With You
Title: With You
Beta: muramatsu_aoi
Rating: PG13
Genre: Romance, Humor, Fluff
Summary: From falling in love to getting out of the friend zone, a lot can happen in one year.
Belated happy birthday queen of Cassiopeia! ♥
Valentine’s Day
February 14, 2012
Fuck life, he needed chocolate.
Yunho let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. There were numerous couples sitting together in the café, and he was feeling dreadfully alone. Even his only other co-workers working the same shift as him were a couple, so he couldn’t help but feel all the more alone. While pretty much all of his friends had gone off to spend their day with someone special, he was alone and had no one to spend his Valentine’s day with.
Why was that?
It was probably because…okay, to be honest, Yunho had no idea why he didn’t have a Valentine. He glanced down at himself, staring at his body for a few seconds, and tried to figure out what made him so unappealing. Was it because he wasn’t as fit as the other guys? Just because he wasn’t stick thin or overly muscular, that wasn’t supposed to mean he was unattractive. It was supposed to mean…
It was supposed to mean he was normal, and normal was good, wasn’t it?
“Excuse me?”
Yunho looked up from his lower body and stared at his customer. The handsome man was looking at him with a blank expression on the face, and Yunho’s cheeks heated up as he wondered as to how long the other man had been standing there.
“Oh, uh, sorry.” He smiled nervously and scratched the back of his head. “What would you like? Today there’s a Valentine’s discount on -“
“I want an iced caramel macchiato, upside down.”
“Would that be two -“
“No, just one,” the other man interrupted curtly, his eyes lingering on Yunho’s before they turned down so that he could count the necessary amount. “One caramel macchiato, upside down, for Jaejoong, and I’ll be having it here.”
Yunho nodded and took the money from the other man, “Right.”
As soon as the exchange had ended and the other man had walked away to sit alone at a table, Yunho let out a brief sigh of relief. It seemed like he wasn’t the only other person alone on Valentine’s day, but he hoped that he was handling the whole situation much better than the other man.
He cast another glance at the new customer, noticing the frown on the other’s lips and the overall dark aura he had.
As for why he was alone, Yunho had no clue, but then again, it’s not like it was his business anyway. With a sigh, Yunho turned away from the cash register to see if his other co-workers were free to make the order. When he saw them talking in hushed whispers to one another, bright smiles on their faces, Yunho sighed once again and turned away to make the order.
He didn’t want to be known as the guy who ruined Valentine’s Day.
o-o-o
“You should go sit next to him.”
“He looks lonely.”
“Aren’t you lonely?”
Yunho glanced to look back at his co-workers, who had been bullying him insistently the past hour. “I am not lonely -“
“So why have you been staring at him for the past hour? If you weren’t in some way, kind of interested, then -“
“He’s attractive. Why can’t I stare at him?” Yunho questioned irritably as he turned his eyes away from Jaejoong so that he could glare at his co-workers. “And honestly, it’s not like I’ve been staring at him outright. Just because I look at him every now and then, it doesn’t mean -“
“You should just sit down and talk to him,” Hyojin suggested as she crossed her arms and shot Yunho a look. “Go on break for a bit, it’s not like we have any customers or anything.”
“We can handle things,” Jihoon pressed with a bright smile. “Just ask him if he wants another drink or something. Come on Yunho, you’re a friendly guy, and you know how to talk to people. You’ll be fine.”
Hyojin nodded, her smile growing wider. “Go talk to him. The worst you could get is a cold cup of coffee to the face.”
Yunho frowned, but left anyway. He’d rather take a cold cup of coffee to the face then deal with the two lovers’ disgusting chatter for another two hours.
o-o-o
As soon as he was in front of Jaejoong’s table, Yunho cleared his throat.
The other man stopped reading his book and looked up at him. He shut his copy of Jane Eyre, and Yunho felt his stomach drop once he realized that he had the other man’s complete attention.
“Oh well...” Yunho swallowed hard and put a smile on his face immediately, “I just wanted to know, are you enjoying your coffee?”
Jaejoong glanced at his empty cup then looked at Yunho. “I liked it enough.”
Yunho blanched, feeling the full on impact of the awkwardness of the situation. But despite that, he pressed on. He could feel Hyojin and Jihoon staring at him from the counter, and he refused to give up. There was no way he was going to make himself look bad in front of them, or in front of Jaejoong either.
“Is it okay if I sit down…?”
“If you’re going to ask me out, I’m not interested.” Jaejoong said plainly, a no-nonsense look on his face. “I think I should save both of us some time and -“
“I’m not asking you out.” Yunho replied, feeling himself relax slightly despite Jaejoong’s icy response. He smiled, a sign of friendship, “I just figured it might be nice to talk to you, seeing as you’re alone, and I want to know what you’re reading too.”
Jaejoong looked hesitant and he looked around at the café, taking in the sight of all the couples around them. It seemed like that was more than just a small push into him realizing his isolated status, and the pout that his lips formed was adorable. It took a few more seconds, but it seemed like he was starting to give in, so Yunho didn’t back down.
“I’ll give you another drink too, on the house.”
His words coaxed a short burst of laughter from Jaejoong’s lips, and the sound of it made Yunho’s smile brighten.
“Is that a bribe?” Jaejoong questioned, “Are you that desperate for companionship that you have to buy it?”
Yunho shook his head and sat down on the seat across from Jaejoong. “I’m just being friendly.”
“I’d say too friendly.”
The barista laughed. “Well, maybe that’s why I’m alone today.” He put on a contemplative expression then tilted his head, “I think that’s the answer.”
“Answer to what?”
“The reason I’m alone today is because I’m the guy that gets friendzoned.” Yunho drummed his fingers on the table, “So, is this a start to another path to being friendzoned?”
Jaejoong lifted up his empty glass and handed it to Yunho, “I thought you said all you wanted was friendship?”
“Well, friendship can lead to other things -“
“No thanks barista boy, you’re not my type.” Jaejoong said with a smile as he pushed the glass into Yunho’s hand. “Now, it’s either you get me another iced caramel macchiato and come back, or you can just go back to the counter.”
Yunho frowned and placed a hand over his heart, “You wound me, but I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“…did you just quote Casablanca to me?”
“So what if I did?”
“Minus points, you’re lacking in originality.” Jaejoong replied as he turned his eyes away from Yunho and opened his book. He flipped a page then raised his eyes to look back at Yunho once again. “You’re still here.”
“I’m just thinking.” Yunho said in reply.
“Not about our beautiful friendship I hope.”
“No,” Yunho said with a shake of his head. “You’re not a regular here, are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. What brought you into the café today?”
Jaejoong returned to reading his book, “Fate brought me in here so that I could come into this café and fall in love with you of course,” he answered.
Yunho laughed and stood up, Jaejoong’s empty glass in hand. He smiled in amusement at the older man, “You know, I really do think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Will you come back tomorrow?”
The other man looked up at Yunho, “I doubt it.”
“See you tomorrow,” Yunho replied breezily as he walked past Jaejoong so that he could get him another iced caramel macchiato.
White Day
March 14, 2012
“So, let me get this straight…one of your students is in love with you and openly declared it -“
“In the form of a Shakespearean sonnet,” Jaejoong finished. He looked at Yunho, his hands clasping his drink, “It was humiliating. I sent him out of the room.”
Yunho’s eyes widened, “How could you send him out? Aren’t you just supposed to say thank you and -“
“I don’t want his love, and it’s not like this is the right holiday for that kind of stuff anyway…right?” Jaejoong replied, a frown on his lips. He raised his macchiato to his lips and took a sip. “Anyway, if I wanted love, I wouldn’t be alone today, and most of all, I wouldn’t be sitting with you of all people.”
The younger man leaned back into his seat and placed a hand over his heart, “That wounds me Jaejoong, it really does.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”
“Friendzoned again,” Yunho said with an overly dramatic sigh before he took a sip of his water. “Anyway, did you realize that it’s been exactly one month since you and I met?”
“That’s nice.”
Yunho scowled, “I think you’re supposed to say something more meaningful than that. Maybe saying something like, oh Yunho, I’m glad you mended my broken heart after I found out my asshole ex-boyfriend was actually married - “
“Thanks Yunho for giving me free coffee. I find it to be more valuable than our friendship.”
Yunho laughed, completely used to Jaejoong’s behavior. Honestly, he and all his co-workers were amazed by the fact that the two of them had managed to strike up a friendship after their unusual first meeting. After all, Jaejoong was four years his senior and already working, not to mention their personalities were rather different. No one had really expecting things to end up where they were now, but they did.
And as of now, Yunho wasn’t quite sure if he was happy that he was just Jaejoong’s friend. It was undeniable that he’d developed an attraction to the older man, but at the same time, Yunho was content with how things were now. He liked being Jaejoong’s friend, and he liked that he didn’t have to worry about many of the things that Jaejoong complained about in men he found attractive.
Giving up his little moment of reflection Yunho looked at Jaejoong and glanced at the book that was on the table, “And what are you reading now?”
“…Jane Eyre.”
“Again?”
Yunho reached over to grab the book, but Jaejoong swatted his hand away. He looked at Jaejoong, and the other man swatted his hand once he tried to reach for it again.
“What’s your problem?”
“It’s not something I want your dirty fingers all over,” Jaejoong answered as he put his book inside his bag. “It’s a precious gift from my oldest sister, and -“
“Why don’t you read something else?” Yunho asked as he set his chin on the palm of his hand. He kept his eyes on Jaejoong’s face, “I mean, well, it’s…Jane Eyre. Nobody really likes that. God how many times did I have to hear my sister rage about Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingo -“
“It’s Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley.”
“I know, I just wanted to piss you off.” The younger man said with a laugh, enjoying the irritated look Jaejoong shot in his direction. “But anyway, my point remains. Why do you read Jane Eyre?”
“I like it, I want -“
“Your own Mr. Rochester…?” Yunho asked. “Isn’t he ugly or something?” He blinked at Jaejoong, “I never thought you were the kind of person who wasn’t interested in physical appearances. I mean, you buy bags that are probably worth my whole rent for a month -“
“Anything could be worth your entire rent for a month, my groceries in one week could be worth your entire rent. You live in a crappy student apartment the size of this café’s bathroom.”
Yunho scowled, “It’s homey.”
“Yeah, and a claustrophobic’s worst nightmare,” Jaejoong countered. “The one time you asked me come over was a terrible experience, and it doesn’t help that you have uncapped bottles lying around and -“
“…is that why you never come over anymore?”
Jaejoong was silent, and he blinked at Yunho before he promptly changed the subject matter. “Anyway, I was thinking…”
“Of?” Yunho asked, as he glanced at the clock behind Jaejoong’s head. “Anyway, I have to go back on my shift soon and -“
“I feel like I want to write again,” Jaejoong said slowly. His finger traced the rim of his mug before he looked up at Yunho once again. “You do know that I write…right? I’m pretty sure I’ve brought it up to you before.”
Yunho furrowed his eyebrows in thought, “Yeah, I think so. I also remember you arrogantly pointing out that you were the youngest poet to be a part of a particular poetry anthology -“
“Don’t forget I have a published volume of poetry too.”
The younger man laughed, “Oh right, how I could I forget that.”
“Anyway,” Jaejoong said slowly. “This is kind of a milestone for me. I haven’t written…well, I haven’t written since I was with…”
“That douchebag?” Yunho asked, opting not to use the name of Jaejoong’s former boyfriend. He smiled when Jaejoong smiled at him and continued to speak, “So, why the sudden impulse to write?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You…don’t know.”
Jaejoong scowled, “Shut up, and don’t look at me with that expression. It just comes you know?”
Yunho smiled and leaned forward to pat Jaejoong’s hand, “Well, in any case, I’m happy your muse came back. As your friend, I’m supposed to be here for you all the time, through thick and thin -“
“What do you mean by supposed to be? Are you -“
“I’m just kidding.” Yunho cut in. “But anyway, I have to go back to my shift. Unlike you, I’m still working. I have a job to do.”
“Right, sorry.”
The younger man laughed, “No worries. It’s fine. Anyway, I’ll take you out to dinner tonight, what do you think about that?”
Jaejoong blinked. “What will we eat…?”
“Pizza, come on, I know you like it. You can come and stay in my claustrophobia inducing apartment, we’ll watch this gory movie that I downloaded last night -“
“No gore, please -“
“Fine, no gore, but we’ll watch something. It’ll be our little party.” Yunho said happily as he got up off the table, “I’ll buy beer too -“
The older man let out a sigh, “This is depressing. Look at us spending White Day with one another -“
“Shush,” Yunho urged. “By black day, I promise, one of us will have a date.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.”
The younger man frowned at Jaejoong then spoke with a tone filled with conviction and determination, “Just you wait, just you wait.”
Black Day
April 14, 2012
“You look disgusting,” Jaejoong said softly, causing for Yunho to stop eating and lift his head up. He stared at the older man, who lips were pursed in distaste, and smiled, baring his sauce stained teeth.
“Was that supposed to be cute?” the older man questioned as he picked up a piece of tissue to dab at Yunho’s mouth, treating him like a child. “If it was, then I sincerely advise you to stop doing that, because it was creepy -“
Yunho laughed and took the tissue out of Jaejoong’s hand. “Stop dabbing at my face, my mole won’t go away you know.” He wiped his lips then set the tissue down, “So, I guess I was wrong huh?”
“As usual,” Jaejoong commented idly as he set his notebook down onto the table and adjusted his things.
The younger man laughed and turned back to eating. To be honest, he was surprised that Jaejoong hadn’t found anyone to date yet. As far as Jaejoong had told him, the older man seemed like the kind of person who was into seeking relationships, no matter if they were serious or not. But really, Yunho had no complaints about Jaejoong’s single status whatsoever. With the other man being single, he was given more opportunities to hang out with him.
Perhaps he was monopolizing the other man’s attentions and affections, but who wouldn’t? Jaejoong was funny despite his sharp tongue, he was intelligent, and he was easy on the eyes. Anyone would be glad to have him around, even if it was just in a friendly manner.
Yunho chuckled to himself and chewed, completely unaware of the fact that Jaejoong had been staring at him for the past minute or so. After a few more seconds, the older man picked up his pen and looked at Yunho, “The other day, I asked my freshman students to write poems.”
“And?” Yunho picked up his chopsticks and tapped them on the side of his bowl as he waited for Jaejoong to continue. “Did someone write one for you again?”
“…well, yes, but that’s not what matters the most.”
With his noodles halfway to his mouth, Yunho paused to ask, “And what matters most?”
“This one girl, she wrote a poem about her boyfriend.” Jaejoong said, his eyes staring down at the blank notebook page. “It could’ve used a certain kind refinement, but I really liked it. There was an honest beauty in her words, the way she strung them together was just…it didn’t fit perfectly into place, but it was fitting with all its imperfection.”
“You sap.”
“Shut up.” Jaejoong said with a scowl, “Just because I’m not some boring lawyer in the making, that doesn’t make me a sap. Besides, what do you know about love anyway? Young people -”
“You’re only four years older than me you know?”
“But still -“
“I guess the way you act just makes you different,” Yunho said slowly as he toyed with his noodles using his chopsticks. “Actually, the other day, I went to the school library and borrowed your first volume of poetry.”
Jaejoong was silent for a few seconds before he spoke.
“And…?”
“I don’t read poems often, but I liked yours…well, some of them.” Yunho laughed to himself and put his chopsticks down, “The others were a little hard to understand, and I didn’t have anyone to explain them to me.”
Jaejoong smiled, “You’re unbelievable.”
“Unbelievably perfect?” Yunho asked as he picked up his chopsticks, “Yeah, I know. It’s hard for me to believe I’m me sometimes -“
“Yeah, you’re so perfect that no one wants to date you -“
Yunho put a hand over his heart and a hurt expression on his face, “How could you say that to me? I thought…I thought we had something special Jaejoong.” He pouted at the older man and pushed his empty bowl of noodles at him.
Jaejoong shrugged and took a sip of his water. “Friendship isn’t special.”
Something about Jaejoong’s words made Yunho feel a twinge of actual hurt, and he stared at the other man for a few seconds before he averted his gaze. It wasn’t like Jaejoong had meant his words to hurt, and he’d said it in a light manner, so they weren’t supposed to hurt.
But they did.
Yunho licked his lips awkwardly, uncomfortable with his realization that the fact Jaejoong had designated him as a friend was more bothersome a fact than he had hoped.
“It’s magical?” Yunho offered weakly as he tried to get rid of the awkwardness that he was a cause for.
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow, and his lips quirked into a small smile. “You’re so weird.” His words hung in the air, and he stared at Yunho for a long time, his eyes searching for something that made the younger man feel awkward and nervous. “Sometimes…I wonder...”
Deciding that he had to escape his feelings and Jaejoong for a few seconds, Yunho stood up abruptly. “I’m going to get another bowl of noodles -“
“Oh, okay,” Jaejoong said slowly, a confused look on his face. “Are you sure you don’t just want mine -“
“No, you need to eat.” Yunho replied quickly before he turned away sharply, nearly colliding with another customer in his rush to head over to the counter.
Children’s Day
May 5, 2012
“You are a sad pathetic creature,” Changmin said aloud from Yunho’s sofa as he glanced back to see his best friend trying to choose which blazer to wear for his date.
Yunho threw an empty water bottle at Changmin’s head, “Shut up,” he hissed. “It’s not like I’ve been on a date in a while, so you should just shut up and stop making me feel so nervous -“
“Just calm down then,” Changmin cut in as he changed the channel. After a few more seconds of Yunho pacing, he threw the water bottle back at Yunho and turned around completely so that he was kneeling on the sofa. “Where are you two going again?”
“We’re going to go out for dinner -“
“And who decided that?”
Yunho glowered, “I’m not the one in charge of something like that -“
“Ah, right.” Changmin said as he crossed his arms and rested them upon the edge of the sofa. He rested his chin against them, “I forgot you actually took up one of Jihye’s offers of setting you up with someone.”
“Shut up -“
“Desperation must be at a pretty high level right now, isn’t it? Are you sure the guy isn’t some hipster or whatever? I’m sure you two will end up fighting -“
“Don’t meddle.”
“I’m not meddling,” Changmin shot back. “I’m just genuinely concerned for you. Besides, I thought you liked Jaejoong…?”
“Yeah, well, I’m just his friend, remember?” Yunho replied as he turned around to look at Changmin while he fixed his belt. “He always introduces me as his friend whenever we go to one of his events -“
“What’s he supposed to say? Hello, this is Yunho my cowardly admirer -“
“You’re not being helpful.”
“I just think you’re wasting your time.” The younger student replied as he rested his chin upon his arms. “I think Jaejoong likes you -“
“Yeah sure, I’m absolutely sure he does.” Yunho replied lightly as he walked around the room to find his shoes. “After I spilled wine on him at his last party, knocked over a display of books at a book signing event, drunk called him and complained about our readings, and numerous other things, I’m sure I’m definitely a catch in his eyes.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Even though you’re stupid, people still like you.”
“Well, if I want someone to love me, I just have to impress him before he figures out how dumb I really am.” Yunho shot back as he picked up his shoes, “I know Jaejoong, okay Changmin? I’ve seen the signs, and they all say that I’m just his friend.”
“You can’t even read traffic signs, thus I sincerely doubt your skills at reading human signs.” Changmin continued, ignoring Yunho’s glare. “Well, everyone goes through this kind of thing at one point or another, a weird moment between friendship and…not friendship.”
“How articulate of you to describe my situation in such a way.”
“I know nothing about relationships, don’t expect me to speak like a professional about such topics.”
Yunho chuckled, “I wait for the day you start experiencing relationship troubles.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to tell you first if ever I get friend zoned.”
“I don’t think food friend zones people Changmin…”
The younger man looked up and laughed, “Well, that’s good for me then, isn’t it?” He grinned at Yunho, “Well, anyway, since you insist on being so blind, I must know, what does Jaejoong think about the fact you’re going on a date?”
Yunho looked up from his shoes, “Oh, I didn’t tell him I was going on one.”
“What? Why not?”
Before Yunho could reply, the doorbell rang. He quickly put down his shoes and ran to the door, nearly tripping over his shoe rack in the process. He pulled the door open widely, and he paused when he came to face to face with someone he wasn’t expecting.
“Jaejoong…?”
The older man smiled. “Did you know I was coming? You look so well dressed…and it’s a nice change.” he commented, his eyes raking over Yunho’s body. “I’m sorry, I really should’ve called first, but I came over as soon as -“
“No, no, it’s okay,” Yunho said quickly before he glanced at his watch to check the time. He looked up again, “It’s still pretty early, so there’s nothing to worry about. What’s up Jaejoong?”
“Oh well -“
“Yunho, are you leaving?” Changmin called from where he was. Yunho turned around, and he frowned at the sight of Changmin’s hands in one of his bag of chips. As soon as he saw Jaejoong, a small smile showed up on the younger man’s lips. “Oh, hey Jaejoong. Ready to see Yunho off?”
The older man raised an eyebrow, and Yunho shot a glare at Changmin.
“See him off to what?”
“He’s going on a blind date -“
“What?”
Yunho turned around to look at Jaejoong, “Well, uh, my sister. She thinks it’s pretty sad that I haven’t gone out with anyone in more than a year. I’ve told you this right? She always wants to set me up with people, so -“
“The dude’s pretty lucky, don’t you think Jaejoong?” Changmin added as he leaned against the wall. “Yunho’s the kind of kid that always got tons of presents from his parents on Children’s day, so -“
“Stop complimenting me, it’s creepy.”
“…do you know the guy?” Jaejoong asked, turning his eyes away from Changmin to look at Yunho. “I mean…have you really never met him before?”
Yunho licked his lips nervously then replied, “Yeah, I haven’t. It should be fun, yeah? The whole appeal about blind dates is that you know nothing about the other person, so…well, I guess…you’ve gone on blind dates before, right?”
“…not in a long time,” Jaejoong said slowly, “They were always awkward, are you sure you want to go on this one -“
“What, you’re trying to not let me go too?” Yunho shot a glance at Changmin before he turned back to Jaejoong and forced a laugh, “Well, you have tons of dating experience. You know I just want to catch up with you, so let me go on this date.” He smiled, hoping that Jaejoong would smile back at him.
Jaejoong was silent, and before he could say anything in response, Yunho’s phone began to ring. He took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen, “Shit, I think this means I’m late.” He smiled apologetically at Jaejoong, “Anyway, is there a reason why you -“
“I think you should just go put your shoes on now Yunho,” Changmin said. “We all know it takes you awhile.”
Yunho glowered and turned back to look at the younger man, “Thank you for insulting my intelligence, as usual.”
“You’re welcome.” Changmin replied. “Anyway, just leave Jaejoong and I. Whatever problem he has or whatever, I’m sure I can deal with it.”
“Well, okay.” Yunho looked back at Jaejoong and smiled nervously, “Is that alright?”
“…uhm yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll be off then.” Yunho walked past Jaejoong, quickly laced up his shoes, then after a brief one-sided hug that he gave Jaejoong, walked out the door.
As soon as it was shut, Changmin spoke.
“Do you want a beer?”
“Yes please.”
“Alright, you can wait on the sofa.” Changmin said as he turned around to go the kitchen. He picked out two beers from the fridge then grabbed one of Yunho’s bags of chips before he walked back out, only to see Jaejoong watching the drama that was playing on the television.
The younger man flopped down on the sofa and handed the can of beer over to the older man. “It’s nothing expensive, but it’s good enough.”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell between them as Jaejoong focused on the television screen while Changmin simply observed him. After a few minutes had passed, Changmin decided that it was just about time for him to start prying.
“So, why’d you come over?”
Jaejoong wordlessly reached into his bag, and he held out a book. He handed it over to Changmin, who accepted it. “Well, you know that I’ve been working on something right? This is it. My second volume of poetry, and this IS the first printed copy intended for sale.”
“Oh, congratulations.” Changmin glanced down at the book, “Upside down,” he read aloud. He looked up at Jaejoong and smiled, “Why the title?”
“…for reasons,” Jaejoong said softly, his eyes focused on the television. “The book would lose its mystery if I told you, don’t you think?”
The student laughed, “Well, I guess so.” He held the book then glanced at the back part before turning his head to look at Jaejoong once again, “And you came over to give this to Yunho…?”
“Yes.”
“I see. Is it fine if I open it?”
Jaejoong shrugged then took a sip of his beer, “I suppose. I’d prefer if you didn’t read the message I wrote, but -“
“Why, did you declare your undying love?”
“I don’t have an undying love.” Jaejoong spat, although his words weren’t as harsh as they were probably supposed to be, “Least of all for Yunho. He’s embarrassing, and he’s…he’s ridiculous. I pity the poor guy he’s going out with tonight.”
“…right.”
Changmin opened the book, and despite Jaejoong’s words, he flipped to the front page so that he could read Jaejoong’s message. “To barista boy, this book doesn’t come free, so before you start to worry, you should know that every single iced caramel macchiato you’ve ever given me in our weeks of friendship has served as payment for this. But anyway, I know you don’t like to read that much, I know you’re a loyal follower of SparkNotes, and I know you’re a devotee to Wikipedia summaries, but I hope you appreciate this for what it is.”
The young man glanced at the poet.
“This sounds like a confession of love to me.”
“Well it’s not.” Jaejoong replied dully, not sounding entirely convincing as he kept his eyes glued to the couple on screen. “It’s a message to a friend.”
“…so why didn’t you get me a copy?”
“Yunho can’t afford nice things because he’s always buying stupid things, like ugly sweaters.” The older man answered, “So I decided to give him something for free. Besides, I need money, so I can’t just go around giving copies for free.”
“Stingy.”
“Brat.”
The young man chuckled and opened the book, slowly flipping through it. “Seems like you have a lot more love poems here than your last one. Is there a reason for that?”
“What’s this, an interview?” Jaejoong asked as he took another sip of his beer. “It’s love, most poets write about love you know.” He glanced at the younger man, “It’s nothing new, it’s nothing special. I love too, I’m only human.”
“Yeah, but the question is who you love.” Changmin mumbled softly as he continued to turn the pages of the book. There were numerous poems, but as he settled on a particular page, his eyes were attracted by one in particular.
Across
Perhaps, if I were to say
that I am late, and that these feelings
are not going away,
What would you do?
A mile between us,
Or maybe more, maybe less,
What is there for me to confess
That will bridge what I have self-imposed?
For all these red days,
Passed in time, rushing rivers,
Is there a chance for us to stop?
All questions, no answers,
My pride tells me to wait,
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,
But I should know better than to trust in fate,
An imagined, fickle creature.
I am late,
So I swim across,
This deep pool of uncertainty,
Quiet, still, wandering.
I resurface,
Heart throbbing and lungs burning,
Not for a temporary breath, in then out,
But for permanency, for you.
Changmin stared at the poem, trying to understand it. His eyes lingered on the words, wondering if he’d understood it correctly. He sat still for a few seconds, letting the weight of his realization sink in before he shut the book and turned back to what he’d been doing earlier.
“So much for just a friend,” Changmin spoke, his eyes lingering on Jaejoong, and waiting for a reaction from the other man.
Jaejoong was silent.
Changmin sighed and handed his unopened can of beer over to Jaejoong. “I think you need this.” The other man accepted it wordlessly, and Changmin shook his head, not so much happy with the knowledge that he was right as usual.
Yunho was an idiot.
Chuseok
September 30, 2012
“Why are you alone?” Yunho asked from across the phone line, a frown on his lips. He could hear Jaejoong blowing his nose on the other end of the line. “It’s not right that you’re alone right now -“
“Well, what can I do?” Jaejoong shot back as he blew his nose loudly. “I’m sick, and I’m not fit for travel.” He coughed, “I can’t go back to Gongju in this state -“
The younger man sighed, “Did you at least call your family?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“…you feel lonely right now, don’t you?”
The older man let out a sigh, “Of course I do.” Yunho could hear the tiredness in the other man’s voice. “It hurts my throat talking to you, you know?”
Yunho held the phone a little tighter in his hand and looked around, making sure that no one was nearby before he replied. “Does that mean you want me to hang up? I just wanted to make sure that you were feeling -“
“You’re using me as a reason to escape family, aren’t you?” Jaejoong asked after a particularly loud sneeze. A smile quirked at the corners of Yunho’s lips, and he waited for Jaejoong to go on. “What, are they all asking why you’re still single?”
The young man laughed. “Kind of.”
“Well…did you tell them about how your last date ended up having a creepy fetish for your hands?”
“Thank you, Jaejoong, for reminding me as to why I should never go on blind dates ever again.” Yunho said softly as he wrapped his jacket a little tighter around his body. “But anyway, maybe we should Skype or something -“
“I look disgusting right now. Please, no.”
“You always look disgusting, come on, you know I don’t care about how you look. I won’t be able to come home and attempt to cook you ramen until two days from now, so I think we should Skype.”
“No,” the older man whined, “Just go eat some songpyeon. Eat to your heart’s content, gain weight, and be happy. Let me die here.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“But Yunho,” Jaejoong let out a pathetic sigh. “I’m lonely, and I’m sick. All I have right now are my books. Nothing’s going to make this better. I haven’t felt this alone since my first year of university. It’s just…it’s weird, to be like this…”
“It’s not normal to like being sick.” Yunho replied, eager to comfort the other man. “I promise I’ll take you out somewhere once I get back - just the two of us. I’ll take you out, and I’ll pay for everything.”
“I have expensive tastes, and you don’t have much money.”
“But you’re Jaejoong, and I’m Yunho, and…I can borrow money from Changmin.”
Jaejoong laughed, “The first part of your sentence didn’t make much sense. You do realize that, right?”
Yunho’s heart clenched in his chest, and he hated how much he’d grown to love the other man. It didn’t matter that Jaejoong tended to criticize his school papers to death, or that they continuously bantered with one another. He hated the idea that Jaejoong was alone on such an important holiday, and there was nothing he wanted more than to be with him.
Though, if he were to be honest, there hadn’t been a moment recently in which he hadn’t wanted to be near Jaejoong. Instead of his feelings dying out, they’d only grown stronger, and Yunho was past the normal point of frustration. He was much too torn between the idea of confessing his feelings to Jaejoong and hiding his feelings in the hope that they’d simply go away.
But really, he was beginning to doubt that they’d ever go away.
“Jaejoong…”
“Yunho….”
“I’m sure you make beautiful songpyeon.” Yunho said with a laugh, interrupting the older man’s whining and burying his thoughts for some other time. He smiled when he heard Jaejoong chuckle across the line, his heart fluttering at the sound. “You’ll have beautiful babies.”
“But first I need that beautiful partner.” Jaejoong countered softly.
Yunho was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say. Half of him wanted to talk about himself, perhaps joke about him being that beautiful partner, but the other half of him was too shy to say anything close to that. Yet, before he could respond, Jaejoong spoke first.
“Before the cough medicine makes me forget, I want to tell you something.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m thankful that we met.” Jaejoong said, pausing so that he could blow his nose. “I like…I like having you around, and you’re…you’re just you. I like that, and I’m thankful for you and that you’re avoiding your relatives and talking to me instead.”
“So you like me?” Yunho said with a laugh, freezing when he realized the other implication of his words. His heart practically stopped in his chest, and the longer it took for Jaejoong to reply, the worse his feelings of fear got.
“Yunho, there’s something -“
Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, Yunho’s phone died, leaving Yunho hanging and confused.
Halloween
October 31, 2012
Yunho ate his chocolate alone, enjoying his brief study break. He’d already eaten more than half the box while watching The Ring, but frankly, he didn’t care. The chocolate was sweet and delicious, and it made him happy. If he gained a pound or two, he wouldn’t mind - for now at least.
The doorbell rang, and Yunho got up off his sofa. He knew that Changmin had gone to a party somewhere nearby, so whenever the younger student was too drunk to take care of himself, he usually dropped by. Yunho chuckled and walked over to the door, wondering what he would have to deal with now. After all, a drunk Changmin was a very amusing Changmin.
But when he opened the door, he was greeted instead by the sight of Jaejoong, dressed plainly in an all black ensemble and a white mask held in his hands.
Yunho smiled, surprised by the other man’s visit, but happy to see him nonetheless. Ever since Chuseok, they hadn’t had the opportunity to spend some quality time with one another, and he’d missed Jaejoong in all that time. They’d talked to one another on the phone, but something had been off - mostly on Jaejoong’s part, and Yunho didn’t know what it was exactly.
“I’m sorry, we don’t have any more candy.”
“Did you eat it all?” Jaejoong questioned as he walked in, Yunho making to follow after him once he’d closed the door.
“Kind of.”
The older man stopped as soon as he was at the center of the living room, and Yunho waited for him to say or do something. Jaejoong turned around, “I think…I had a couple of drinks tonight, at a party.”
“Well, that’s okay. Do you need me to -“
Jaejoong walked over, stopping only a few centimeters away from the taller man. Yunho stared down at the older man, his heart thudding in his chest, and bit his lip nervously. There was something off about Jaejoong, and he didn’t quite know what it was.
“Can I lie down?”
“Oh yeah, sure….you know where my room is.”
The older man walked away, and Yunho watched him leave. As soon as Jaejoong had disappeared into his room, Yunho made his way into his kitchen. He took a cold bottle of water out of the refrigerator and began to make his way to his room. When he got inside, Jaejoong was lying down on his side, staring off into the distance.
Wordlessly, Yunho sat down beside him and handed him the bottle of water.
“Are you okay?”
Jaejoong sat up, and Yunho stiffened slightly. Their faces were only centimeters apart, and despite the darkness of his room, Jaejoong’s face was illuminated by the moonlight that snuck in through the window. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Yunho anxiously waiting for Jaejoong to act first.
“Are you waiting for something?”
Yunho stared at Jaejoong in confusion. “What?”
“You stare at me, and you think I don’t notice. You’re not subtle, at all - or well, when we first met, you weren’t. In the beginning, I knew you had a small crush on me, but I didn’t say anything because I thought it was cute and because I thought I knew how you’d end up acting in the end, but no one…no one acted the same way around me as you did.”
Jaejoong’s words hung in the air, and Yunho was at a complete loss. He stared at the other man, his mind incapable of stringing together a proper response.
“I like you, but I don’t think you know that. I’ve been dropping you signs for weeks now, but I’ve gotten nothing back, and it scares me. I even wrote poems about you, hoping that you’d realize what I feel, but you never got it. I tried to confess to you on Chuseok, but your phone died, it died.” The older man held his gaze and added, “Why don’t you charge your phone? I always tell you to.”
“Sorry.”
“Is sorry enough?” Jaejoong breathed out. He looked at Yunho, his eyes searching for an answer. “I’ve been waiting for you - for too long. I want to tell you how stupid you are for making me wait, but I…but I guess I’m stupid too for being too quiet.”
Yunho leaned forward, and Jaejoong backed away slightly.
“…do you know what you’re doing?”
“Kind of. It’s been a while, but I think I still remember how to -”
“You know I didn’t mean that.” Jaejoong whispered as his eyes fell to the mattress of Yunho’s bed. “You’re purposefully misunderstanding me, and I’m scared that you’re going to regret what I’m pushing you into doing.”
“Why did you come here tonight?”
“Because I’m drunk.”
Yunho laughed, and he slowly closed the distance between them. He cupped Jaejoong’s face with his right hand, his hand enjoying the feel of the softness of the other man’s skin before he slowly tilted the other man’s chin up so that their eyes would meet.
“As someone who has seen you drunk first hand, I’m pretty sure you’re not drunk right now.” The younger man said teasingly. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was fairly sure Jaejoong could notice the unsteadiness of his touch. “For someone who was so bold a few moments ago, I’m surprised by your shyness.”
“I think the effects of liquid courage are wearing off.”
“So are you telling me to kiss you before you run off?”
“No, I’m telling you to kiss me before I die of old age.”
Hesitantly, Yunho leaned in to press a soft kiss against Jaejoong’s lips. Uncertain and shy, after applying a slight pressure to the older man’s mouth, Yunho quickly pulled away, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Yunho.
“Is that it?”
“…I’m sorry. I’m…nervous.”
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong breathed out as he pulled Yunho close and moved around so that he could climb onto the younger man’s lap. He settled himself then looked up at Yunho in the darkness, making sure to shoot him a beautiful smile before he pressed a kiss to the other man’s jaw in encouragement.
“No worries,” he murmured, sending Yunho’s heart racing, as he slowly inched his face closer to Yunho’s. “We’ll have all night to practice.”
Christmas Day
December 25, 2012
“It’s going to be fine, really, my parents don’t care -“
“Yunho, I’m four years older than you, and we haven’t even known each other for a year yet, maybe I shouldn’t have come with you -“
“Why don’t you trust me? I told you my parents are happy about this -“
“Sure, maybe your parents are happy, but what about your other relatives? Do you think they’ll be happy that we have an age difference -“
“What age difference? It’s just four years. Stop acting like you’re ancient. Twenty four isn’t even that old, so I don’t get what you’re freaking out about.” Yunho let out a sigh and looked at Jaejoong, the other man looking noticeably pale. “My parents love everyone, you’ll be fine.”
“…I’ve never met someone’s parents before.”
“Oh.”
Yunho chuckled and pulled Jaejoong closer by his scarf. He wrapped his arm around the other man’s shoulders and pressed a kiss behind his ear. When he edged away, an amused smile was on his lips.
“Look, you’ve calmed down.”
The older man glowered and punched Yunho’s arm. “Shut up.”
“When I get the chance to meet your family, you’ll feel better about this.” Yunho said lightly as he reached down to squeeze Jaejoong’s gloved hand. “I’ll be ridiculous I’m sure. Expect me to spout stupid things and embarrass you.”
“You always spout stupid things and -“
Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, the door opened. A teenaged girl in a red sweater glanced at him before her eyes found Yunho’s.
“Did you have any plans of ringing the door bell?”
“For your information, I was just about to.” Yunho shot back before he stepped forward a little to make necessary introductions. “Anyway, Jihye, this is Jaejoong -“
“I know.” Jihye said as she reached out to shake the older man’s hand. “I’ve seen pictures of him with you and Facebook, and you can’t stop talking to everyone about him, so -“
Yunho blushed. “That’s not true.”
The young girl rolled her eyes and took a step closer to Jaejoong. She leaned in, and Yunho watched as Jaejoong leaned to listen to her.
“When you guys officially became a couple, he called home and started telling everyone about how he wasn’t going to end up alone for the rest of his life.” Jihye confessed loudly, a teasing smile on her face. “Don’t break up with Yunho…or if you do, remember that I’m still single -“
“Jihye, go away.”
Jaejoong looked amused, “You sound like a brat.”
“That’s because he is,” Jihye replied with a smile as she pulled Jaejoong a little closer and swatted her brother’s hand away when he tried to reach for his boyfriend. “Sorry Yunho,” Jihye replied as she hooked her arm around Jaejoong’s and began to lead him inside, “But this is the season of giving, and so I’m gladly accepting the gift that you’re giving me -“
“And what’s that?” Yunho barked, “You never give me anything, and I’m -“
“I’m taking your boyfriend.” His younger sister said with a laugh as she pulled Jaejoong inside, eager to hear everything and anything the older man had to say about her brother’s numerous flaws as a boyfriend.
o-o-o
“I have a lot of family members, don’t I?” Yunho asked as he led Jaejoong up to his bedroom. He turned back and looked at the older man, who was holding a mug of coffee in his hands.
“I have more, be prepared.” Jaejoong replied as he entered.
The room was neat, and Jaejoong sat down on Yunho’s bed as he watched the other man go around the room. Yunho looked around at the faded posters that were still up on the walls and smiled. He glanced back at Jaejoong, “So, what do you think?”
Jaejoong took a sip of his coffee, “Of what?”
“My room,” Yunho said as he turned away from Jaejoong and began to rifle through his desk in search of his gift for Jaejoong. The older man didn’t know that he’d stopped by at his home earlier while he was asleep in order to hide his gift from him.
“Oh, it’s cute.”
“Like me?” the younger man asked as he found his present. He grinned to himself, too happy to even let Jaejoong’s scoff bother him. He quickly pulled it out of the drawer and turned around to look at the older man. “I have a gift.”
The older man blinked, “What? I thought I said -“
“Well, I didn’t really feel like listening to you.” Yunho replied with a smile as he took the coffee mug out of Jaejoong’s hands and put the book in its previous place. “Anyway, just open it.”
Jaejoong pouted but began to open the gift. He unwrapped it carefully, and Yunho had to smile at the fact that Jaejoong managed to not tear the wrapping. As soon as he had the gift open, a bright smile appeared on his face.
The older man looked up at Yunho, “You’re such a loser.” His eyes remained on the shirt, and Yunho laughed.
I’m with stupid →
“I figured it would be appropriate. Do you like it?”
“Of course.”
“I had a feeling.” Yunho said with a smile, “Make sure to wear it sometime, okay?”
“I promise,” Jaejoong replied before he pulled Yunho’s face down for a kiss. Yunho smiled against Jaejoong’s lips before he pushed the other man down against his bed, eager for more.
He had known his gift would be a good idea, and despite what the shirt implied, Yunho knew he was truly a genius.
New Year’s Eve
December 31, 2012
“The countdown will be starting any time now,” Jaejoong said as he led Yunho through his thick throng of relatives. Yunho allowed himself to be led, and he made sure to smile at each one of Jaejoong’s relatives as they made their way through.
“Thirty seconds!”
Yunho began to walk faster, and eventually, he gave up on letting Jaejoong lead and overtook the older man. He easily made his way through all the people in the Kim household, trying to find his way back to the living room.
“Turn right, turn right,” Jaejoong urged from behind, and Yunho followed his instructions, weaving in and out through the people.
“Twenty seconds!”
They made their way into the living room, several of Jaejoong’s sisters and their respective families quickly making room for the two of them. Yunho shot a bright smile at Jaejoong and squeezed his hand. The other man’s attention was riveted on the television, and there were many people in the room, so in order to catch his attention, he leaned to whisper into his ear.
“I’m happy we met.”
“Ten!”
Jaejoong turned his head, and Yunho continued. “Aren’t you?”
“Nine!”
“Of course.” Jaejoong replied.
“Eight!”
Yunho smiled.
“Seven!”
“Should I expect something else?”
“Six!”
“Like what?”
“Five!”
“An I love you maybe?”
“Four!”
Yunho laughed, and Jaejoong smiled.
“Three!”
“I love you.”
“Two!”
“I love you too.”
The sound of fireworks resounded in the air, and Jaejoong pulled Yunho by the collar of his shirt, foregoing the typical New Year’s greeting. When they parted, Yunho chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to his older lover’s forehead.
“Happy New Year.”
Valentine’s Day
February 14, 2013
Fuck life, he needed chocolate.
Yunho berated himself for having forgotten about the holiday, which was also his anniversary with Jaejoong. He looked around the supermarket, trying to determine which chocolate brand screamed ‘I forgot about Valentine’s day, so I bought you this last minute’ the least. He walked around the aisles, but just as he was about to pick up a particularly expensive brand of chocolate, something caught his eye.
He smiled, picked it up, and then headed over to the counter.
o-o-o
“Is it okay if I sit down…?”
Jaejoong looked up from his book, and Yunho smiled at him. “If you’re going to ask me out, I’m not interested.” He said slowly, familiar words coming to mind. The older man’s smile grew a little wider, “I’m waiting for someone.”
“And who’s that?” Yunho asked as he sat down across from Jaejoong. He watched as Jaejoong shut his book and placed it on the table. “Someone handsome?”
“No, not really.” Jaejoong replied teasingly. “Well, he used to be quite handsome…back when he worked here..now, not so much.”
Yunho frowned and placed a hand over his heart, “You wound me. Do you think I am an automaton? - a machine without feelings?”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened. “Did you just quote Jane Eyre on me?”
“Why yes, I did.” Yunho said with a cheeky grin, “Do you like it? I memorized a couple of lines to impress you with my classiness.”
The older man rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. “I suppose you think you’re quite dignified and classy now, don’t you?”
“I would always rather be happy than dignified.”
Jaejoong shot Yunho a look, “Minus points, you’re lacking in originality.” He said with a small smile. “But anyway -“
“I have a gift for you.” Yunho took out a box from his pocket, and he noted with amusement how Jaejoong’s eyes widened significantly. He smiled at the other man, “If the floor wasn’t so dirty, and if you didn’t dislike spectacles so much, I’d kneel down.”
“Yunho, what are you -“
Without a second’s hesitation, Yunho flipped open the box to reveal a lollipop ring which he’d placed inside earlier. His grin widened, and he chuckled. “Chocolate is overrated on Valentine’s day.” He slid the box forward, “Perhaps this lollipop ring will be gold in the future, I really don’t know, but I’d like you to know that…”
Jaejoong took his eyes off the ring and looked at Yunho, “What do you want me to know?” he asked, his voice a soft whisper.
“All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.” Yunho replied slowly, the memorized quote from Jane Eyre coming to mind easily.
“You idiot…you’re so cheesy, and I hate you.” Jaejoong muttered, a smile on his face.
Yunho smiled, “Thanks, coming from you, it’s a compliment.” He leaned across the table and pressed a kiss against Jaejoong’s lips, everything falling perfectly into place.
It was a moment to remember.
Author’s Note: Belated happy birthday to the lovely Ellie, and a belated happy Valentines’ day to everyone else~ ^^ <3 I love you all, and I hope you’ve been enjoying the new year so far. There’s a lot more to come - both good & bad, and I’m sure that we can all get through it. : ) Also, the poem here is mine, haha, I wrote it, and I hope it doesn't suck. XD Lastly, thank you for reading, and thank you for all the comments! It always makes me happy knowing that there are people appreciating the things I write. ♥
Beta: muramatsu_aoi
Rating: PG13
Genre: Romance, Humor, Fluff
Summary: From falling in love to getting out of the friend zone, a lot can happen in one year.
Belated happy birthday queen of Cassiopeia! ♥
Valentine’s Day
February 14, 2012
Fuck life, he needed chocolate.
Yunho let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. There were numerous couples sitting together in the café, and he was feeling dreadfully alone. Even his only other co-workers working the same shift as him were a couple, so he couldn’t help but feel all the more alone. While pretty much all of his friends had gone off to spend their day with someone special, he was alone and had no one to spend his Valentine’s day with.
Why was that?
It was probably because…okay, to be honest, Yunho had no idea why he didn’t have a Valentine. He glanced down at himself, staring at his body for a few seconds, and tried to figure out what made him so unappealing. Was it because he wasn’t as fit as the other guys? Just because he wasn’t stick thin or overly muscular, that wasn’t supposed to mean he was unattractive. It was supposed to mean…
It was supposed to mean he was normal, and normal was good, wasn’t it?
“Excuse me?”
Yunho looked up from his lower body and stared at his customer. The handsome man was looking at him with a blank expression on the face, and Yunho’s cheeks heated up as he wondered as to how long the other man had been standing there.
“Oh, uh, sorry.” He smiled nervously and scratched the back of his head. “What would you like? Today there’s a Valentine’s discount on -“
“I want an iced caramel macchiato, upside down.”
“Would that be two -“
“No, just one,” the other man interrupted curtly, his eyes lingering on Yunho’s before they turned down so that he could count the necessary amount. “One caramel macchiato, upside down, for Jaejoong, and I’ll be having it here.”
Yunho nodded and took the money from the other man, “Right.”
As soon as the exchange had ended and the other man had walked away to sit alone at a table, Yunho let out a brief sigh of relief. It seemed like he wasn’t the only other person alone on Valentine’s day, but he hoped that he was handling the whole situation much better than the other man.
He cast another glance at the new customer, noticing the frown on the other’s lips and the overall dark aura he had.
As for why he was alone, Yunho had no clue, but then again, it’s not like it was his business anyway. With a sigh, Yunho turned away from the cash register to see if his other co-workers were free to make the order. When he saw them talking in hushed whispers to one another, bright smiles on their faces, Yunho sighed once again and turned away to make the order.
He didn’t want to be known as the guy who ruined Valentine’s Day.
o-o-o
“You should go sit next to him.”
“He looks lonely.”
“Aren’t you lonely?”
Yunho glanced to look back at his co-workers, who had been bullying him insistently the past hour. “I am not lonely -“
“So why have you been staring at him for the past hour? If you weren’t in some way, kind of interested, then -“
“He’s attractive. Why can’t I stare at him?” Yunho questioned irritably as he turned his eyes away from Jaejoong so that he could glare at his co-workers. “And honestly, it’s not like I’ve been staring at him outright. Just because I look at him every now and then, it doesn’t mean -“
“You should just sit down and talk to him,” Hyojin suggested as she crossed her arms and shot Yunho a look. “Go on break for a bit, it’s not like we have any customers or anything.”
“We can handle things,” Jihoon pressed with a bright smile. “Just ask him if he wants another drink or something. Come on Yunho, you’re a friendly guy, and you know how to talk to people. You’ll be fine.”
Hyojin nodded, her smile growing wider. “Go talk to him. The worst you could get is a cold cup of coffee to the face.”
Yunho frowned, but left anyway. He’d rather take a cold cup of coffee to the face then deal with the two lovers’ disgusting chatter for another two hours.
o-o-o
As soon as he was in front of Jaejoong’s table, Yunho cleared his throat.
The other man stopped reading his book and looked up at him. He shut his copy of Jane Eyre, and Yunho felt his stomach drop once he realized that he had the other man’s complete attention.
“Oh well...” Yunho swallowed hard and put a smile on his face immediately, “I just wanted to know, are you enjoying your coffee?”
Jaejoong glanced at his empty cup then looked at Yunho. “I liked it enough.”
Yunho blanched, feeling the full on impact of the awkwardness of the situation. But despite that, he pressed on. He could feel Hyojin and Jihoon staring at him from the counter, and he refused to give up. There was no way he was going to make himself look bad in front of them, or in front of Jaejoong either.
“Is it okay if I sit down…?”
“If you’re going to ask me out, I’m not interested.” Jaejoong said plainly, a no-nonsense look on his face. “I think I should save both of us some time and -“
“I’m not asking you out.” Yunho replied, feeling himself relax slightly despite Jaejoong’s icy response. He smiled, a sign of friendship, “I just figured it might be nice to talk to you, seeing as you’re alone, and I want to know what you’re reading too.”
Jaejoong looked hesitant and he looked around at the café, taking in the sight of all the couples around them. It seemed like that was more than just a small push into him realizing his isolated status, and the pout that his lips formed was adorable. It took a few more seconds, but it seemed like he was starting to give in, so Yunho didn’t back down.
“I’ll give you another drink too, on the house.”
His words coaxed a short burst of laughter from Jaejoong’s lips, and the sound of it made Yunho’s smile brighten.
“Is that a bribe?” Jaejoong questioned, “Are you that desperate for companionship that you have to buy it?”
Yunho shook his head and sat down on the seat across from Jaejoong. “I’m just being friendly.”
“I’d say too friendly.”
The barista laughed. “Well, maybe that’s why I’m alone today.” He put on a contemplative expression then tilted his head, “I think that’s the answer.”
“Answer to what?”
“The reason I’m alone today is because I’m the guy that gets friendzoned.” Yunho drummed his fingers on the table, “So, is this a start to another path to being friendzoned?”
Jaejoong lifted up his empty glass and handed it to Yunho, “I thought you said all you wanted was friendship?”
“Well, friendship can lead to other things -“
“No thanks barista boy, you’re not my type.” Jaejoong said with a smile as he pushed the glass into Yunho’s hand. “Now, it’s either you get me another iced caramel macchiato and come back, or you can just go back to the counter.”
Yunho frowned and placed a hand over his heart, “You wound me, but I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“…did you just quote Casablanca to me?”
“So what if I did?”
“Minus points, you’re lacking in originality.” Jaejoong replied as he turned his eyes away from Yunho and opened his book. He flipped a page then raised his eyes to look back at Yunho once again. “You’re still here.”
“I’m just thinking.” Yunho said in reply.
“Not about our beautiful friendship I hope.”
“No,” Yunho said with a shake of his head. “You’re not a regular here, are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. What brought you into the café today?”
Jaejoong returned to reading his book, “Fate brought me in here so that I could come into this café and fall in love with you of course,” he answered.
Yunho laughed and stood up, Jaejoong’s empty glass in hand. He smiled in amusement at the older man, “You know, I really do think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Will you come back tomorrow?”
The other man looked up at Yunho, “I doubt it.”
“See you tomorrow,” Yunho replied breezily as he walked past Jaejoong so that he could get him another iced caramel macchiato.
White Day
March 14, 2012
“So, let me get this straight…one of your students is in love with you and openly declared it -“
“In the form of a Shakespearean sonnet,” Jaejoong finished. He looked at Yunho, his hands clasping his drink, “It was humiliating. I sent him out of the room.”
Yunho’s eyes widened, “How could you send him out? Aren’t you just supposed to say thank you and -“
“I don’t want his love, and it’s not like this is the right holiday for that kind of stuff anyway…right?” Jaejoong replied, a frown on his lips. He raised his macchiato to his lips and took a sip. “Anyway, if I wanted love, I wouldn’t be alone today, and most of all, I wouldn’t be sitting with you of all people.”
The younger man leaned back into his seat and placed a hand over his heart, “That wounds me Jaejoong, it really does.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”
“Friendzoned again,” Yunho said with an overly dramatic sigh before he took a sip of his water. “Anyway, did you realize that it’s been exactly one month since you and I met?”
“That’s nice.”
Yunho scowled, “I think you’re supposed to say something more meaningful than that. Maybe saying something like, oh Yunho, I’m glad you mended my broken heart after I found out my asshole ex-boyfriend was actually married - “
“Thanks Yunho for giving me free coffee. I find it to be more valuable than our friendship.”
Yunho laughed, completely used to Jaejoong’s behavior. Honestly, he and all his co-workers were amazed by the fact that the two of them had managed to strike up a friendship after their unusual first meeting. After all, Jaejoong was four years his senior and already working, not to mention their personalities were rather different. No one had really expecting things to end up where they were now, but they did.
And as of now, Yunho wasn’t quite sure if he was happy that he was just Jaejoong’s friend. It was undeniable that he’d developed an attraction to the older man, but at the same time, Yunho was content with how things were now. He liked being Jaejoong’s friend, and he liked that he didn’t have to worry about many of the things that Jaejoong complained about in men he found attractive.
Giving up his little moment of reflection Yunho looked at Jaejoong and glanced at the book that was on the table, “And what are you reading now?”
“…Jane Eyre.”
“Again?”
Yunho reached over to grab the book, but Jaejoong swatted his hand away. He looked at Jaejoong, and the other man swatted his hand once he tried to reach for it again.
“What’s your problem?”
“It’s not something I want your dirty fingers all over,” Jaejoong answered as he put his book inside his bag. “It’s a precious gift from my oldest sister, and -“
“Why don’t you read something else?” Yunho asked as he set his chin on the palm of his hand. He kept his eyes on Jaejoong’s face, “I mean, well, it’s…Jane Eyre. Nobody really likes that. God how many times did I have to hear my sister rage about Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingo -“
“It’s Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley.”
“I know, I just wanted to piss you off.” The younger man said with a laugh, enjoying the irritated look Jaejoong shot in his direction. “But anyway, my point remains. Why do you read Jane Eyre?”
“I like it, I want -“
“Your own Mr. Rochester…?” Yunho asked. “Isn’t he ugly or something?” He blinked at Jaejoong, “I never thought you were the kind of person who wasn’t interested in physical appearances. I mean, you buy bags that are probably worth my whole rent for a month -“
“Anything could be worth your entire rent for a month, my groceries in one week could be worth your entire rent. You live in a crappy student apartment the size of this café’s bathroom.”
Yunho scowled, “It’s homey.”
“Yeah, and a claustrophobic’s worst nightmare,” Jaejoong countered. “The one time you asked me come over was a terrible experience, and it doesn’t help that you have uncapped bottles lying around and -“
“…is that why you never come over anymore?”
Jaejoong was silent, and he blinked at Yunho before he promptly changed the subject matter. “Anyway, I was thinking…”
“Of?” Yunho asked, as he glanced at the clock behind Jaejoong’s head. “Anyway, I have to go back on my shift soon and -“
“I feel like I want to write again,” Jaejoong said slowly. His finger traced the rim of his mug before he looked up at Yunho once again. “You do know that I write…right? I’m pretty sure I’ve brought it up to you before.”
Yunho furrowed his eyebrows in thought, “Yeah, I think so. I also remember you arrogantly pointing out that you were the youngest poet to be a part of a particular poetry anthology -“
“Don’t forget I have a published volume of poetry too.”
The younger man laughed, “Oh right, how I could I forget that.”
“Anyway,” Jaejoong said slowly. “This is kind of a milestone for me. I haven’t written…well, I haven’t written since I was with…”
“That douchebag?” Yunho asked, opting not to use the name of Jaejoong’s former boyfriend. He smiled when Jaejoong smiled at him and continued to speak, “So, why the sudden impulse to write?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You…don’t know.”
Jaejoong scowled, “Shut up, and don’t look at me with that expression. It just comes you know?”
Yunho smiled and leaned forward to pat Jaejoong’s hand, “Well, in any case, I’m happy your muse came back. As your friend, I’m supposed to be here for you all the time, through thick and thin -“
“What do you mean by supposed to be? Are you -“
“I’m just kidding.” Yunho cut in. “But anyway, I have to go back to my shift. Unlike you, I’m still working. I have a job to do.”
“Right, sorry.”
The younger man laughed, “No worries. It’s fine. Anyway, I’ll take you out to dinner tonight, what do you think about that?”
Jaejoong blinked. “What will we eat…?”
“Pizza, come on, I know you like it. You can come and stay in my claustrophobia inducing apartment, we’ll watch this gory movie that I downloaded last night -“
“No gore, please -“
“Fine, no gore, but we’ll watch something. It’ll be our little party.” Yunho said happily as he got up off the table, “I’ll buy beer too -“
The older man let out a sigh, “This is depressing. Look at us spending White Day with one another -“
“Shush,” Yunho urged. “By black day, I promise, one of us will have a date.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.”
The younger man frowned at Jaejoong then spoke with a tone filled with conviction and determination, “Just you wait, just you wait.”
Black Day
April 14, 2012
“You look disgusting,” Jaejoong said softly, causing for Yunho to stop eating and lift his head up. He stared at the older man, who lips were pursed in distaste, and smiled, baring his sauce stained teeth.
“Was that supposed to be cute?” the older man questioned as he picked up a piece of tissue to dab at Yunho’s mouth, treating him like a child. “If it was, then I sincerely advise you to stop doing that, because it was creepy -“
Yunho laughed and took the tissue out of Jaejoong’s hand. “Stop dabbing at my face, my mole won’t go away you know.” He wiped his lips then set the tissue down, “So, I guess I was wrong huh?”
“As usual,” Jaejoong commented idly as he set his notebook down onto the table and adjusted his things.
The younger man laughed and turned back to eating. To be honest, he was surprised that Jaejoong hadn’t found anyone to date yet. As far as Jaejoong had told him, the older man seemed like the kind of person who was into seeking relationships, no matter if they were serious or not. But really, Yunho had no complaints about Jaejoong’s single status whatsoever. With the other man being single, he was given more opportunities to hang out with him.
Perhaps he was monopolizing the other man’s attentions and affections, but who wouldn’t? Jaejoong was funny despite his sharp tongue, he was intelligent, and he was easy on the eyes. Anyone would be glad to have him around, even if it was just in a friendly manner.
Yunho chuckled to himself and chewed, completely unaware of the fact that Jaejoong had been staring at him for the past minute or so. After a few more seconds, the older man picked up his pen and looked at Yunho, “The other day, I asked my freshman students to write poems.”
“And?” Yunho picked up his chopsticks and tapped them on the side of his bowl as he waited for Jaejoong to continue. “Did someone write one for you again?”
“…well, yes, but that’s not what matters the most.”
With his noodles halfway to his mouth, Yunho paused to ask, “And what matters most?”
“This one girl, she wrote a poem about her boyfriend.” Jaejoong said, his eyes staring down at the blank notebook page. “It could’ve used a certain kind refinement, but I really liked it. There was an honest beauty in her words, the way she strung them together was just…it didn’t fit perfectly into place, but it was fitting with all its imperfection.”
“You sap.”
“Shut up.” Jaejoong said with a scowl, “Just because I’m not some boring lawyer in the making, that doesn’t make me a sap. Besides, what do you know about love anyway? Young people -”
“You’re only four years older than me you know?”
“But still -“
“I guess the way you act just makes you different,” Yunho said slowly as he toyed with his noodles using his chopsticks. “Actually, the other day, I went to the school library and borrowed your first volume of poetry.”
Jaejoong was silent for a few seconds before he spoke.
“And…?”
“I don’t read poems often, but I liked yours…well, some of them.” Yunho laughed to himself and put his chopsticks down, “The others were a little hard to understand, and I didn’t have anyone to explain them to me.”
Jaejoong smiled, “You’re unbelievable.”
“Unbelievably perfect?” Yunho asked as he picked up his chopsticks, “Yeah, I know. It’s hard for me to believe I’m me sometimes -“
“Yeah, you’re so perfect that no one wants to date you -“
Yunho put a hand over his heart and a hurt expression on his face, “How could you say that to me? I thought…I thought we had something special Jaejoong.” He pouted at the older man and pushed his empty bowl of noodles at him.
Jaejoong shrugged and took a sip of his water. “Friendship isn’t special.”
Something about Jaejoong’s words made Yunho feel a twinge of actual hurt, and he stared at the other man for a few seconds before he averted his gaze. It wasn’t like Jaejoong had meant his words to hurt, and he’d said it in a light manner, so they weren’t supposed to hurt.
But they did.
Yunho licked his lips awkwardly, uncomfortable with his realization that the fact Jaejoong had designated him as a friend was more bothersome a fact than he had hoped.
“It’s magical?” Yunho offered weakly as he tried to get rid of the awkwardness that he was a cause for.
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow, and his lips quirked into a small smile. “You’re so weird.” His words hung in the air, and he stared at Yunho for a long time, his eyes searching for something that made the younger man feel awkward and nervous. “Sometimes…I wonder...”
Deciding that he had to escape his feelings and Jaejoong for a few seconds, Yunho stood up abruptly. “I’m going to get another bowl of noodles -“
“Oh, okay,” Jaejoong said slowly, a confused look on his face. “Are you sure you don’t just want mine -“
“No, you need to eat.” Yunho replied quickly before he turned away sharply, nearly colliding with another customer in his rush to head over to the counter.
Children’s Day
May 5, 2012
“You are a sad pathetic creature,” Changmin said aloud from Yunho’s sofa as he glanced back to see his best friend trying to choose which blazer to wear for his date.
Yunho threw an empty water bottle at Changmin’s head, “Shut up,” he hissed. “It’s not like I’ve been on a date in a while, so you should just shut up and stop making me feel so nervous -“
“Just calm down then,” Changmin cut in as he changed the channel. After a few more seconds of Yunho pacing, he threw the water bottle back at Yunho and turned around completely so that he was kneeling on the sofa. “Where are you two going again?”
“We’re going to go out for dinner -“
“And who decided that?”
Yunho glowered, “I’m not the one in charge of something like that -“
“Ah, right.” Changmin said as he crossed his arms and rested them upon the edge of the sofa. He rested his chin against them, “I forgot you actually took up one of Jihye’s offers of setting you up with someone.”
“Shut up -“
“Desperation must be at a pretty high level right now, isn’t it? Are you sure the guy isn’t some hipster or whatever? I’m sure you two will end up fighting -“
“Don’t meddle.”
“I’m not meddling,” Changmin shot back. “I’m just genuinely concerned for you. Besides, I thought you liked Jaejoong…?”
“Yeah, well, I’m just his friend, remember?” Yunho replied as he turned around to look at Changmin while he fixed his belt. “He always introduces me as his friend whenever we go to one of his events -“
“What’s he supposed to say? Hello, this is Yunho my cowardly admirer -“
“You’re not being helpful.”
“I just think you’re wasting your time.” The younger student replied as he rested his chin upon his arms. “I think Jaejoong likes you -“
“Yeah sure, I’m absolutely sure he does.” Yunho replied lightly as he walked around the room to find his shoes. “After I spilled wine on him at his last party, knocked over a display of books at a book signing event, drunk called him and complained about our readings, and numerous other things, I’m sure I’m definitely a catch in his eyes.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Even though you’re stupid, people still like you.”
“Well, if I want someone to love me, I just have to impress him before he figures out how dumb I really am.” Yunho shot back as he picked up his shoes, “I know Jaejoong, okay Changmin? I’ve seen the signs, and they all say that I’m just his friend.”
“You can’t even read traffic signs, thus I sincerely doubt your skills at reading human signs.” Changmin continued, ignoring Yunho’s glare. “Well, everyone goes through this kind of thing at one point or another, a weird moment between friendship and…not friendship.”
“How articulate of you to describe my situation in such a way.”
“I know nothing about relationships, don’t expect me to speak like a professional about such topics.”
Yunho chuckled, “I wait for the day you start experiencing relationship troubles.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to tell you first if ever I get friend zoned.”
“I don’t think food friend zones people Changmin…”
The younger man looked up and laughed, “Well, that’s good for me then, isn’t it?” He grinned at Yunho, “Well, anyway, since you insist on being so blind, I must know, what does Jaejoong think about the fact you’re going on a date?”
Yunho looked up from his shoes, “Oh, I didn’t tell him I was going on one.”
“What? Why not?”
Before Yunho could reply, the doorbell rang. He quickly put down his shoes and ran to the door, nearly tripping over his shoe rack in the process. He pulled the door open widely, and he paused when he came to face to face with someone he wasn’t expecting.
“Jaejoong…?”
The older man smiled. “Did you know I was coming? You look so well dressed…and it’s a nice change.” he commented, his eyes raking over Yunho’s body. “I’m sorry, I really should’ve called first, but I came over as soon as -“
“No, no, it’s okay,” Yunho said quickly before he glanced at his watch to check the time. He looked up again, “It’s still pretty early, so there’s nothing to worry about. What’s up Jaejoong?”
“Oh well -“
“Yunho, are you leaving?” Changmin called from where he was. Yunho turned around, and he frowned at the sight of Changmin’s hands in one of his bag of chips. As soon as he saw Jaejoong, a small smile showed up on the younger man’s lips. “Oh, hey Jaejoong. Ready to see Yunho off?”
The older man raised an eyebrow, and Yunho shot a glare at Changmin.
“See him off to what?”
“He’s going on a blind date -“
“What?”
Yunho turned around to look at Jaejoong, “Well, uh, my sister. She thinks it’s pretty sad that I haven’t gone out with anyone in more than a year. I’ve told you this right? She always wants to set me up with people, so -“
“The dude’s pretty lucky, don’t you think Jaejoong?” Changmin added as he leaned against the wall. “Yunho’s the kind of kid that always got tons of presents from his parents on Children’s day, so -“
“Stop complimenting me, it’s creepy.”
“…do you know the guy?” Jaejoong asked, turning his eyes away from Changmin to look at Yunho. “I mean…have you really never met him before?”
Yunho licked his lips nervously then replied, “Yeah, I haven’t. It should be fun, yeah? The whole appeal about blind dates is that you know nothing about the other person, so…well, I guess…you’ve gone on blind dates before, right?”
“…not in a long time,” Jaejoong said slowly, “They were always awkward, are you sure you want to go on this one -“
“What, you’re trying to not let me go too?” Yunho shot a glance at Changmin before he turned back to Jaejoong and forced a laugh, “Well, you have tons of dating experience. You know I just want to catch up with you, so let me go on this date.” He smiled, hoping that Jaejoong would smile back at him.
Jaejoong was silent, and before he could say anything in response, Yunho’s phone began to ring. He took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen, “Shit, I think this means I’m late.” He smiled apologetically at Jaejoong, “Anyway, is there a reason why you -“
“I think you should just go put your shoes on now Yunho,” Changmin said. “We all know it takes you awhile.”
Yunho glowered and turned back to look at the younger man, “Thank you for insulting my intelligence, as usual.”
“You’re welcome.” Changmin replied. “Anyway, just leave Jaejoong and I. Whatever problem he has or whatever, I’m sure I can deal with it.”
“Well, okay.” Yunho looked back at Jaejoong and smiled nervously, “Is that alright?”
“…uhm yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll be off then.” Yunho walked past Jaejoong, quickly laced up his shoes, then after a brief one-sided hug that he gave Jaejoong, walked out the door.
As soon as it was shut, Changmin spoke.
“Do you want a beer?”
“Yes please.”
“Alright, you can wait on the sofa.” Changmin said as he turned around to go the kitchen. He picked out two beers from the fridge then grabbed one of Yunho’s bags of chips before he walked back out, only to see Jaejoong watching the drama that was playing on the television.
The younger man flopped down on the sofa and handed the can of beer over to the older man. “It’s nothing expensive, but it’s good enough.”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell between them as Jaejoong focused on the television screen while Changmin simply observed him. After a few minutes had passed, Changmin decided that it was just about time for him to start prying.
“So, why’d you come over?”
Jaejoong wordlessly reached into his bag, and he held out a book. He handed it over to Changmin, who accepted it. “Well, you know that I’ve been working on something right? This is it. My second volume of poetry, and this IS the first printed copy intended for sale.”
“Oh, congratulations.” Changmin glanced down at the book, “Upside down,” he read aloud. He looked up at Jaejoong and smiled, “Why the title?”
“…for reasons,” Jaejoong said softly, his eyes focused on the television. “The book would lose its mystery if I told you, don’t you think?”
The student laughed, “Well, I guess so.” He held the book then glanced at the back part before turning his head to look at Jaejoong once again, “And you came over to give this to Yunho…?”
“Yes.”
“I see. Is it fine if I open it?”
Jaejoong shrugged then took a sip of his beer, “I suppose. I’d prefer if you didn’t read the message I wrote, but -“
“Why, did you declare your undying love?”
“I don’t have an undying love.” Jaejoong spat, although his words weren’t as harsh as they were probably supposed to be, “Least of all for Yunho. He’s embarrassing, and he’s…he’s ridiculous. I pity the poor guy he’s going out with tonight.”
“…right.”
Changmin opened the book, and despite Jaejoong’s words, he flipped to the front page so that he could read Jaejoong’s message. “To barista boy, this book doesn’t come free, so before you start to worry, you should know that every single iced caramel macchiato you’ve ever given me in our weeks of friendship has served as payment for this. But anyway, I know you don’t like to read that much, I know you’re a loyal follower of SparkNotes, and I know you’re a devotee to Wikipedia summaries, but I hope you appreciate this for what it is.”
The young man glanced at the poet.
“This sounds like a confession of love to me.”
“Well it’s not.” Jaejoong replied dully, not sounding entirely convincing as he kept his eyes glued to the couple on screen. “It’s a message to a friend.”
“…so why didn’t you get me a copy?”
“Yunho can’t afford nice things because he’s always buying stupid things, like ugly sweaters.” The older man answered, “So I decided to give him something for free. Besides, I need money, so I can’t just go around giving copies for free.”
“Stingy.”
“Brat.”
The young man chuckled and opened the book, slowly flipping through it. “Seems like you have a lot more love poems here than your last one. Is there a reason for that?”
“What’s this, an interview?” Jaejoong asked as he took another sip of his beer. “It’s love, most poets write about love you know.” He glanced at the younger man, “It’s nothing new, it’s nothing special. I love too, I’m only human.”
“Yeah, but the question is who you love.” Changmin mumbled softly as he continued to turn the pages of the book. There were numerous poems, but as he settled on a particular page, his eyes were attracted by one in particular.
Across
Perhaps, if I were to say
that I am late, and that these feelings
are not going away,
What would you do?
A mile between us,
Or maybe more, maybe less,
What is there for me to confess
That will bridge what I have self-imposed?
For all these red days,
Passed in time, rushing rivers,
Is there a chance for us to stop?
All questions, no answers,
My pride tells me to wait,
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,
But I should know better than to trust in fate,
An imagined, fickle creature.
I am late,
So I swim across,
This deep pool of uncertainty,
Quiet, still, wandering.
I resurface,
Heart throbbing and lungs burning,
Not for a temporary breath, in then out,
But for permanency, for you.
Changmin stared at the poem, trying to understand it. His eyes lingered on the words, wondering if he’d understood it correctly. He sat still for a few seconds, letting the weight of his realization sink in before he shut the book and turned back to what he’d been doing earlier.
“So much for just a friend,” Changmin spoke, his eyes lingering on Jaejoong, and waiting for a reaction from the other man.
Jaejoong was silent.
Changmin sighed and handed his unopened can of beer over to Jaejoong. “I think you need this.” The other man accepted it wordlessly, and Changmin shook his head, not so much happy with the knowledge that he was right as usual.
Yunho was an idiot.
Chuseok
September 30, 2012
“Why are you alone?” Yunho asked from across the phone line, a frown on his lips. He could hear Jaejoong blowing his nose on the other end of the line. “It’s not right that you’re alone right now -“
“Well, what can I do?” Jaejoong shot back as he blew his nose loudly. “I’m sick, and I’m not fit for travel.” He coughed, “I can’t go back to Gongju in this state -“
The younger man sighed, “Did you at least call your family?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“…you feel lonely right now, don’t you?”
The older man let out a sigh, “Of course I do.” Yunho could hear the tiredness in the other man’s voice. “It hurts my throat talking to you, you know?”
Yunho held the phone a little tighter in his hand and looked around, making sure that no one was nearby before he replied. “Does that mean you want me to hang up? I just wanted to make sure that you were feeling -“
“You’re using me as a reason to escape family, aren’t you?” Jaejoong asked after a particularly loud sneeze. A smile quirked at the corners of Yunho’s lips, and he waited for Jaejoong to go on. “What, are they all asking why you’re still single?”
The young man laughed. “Kind of.”
“Well…did you tell them about how your last date ended up having a creepy fetish for your hands?”
“Thank you, Jaejoong, for reminding me as to why I should never go on blind dates ever again.” Yunho said softly as he wrapped his jacket a little tighter around his body. “But anyway, maybe we should Skype or something -“
“I look disgusting right now. Please, no.”
“You always look disgusting, come on, you know I don’t care about how you look. I won’t be able to come home and attempt to cook you ramen until two days from now, so I think we should Skype.”
“No,” the older man whined, “Just go eat some songpyeon. Eat to your heart’s content, gain weight, and be happy. Let me die here.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“But Yunho,” Jaejoong let out a pathetic sigh. “I’m lonely, and I’m sick. All I have right now are my books. Nothing’s going to make this better. I haven’t felt this alone since my first year of university. It’s just…it’s weird, to be like this…”
“It’s not normal to like being sick.” Yunho replied, eager to comfort the other man. “I promise I’ll take you out somewhere once I get back - just the two of us. I’ll take you out, and I’ll pay for everything.”
“I have expensive tastes, and you don’t have much money.”
“But you’re Jaejoong, and I’m Yunho, and…I can borrow money from Changmin.”
Jaejoong laughed, “The first part of your sentence didn’t make much sense. You do realize that, right?”
Yunho’s heart clenched in his chest, and he hated how much he’d grown to love the other man. It didn’t matter that Jaejoong tended to criticize his school papers to death, or that they continuously bantered with one another. He hated the idea that Jaejoong was alone on such an important holiday, and there was nothing he wanted more than to be with him.
Though, if he were to be honest, there hadn’t been a moment recently in which he hadn’t wanted to be near Jaejoong. Instead of his feelings dying out, they’d only grown stronger, and Yunho was past the normal point of frustration. He was much too torn between the idea of confessing his feelings to Jaejoong and hiding his feelings in the hope that they’d simply go away.
But really, he was beginning to doubt that they’d ever go away.
“Jaejoong…”
“Yunho….”
“I’m sure you make beautiful songpyeon.” Yunho said with a laugh, interrupting the older man’s whining and burying his thoughts for some other time. He smiled when he heard Jaejoong chuckle across the line, his heart fluttering at the sound. “You’ll have beautiful babies.”
“But first I need that beautiful partner.” Jaejoong countered softly.
Yunho was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say. Half of him wanted to talk about himself, perhaps joke about him being that beautiful partner, but the other half of him was too shy to say anything close to that. Yet, before he could respond, Jaejoong spoke first.
“Before the cough medicine makes me forget, I want to tell you something.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m thankful that we met.” Jaejoong said, pausing so that he could blow his nose. “I like…I like having you around, and you’re…you’re just you. I like that, and I’m thankful for you and that you’re avoiding your relatives and talking to me instead.”
“So you like me?” Yunho said with a laugh, freezing when he realized the other implication of his words. His heart practically stopped in his chest, and the longer it took for Jaejoong to reply, the worse his feelings of fear got.
“Yunho, there’s something -“
Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, Yunho’s phone died, leaving Yunho hanging and confused.
Halloween
October 31, 2012
Yunho ate his chocolate alone, enjoying his brief study break. He’d already eaten more than half the box while watching The Ring, but frankly, he didn’t care. The chocolate was sweet and delicious, and it made him happy. If he gained a pound or two, he wouldn’t mind - for now at least.
The doorbell rang, and Yunho got up off his sofa. He knew that Changmin had gone to a party somewhere nearby, so whenever the younger student was too drunk to take care of himself, he usually dropped by. Yunho chuckled and walked over to the door, wondering what he would have to deal with now. After all, a drunk Changmin was a very amusing Changmin.
But when he opened the door, he was greeted instead by the sight of Jaejoong, dressed plainly in an all black ensemble and a white mask held in his hands.
Yunho smiled, surprised by the other man’s visit, but happy to see him nonetheless. Ever since Chuseok, they hadn’t had the opportunity to spend some quality time with one another, and he’d missed Jaejoong in all that time. They’d talked to one another on the phone, but something had been off - mostly on Jaejoong’s part, and Yunho didn’t know what it was exactly.
“I’m sorry, we don’t have any more candy.”
“Did you eat it all?” Jaejoong questioned as he walked in, Yunho making to follow after him once he’d closed the door.
“Kind of.”
The older man stopped as soon as he was at the center of the living room, and Yunho waited for him to say or do something. Jaejoong turned around, “I think…I had a couple of drinks tonight, at a party.”
“Well, that’s okay. Do you need me to -“
Jaejoong walked over, stopping only a few centimeters away from the taller man. Yunho stared down at the older man, his heart thudding in his chest, and bit his lip nervously. There was something off about Jaejoong, and he didn’t quite know what it was.
“Can I lie down?”
“Oh yeah, sure….you know where my room is.”
The older man walked away, and Yunho watched him leave. As soon as Jaejoong had disappeared into his room, Yunho made his way into his kitchen. He took a cold bottle of water out of the refrigerator and began to make his way to his room. When he got inside, Jaejoong was lying down on his side, staring off into the distance.
Wordlessly, Yunho sat down beside him and handed him the bottle of water.
“Are you okay?”
Jaejoong sat up, and Yunho stiffened slightly. Their faces were only centimeters apart, and despite the darkness of his room, Jaejoong’s face was illuminated by the moonlight that snuck in through the window. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Yunho anxiously waiting for Jaejoong to act first.
“Are you waiting for something?”
Yunho stared at Jaejoong in confusion. “What?”
“You stare at me, and you think I don’t notice. You’re not subtle, at all - or well, when we first met, you weren’t. In the beginning, I knew you had a small crush on me, but I didn’t say anything because I thought it was cute and because I thought I knew how you’d end up acting in the end, but no one…no one acted the same way around me as you did.”
Jaejoong’s words hung in the air, and Yunho was at a complete loss. He stared at the other man, his mind incapable of stringing together a proper response.
“I like you, but I don’t think you know that. I’ve been dropping you signs for weeks now, but I’ve gotten nothing back, and it scares me. I even wrote poems about you, hoping that you’d realize what I feel, but you never got it. I tried to confess to you on Chuseok, but your phone died, it died.” The older man held his gaze and added, “Why don’t you charge your phone? I always tell you to.”
“Sorry.”
“Is sorry enough?” Jaejoong breathed out. He looked at Yunho, his eyes searching for an answer. “I’ve been waiting for you - for too long. I want to tell you how stupid you are for making me wait, but I…but I guess I’m stupid too for being too quiet.”
Yunho leaned forward, and Jaejoong backed away slightly.
“…do you know what you’re doing?”
“Kind of. It’s been a while, but I think I still remember how to -”
“You know I didn’t mean that.” Jaejoong whispered as his eyes fell to the mattress of Yunho’s bed. “You’re purposefully misunderstanding me, and I’m scared that you’re going to regret what I’m pushing you into doing.”
“Why did you come here tonight?”
“Because I’m drunk.”
Yunho laughed, and he slowly closed the distance between them. He cupped Jaejoong’s face with his right hand, his hand enjoying the feel of the softness of the other man’s skin before he slowly tilted the other man’s chin up so that their eyes would meet.
“As someone who has seen you drunk first hand, I’m pretty sure you’re not drunk right now.” The younger man said teasingly. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was fairly sure Jaejoong could notice the unsteadiness of his touch. “For someone who was so bold a few moments ago, I’m surprised by your shyness.”
“I think the effects of liquid courage are wearing off.”
“So are you telling me to kiss you before you run off?”
“No, I’m telling you to kiss me before I die of old age.”
Hesitantly, Yunho leaned in to press a soft kiss against Jaejoong’s lips. Uncertain and shy, after applying a slight pressure to the older man’s mouth, Yunho quickly pulled away, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Yunho.
“Is that it?”
“…I’m sorry. I’m…nervous.”
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong breathed out as he pulled Yunho close and moved around so that he could climb onto the younger man’s lap. He settled himself then looked up at Yunho in the darkness, making sure to shoot him a beautiful smile before he pressed a kiss to the other man’s jaw in encouragement.
“No worries,” he murmured, sending Yunho’s heart racing, as he slowly inched his face closer to Yunho’s. “We’ll have all night to practice.”
Christmas Day
December 25, 2012
“It’s going to be fine, really, my parents don’t care -“
“Yunho, I’m four years older than you, and we haven’t even known each other for a year yet, maybe I shouldn’t have come with you -“
“Why don’t you trust me? I told you my parents are happy about this -“
“Sure, maybe your parents are happy, but what about your other relatives? Do you think they’ll be happy that we have an age difference -“
“What age difference? It’s just four years. Stop acting like you’re ancient. Twenty four isn’t even that old, so I don’t get what you’re freaking out about.” Yunho let out a sigh and looked at Jaejoong, the other man looking noticeably pale. “My parents love everyone, you’ll be fine.”
“…I’ve never met someone’s parents before.”
“Oh.”
Yunho chuckled and pulled Jaejoong closer by his scarf. He wrapped his arm around the other man’s shoulders and pressed a kiss behind his ear. When he edged away, an amused smile was on his lips.
“Look, you’ve calmed down.”
The older man glowered and punched Yunho’s arm. “Shut up.”
“When I get the chance to meet your family, you’ll feel better about this.” Yunho said lightly as he reached down to squeeze Jaejoong’s gloved hand. “I’ll be ridiculous I’m sure. Expect me to spout stupid things and embarrass you.”
“You always spout stupid things and -“
Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, the door opened. A teenaged girl in a red sweater glanced at him before her eyes found Yunho’s.
“Did you have any plans of ringing the door bell?”
“For your information, I was just about to.” Yunho shot back before he stepped forward a little to make necessary introductions. “Anyway, Jihye, this is Jaejoong -“
“I know.” Jihye said as she reached out to shake the older man’s hand. “I’ve seen pictures of him with you and Facebook, and you can’t stop talking to everyone about him, so -“
Yunho blushed. “That’s not true.”
The young girl rolled her eyes and took a step closer to Jaejoong. She leaned in, and Yunho watched as Jaejoong leaned to listen to her.
“When you guys officially became a couple, he called home and started telling everyone about how he wasn’t going to end up alone for the rest of his life.” Jihye confessed loudly, a teasing smile on her face. “Don’t break up with Yunho…or if you do, remember that I’m still single -“
“Jihye, go away.”
Jaejoong looked amused, “You sound like a brat.”
“That’s because he is,” Jihye replied with a smile as she pulled Jaejoong a little closer and swatted her brother’s hand away when he tried to reach for his boyfriend. “Sorry Yunho,” Jihye replied as she hooked her arm around Jaejoong’s and began to lead him inside, “But this is the season of giving, and so I’m gladly accepting the gift that you’re giving me -“
“And what’s that?” Yunho barked, “You never give me anything, and I’m -“
“I’m taking your boyfriend.” His younger sister said with a laugh as she pulled Jaejoong inside, eager to hear everything and anything the older man had to say about her brother’s numerous flaws as a boyfriend.
o-o-o
“I have a lot of family members, don’t I?” Yunho asked as he led Jaejoong up to his bedroom. He turned back and looked at the older man, who was holding a mug of coffee in his hands.
“I have more, be prepared.” Jaejoong replied as he entered.
The room was neat, and Jaejoong sat down on Yunho’s bed as he watched the other man go around the room. Yunho looked around at the faded posters that were still up on the walls and smiled. He glanced back at Jaejoong, “So, what do you think?”
Jaejoong took a sip of his coffee, “Of what?”
“My room,” Yunho said as he turned away from Jaejoong and began to rifle through his desk in search of his gift for Jaejoong. The older man didn’t know that he’d stopped by at his home earlier while he was asleep in order to hide his gift from him.
“Oh, it’s cute.”
“Like me?” the younger man asked as he found his present. He grinned to himself, too happy to even let Jaejoong’s scoff bother him. He quickly pulled it out of the drawer and turned around to look at the older man. “I have a gift.”
The older man blinked, “What? I thought I said -“
“Well, I didn’t really feel like listening to you.” Yunho replied with a smile as he took the coffee mug out of Jaejoong’s hands and put the book in its previous place. “Anyway, just open it.”
Jaejoong pouted but began to open the gift. He unwrapped it carefully, and Yunho had to smile at the fact that Jaejoong managed to not tear the wrapping. As soon as he had the gift open, a bright smile appeared on his face.
The older man looked up at Yunho, “You’re such a loser.” His eyes remained on the shirt, and Yunho laughed.
I’m with stupid →
“I figured it would be appropriate. Do you like it?”
“Of course.”
“I had a feeling.” Yunho said with a smile, “Make sure to wear it sometime, okay?”
“I promise,” Jaejoong replied before he pulled Yunho’s face down for a kiss. Yunho smiled against Jaejoong’s lips before he pushed the other man down against his bed, eager for more.
He had known his gift would be a good idea, and despite what the shirt implied, Yunho knew he was truly a genius.
New Year’s Eve
December 31, 2012
“The countdown will be starting any time now,” Jaejoong said as he led Yunho through his thick throng of relatives. Yunho allowed himself to be led, and he made sure to smile at each one of Jaejoong’s relatives as they made their way through.
“Thirty seconds!”
Yunho began to walk faster, and eventually, he gave up on letting Jaejoong lead and overtook the older man. He easily made his way through all the people in the Kim household, trying to find his way back to the living room.
“Turn right, turn right,” Jaejoong urged from behind, and Yunho followed his instructions, weaving in and out through the people.
“Twenty seconds!”
They made their way into the living room, several of Jaejoong’s sisters and their respective families quickly making room for the two of them. Yunho shot a bright smile at Jaejoong and squeezed his hand. The other man’s attention was riveted on the television, and there were many people in the room, so in order to catch his attention, he leaned to whisper into his ear.
“I’m happy we met.”
“Ten!”
Jaejoong turned his head, and Yunho continued. “Aren’t you?”
“Nine!”
“Of course.” Jaejoong replied.
“Eight!”
Yunho smiled.
“Seven!”
“Should I expect something else?”
“Six!”
“Like what?”
“Five!”
“An I love you maybe?”
“Four!”
Yunho laughed, and Jaejoong smiled.
“Three!”
“I love you.”
“Two!”
“I love you too.”
The sound of fireworks resounded in the air, and Jaejoong pulled Yunho by the collar of his shirt, foregoing the typical New Year’s greeting. When they parted, Yunho chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to his older lover’s forehead.
“Happy New Year.”
Valentine’s Day
February 14, 2013
Fuck life, he needed chocolate.
Yunho berated himself for having forgotten about the holiday, which was also his anniversary with Jaejoong. He looked around the supermarket, trying to determine which chocolate brand screamed ‘I forgot about Valentine’s day, so I bought you this last minute’ the least. He walked around the aisles, but just as he was about to pick up a particularly expensive brand of chocolate, something caught his eye.
He smiled, picked it up, and then headed over to the counter.
o-o-o
“Is it okay if I sit down…?”
Jaejoong looked up from his book, and Yunho smiled at him. “If you’re going to ask me out, I’m not interested.” He said slowly, familiar words coming to mind. The older man’s smile grew a little wider, “I’m waiting for someone.”
“And who’s that?” Yunho asked as he sat down across from Jaejoong. He watched as Jaejoong shut his book and placed it on the table. “Someone handsome?”
“No, not really.” Jaejoong replied teasingly. “Well, he used to be quite handsome…back when he worked here..now, not so much.”
Yunho frowned and placed a hand over his heart, “You wound me. Do you think I am an automaton? - a machine without feelings?”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened. “Did you just quote Jane Eyre on me?”
“Why yes, I did.” Yunho said with a cheeky grin, “Do you like it? I memorized a couple of lines to impress you with my classiness.”
The older man rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. “I suppose you think you’re quite dignified and classy now, don’t you?”
“I would always rather be happy than dignified.”
Jaejoong shot Yunho a look, “Minus points, you’re lacking in originality.” He said with a small smile. “But anyway -“
“I have a gift for you.” Yunho took out a box from his pocket, and he noted with amusement how Jaejoong’s eyes widened significantly. He smiled at the other man, “If the floor wasn’t so dirty, and if you didn’t dislike spectacles so much, I’d kneel down.”
“Yunho, what are you -“
Without a second’s hesitation, Yunho flipped open the box to reveal a lollipop ring which he’d placed inside earlier. His grin widened, and he chuckled. “Chocolate is overrated on Valentine’s day.” He slid the box forward, “Perhaps this lollipop ring will be gold in the future, I really don’t know, but I’d like you to know that…”
Jaejoong took his eyes off the ring and looked at Yunho, “What do you want me to know?” he asked, his voice a soft whisper.
“All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.” Yunho replied slowly, the memorized quote from Jane Eyre coming to mind easily.
“You idiot…you’re so cheesy, and I hate you.” Jaejoong muttered, a smile on his face.
Yunho smiled, “Thanks, coming from you, it’s a compliment.” He leaned across the table and pressed a kiss against Jaejoong’s lips, everything falling perfectly into place.
It was a moment to remember.
Author’s Note: Belated happy birthday to the lovely Ellie, and a belated happy Valentines’ day to everyone else~ ^^ <3 I love you all, and I hope you’ve been enjoying the new year so far. There’s a lot more to come - both good & bad, and I’m sure that we can all get through it. : ) Also, the poem here is mine, haha, I wrote it, and I hope it doesn't suck. XD Lastly, thank you for reading, and thank you for all the comments! It always makes me happy knowing that there are people appreciating the things I write. ♥