Distance [1/?]
Title: Distance
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Yunho had assumed that one day he’d be able to bridge the gap between their worlds, but one day, he realized that perhaps that day would never come.
Yunho got out of bed and walked to the living room quietly. He sat down on the couch and turned on the television so that he could stay awake long enough for Jaejoong to come back from whatever event he’d gone to with Yoochun.
As usual, nothing on the television interested him. He turned it off and decided to make coffee so that it would be easier for him to fight off the tiredness that came with each passing minute. He sighed quietly as he stirred the instant coffee powder into the hot water and brought the mug with him over to the couch.
He looked out the window and felt the longing to go back to Seoul and leave Paris behind. Despite its quirks and charms, he’d never felt so out of place before. It was an artist’s paradise - a place of inspiration and romance for souls like Jaejoong, and it only left him feeling lacking for not understanding the place.
French still sounded odd on his tongue, and it only contributed more to the quiet personality he’d taken up ever since he’d moved into Jaejoong’s apartment. Even the space felt nothing like him, Yunho thought as he looked around.
Although there were no more cigarettes around since he’d gotten Jaejoong to stop smoking months before, there were too many art books, too many compositions lying around, too many CDs, and too little of him.
In fact, he hardly knew who he was anymore.
He was Kim Jaejoong’s handsome companion and nothing more, or at least, it felt like nothing more than that. He’d left behind his burgeoning law career back in Seoul to follow Jaejoong, and as the days grew lonelier, the distance between them grew wider, their differences more blaringly obvious - he was beginning to regret it all. No matter how much he loved Jaejoong, it was during lonely nights in a city that made him feel like an outsider that made him realize how different they were. Yunho perked up when he heard the door unlock, and he set his mug down onto the coffee table before he walked over to the door to open it for Jaejoong. After he pulled it open, Jaejoong greeted him with a terse smile.
He knew why - Jaejoong was upset with him for not going.
“How was it?” Yunho asked, hoping that Jaejoong was calmer than he looked. He smiled at him and brushed a lock of hair off his face, “Did you enjoy yourself?”
“I did.”
“That’s good.” He replied as he and Jaejoong sat down on the couch together. Yunho reached out for his mug and held it in his hands, glad for something warm to help him feel less cold in the apartment. He turned his head and noticed that Jaejoong was ignoring him somewhat. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Jaejoong replied stiffly as he inched away from Yunho, “It’s not your fault you don’t like going to things like that.”
Yunho wanted to sigh, but he knew it would only frustrate Jaejoong. He hated to walk around on eggshells, but he felt like if he said anything to lead to an argument, it would only send him to the first plane back to Seoul. Jaejoong was the only reason he stayed in Paris.
He loved Jaejoong too much to let him go.
“I’ll go to bed now.”
Yunho got up off the couch and walked over to the kitchen. His mug was more than halfway full, but he didn’t bother to care about the waste and dumped the liquid into the sink. He watched as the dark liquid drained away and shut his eyes tightly.
He wished he could understand - that he would understand Jaejoong’s trials as a musician and artist, the reasons he was so charmed with Paris - he wanted to understand everything, but he couldn’t and it frustrated him beyond belief.
“Yunho?”
Yunho turned his head and forced back a smile, “What is it Jaejoong?” he asked, surprised by how warm and calm he sounded when he was purely raging emotions and turmoil on the inside.
Jaejoong smiled, and it made Yunho’s heart flutter. He was in a better mood, and Yunho was glad. He took a few steps closer and wrapped his arms around Yunho’s neck, “I love you.”
Yunho leaned forward and pressed against Jaejoong’s lips. “I love you too.”
And that’s why I stay.
o-o-o
The next few days were a blur for Yunho, and he was fairly sure Jaejoong felt the same way too. All sorts of preparation were being undertaken for the upcoming concert of Kim Jaejoong, the renowned pianist, and he was sure Jaejoong felt the mounting pressure to perform well.
Yunho held his book in his hands as he walked home. It was one of his old law text books, and it’d made him feel nostalgic as soon as he found it in a bag that he’d discovered underneath their bed. He’d taken it out around the city, reading it in cafes and in parks like he was touring a friend around the city.
When he came home, he was surprised to see things in such a mess. While messes were often common in the spacious apartment, things had never looked that bad before. Compositions were everywhere, and Yunho could hear the faint noise of Jaejoong’s frustrated piano playing coming from his small studio.
Yoochun came out from the studio and smiled, “Hi.” He looked tired, and Yunho knew it was because there was pressure from the music company for Jaejoong to compose something new for them, and Jaejoong was currently unable to do so. The concert had been meant as a way to get him back to a creative mood, but it’d only set him on edge.
“What happened?” Yunho asked quietly as they walked out to the corridor where it was quieter and less messy. He shut the door behind him and waited as Yoochun tried to think of something to say.
“He’s just frustrated. He doesn’t think that anything he’s producing is good, and no matter how hard Junsu and I try to convince him that it is, he won’t believe us. It’s getting difficult.”
“I’ll try to talk to him.”
Yoochun opened his mouth to say something but promptly closed it. Yunho knew more than well enough what it meant. Once again, actions spoke louder than words and it rubbed salt onto the widening wound in his heart.
He won’t listen to you, was what Yunho felt Yoochun had wanted to say. He was fairly sure that the agent was just about to tell him that Jaejoong was highly unlikely to listen to creative advice from a lawyer - a profession highly rooted on logic and critical thinking, not creativity or imagination.
“He thinks that he wants to sing.” Yoochun said slowly as he changed the topic. “He has a lovely voice, but since he’s gathered acclaim as a pianist, I’m worried about the sudden change in field.”
“He has a wonderful voice.”
You’re biased and don’t know anything, seemed to be what Yoochun wanted to say next, but instead the agent shot him a kind smile. “I think so too, but if he wants to do that, I think it’d be nice if Junsu talked to him first about it. A bit of vocal training wouldn’t hurt, and Junsu has experience in classical singing. It’s too much on his plate though. He has to compose first - lyrics are a different matter that can be easily taken care of by other people.”
Yunho nodded, there was no point in him adding to the conversation with his inexperience and lack of knowledge on the classical world. “I’ll help him gather himself and calm down.”
“Thank you. Will I see you at the concert next week? You haven’t been coming to any of the events lately.”
“I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to listen to Jaejoong’s music.” Yunho replied, and the other man nodded. They said their polite goodbyes, and Yunho went back inside the apartment to talk to Jaejoong.
The piano playing had stopped, and he supposed that Jaejoong was probably chain smoking a storm inside his tiny studio. Yunho shook his head at the thought and cleaned up the living room first, setting things aside and filing them, before he opened the door to Jaejoong’s office.
He’d been right about the smoking.
Yunho sighed and took the cigarette out of Jaejoong’s hand and crushed it immediately on the ash tray nearby. He opened the window to let fresh air in, and both of them took in a deep breath at the same time.
He sat down next to Jaejoong on the piano stool and took his hand, and didn’t flinch when Jaejoong pulled his hand away from his.
“Yoochun said you’re frustrated.” Yunho said quietly as he stared down at the ebony and ivory piano keys instead of Jaejoong’s face. “You should talk to me about it instead of bottling it up inside.”
“Talk to you about it?” Jaejoong asked with a bitter note, turning his head to look at Yunho. “You don’t understand. In a million years, you wouldn’t understand anything about how I -“
Yunho got out of the stool quickly, the words ringing in his ears. “You’re right.” He said tightly, his voice drenched with hurt. He clenched his fists and stared down at one of Jaejoong’s compositions on the floor. He stared down at the inked musical notes, “I don’t understand a thing.”
His heart twisted painfully in his chest, and he quickly tried to find some way to bottle up the internal struggle he’d been holding for so long. Yunho opened his mouth in an attempt to offer an explanation, an apology or just anything that would help ease the stifling tension in the room, but his mind failed him and he couldn’t think of anything to say aside from the fear that had plagued his mind for months.
He could feel Jaejoong’s eyes on him, and he turned around to meet the cold face of his lover. Yunho smiled sadly, “I think we’ve run our course. Don’t you?” he asked quietly as his anger disappeared and only the cold of resignation remained. There was a silence that followed his words, with only the faint sounds of the city trickling in background to fill the void of conversation.
“You’re right, I don’t understand how your music works.” Yunho swallowed hard and felt the tears gathering in his eyes, “I thought that maybe I would someday, but if you tell me that I won’t be able to - then I doubt I ever will. I think this it for us Jaejoong. It’s time for me to go. It’s time for me to go back to Seoul, and it’s time for both of us to move on from this since it’s not working.”
He walked up to Jaejoong and placed a soft kiss on the stunned man’s lips. Yunho pressed their foreheads together, “I love you, and you know that, but you don’t need me and...I don’t think you ever did. You were a breath of fresh air in my life, but I think I was just unnecessary baggage in yours.”
“You’re being stupid.” Jaejoong whispered, “I was just frustrated, I’m sorry -“
“I can’t help you with anything.” Yunho replied as he shook his head and pulled away from Jaejoong. “You know that, and I know that. If you need someone to listen to your compositions, I can’t give you the right critique. If you need someone to help you find the right melody or the right note, I can’t do that for you.”
“I don’t love you because I need you to help me in music.” Jaejoong argued as he got out of his seat, “I love you because you’re you. You can’t leave Yunho, not like this, not when I love you and you still love me.”
“Are we going to wait until we hate each other?” Yunho asked, “I don’t want us to end up like strangers - even now...I feel it. We may love each other, but is that really enough Jaejoong? You need someone who understands, and you shouldn’t settle for any less.”
“You need to think this through -”
“It’s for the best.” Yunho hugged Jaejoong but didn’t allow enough time for the smaller man to hold onto him. He pulled away, “It’s for the best.” He repeated, hoping he’d someday be able to convince himself of the same thing.
He walked out of the room and began packing his things into the suitcase he’d brought when he first came to Paris with Jaejoong. As soon as he’d finished packing, he heard Jaejoong come into their bedroom.
“Where are you going to stay?” Jaejoong asked softly by the doorway, his lithe body leaning against the frame.
“I’ll go see if I can find a flight to Seoul tonight. If there isn’t one, I’ll sleep at a hotel.” He replied as he shut the suitcase. He got up and Jaejoong refused to look at him. When he came closer, Jaejoong left the room and locked the door to his office.
Yunho walked to the door and pressed his body against it, “I’m going now.” He said quietly, wondering if Jaejoong would say anything.
He was answered by silence, and he decided that it was best that way. Yunho leaned his head against the door, “I’m sorry.” He said, hoping that Jaejoong would hear him and listen. “I’m sorry for everything...these past three years were the best of my life, and I have you to thank for that.”
Yunho smiled sadly as he realized he was crying and wiped his eyes. “I love you. Make sure to take care of yourself, and do your best next week. I wish you the best, and I know you’ll find someone better than me.”
He sighed quietly and after a few minutes, he knew it was time to go. Yunho took his suitcase and after making sure he’d left nothing of huge importance behind, he left their apartment.
o-o-o
It seemed like fate was on his side for a change. Yunho sat down on one of the chairs at his gate and waited for boarding to begin. He’d managed to get a flight, and he’d be at Incheon airport in the morning of the following day.
He called Yoochun, and as expected, the other man answered before two rings.
“Hello?”
Yunho swallowed hard as he tried to think of a way to tell the man that he’d ended the relationship with his best friend. “Hi.” He said quietly and unsurely. “Has Jaejoong called you since you last saw me?”
“No. Why?” Yoochun sounded worried, and it made Yunho feel guilty. “Did something happen? I knew I shouldn’t have let you handle it, I’m sorry Yunho. Did he get mad at you? I keep telling him -“
“No, it’s not your fault.” Yunho interrupted, it’s mine, he thought. “I just...we broke up tonight. Well, I broke up with him and...-“
“You did what? Yunho, don’t take him seriously. He’s just in one of his moods and you know that he loves you so -“
Yunho shook his head and held onto his phone a little tighter as he realized that families with young children and senior citizens had already begun boarding the plane. It would only be a few more minutes until it was his turn, so he needed to get all his words out before he got onto the plane.
“I wasn’t right for him Yoochun, and...I need to do this for both of us. I need to do it before our relationship got to difficult to continue anymore. I’m on a plane back to Seoul, and boarding has already started, so I can’t check on him anymore. Promise to take care of him, and I’m sorry that -“
“You’re going back, already? Yunho, are you sure you don’t want to think this through? I don’t want to force you back into the relationship if it’s really been as bad as you make it seem, but are you willing to let go of the three years?”
An announcement was made by the airline staff, and it was time for him to start boarding. His resolve to leave Jaejoong was crumbling, and he was fairly sure that if he didn’t board the plane within five minutes, he would run back to their apartment to fix everything so that he could continue their disintegrating relationship out of selfishness.
“Yes, I am.” Yunho said quietly as he dug into strength he knew he’d buried deep down within. “It’s for the best Yoochun, it is. I’m going to ask you for one last favour before I change my number, and it’s -“
“I’ll look after him, I promise.”
Yunho felt the tears again and wiped them away as he began walking over to the boarding line that was slowly becoming shorter and shorter. “That’s good to hear. Take care of yourself too Yoochun, and thank you for everything.”
“Have a safe flight Yunho.”
“Thank you.” Yunho replied softly before he hung up on him. He turned off his phone and boarded the plane in a trancelike state.
The moment he sat down on his seat, he looked out the window. It felt surreal to actually be leaving - to leave behind the city, to leave behind Jaejoong and everything they’d had together.
Yunho leaned his head against the glass of his window and once again, felt the tears coming. He wiped his eyes the moment his seatmate came, and he shot a smile at the older woman.
She smiled back at him, and he turned away immediately after.
He settled into his seat and buckled his seatbelt before he looked out his window again.
The tears would have to wait.
o-o-o
Aside from Yoochun and Jaejoong, no one knew about his return to Seoul. He hadn’t bothered to call his parents, his sister was in Japan with her boyfriend, and he hadn’t actually thought of calling any of his old university friends since most of them had become too busy to remain in contact with him.
There was only one person he could think of talking to as he tried to keep his broken world together, and that person was Changmin. Yunho paid the taxi driver and stepped out to look at the tall building.
He didn’t even know if Changmin was still at home.
Yunho had changed his number the moment he’d gotten back to Seoul, but he’d kept most of his old contacts except for Jaejoong - he didn’t want to be tempted into reconciling with him because no matter how much it hurt, he was beginning to become surer that what he was doing or what he had done, was right.
The trip to Changmin’s flat felt like an eternity, and by the time the elevator had reached Changmin’s floor, he’d almost run out of the elevator in desperation to meet the younger man so that he could be comforted.
When he reached the door, he rang the doorbell and waited. He heard someone on the other side and clutched his luggage tighter. He wasn’t sure about how bad he looked, but he could imagine that his hair was sticking out in odd angles and that he looked half-dead.
The moment the door swung open, Changmin let out a gasp. “Yunho?”
“Hi.” Yunho greeted as the tears began falling down his cheeks. He didn’t bother to wipe them away as he stared at Changmin and allowed his façade of calmness to fall away completely and leave behind his fragile, lost self. He felt Changmin’s arms around him, and he sobbed freely onto the younger man’s shoulder.
“I’m home.” He murmured, the words tumbling out between the sobs that were escaping him. They felt heavy and the moment they came out, it felt like he’d just told his dearest friend a lie.
For so long, home had been with Jaejoong.
>
Author’s Note: So...I’m starting another story. XD I’m a bit nervous about this, so I hope you all like it. I decided to post it today because I noticed that I always update on the first half of the week, and never the latter part. XD I’m incredibly curious about what everyone thinks of Yunho & Jaejoong here - as well as their relationship. The next two or so chapters will focus on flashbacks of the Yunjae relationship, what went wrong, how it started, as well as the aftermath of the break up. I’ve got everything planned out, so that’s always good. ^___^ About my other stories, A Learning Process’ next chapter is still being written, For You’s next chapter is being edited, and I’m also in the process of writing a threeshot - inspiration is coming steadily, so let’s all hope it stays that way! I’m rather incapable of writing oneshots lately; it seems like everything I write makes me want to make more chapters for it, or a sequel at least. Speaking of sequels - any ideas for a sequel to Rainy Days? I’d love to hear suggestions since I’m in an inspired state. Anyway, I hope you guys like this story as much as the others, and I’d love to hear reactions/suggestions/feedback from you guys in a comment! ^____^
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Yunho had assumed that one day he’d be able to bridge the gap between their worlds, but one day, he realized that perhaps that day would never come.
Yunho got out of bed and walked to the living room quietly. He sat down on the couch and turned on the television so that he could stay awake long enough for Jaejoong to come back from whatever event he’d gone to with Yoochun.
As usual, nothing on the television interested him. He turned it off and decided to make coffee so that it would be easier for him to fight off the tiredness that came with each passing minute. He sighed quietly as he stirred the instant coffee powder into the hot water and brought the mug with him over to the couch.
He looked out the window and felt the longing to go back to Seoul and leave Paris behind. Despite its quirks and charms, he’d never felt so out of place before. It was an artist’s paradise - a place of inspiration and romance for souls like Jaejoong, and it only left him feeling lacking for not understanding the place.
French still sounded odd on his tongue, and it only contributed more to the quiet personality he’d taken up ever since he’d moved into Jaejoong’s apartment. Even the space felt nothing like him, Yunho thought as he looked around.
Although there were no more cigarettes around since he’d gotten Jaejoong to stop smoking months before, there were too many art books, too many compositions lying around, too many CDs, and too little of him.
In fact, he hardly knew who he was anymore.
He was Kim Jaejoong’s handsome companion and nothing more, or at least, it felt like nothing more than that. He’d left behind his burgeoning law career back in Seoul to follow Jaejoong, and as the days grew lonelier, the distance between them grew wider, their differences more blaringly obvious - he was beginning to regret it all. No matter how much he loved Jaejoong, it was during lonely nights in a city that made him feel like an outsider that made him realize how different they were. Yunho perked up when he heard the door unlock, and he set his mug down onto the coffee table before he walked over to the door to open it for Jaejoong. After he pulled it open, Jaejoong greeted him with a terse smile.
He knew why - Jaejoong was upset with him for not going.
“How was it?” Yunho asked, hoping that Jaejoong was calmer than he looked. He smiled at him and brushed a lock of hair off his face, “Did you enjoy yourself?”
“I did.”
“That’s good.” He replied as he and Jaejoong sat down on the couch together. Yunho reached out for his mug and held it in his hands, glad for something warm to help him feel less cold in the apartment. He turned his head and noticed that Jaejoong was ignoring him somewhat. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Jaejoong replied stiffly as he inched away from Yunho, “It’s not your fault you don’t like going to things like that.”
Yunho wanted to sigh, but he knew it would only frustrate Jaejoong. He hated to walk around on eggshells, but he felt like if he said anything to lead to an argument, it would only send him to the first plane back to Seoul. Jaejoong was the only reason he stayed in Paris.
He loved Jaejoong too much to let him go.
“I’ll go to bed now.”
Yunho got up off the couch and walked over to the kitchen. His mug was more than halfway full, but he didn’t bother to care about the waste and dumped the liquid into the sink. He watched as the dark liquid drained away and shut his eyes tightly.
He wished he could understand - that he would understand Jaejoong’s trials as a musician and artist, the reasons he was so charmed with Paris - he wanted to understand everything, but he couldn’t and it frustrated him beyond belief.
“Yunho?”
Yunho turned his head and forced back a smile, “What is it Jaejoong?” he asked, surprised by how warm and calm he sounded when he was purely raging emotions and turmoil on the inside.
Jaejoong smiled, and it made Yunho’s heart flutter. He was in a better mood, and Yunho was glad. He took a few steps closer and wrapped his arms around Yunho’s neck, “I love you.”
Yunho leaned forward and pressed against Jaejoong’s lips. “I love you too.”
And that’s why I stay.
o-o-o
The next few days were a blur for Yunho, and he was fairly sure Jaejoong felt the same way too. All sorts of preparation were being undertaken for the upcoming concert of Kim Jaejoong, the renowned pianist, and he was sure Jaejoong felt the mounting pressure to perform well.
Yunho held his book in his hands as he walked home. It was one of his old law text books, and it’d made him feel nostalgic as soon as he found it in a bag that he’d discovered underneath their bed. He’d taken it out around the city, reading it in cafes and in parks like he was touring a friend around the city.
When he came home, he was surprised to see things in such a mess. While messes were often common in the spacious apartment, things had never looked that bad before. Compositions were everywhere, and Yunho could hear the faint noise of Jaejoong’s frustrated piano playing coming from his small studio.
Yoochun came out from the studio and smiled, “Hi.” He looked tired, and Yunho knew it was because there was pressure from the music company for Jaejoong to compose something new for them, and Jaejoong was currently unable to do so. The concert had been meant as a way to get him back to a creative mood, but it’d only set him on edge.
“What happened?” Yunho asked quietly as they walked out to the corridor where it was quieter and less messy. He shut the door behind him and waited as Yoochun tried to think of something to say.
“He’s just frustrated. He doesn’t think that anything he’s producing is good, and no matter how hard Junsu and I try to convince him that it is, he won’t believe us. It’s getting difficult.”
“I’ll try to talk to him.”
Yoochun opened his mouth to say something but promptly closed it. Yunho knew more than well enough what it meant. Once again, actions spoke louder than words and it rubbed salt onto the widening wound in his heart.
He won’t listen to you, was what Yunho felt Yoochun had wanted to say. He was fairly sure that the agent was just about to tell him that Jaejoong was highly unlikely to listen to creative advice from a lawyer - a profession highly rooted on logic and critical thinking, not creativity or imagination.
“He thinks that he wants to sing.” Yoochun said slowly as he changed the topic. “He has a lovely voice, but since he’s gathered acclaim as a pianist, I’m worried about the sudden change in field.”
“He has a wonderful voice.”
You’re biased and don’t know anything, seemed to be what Yoochun wanted to say next, but instead the agent shot him a kind smile. “I think so too, but if he wants to do that, I think it’d be nice if Junsu talked to him first about it. A bit of vocal training wouldn’t hurt, and Junsu has experience in classical singing. It’s too much on his plate though. He has to compose first - lyrics are a different matter that can be easily taken care of by other people.”
Yunho nodded, there was no point in him adding to the conversation with his inexperience and lack of knowledge on the classical world. “I’ll help him gather himself and calm down.”
“Thank you. Will I see you at the concert next week? You haven’t been coming to any of the events lately.”
“I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to listen to Jaejoong’s music.” Yunho replied, and the other man nodded. They said their polite goodbyes, and Yunho went back inside the apartment to talk to Jaejoong.
The piano playing had stopped, and he supposed that Jaejoong was probably chain smoking a storm inside his tiny studio. Yunho shook his head at the thought and cleaned up the living room first, setting things aside and filing them, before he opened the door to Jaejoong’s office.
He’d been right about the smoking.
Yunho sighed and took the cigarette out of Jaejoong’s hand and crushed it immediately on the ash tray nearby. He opened the window to let fresh air in, and both of them took in a deep breath at the same time.
He sat down next to Jaejoong on the piano stool and took his hand, and didn’t flinch when Jaejoong pulled his hand away from his.
“Yoochun said you’re frustrated.” Yunho said quietly as he stared down at the ebony and ivory piano keys instead of Jaejoong’s face. “You should talk to me about it instead of bottling it up inside.”
“Talk to you about it?” Jaejoong asked with a bitter note, turning his head to look at Yunho. “You don’t understand. In a million years, you wouldn’t understand anything about how I -“
Yunho got out of the stool quickly, the words ringing in his ears. “You’re right.” He said tightly, his voice drenched with hurt. He clenched his fists and stared down at one of Jaejoong’s compositions on the floor. He stared down at the inked musical notes, “I don’t understand a thing.”
His heart twisted painfully in his chest, and he quickly tried to find some way to bottle up the internal struggle he’d been holding for so long. Yunho opened his mouth in an attempt to offer an explanation, an apology or just anything that would help ease the stifling tension in the room, but his mind failed him and he couldn’t think of anything to say aside from the fear that had plagued his mind for months.
He could feel Jaejoong’s eyes on him, and he turned around to meet the cold face of his lover. Yunho smiled sadly, “I think we’ve run our course. Don’t you?” he asked quietly as his anger disappeared and only the cold of resignation remained. There was a silence that followed his words, with only the faint sounds of the city trickling in background to fill the void of conversation.
“You’re right, I don’t understand how your music works.” Yunho swallowed hard and felt the tears gathering in his eyes, “I thought that maybe I would someday, but if you tell me that I won’t be able to - then I doubt I ever will. I think this it for us Jaejoong. It’s time for me to go. It’s time for me to go back to Seoul, and it’s time for both of us to move on from this since it’s not working.”
He walked up to Jaejoong and placed a soft kiss on the stunned man’s lips. Yunho pressed their foreheads together, “I love you, and you know that, but you don’t need me and...I don’t think you ever did. You were a breath of fresh air in my life, but I think I was just unnecessary baggage in yours.”
“You’re being stupid.” Jaejoong whispered, “I was just frustrated, I’m sorry -“
“I can’t help you with anything.” Yunho replied as he shook his head and pulled away from Jaejoong. “You know that, and I know that. If you need someone to listen to your compositions, I can’t give you the right critique. If you need someone to help you find the right melody or the right note, I can’t do that for you.”
“I don’t love you because I need you to help me in music.” Jaejoong argued as he got out of his seat, “I love you because you’re you. You can’t leave Yunho, not like this, not when I love you and you still love me.”
“Are we going to wait until we hate each other?” Yunho asked, “I don’t want us to end up like strangers - even now...I feel it. We may love each other, but is that really enough Jaejoong? You need someone who understands, and you shouldn’t settle for any less.”
“You need to think this through -”
“It’s for the best.” Yunho hugged Jaejoong but didn’t allow enough time for the smaller man to hold onto him. He pulled away, “It’s for the best.” He repeated, hoping he’d someday be able to convince himself of the same thing.
He walked out of the room and began packing his things into the suitcase he’d brought when he first came to Paris with Jaejoong. As soon as he’d finished packing, he heard Jaejoong come into their bedroom.
“Where are you going to stay?” Jaejoong asked softly by the doorway, his lithe body leaning against the frame.
“I’ll go see if I can find a flight to Seoul tonight. If there isn’t one, I’ll sleep at a hotel.” He replied as he shut the suitcase. He got up and Jaejoong refused to look at him. When he came closer, Jaejoong left the room and locked the door to his office.
Yunho walked to the door and pressed his body against it, “I’m going now.” He said quietly, wondering if Jaejoong would say anything.
He was answered by silence, and he decided that it was best that way. Yunho leaned his head against the door, “I’m sorry.” He said, hoping that Jaejoong would hear him and listen. “I’m sorry for everything...these past three years were the best of my life, and I have you to thank for that.”
Yunho smiled sadly as he realized he was crying and wiped his eyes. “I love you. Make sure to take care of yourself, and do your best next week. I wish you the best, and I know you’ll find someone better than me.”
He sighed quietly and after a few minutes, he knew it was time to go. Yunho took his suitcase and after making sure he’d left nothing of huge importance behind, he left their apartment.
o-o-o
It seemed like fate was on his side for a change. Yunho sat down on one of the chairs at his gate and waited for boarding to begin. He’d managed to get a flight, and he’d be at Incheon airport in the morning of the following day.
He called Yoochun, and as expected, the other man answered before two rings.
“Hello?”
Yunho swallowed hard as he tried to think of a way to tell the man that he’d ended the relationship with his best friend. “Hi.” He said quietly and unsurely. “Has Jaejoong called you since you last saw me?”
“No. Why?” Yoochun sounded worried, and it made Yunho feel guilty. “Did something happen? I knew I shouldn’t have let you handle it, I’m sorry Yunho. Did he get mad at you? I keep telling him -“
“No, it’s not your fault.” Yunho interrupted, it’s mine, he thought. “I just...we broke up tonight. Well, I broke up with him and...-“
“You did what? Yunho, don’t take him seriously. He’s just in one of his moods and you know that he loves you so -“
Yunho shook his head and held onto his phone a little tighter as he realized that families with young children and senior citizens had already begun boarding the plane. It would only be a few more minutes until it was his turn, so he needed to get all his words out before he got onto the plane.
“I wasn’t right for him Yoochun, and...I need to do this for both of us. I need to do it before our relationship got to difficult to continue anymore. I’m on a plane back to Seoul, and boarding has already started, so I can’t check on him anymore. Promise to take care of him, and I’m sorry that -“
“You’re going back, already? Yunho, are you sure you don’t want to think this through? I don’t want to force you back into the relationship if it’s really been as bad as you make it seem, but are you willing to let go of the three years?”
An announcement was made by the airline staff, and it was time for him to start boarding. His resolve to leave Jaejoong was crumbling, and he was fairly sure that if he didn’t board the plane within five minutes, he would run back to their apartment to fix everything so that he could continue their disintegrating relationship out of selfishness.
“Yes, I am.” Yunho said quietly as he dug into strength he knew he’d buried deep down within. “It’s for the best Yoochun, it is. I’m going to ask you for one last favour before I change my number, and it’s -“
“I’ll look after him, I promise.”
Yunho felt the tears again and wiped them away as he began walking over to the boarding line that was slowly becoming shorter and shorter. “That’s good to hear. Take care of yourself too Yoochun, and thank you for everything.”
“Have a safe flight Yunho.”
“Thank you.” Yunho replied softly before he hung up on him. He turned off his phone and boarded the plane in a trancelike state.
The moment he sat down on his seat, he looked out the window. It felt surreal to actually be leaving - to leave behind the city, to leave behind Jaejoong and everything they’d had together.
Yunho leaned his head against the glass of his window and once again, felt the tears coming. He wiped his eyes the moment his seatmate came, and he shot a smile at the older woman.
She smiled back at him, and he turned away immediately after.
He settled into his seat and buckled his seatbelt before he looked out his window again.
The tears would have to wait.
o-o-o
Aside from Yoochun and Jaejoong, no one knew about his return to Seoul. He hadn’t bothered to call his parents, his sister was in Japan with her boyfriend, and he hadn’t actually thought of calling any of his old university friends since most of them had become too busy to remain in contact with him.
There was only one person he could think of talking to as he tried to keep his broken world together, and that person was Changmin. Yunho paid the taxi driver and stepped out to look at the tall building.
He didn’t even know if Changmin was still at home.
Yunho had changed his number the moment he’d gotten back to Seoul, but he’d kept most of his old contacts except for Jaejoong - he didn’t want to be tempted into reconciling with him because no matter how much it hurt, he was beginning to become surer that what he was doing or what he had done, was right.
The trip to Changmin’s flat felt like an eternity, and by the time the elevator had reached Changmin’s floor, he’d almost run out of the elevator in desperation to meet the younger man so that he could be comforted.
When he reached the door, he rang the doorbell and waited. He heard someone on the other side and clutched his luggage tighter. He wasn’t sure about how bad he looked, but he could imagine that his hair was sticking out in odd angles and that he looked half-dead.
The moment the door swung open, Changmin let out a gasp. “Yunho?”
“Hi.” Yunho greeted as the tears began falling down his cheeks. He didn’t bother to wipe them away as he stared at Changmin and allowed his façade of calmness to fall away completely and leave behind his fragile, lost self. He felt Changmin’s arms around him, and he sobbed freely onto the younger man’s shoulder.
“I’m home.” He murmured, the words tumbling out between the sobs that were escaping him. They felt heavy and the moment they came out, it felt like he’d just told his dearest friend a lie.
For so long, home had been with Jaejoong.
>
Author’s Note: So...I’m starting another story. XD I’m a bit nervous about this, so I hope you all like it. I decided to post it today because I noticed that I always update on the first half of the week, and never the latter part. XD I’m incredibly curious about what everyone thinks of Yunho & Jaejoong here - as well as their relationship. The next two or so chapters will focus on flashbacks of the Yunjae relationship, what went wrong, how it started, as well as the aftermath of the break up. I’ve got everything planned out, so that’s always good. ^___^ About my other stories, A Learning Process’ next chapter is still being written, For You’s next chapter is being edited, and I’m also in the process of writing a threeshot - inspiration is coming steadily, so let’s all hope it stays that way! I’m rather incapable of writing oneshots lately; it seems like everything I write makes me want to make more chapters for it, or a sequel at least. Speaking of sequels - any ideas for a sequel to Rainy Days? I’d love to hear suggestions since I’m in an inspired state. Anyway, I hope you guys like this story as much as the others, and I’d love to hear reactions/suggestions/feedback from you guys in a comment! ^____^