knowing exactly where his roommate had gone off to and once again not bothering to inform him. As he removed his jacket, he tried very hard to forget what had prompted him to arrange this little get-together.
He was ashamed to admit it, but even Yunho needed a little cheering up when he was down and quite frankly, being witness to Heechul and Youngwoon's banter could either be an extremely amusing experience or a terribly exasperating one. Despite one or the other, the effect it had on him was that it usually allowed him some respite from his thoughts. He knew Jaejoong often cited the same reason why he enjoyed his time, however short now that they were all working men and not merely college students, with their two hyungs. Luckily, the two did not disappoint tonight, and perhaps they had been aware of the sorry state of his mood - they had been going after each other with more determination than usual.
Leaving his keys on the rack by the door, he moved into his bedroom and dropped his wallet on his desk, sighing as he opened his closet to change into something comfortable. Maybe Heechul had been right. Yunho knew he was possibly subjecting himself to this torture knowing full well that one conversation would push it to its conclusion, but judging whether it was worth it had already taken four years. By now both him and Yoochun had slipped into some modicum of routine that was too difficult to break.
After all, living together didn't even mean they saw much of each other. Much of it had been Yunho's decision, to throw himself into a career he hadn't expected to be accepted into, but once he'd been scouted, saw the enormous opportunity it provided him. It helped pay off his school bills, for one thing.
The thought of school made his eyes stray towards the thick textbooks sitting on his desk as he pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. Putting off an education in law for modeling stints hadn't exactly pleased his father but Yunho treating it as a fulltime job and a necessity in order to pay himself through school at least earned his father's approval. And his father's approval was as important to Yunho as his earning his degree was to his father.
The last few days had been a collision of his work and his education, never really able to find time to himself. Yunho, in all respects, was an intensely private person and the endless strain of keeping up with a homework intensive program and a job that required him to go without sleep for endless hours did not bode well for his overall state of mind. He'd dealt with stress before but apparently simply having a bad week was not above Jung Yunho.
(He had felt bad for Changmin that day, who looked as bad as he did underneath all the make up, and had felt he'd done Changmin a favour by giving him some respite. He probably did do Changmin a favour, but giving the timing of Jaejoong's sudden confession tonight, Changmin was probably grateful to him for something else entirely)
Pulling his arm over his head to work at an aching muscle he'd gained from staying in one position too long for a rather absentminded photographer, he pulled his chair back and settled into the seat. Slender hands reached for the first textbook stacked next to him and yet, no sooner had he flipped to the correct chapter (he loathed catching up with his readings and his favourite spot was usually on the couch by the coffee table where a steaming cup of tea usually sat - it allowed him to slip into dreamland with the excuse of it being far too comfortable for serious reading) did he hear a key being turned in the lock a few feet from his door. He sucked in a breath in surprise.
He'd barely gotten out of his seat when Yoochun stumbled through the doorway, a giggling ('and fake') blonde dangling off his arm, their whispered murmurs ricocheting off the walls. It was a scene that happened just rarely enough for it to be unfamiliar to him but often enough for him not to be entirely shocked by it. Yoochun almost hit the counter as he dropped his keys with a loud sound and Yunho refrained from stepping out of his room to assist the clearly drunken man, his partner being of no help as she didn't appear any less sober herself. He watched as Yoochun crushed the poor woman against the wall next to the door to his own bedroom, watched as mouths were plundered and hands skimmed the bottom of shirts and the tops of slacks or a black pencil skirt - maybe an office lady - and he found that he could only tear his eyes away when the both of them fell through the open door to his roommate's humble abode. The door next to his slammed shut.
Oh yes, he'd forgotten about his wayward roommate. He quietly shut his own door and promptly collapsed onto his bed, feeling the desire to study slowly drain out of him as sounds from the next room rose in volume and penetrated the wall between them. They were difficult to ignore - bumps, moans, and womanly giggles were soon matched with groans and growls several octaves lower - he threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light from his desk. It was going to be a long night.
Yunho was not going to be able to sleep - and Youngwoon's words from earlier were of no help at all.
When the morning sun rose and his eyes automatically opened at six-thirty, it took him a minute to register the noise permeating his room. "Always, always happens," he growled low under his breath as he swung his legs over the edge and grabbed a towel from his closet. Loud snores followed him all the way to the bathroom and it took great effort not to slam the door and wake (presumably) the two in the other room.
Twenty minutes later he was pulling on his tracksuit and donning his cap. Grabbing his keys, he left without a second glance, feeling as though he'd just escaped - ran away - from something he should've stayed behind for.
(When he came back, she would be gone. That was a guarantee. But her presence would still linger. The smell of cheap perfume would follow him around for days until he went crazy with air freshener and Yoochun complained about suffocating. Then he would bite back his retort and leave the apartment to work out at the gym.)
Yunho never considered himself a confrontational person.
Ten minutes into his run, Junsu deftly slid into the spot next to him at the turn of a corner and confirmed this thought. He smiled over at his friend, but apparently last night had had a bigger effect on him than he'd anticipated, because Junsu's pleasant expression instantly twisted.
"Bad night?" His face, rarely very solemn, looked almost angry.
"Suppose you could say that," he offered his friend of four years a small smile (a second try), hoping to reassure.
It did the exact opposite. "Hyung, enough of that. If that bastard still refuses to - "
He sighed loudly. "Not you too."
"It was obvious to me and I've only known the two of you for four years! You've known each other twice that long!" Junsu's outrage was clear and Yunho reached over to pat him on the shoulder.
"Not everyone can be as intuitive as you, Junsu. But, thanks."
Not everyone could be as great a friend as Kim Junsu either; Yunho mused as the other man promptly closed his mouth and increased his pace determinedly. Junsu was loyal to a fault, always maintained a smile on his face, and hated seeing others ostracized for no reason. That was partly the reason Junsu had latched onto Yunho when he'd been the newest SM recruit, the bumbling country boy that he was. That was also why Junsu had discreetly placed Changmin under their wing when Changmin, the tall, quiet boy, had arrived in much the same way Yunho had. Junsu would've gladly done the same for Yoochun if Yoochun hadn't rebuffed his attempts at a friendship and brushed off his invitations to soccer matches and video game showdowns at his home. Almost immediately, Yoochun had joined another group of models and entertainers, not all from SM but all less innocent than Junsu, as far as those in the business was concerned.
Even Yunho had been taken back by Yoochun's hostility, and there were numerous times their own friendship became at odds whenever Junsu as a topic came up. Finally, they both mutually agreed - without doing much talking about it - that addressing the issue would merely cause unwanted conflict and always skirted around the topic. To this day, Yunho still could not understand. And after several months when their acquaintanceship became increasingly disruptive at the workplace, Junsu never referred to Park Yoochun without a pinch in expression on his face.
"Don't let him bully you around," Junsu said softly, sounding slightly out of breath as they reached the midway point of their daily jog together. "And you know he doesn't even need to speak to be able to do it. Because you let him."
"It's not bullying," he muttered, pulling his cap lower over his eyes to hide his frown. "It's fine the way things are right now. You and Jaejoong, Heechul, and Youngwoon are reading too much into whatever it is all of you are reading into. I've just had a bad week."
He threw his hands up, breaking his stride and Yunho surged ahead. It took him a few seconds to catch up but by the time he did he had a response ready. "So this bad week had nothing to do with him?"
"School. Entirely to do with school." Yunho kept his eyes trained in front of him.
Junsu sighed and slowed to a stop. Noticing a distinctive lack of a body next to him, Yunho turned back and saw Junsu standing several feet behind him, looking at him steadily. He sighed and dropped down by the sidewalk, back propped up against the wall as he slowly calmed his breathing. He waited for his friend to speak.
"Maybe we keep bringing it up because we're concerned about you. From what you've told me, your college friends haven't even met Yoochun before. All the stuff they say is based on what you show them, and maybe what you show them is something of a concern. It's just - not - " he ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair in frustration, " - it's not healthy. Can't you see that? Eight years, Yunho. You've been in love with him for eight years!"
His voice rang loudly throughout the otherwise silent and empty street and Yunho's head swivelled around so fast he almost felt his neck snap. Somehow, hearing someone, anyone, saying it out loud made it sound -
"It sounds ridiculous," he sighed softly, letting his chin drop as he rubbed the back of his head with a hand.
He heard Junsu sit down and sigh alongside him. "Just a bit."
"The span of eight years is what our - whatever we have right now is based on. You know, we haven't even mentioned the name of the high school we went to for the past two of those eight. We're running from something, but I'm the only one that knows what it is."
"Are you sure about that?" He looked at him pointedly. Junsu laughed, waving a hand. "Sorry. It's just that...when you introduced me to him four years ago, the look he gave me was like a jealous boyfriend trying to threaten a potential rival away through his glare alone."
He only sighed again. "Basically, he's aware of it but not aware that there's more to it...Never mind," Yunho chuckled at Junsu's lost look, "I'm guessing there's only so much I can be cryptic about before you decide I'm too annoying to be friends with and try to get rid of me."
"I would never do that!" Junsu said vehemently and grinned. "But I am drawing the line at self-delusion. Because you know that's what you've been doing all this time, right?"
"...No."
"Seriously."
They stared at each other challenging, before both getting up simultaneously to brush themselves off.
"So."
"Race?"
"Yeah."
"Under ten minutes back to my apartment."
"Loser pays for dinner at the next job."
Junsu grinned characteristically. "You're on!"
Their run ended, as always, with Junsu suddenly acquiring a burst of speed and disappearing around the corner as Yunho huffed and puffed on the uphill road. With a triumphant grin, Junsu patted him on the back and waved, shouting over his shoulder about a new restaurant he wanted to try out and how Yunho and Changmin would love it.
Yunho waved back and continued back to his own place, his mind surprisingly blank. The sun was visible high above the horizon line by then and he took a deep breath, feeling his breath work its way through his body, puffing out in a cloud of white smoke as the cool of the morning added crispness to the air. It rejuvenated him and he worked hard to run the way of the way back, feeling a bit happier. Sure, he had to treat the next meal (when did he ever not? But Junsu's company was often worth it) but at least he had some great friends. Even though those friends tended to nag at him about an eight year unrequited affection and wouldn't leave him to mope about in peace. He grinned to himself.
That grin, however, was quickly lost when he unlocked the door, stepped in, and found himself staring at a clearly hung over Yoochun sitting by the kitchen counter with an utterly lost look, staring at the woman prancing about in the kitchen. His kitchen (only because he would never let Yoochun into that area of the apartment). 'Well there goes that good mood.' Yoochun then turned to look at him and the woman stopped cracking eggs to blink as the door slammed behind him.
This crossed some imaginary boundary and Yunho witnessed it breaking before his eyes. Eight years of this? Who was he kidding? Living together didn't guarantee Yoochun wouldn't someday up and leave with a woman on his arm and wedding bells ringing over his head. Yunho would be relegated to the side lines, to clap and smile and generally be the best friend he was supposed to have been. At this very moment, it was as though he saw the possible future flashing before his eyes and suddenly he wanted to break something. Preferably Yoochun's nose.
He tried not to grind his teeth but returned the look anyway. "Care to explain this one?"
"I don't...shit," Yoochun groaned, holding his head.
"Chunnie, you never mentioned you had such a hot friend," the woman purred. She winked, "Care to join us for breakfast, handsome?"
"So is this a new habit of yours? First Changmin, now her?" He glared and felt gratified to see his friend cower a little, closing his eyes.
"She won't - leave."
"What? You asked me to make breakfast!"
It took him three strides to reach him, a second to grab him by the front of his shirt, and two seconds for the woman to start shrieking her head off. Yunho pulled Yoochun closer, narrowing his eyes. "You want her gone or not?" His voice was low and trembling, betraying his anger. He felt the frustration of the past week eating at his resolve, and when Yoochun lifted his eyes to meet his, he was lost.
"I - yes. Yes."
"Good," he growled and crushed their mouths together. He was gratified to hear the screeching quickly fading into a stunned silence.
Blessed silence.
He moved to deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue past immobile lips and keeping his hand on the back of Yoochun's neck. Slowly, as if unsure and unaware of what he was doing, Yunho felt hands grasp the ends of his shirt to pull him closer. Yoochun's head tilted slightly, allowing better access, and his mouth opened under his. The entirety of Yunho's attention narrowed, focusing only on the feel of those lips again, for the first time in so long. Yunho's other hand slipped down to rest at the small of his back and the whimper that came from the shivering man now in his arms nearly undid him again.
He wrenched himself back, panting lightly, gratified to see Yoochun staring at him with half-lidded, attentive eyes. The door slammed a second time. He let his arms drop.
Yoochun took a half-step back, bumping into the chair and fell into it, now staring up at him.
"Not exactly worth keeping, is she? Sure scares easily." He couldn't keep the bitter tone out of his voice and Yoochun blinked, startled.
"You - "
"And now that I've played the helpful gay friend in driving your latest conquest out, I'm taking a shower." He made to walk past him, feeling so angry his vision was literally flashing red. He expected Yoochun to laugh, perhaps to cheerfully thank him for his help, as he always did at the expense of Yunho's unrequited feelings, so he was the most surprised when Yoochun reached out instead and grabbed his wrist. Almost as surprised as Yoochun looked, himself.
"Wait."
He turned around half way. "You're not the only one who lives here, Yoochun. Please be more considerate next time." Stop shoving it into my face.
"You know that's not why I do this."
Yunho's eyes widened slightly. "Are we talking about this? Are you really bringing this up out of your own free will? Because then that would make the last four years utterly pointless."
Frustrated, Yoochun ran a hand through his hair but kept his fingers locked around his wrist. "Yunho, I know I...said some unforgiveable things in the past because you - we - " he shook his head and Yunho almost reeled back as Yoochun's eyes dropped towards the floor. The light blush painting his cheeks red was still visible. Yoochun took a deep breath and raised his eyes pleadingly, face twisted in pain as his hangover made his head pound. "Would you go up to the roof with me?"
Well, there it was. His answer to everything. Spoken in different words, but what he'd wanted all along (closure). But Yunho also knew there was no guarantee, because with Yoochun, nothing ever was. Yoochun was a man of uncertainties, towards others and towards his own life. Yoochun had no idea what he wanted, while Yunho strived for what he desired with a single-minded intensity that, as Heechul often said, scared the hell out of anyone who knew him personally.
Yunho had moved to the city of Seoul with his family from the countryside right before he was to begin high school. He'd been the bumbling village idiot in his new class. Everything was foreign to him and everything intimidated him, even the bright lights of the city and the loud rumbling of city traffic. He wasn't bullied but he didn't make friends easily.
When a quiet boy with dreamy eyes and a low, husky voice had reached out to him with a hand outstretched, he'd been grateful. But it wasn't until the boy brought him to the school roof, a low two-storey building, and pointed out all the cool things of the city to him, that he, well, fell for him. He still remembered, quite vividly even now, as the boy - man, now, looking up at him almost pleadingly - how Yoochun had slung an arm around his shoulder and said quietly into his ear, "Not so scary now, right? From up here, it even manages to look beautiful." And it had, at the time.
Yunho doubted that it would look very beautiful to him now. The city was his home now but him and Yoochun were different. Vows made together to achieve success, to live together in the tallest apartment in the city so that they could look over the city together forever had now been fulfilled, but what lay between them was a mass of unspoken words and memories that ate at what they had.
Yunho pulled his wrist from Yoochun's grip. "I'm busy today."
He tried to ignore the hurt eyes that followed him all the way into the bathroom. It was over now. Yunho was done waiting. Yunho was done with seeing random women - sometimes, men - leave little bits of them between the rift that only continued to grow between the two. Yunho didn't care who Yoochun slept with. As long as Yoochun kept it to the night, kept it out of sight in the morning, Yunho could still greet Yoochun with a smile or maybe a sardonic grin in the morning, pretend all was well. Pretend high school graduation hadn't been the day their friendship had changed forever and pretend Yoochun hadn't rejected him with biting words and silences that lasted weeks before they had managed to salvage whatever friendship had remained.
It wasn't until seeing the woman that Yunho realized how ridiculous this arrangement had been all along. Jaejoong, Heechul, and Youngwoon had seen it. Junsu had seen it. Yunho had been satisfied with it but it was simply a stupid way to live his life. Eight years had been eight years too long.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, the apartment was clear. Yoochun's shoes and jacket were gone, as was his cell phone. He glanced around the apartment again as he towelled his hair, feeling empty and more than a little dejected.
But it was better this way, even if it didn't feel like it.