Distance [5/6]
Title: Distance
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Yunho had assumed that one day he’d be able to bridge the gap between their worlds, but one day, he realized that perhaps that day would never come.
Yunho wasn’t sure of what to say. Although he’d had every intention on seeing Jaejoong again, he didn’t know what to say now that the other man was finally sitting next to him in his car.
He turned on the radio - the silence was stifling.
“I…I need you to listen.” Jaejoong said quietly, staring out into the empty street ahead of them. “I don’t…I don’t think you know how much…how much I care.” Jaejoong turned his head and glanced at Yunho, “But also need an explanation from you.”
“I understand.” Yunho nodded and pulled the car over, “Let’s get coffee.”
“I might cry.” Jaejoong said quietly before Yunho exited the car. He glanced at Yunho worriedly and bit his lip, “If you’re going to be breaking up with me in person, I don’t think a café would be -“
“The park then.” Yunho suggested, pointing at the area just across the street. He glanced out the window, “It’s stopped raining anyway.”
“Okay.”
Jaejoong followed Yunho out the car, and as soon as they began on the path that winded around the park’s lake, Jaejoong began to speak.
“I do love you,” Jaejoong breathed out quietly, “and…it’s my fault for not being more vocal about that. I should…I should’ve turned to you more, and made you more involved in my life, and for that, I’m sorry.”
Yunho nodded quietly, and he noticed Jaejoong was looking at him. “Listen, Jaejoong…you know, you know that you mean a lot to me, right?”
Jaejoong stopped walking and stared at Yunho, “This is the part where you break up with me, isn’t it?”
Yunho shook his head and he turned to face Jaejoong. “No, this is the part where I tell you that…that I need to do some things.”
“Things like?” Jaejoong asked hollowly, “I understand.” His face was completely devoid of emotion, and he nodded slowly. “You…” he swallowed hard, and Yunho noticed that he was about to cry, “I’ve tried, okay!”
Yunho froze.
Jaejoong wiped the tears from his eyes, “It’s hard, to let myself trust you. Even after three years, sometimes I still worried that you weren’t with me because you loved me, but because I was talented.” He looked away from Yunho, “But then you became distant, and I realized that you were growing tired of me.”
“Jaejoong -“
“I’m not the only one who made mistakes!” Jaejoong cried, the tears falling from his eyes freely. “You never told me anything! If you wanted me to understand, you should’ve said something!”
“I didn’t know how.” Yunho replied, “I thought you would -“
“You thought wrong!” Jaejoong mumbled, “I didn’t think you felt that way, all I wanted was you there! Before you left, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself, a chance to convince you to stay! It was like you’d been planning on leaving me for months, and all you wanted was a chance to leave -“
“It wasn’t like that,” Yunho whispered as he took a step closer, but Jaejoong took a step back away from him. “Jaejoong -“
“Don’t blame me for everything, when it’s your fault for saying nothing!” Jaejoong took a deep breath and stared at Yunho, his face masked with obvious hurt, “You told me to lean on you, and I did - if you needed space, if you needed independence, you should’ve said something!”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be!” Jaejoong cried out, punching Yunho’s shoulder. “You didn’t say anything, and now it’s like you’re blaming me for everything.” He wiped his tears away furiously, “I know I’ve made mistakes…but you have too. You said, it’s for the best, but was it, was it really Yunho?”
“Jaejoong…” Yunho’s expression softened and his heart clenched with guilt, “I -“
“Why am I the only one apologizing, the only one talking?” Jaejoong asked, his eyes teary and red. “Why does it seem like I’m the only one trying, and you’ve already given up?”
Yunho was at a loss for words, and Jaejoong took his silence as agreement.
“You’ve given up?” Jaejoong spat harshly, “Then fine. You walked out on me once. I can do the same to you.” He turned away to leave, but Yunho held him by the wrist and pulled him back.
“Wait.”
Jaejoong attempted to pull his wrist away, but Yunho held onto it tightly. He stared the other man in the eyes, and Jaejoong quieted down, his rage subsiding.
“We….” Yunho trailed off, “We can work through this, okay? I’m sorry, shit, Jaejoong, I’m so sorry. This…this is my fault as much as it is yours, and maybe it’s even more my fault because I told you to trust me for all those years -“
“Don’t…” Jaejoong let out a sigh and shook his head, tiredness etched onto his handsome features. “Just…say what you need to say. There’s no point in us bringing up past mistakes - we both need to move on from them. Say what you need; tell me what will make things better.”
“Distance.”
Jaejoong stiffened, and Yunho brought the other man closer. He set one hand down onto Jaejoong’s waist and ran his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair, “No…not permanently. Just…give me time, okay?”
“Time for?” Jaejoong whispered back, “Are you going to -“
“I just need time to do things for myself.” Yunho replied, “To find a job, to remember what l like to do. You can give me that, right?”
“What about me?” Jaejoong asked softly. He averted his gaze and nodded slowly before he raised his eyes and met Yunho’s. “Am I allowed to ask something of you?”
Yunho nodded and ran his hand through Jaejoong’s hair in a gesture of comfort, “What do you need?”
“Please, don’t forget me.”
Yunho brought Jaejoong into his arms and held the other man tightly. “I wouldn’t ever forget you Jaejoong.” His heart tightened in his chest and he kissed Jaejoong’s forehead as he brushed back his hair, “I’ll make sure to talk to you at least once every day and -”
“Okay.” Jaejoong murmured, his eyes downcast. “If…if time to find yourself is all that you want from me, then I can give you that.”
“This isn’t the end, okay?” Yunho said encouragingly, tipping Jaejoong’s chin up so that the other man would look at him, “I promised you that I wouldn’t leave you…and after all that’s happened, I’ve realized that I never really could. Please, don’t cry.”
“I’ll miss you.” Jaejoong replied softly, “I don’t…”
“I’m not really leaving.” Yunho answered, “You have Yoochun, Junsu, and other people, not just me. Go back to Paris and talk to them, open up your heart to other people, because I’m not the only one who loves you.”
“But who will take care of you?” Jaejoong asked, “Surely Changmin can’t -“
“I’ll be fine.” Yunho replied, “I’ll be okay on my own. It’ll be good for me. When I’m done…when I’m done doing whatever it is that I’ll be doing, we’ll both know what to do.”
“Then I should go now.” Jaejoong said softly, pulling away from Yunho’s embrace. He shook his head when Yunho took a step closer, “I…I’m trying to understand, and I’ll give you the distance you asked for. I’ll catch the first flight to Paris tomorrow -“
“Jaejoong -“
He shook his head. “No, I understand. We both need to do this.” Jaejoong took a few more steps, “Please, don’t forget to call.”
Yunho nodded slowly, “I won’t.”
“I love you.” Jaejoong said softly.
“I love you too.”
Jaejoong smiled faintly, and then walked away, leaving Yunho behind.
Yunho watched him go, and although his heart clenched tightly in his chest, he knew they were doing the right thing.
This wouldn’t be the end for them - they’d see each other again.
< >
Author’s Note: Another step closer to the eventual finale of this story. I hope that this was good enough for everyone as a somewhat resolution to this story. I hope this didn’t place too much blame on Jaejoong, and that both parties were equally held responsible for what happened to their relationship. I’m not sure when I’ll be posting the next chapter, but it’ll probably be sometime soon. There’s smut & happiness to look forward to in the next chapter, so please anticipate the ending. :) Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a comment, the story’s almost done! ♥
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Yunho had assumed that one day he’d be able to bridge the gap between their worlds, but one day, he realized that perhaps that day would never come.
Yunho wasn’t sure of what to say. Although he’d had every intention on seeing Jaejoong again, he didn’t know what to say now that the other man was finally sitting next to him in his car.
He turned on the radio - the silence was stifling.
“I…I need you to listen.” Jaejoong said quietly, staring out into the empty street ahead of them. “I don’t…I don’t think you know how much…how much I care.” Jaejoong turned his head and glanced at Yunho, “But also need an explanation from you.”
“I understand.” Yunho nodded and pulled the car over, “Let’s get coffee.”
“I might cry.” Jaejoong said quietly before Yunho exited the car. He glanced at Yunho worriedly and bit his lip, “If you’re going to be breaking up with me in person, I don’t think a café would be -“
“The park then.” Yunho suggested, pointing at the area just across the street. He glanced out the window, “It’s stopped raining anyway.”
“Okay.”
Jaejoong followed Yunho out the car, and as soon as they began on the path that winded around the park’s lake, Jaejoong began to speak.
“I do love you,” Jaejoong breathed out quietly, “and…it’s my fault for not being more vocal about that. I should…I should’ve turned to you more, and made you more involved in my life, and for that, I’m sorry.”
Yunho nodded quietly, and he noticed Jaejoong was looking at him. “Listen, Jaejoong…you know, you know that you mean a lot to me, right?”
Jaejoong stopped walking and stared at Yunho, “This is the part where you break up with me, isn’t it?”
Yunho shook his head and he turned to face Jaejoong. “No, this is the part where I tell you that…that I need to do some things.”
“Things like?” Jaejoong asked hollowly, “I understand.” His face was completely devoid of emotion, and he nodded slowly. “You…” he swallowed hard, and Yunho noticed that he was about to cry, “I’ve tried, okay!”
Yunho froze.
Jaejoong wiped the tears from his eyes, “It’s hard, to let myself trust you. Even after three years, sometimes I still worried that you weren’t with me because you loved me, but because I was talented.” He looked away from Yunho, “But then you became distant, and I realized that you were growing tired of me.”
“Jaejoong -“
“I’m not the only one who made mistakes!” Jaejoong cried, the tears falling from his eyes freely. “You never told me anything! If you wanted me to understand, you should’ve said something!”
“I didn’t know how.” Yunho replied, “I thought you would -“
“You thought wrong!” Jaejoong mumbled, “I didn’t think you felt that way, all I wanted was you there! Before you left, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself, a chance to convince you to stay! It was like you’d been planning on leaving me for months, and all you wanted was a chance to leave -“
“It wasn’t like that,” Yunho whispered as he took a step closer, but Jaejoong took a step back away from him. “Jaejoong -“
“Don’t blame me for everything, when it’s your fault for saying nothing!” Jaejoong took a deep breath and stared at Yunho, his face masked with obvious hurt, “You told me to lean on you, and I did - if you needed space, if you needed independence, you should’ve said something!”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be!” Jaejoong cried out, punching Yunho’s shoulder. “You didn’t say anything, and now it’s like you’re blaming me for everything.” He wiped his tears away furiously, “I know I’ve made mistakes…but you have too. You said, it’s for the best, but was it, was it really Yunho?”
“Jaejoong…” Yunho’s expression softened and his heart clenched with guilt, “I -“
“Why am I the only one apologizing, the only one talking?” Jaejoong asked, his eyes teary and red. “Why does it seem like I’m the only one trying, and you’ve already given up?”
Yunho was at a loss for words, and Jaejoong took his silence as agreement.
“You’ve given up?” Jaejoong spat harshly, “Then fine. You walked out on me once. I can do the same to you.” He turned away to leave, but Yunho held him by the wrist and pulled him back.
“Wait.”
Jaejoong attempted to pull his wrist away, but Yunho held onto it tightly. He stared the other man in the eyes, and Jaejoong quieted down, his rage subsiding.
“We….” Yunho trailed off, “We can work through this, okay? I’m sorry, shit, Jaejoong, I’m so sorry. This…this is my fault as much as it is yours, and maybe it’s even more my fault because I told you to trust me for all those years -“
“Don’t…” Jaejoong let out a sigh and shook his head, tiredness etched onto his handsome features. “Just…say what you need to say. There’s no point in us bringing up past mistakes - we both need to move on from them. Say what you need; tell me what will make things better.”
“Distance.”
Jaejoong stiffened, and Yunho brought the other man closer. He set one hand down onto Jaejoong’s waist and ran his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair, “No…not permanently. Just…give me time, okay?”
“Time for?” Jaejoong whispered back, “Are you going to -“
“I just need time to do things for myself.” Yunho replied, “To find a job, to remember what l like to do. You can give me that, right?”
“What about me?” Jaejoong asked softly. He averted his gaze and nodded slowly before he raised his eyes and met Yunho’s. “Am I allowed to ask something of you?”
Yunho nodded and ran his hand through Jaejoong’s hair in a gesture of comfort, “What do you need?”
“Please, don’t forget me.”
Yunho brought Jaejoong into his arms and held the other man tightly. “I wouldn’t ever forget you Jaejoong.” His heart tightened in his chest and he kissed Jaejoong’s forehead as he brushed back his hair, “I’ll make sure to talk to you at least once every day and -”
“Okay.” Jaejoong murmured, his eyes downcast. “If…if time to find yourself is all that you want from me, then I can give you that.”
“This isn’t the end, okay?” Yunho said encouragingly, tipping Jaejoong’s chin up so that the other man would look at him, “I promised you that I wouldn’t leave you…and after all that’s happened, I’ve realized that I never really could. Please, don’t cry.”
“I’ll miss you.” Jaejoong replied softly, “I don’t…”
“I’m not really leaving.” Yunho answered, “You have Yoochun, Junsu, and other people, not just me. Go back to Paris and talk to them, open up your heart to other people, because I’m not the only one who loves you.”
“But who will take care of you?” Jaejoong asked, “Surely Changmin can’t -“
“I’ll be fine.” Yunho replied, “I’ll be okay on my own. It’ll be good for me. When I’m done…when I’m done doing whatever it is that I’ll be doing, we’ll both know what to do.”
“Then I should go now.” Jaejoong said softly, pulling away from Yunho’s embrace. He shook his head when Yunho took a step closer, “I…I’m trying to understand, and I’ll give you the distance you asked for. I’ll catch the first flight to Paris tomorrow -“
“Jaejoong -“
He shook his head. “No, I understand. We both need to do this.” Jaejoong took a few more steps, “Please, don’t forget to call.”
Yunho nodded slowly, “I won’t.”
“I love you.” Jaejoong said softly.
“I love you too.”
Jaejoong smiled faintly, and then walked away, leaving Yunho behind.
Yunho watched him go, and although his heart clenched tightly in his chest, he knew they were doing the right thing.
This wouldn’t be the end for them - they’d see each other again.
< >
Author’s Note: Another step closer to the eventual finale of this story. I hope that this was good enough for everyone as a somewhat resolution to this story. I hope this didn’t place too much blame on Jaejoong, and that both parties were equally held responsible for what happened to their relationship. I’m not sure when I’ll be posting the next chapter, but it’ll probably be sometime soon. There’s smut & happiness to look forward to in the next chapter, so please anticipate the ending. :) Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a comment, the story’s almost done! ♥