"Paper Crown" [3/20]
Title: Paper Crown [3/20]
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho, Yoochun/Junsu
Genre: AU, drama/romance
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to Music Is My Life. It's early 2009 and Jaejoong finds himself forced to entertain a certain businessman with no intention of leaving until he finds what he's looking for.
When Yunho opened his eyes - though they felt heavy and strangely cumbersome - he knew immediately there was something wrong.
At first his vision was entirely white, so much so he wasn't sure if his vision was blurry or if he really was staring at some colourless thing. Then slowly everything swam into focus and the familiar tiled and textured ceiling appeared before his eyes, like some nightmare that never went away and stayed with you even in wakefulness.
By his bedside (because he knew he was in the hospital and yet the thought brought no sense of panic or disorder), there were sounds of gasps and shouts, both familiar and unfamiliar. Trying to decipher words made his head ache, so instead he concentrated on the sounds of the heart monitor beeping reassuringly beside him and the sterile smell that permeated the room (it came to him more from memory than from his senses). Meanwhile he felt his body manhandled in the skilful way most doctors thought was unobtrusive - he sat through the prodding with practiced ease though pain flared up in various parts of his body and he tried not to hurl.
Finally he could hear the doctor speaking with those in the room and he shut his eyes tightly, mentally commanding his body to obey. No, do not let that flinch show on your face. No, you cannot curl up into a ball and whimper until your chest stops feeling like someone ran you through with a battering ram.
He fell asleep.
Or at least, he thought he did, because sound filtered in and out. At one point he heard a familiar sob and wanted to reach out to rest a hand on his mother's shoulder, but couldn't. At another point he thought he heard Jihye and what sounded like tears in her voice - yet, surely that wasn't possible.
Yunho opened his eyes again and this time his vision sharpened instantly and he could croak something out that didn't sound like "Unnghh".
"Does it hurt?"
He nodded through gritted teeth as drowsiness left him. He tried to keep the twitching to a bare minimum as jolts of pain shook him.
"What happened?" It came out instead as a harsh whisper and he cleared his throat. His eyes swung to his bedside and he spotted Jihye seated in a plastic chair, red-rimmed eyes staring out from beneath her messily straight bangs. He remembered she'd gotten them cut right after the funeral.
"You could have died, oppa," her quiet voice cut through the silence in the room, sounding as if she could hardly believe what had just come out of her mouth. Her face was uncharacteristically free of make up, looking pale and tired. Her long hair was swept up in a knot more for convenience then for style; the cardigan and jeans were hastily thrown on. Most noticeable was the distinct lack of jewellery. Jung Jihye never left the house without some trinket dangling on an appendage.
He cracked what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm still in one piece, aren't I?"
"That's not the point," she said immediately and sagged against the chair, a hand flying to her forehead to cover half of her face. "I know you haven't been sleeping enough," she continued, voice muffled and shaky, "there's a light on in your room all the time, every time I pass by your door."
The smile slipped from his face. "Jihye - "
"Why did you let this happen to yourself?" Yunho could tell that she was struggling to keep her voice steady. A small hand came up to press against her bangs, covering half her face as she swallowed. "Why is everything falling apart all at once?"
"Jihye, what happened?"
She took a deep breath and wiped the corner of her right eye, sniffling a little. "You don't remember?"
He shook his head. Any attempt to think still made his head ache. He remembered the phone conversation he'd had with Yoochun in the office, but that must've been a few days ago. In fact, he was almost certain. Flashes of memory grabbed at him - he'd had a coffee, had been stuck in his office all day, driving home seemed to take far longer than usual and the voice from the radio droned on and on -
"You fell asleep while you were driving and got rear-ended three days ago. Yesterday you woke up briefly but wasn't very responsive. The doctor said you got a concussion when your head hit the steering wheel." She narrated this to him in a neutral tone, eyes darting down the length of his body as if reassuring herself he really was still in one piece.
Yunho clenched his teeth and shut his eyes. His fingers itched to dial his secretary's blackberry. "The company - "
"Stop. Just stop, oppa."
"I'm fine, Jihye."
"You could have died! Do you even know what that means?" He opened his eyes to see her staring at him, horror splashed across her face. "Are you telling me the company is more important than your life?"
"Don't you think you're exaggerating - " He tried to laugh but what came out instead was a soft cough.
"Right, I'm exaggerating because my father just died and now my brother is trying to work himself to death. Why don't we set up the sick room in the house again, so you can die in there too!"
"Jihye!" He meant it as a shocked exclamation to her statement but really he just wanted her to stop yelling because it made his vision spin.
"You can work all you want if only you take care of yourself! You can do whatever you want as long as you're happy!"
His throat felt tight as his jaw tightened. "I have. I am."
"That's why we're having this conversation in the hospital," she replied bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest and staring straight at him.
"I don't want to talk about this with you while you're thinking irrationally - "
Her jaw dropped.
" - Where's mother?"
"At home after having cried herself out for the last three days. After you woke up I told her to go home. She said she was going to make you soup," Jihye answered sullenly, yet obediently. Her body was still poised for a fight, her hand clenched aggressively in her lap.
Yunho breathed steadily, ignoring the way his chest felt like it was about to cave in. "What's the extent of my injuries?"
Suddenly she looked alarmed. "Why?"
"Everything...hurts. Not just my head."
"Should I get the doctor? You got pretty banged up when the other car hit you," she said softly. Tears began to collect at the corner of her eyes again but she seemed not to notice.
He noticed, however, and smiled, reminding himself that this wasn't Yoochun, whose concern was appreciated but who still wasn't family. She was family and he should've expected this a lot sooner. It frustrated him that he did not predict the extent of his sister's thoughts towards his schedule as of late.
"He said you'll be feeling the whiplash for the next few weeks. Prescribed you pain medication if it gets too bad. He also said - " Yunho watched her carefully as her eyes darted past his head, " - you'll need at least several months to recover."
Shaking his head ruefully, he would've ruffled her hair if he could move lift his arm. "If you're going to lie, choose a more realistic time frame."
Jihye snorted, her pretty face twisting into a petulant frown. "A month." Her eyes widened when she saw him look towards the window thoughtfully. "At home."
"You know that's not possible."
"It is. You just keep thinking it's not. Father hired capable people, okay? The company will still be standing after a month without you."
They stared at each other - the brother with frustration and the sister with a hint of pleading and an enormous amount of disapproval - until there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Jihye called out cheerfully, smoothing her hair down and pasting a small smile on her face. Yunho continued to stare at her, perplexed.
The knob twisted, the door swung open, and Yoochun stepped into the room hesitantly, Junsu at his heel. The latter carried a modestly sized fruit basket and it was with some regret that he realized this was as far from what he'd imagined their next reunion would be like as it could get.
"Hi, Jihye sshi. Thanks for calling me."
"You're welcome," she said simply, standing up to accept Junsu's offering.
Junsu silently shook his head and brought it to the table by Yunho's bedside, gesturing for both Yoochun and Jihye to turn their attention back to the man in question. He merely patted Yunho's shoulder with a kind smile and pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed, as if sectioning himself off from the more private conversation that was about to take place. Yoochun barely looked at him but Yunho didn't miss the warm look they shared as Junsu did what he did.
"How do you feel?" Yoochun. His voice bled concern and in light of recent events, he was sorry for being the cause of it. He had been so sure he was on the right track.
"As well as can be expected," Yunho answered truthfully. "Like shit."
Jihye's eyes widened but Yoochun chuckled, albeit a little more sadly than usual. "Well, I don't expect you to be up and dancing anytime soon. Jesus, Yunho, of all people I thought would get themselves into this kind of thing, you definitely didn't come to mind."
"What can I say?" He smiled. "I'm full of surprises."
"Let's hope your surprises are of the more pleasant variety in the future."
"I'll try."
They grinned at each other.
"You know, not to imply anything, but this could be a good thing," Yoochun suggested. Then he paused, as if waiting for Yunho to protest. Jihye looked at both of them, a thoughtful look on her face.
He stayed silent.
"It'll give you some time to relax while you get well," Junsu piped up, the first thing he'd said since entering the room.
"That and it'll give you some time to think."
"About what we talked about?" Yunho asked dryly.
"Exactly. And maybe a new way of doing things so that this doesn't happen again? I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this happened, Yunho." He was being careful with his words, Yunho could tell. Otherwise Yoochun would be insistently pushing his point home without any of this evasive language; trying to say something without actually saying it.
Thankfully, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jihye check her watch somewhat anxiously and glance at the door. He directed her attention at her, leaving alone what Yoochun had said with a complacent smile.
"Do you need to be somewhere, Jihye?"
She glanced at him guiltily. Lurking beneath the calm exterior she presented to their guests was an anxiety that he knew festered like an open sore. Years of living as their father's children had ingrained in them a sense of what was private and what was public - despite how much she did not want to conform to their parents' expectations, she'd lived too long under their roof not to have been influenced by them. To act out of line in front of anyone who wasn't family would've been abhorrent for either of them.
"I have a class this afternoon." She turned questioningly towards Yoochun and he nodded.
"I'll keep an eye on him. Just in case he has a briefcase hidden under the bed. You never know with these sneaky business types."
That cracked a more genuine smile from her. "I lived with two of them my whole life. I know all their tricks."
"Hey, I resent that."
She tilted her head, looking past Yoochun to shake her head at him. "You don't get to. But will you be alright? I would skip the class but..."
"Forget it, Jihye. I'll be fine for a few hours by myself," he reassured her, resisting the childish urge to roll his eyes at her mother hen display. She couldn't have forgotten all those years she'd trailed after him, pulling on his shirt with a thumb in her mouth when she was four, hiding behind him when she was seven, clinging to his hand when she was ten before her ballet recital (which she'd hated, incidentally). Bottom line was, she was in no position to protect him. But he wasn't going to say that, because he could see how much comfort it gave her simply presiding over the role, though she really had no capability of doing much in it.
Still looking doubtful, she picked up her bag from the chair. "Well, I guess I'll be off then. Umma and I will both be back for the evening visiting hours."
"I'll give her a call later."
She considered this, and then shook her head. "No, she was still sleeping when I left the house. She'll probably call the hospital herself later anyway."
"Alright then. Have a nice class."
She edged towards the door, looking unsure. When all three of the occupants in the room looked towards her, Jihye felt some inkling of intruding on something. Like when she had peeked into her brother's room back when she was little, wondering why she wasn't allowed in while he entertained his friends. Then too young to bring friends home from school and old enough to want company beyond her parents, her brother had been the closest to a friend she'd had beyond the realm of school. Like all younger siblings, there was a sense that she did not belong while her older brother interacted with the world beyond their family's. Now she was an adult and the feeling came rushing back - except it was tinged with nostalgia and not resentment. With a little smile, mostly for her own benefit, she reached for the door.
"Yoochun, why don't you walk Jihye sshi to her car?" Instantly, everyone's attention was directed to Junsu, who sat passively in his chair. He shrugged.
"That's not a bad idea - "
"Oppa - " Indignation bloomed on her face.
Before Yunho and Jihye could head into a face off, Yoochun edged towards the door. "I don't mind. I'll grab me and Junsu coffee on the way back."
Pursing her lips, Jihye nodded and thanked him, before both of them left, closing the door behind them.
"We just came from the studio," Junsu explained without any prompting as Yunho turned to him, "and when we heard from Jihye sshi we rushed here but it turns out we'd just missed morning visiting hours so we went back and decided to come by later."
"You didn't have to," he said and winced as he struggled to sit up. It seemed impolite (and uncomfortable) to talk to him while twisting his head - Junsu was instantly at his side and helped him sit up, propping the pillow behind him. "Thank you."
Junsu smiled.
An awkward silence began to make its way in while Yunho searched for topics. Truthfully, it was a bit embarrassing. A funeral and a hospital weren't the most ideal places to see someone after two years, someone whom you were never close to and had still called a friend.
"How is the album coming along?"
"Great!" The younger man brightened instantly, happy to have something to talk about. There wasn't something else on his mind but he did not know how to breach the topic. "A lot of the tracks have been decided on. Yoochun and I collaborated on two tracks, a ballad and a more mid-tempo song, but we've still consulted a number of other songwriters here in Korea. It's been a great experience since I have a lot of say in the overall process. We're going to start recording in a few days."
Yunho watched him ramble with a pleased smile on his face. "It sounds like you really figured out what you want to do in these two years."
Embarrassed, he nodded. "I did. I mean, if I wanted to make money - if that was my priority - I would still be in Japan. And I'm not saying that's a bad priority to have, but it's not mine, it never will be. I just want to be able to hold a record in my hand decades from now, and say that this is something I'm proud of, that I made with my own two hands, my own voice. Does that make sense?"
It did but he couldn't relate. The words came naturally anyway. "It means it was all worth it, right?"
Junsu then got a strange look in his eyes as he nodded mutely, carefully watching him. There was another few seconds of silence before Yunho found it unnerving - which seemed out of place because Kim Junsu was everything but unnerving.
When he couldn't stand it anymore, Yunho smiled politely. "Yes?"
"You asked me the same question before I left then. Do you remember?"
"Vaguely."
Since his father had gotten worse, he'd been determined to put all matters but those concerning his family behind him. Kim Junsu had been one of them. That and perhaps it was due to the blow to the head he'd just experienced, but memories came to him in stilted pictures. He couldn't recall whole conversations they'd had or specifics, but he recalled he'd learned to appreciate his friends a little more during that time. Something which he seemed to have forgotten along with everything else.
"I always wondered why you would ask me that," Junsu said, looking across the room, trying to get his thoughts straight. "We're opposites, you know. You've stuck so rigidly to this one path and I tried everything to get out of mine. I wondered if you were looking for some kind of affirmation that my decision was wrong or less ideal than yours. If I had said no, would you feel justified in what you did, that you stopped something bad from getting worse?"
He was genuinely shocked. "Junsu, I wouldn't - "
"Oh I know," Junsu waved nonchalantly, "your intentions were good. I understand that."
Yunho wasn't sure what to say. This was all a little bewildering. He hadn't expected this at all.
"When I heard you were in the hospital, somehow it just came to me. You really weren't looking to disapprove, were you." It wasn't a question. "You were looking for a possibility."
"To run away?" It came out before he could stop it and he looked stricken, afraid he'd unintentionally offended him.
Junsu shrugged. "Run away, escape, take the easy way out - don't worry, I heard it all from my manager. Haven't you ever had the feeling of just wanting to get away from everything? Even for a day? Not having to worry about living up to expectations, doing what you're told?"
Every day. If he was being truthful to himself. Yunho sighed wearily and then winced as an ache spread from his shoulders up his neck. "No."
When Junsu grinned knowingly, Yunho made a note to ask Yoochun if he was able to hide anything from this man. "I was under contractual obligation and you're under family obligation. Not so different, don't you think?"
A little put off by comparison, he shook his head. "Look, Junsu, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Yoochun made the same argument. I recognize that I have a...problem - " he practically had to spit the word out, "but this is something I have to consult my family with and get through on my own."
"That's the problem, isn't it?"
"What?"
"Yunho, if you could get through this on your own here, you'd have gotten over it a long time ago. You're the most capable person I know. If all you needed was your family and some time and space to get everything sorted out so you don't sacrifice your health and well being over your father's company, you would have done so. It's the fact that you're here, stuck between the office and your mansion, that's keeping you from doing what you need to do for yourself. Don't you see?"
Junsu let that settle before continuing. Yunho's gaze was razor sharp but despair broke over him in the way his hands clenched the blanket on his lap and his shoulders bunched together from the tension he was unable to release.
"If you ever feel the need to get away, let me know." He made his offer in a soft voice, his face radiating kindness and empathy.
Yunho stared at him, before tilting his head back wordlessly, closing his eyes tightly from the pain, both from within and without.
"I know just the place."
~*~*~
They walked side by side down the hall. It was silent in the elevator and on the way out of the hospital. Once they got past the glass doors, however, Jihye stopped him with a hand on his arm, a pinched determination on her face.
"You used to come by a lot in the past," she said softly, tucking wayward strands of hair behind her ear.
He nodded. "You've grown up a lot, Jihye." They weren't strangers and neither were they close enough to be called friends, but they had had a polite acquaintanceship. They had always greeted each other whenever they saw the other without Yunho present, but given the circumstances, the awkwardness couldn't be helped.
"You must know what oppa's doing to himself," she said fiercely, ignoring the conversational statement.
Startled, he could do nothing but nod hesitantly.
She took a deep breath. "I've been thinking that we should sell the company."
His jaw dropped. "Have you asked Yunho about it?"
Jihye threw him an odd glance. "No. I know we'll need his final say. But he's so...attached to the company; he's been like that for so long. It's like he thinks the company itself replaces father in our lives."
Something told him she was drastically oversimplifying the situation but he chose not to voice his doubts. Instead, he said, "What about you?"
"I'm the baby of the family, don't you know?" She smiled bitterly. "I don't have to exert even an ounce of effort to do what I want to do. I never wanted anything to do with the company. But at least I had the choice. I want to give oppa that choice too."
"What makes you think he didn't make that choice?" A sudden memory came to him - it was days before Yunho's convocation and they were celebrating at Dong Bang Shin Ki - waiting for Junsu to arrive, he thought with a smile - Yunho had said he was happy to follow in his father's footsteps. Yoochun didn't think he'd been lying then.
"That's why he's lying in that hospital bed with a lump on his head the size of Seoul." The sarcasm was sharp.
'I never said it was a good choice,' he thought to himself and sighed. Yoochun couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't right. It wasn't the right thing to do. "Maybe this is what he wants to do with his life. He just needs to learn to lessen the workload, you know?"
Jihye reeled back incredulously. "I thought you of all people would understand. You're his friend. Why would you want him to continue to suffer like this?"
"Look, why are you telling me this?" He demanded, frustration etched all over his face. "Of course I don't want him to suffer. It's shitty that he got into this accident. But it doesn't mean he wants to give up everything too." It scared Yoochun when it suddenly came to his mind - what did Yunho have left, if Jihye really got him to sell the company? What else could he hold onto and would provide him with a purpose for all that he had done in the past? More importantly, what would Yunho do if he were to lose that purpose?
"Even in death, father still gets what he wants," she muttered softly, glaring up at the sky as if she was talking directly to him.
It made him sad too, despite Jihye's attitude towards him. Although her statement was antagonistic and hostile to a man who had died less than two weeks ago and whom was her father, it had obviously hit her hard. The hopelessness of her position - as she watched one man in her life die and the other slowly drive himself, literally, further downhill - seemed endless.
"Can you talk to oppa about this?"
"I won't try to convince him to sell the company," he answered immediately.
Her expression stuttered; she'd clearly been thinking that, but she nodded instead. "I know. You asked me why I'm telling you this - normally I wouldn't dare. Mother would kill me if she knew." Jihye clutched at the handle of her bag a little tighter. "But I want to know what he wants. He'll tell me and Mother he likes working for the company and everything, just to reassure us. If he talks to you about it, he wouldn't do that because you're a friend."
Her maturity surprised him, as did her naiveté. "I'll try. But I can't promise anything, Jihye. You should know better than anyone that if Yunho doesn't want to talk about it, he won't."
Jihye nodded. "I know."
As Yoochun watched her make her way to her car, he took a deep breath. After a second, he turned around and went back inside.
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho, Yoochun/Junsu
Genre: AU, drama/romance
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to Music Is My Life. It's early 2009 and Jaejoong finds himself forced to entertain a certain businessman with no intention of leaving until he finds what he's looking for.
When Yunho opened his eyes - though they felt heavy and strangely cumbersome - he knew immediately there was something wrong.
At first his vision was entirely white, so much so he wasn't sure if his vision was blurry or if he really was staring at some colourless thing. Then slowly everything swam into focus and the familiar tiled and textured ceiling appeared before his eyes, like some nightmare that never went away and stayed with you even in wakefulness.
By his bedside (because he knew he was in the hospital and yet the thought brought no sense of panic or disorder), there were sounds of gasps and shouts, both familiar and unfamiliar. Trying to decipher words made his head ache, so instead he concentrated on the sounds of the heart monitor beeping reassuringly beside him and the sterile smell that permeated the room (it came to him more from memory than from his senses). Meanwhile he felt his body manhandled in the skilful way most doctors thought was unobtrusive - he sat through the prodding with practiced ease though pain flared up in various parts of his body and he tried not to hurl.
Finally he could hear the doctor speaking with those in the room and he shut his eyes tightly, mentally commanding his body to obey. No, do not let that flinch show on your face. No, you cannot curl up into a ball and whimper until your chest stops feeling like someone ran you through with a battering ram.
He fell asleep.
Or at least, he thought he did, because sound filtered in and out. At one point he heard a familiar sob and wanted to reach out to rest a hand on his mother's shoulder, but couldn't. At another point he thought he heard Jihye and what sounded like tears in her voice - yet, surely that wasn't possible.
Yunho opened his eyes again and this time his vision sharpened instantly and he could croak something out that didn't sound like "Unnghh".
"Does it hurt?"
He nodded through gritted teeth as drowsiness left him. He tried to keep the twitching to a bare minimum as jolts of pain shook him.
"What happened?" It came out instead as a harsh whisper and he cleared his throat. His eyes swung to his bedside and he spotted Jihye seated in a plastic chair, red-rimmed eyes staring out from beneath her messily straight bangs. He remembered she'd gotten them cut right after the funeral.
"You could have died, oppa," her quiet voice cut through the silence in the room, sounding as if she could hardly believe what had just come out of her mouth. Her face was uncharacteristically free of make up, looking pale and tired. Her long hair was swept up in a knot more for convenience then for style; the cardigan and jeans were hastily thrown on. Most noticeable was the distinct lack of jewellery. Jung Jihye never left the house without some trinket dangling on an appendage.
He cracked what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm still in one piece, aren't I?"
"That's not the point," she said immediately and sagged against the chair, a hand flying to her forehead to cover half of her face. "I know you haven't been sleeping enough," she continued, voice muffled and shaky, "there's a light on in your room all the time, every time I pass by your door."
The smile slipped from his face. "Jihye - "
"Why did you let this happen to yourself?" Yunho could tell that she was struggling to keep her voice steady. A small hand came up to press against her bangs, covering half her face as she swallowed. "Why is everything falling apart all at once?"
"Jihye, what happened?"
She took a deep breath and wiped the corner of her right eye, sniffling a little. "You don't remember?"
He shook his head. Any attempt to think still made his head ache. He remembered the phone conversation he'd had with Yoochun in the office, but that must've been a few days ago. In fact, he was almost certain. Flashes of memory grabbed at him - he'd had a coffee, had been stuck in his office all day, driving home seemed to take far longer than usual and the voice from the radio droned on and on -
"You fell asleep while you were driving and got rear-ended three days ago. Yesterday you woke up briefly but wasn't very responsive. The doctor said you got a concussion when your head hit the steering wheel." She narrated this to him in a neutral tone, eyes darting down the length of his body as if reassuring herself he really was still in one piece.
Yunho clenched his teeth and shut his eyes. His fingers itched to dial his secretary's blackberry. "The company - "
"Stop. Just stop, oppa."
"I'm fine, Jihye."
"You could have died! Do you even know what that means?" He opened his eyes to see her staring at him, horror splashed across her face. "Are you telling me the company is more important than your life?"
"Don't you think you're exaggerating - " He tried to laugh but what came out instead was a soft cough.
"Right, I'm exaggerating because my father just died and now my brother is trying to work himself to death. Why don't we set up the sick room in the house again, so you can die in there too!"
"Jihye!" He meant it as a shocked exclamation to her statement but really he just wanted her to stop yelling because it made his vision spin.
"You can work all you want if only you take care of yourself! You can do whatever you want as long as you're happy!"
His throat felt tight as his jaw tightened. "I have. I am."
"That's why we're having this conversation in the hospital," she replied bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest and staring straight at him.
"I don't want to talk about this with you while you're thinking irrationally - "
Her jaw dropped.
" - Where's mother?"
"At home after having cried herself out for the last three days. After you woke up I told her to go home. She said she was going to make you soup," Jihye answered sullenly, yet obediently. Her body was still poised for a fight, her hand clenched aggressively in her lap.
Yunho breathed steadily, ignoring the way his chest felt like it was about to cave in. "What's the extent of my injuries?"
Suddenly she looked alarmed. "Why?"
"Everything...hurts. Not just my head."
"Should I get the doctor? You got pretty banged up when the other car hit you," she said softly. Tears began to collect at the corner of her eyes again but she seemed not to notice.
He noticed, however, and smiled, reminding himself that this wasn't Yoochun, whose concern was appreciated but who still wasn't family. She was family and he should've expected this a lot sooner. It frustrated him that he did not predict the extent of his sister's thoughts towards his schedule as of late.
"He said you'll be feeling the whiplash for the next few weeks. Prescribed you pain medication if it gets too bad. He also said - " Yunho watched her carefully as her eyes darted past his head, " - you'll need at least several months to recover."
Shaking his head ruefully, he would've ruffled her hair if he could move lift his arm. "If you're going to lie, choose a more realistic time frame."
Jihye snorted, her pretty face twisting into a petulant frown. "A month." Her eyes widened when she saw him look towards the window thoughtfully. "At home."
"You know that's not possible."
"It is. You just keep thinking it's not. Father hired capable people, okay? The company will still be standing after a month without you."
They stared at each other - the brother with frustration and the sister with a hint of pleading and an enormous amount of disapproval - until there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Jihye called out cheerfully, smoothing her hair down and pasting a small smile on her face. Yunho continued to stare at her, perplexed.
The knob twisted, the door swung open, and Yoochun stepped into the room hesitantly, Junsu at his heel. The latter carried a modestly sized fruit basket and it was with some regret that he realized this was as far from what he'd imagined their next reunion would be like as it could get.
"Hi, Jihye sshi. Thanks for calling me."
"You're welcome," she said simply, standing up to accept Junsu's offering.
Junsu silently shook his head and brought it to the table by Yunho's bedside, gesturing for both Yoochun and Jihye to turn their attention back to the man in question. He merely patted Yunho's shoulder with a kind smile and pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed, as if sectioning himself off from the more private conversation that was about to take place. Yoochun barely looked at him but Yunho didn't miss the warm look they shared as Junsu did what he did.
"How do you feel?" Yoochun. His voice bled concern and in light of recent events, he was sorry for being the cause of it. He had been so sure he was on the right track.
"As well as can be expected," Yunho answered truthfully. "Like shit."
Jihye's eyes widened but Yoochun chuckled, albeit a little more sadly than usual. "Well, I don't expect you to be up and dancing anytime soon. Jesus, Yunho, of all people I thought would get themselves into this kind of thing, you definitely didn't come to mind."
"What can I say?" He smiled. "I'm full of surprises."
"Let's hope your surprises are of the more pleasant variety in the future."
"I'll try."
They grinned at each other.
"You know, not to imply anything, but this could be a good thing," Yoochun suggested. Then he paused, as if waiting for Yunho to protest. Jihye looked at both of them, a thoughtful look on her face.
He stayed silent.
"It'll give you some time to relax while you get well," Junsu piped up, the first thing he'd said since entering the room.
"That and it'll give you some time to think."
"About what we talked about?" Yunho asked dryly.
"Exactly. And maybe a new way of doing things so that this doesn't happen again? I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this happened, Yunho." He was being careful with his words, Yunho could tell. Otherwise Yoochun would be insistently pushing his point home without any of this evasive language; trying to say something without actually saying it.
Thankfully, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jihye check her watch somewhat anxiously and glance at the door. He directed her attention at her, leaving alone what Yoochun had said with a complacent smile.
"Do you need to be somewhere, Jihye?"
She glanced at him guiltily. Lurking beneath the calm exterior she presented to their guests was an anxiety that he knew festered like an open sore. Years of living as their father's children had ingrained in them a sense of what was private and what was public - despite how much she did not want to conform to their parents' expectations, she'd lived too long under their roof not to have been influenced by them. To act out of line in front of anyone who wasn't family would've been abhorrent for either of them.
"I have a class this afternoon." She turned questioningly towards Yoochun and he nodded.
"I'll keep an eye on him. Just in case he has a briefcase hidden under the bed. You never know with these sneaky business types."
That cracked a more genuine smile from her. "I lived with two of them my whole life. I know all their tricks."
"Hey, I resent that."
She tilted her head, looking past Yoochun to shake her head at him. "You don't get to. But will you be alright? I would skip the class but..."
"Forget it, Jihye. I'll be fine for a few hours by myself," he reassured her, resisting the childish urge to roll his eyes at her mother hen display. She couldn't have forgotten all those years she'd trailed after him, pulling on his shirt with a thumb in her mouth when she was four, hiding behind him when she was seven, clinging to his hand when she was ten before her ballet recital (which she'd hated, incidentally). Bottom line was, she was in no position to protect him. But he wasn't going to say that, because he could see how much comfort it gave her simply presiding over the role, though she really had no capability of doing much in it.
Still looking doubtful, she picked up her bag from the chair. "Well, I guess I'll be off then. Umma and I will both be back for the evening visiting hours."
"I'll give her a call later."
She considered this, and then shook her head. "No, she was still sleeping when I left the house. She'll probably call the hospital herself later anyway."
"Alright then. Have a nice class."
She edged towards the door, looking unsure. When all three of the occupants in the room looked towards her, Jihye felt some inkling of intruding on something. Like when she had peeked into her brother's room back when she was little, wondering why she wasn't allowed in while he entertained his friends. Then too young to bring friends home from school and old enough to want company beyond her parents, her brother had been the closest to a friend she'd had beyond the realm of school. Like all younger siblings, there was a sense that she did not belong while her older brother interacted with the world beyond their family's. Now she was an adult and the feeling came rushing back - except it was tinged with nostalgia and not resentment. With a little smile, mostly for her own benefit, she reached for the door.
"Yoochun, why don't you walk Jihye sshi to her car?" Instantly, everyone's attention was directed to Junsu, who sat passively in his chair. He shrugged.
"That's not a bad idea - "
"Oppa - " Indignation bloomed on her face.
Before Yunho and Jihye could head into a face off, Yoochun edged towards the door. "I don't mind. I'll grab me and Junsu coffee on the way back."
Pursing her lips, Jihye nodded and thanked him, before both of them left, closing the door behind them.
"We just came from the studio," Junsu explained without any prompting as Yunho turned to him, "and when we heard from Jihye sshi we rushed here but it turns out we'd just missed morning visiting hours so we went back and decided to come by later."
"You didn't have to," he said and winced as he struggled to sit up. It seemed impolite (and uncomfortable) to talk to him while twisting his head - Junsu was instantly at his side and helped him sit up, propping the pillow behind him. "Thank you."
Junsu smiled.
An awkward silence began to make its way in while Yunho searched for topics. Truthfully, it was a bit embarrassing. A funeral and a hospital weren't the most ideal places to see someone after two years, someone whom you were never close to and had still called a friend.
"How is the album coming along?"
"Great!" The younger man brightened instantly, happy to have something to talk about. There wasn't something else on his mind but he did not know how to breach the topic. "A lot of the tracks have been decided on. Yoochun and I collaborated on two tracks, a ballad and a more mid-tempo song, but we've still consulted a number of other songwriters here in Korea. It's been a great experience since I have a lot of say in the overall process. We're going to start recording in a few days."
Yunho watched him ramble with a pleased smile on his face. "It sounds like you really figured out what you want to do in these two years."
Embarrassed, he nodded. "I did. I mean, if I wanted to make money - if that was my priority - I would still be in Japan. And I'm not saying that's a bad priority to have, but it's not mine, it never will be. I just want to be able to hold a record in my hand decades from now, and say that this is something I'm proud of, that I made with my own two hands, my own voice. Does that make sense?"
It did but he couldn't relate. The words came naturally anyway. "It means it was all worth it, right?"
Junsu then got a strange look in his eyes as he nodded mutely, carefully watching him. There was another few seconds of silence before Yunho found it unnerving - which seemed out of place because Kim Junsu was everything but unnerving.
When he couldn't stand it anymore, Yunho smiled politely. "Yes?"
"You asked me the same question before I left then. Do you remember?"
"Vaguely."
Since his father had gotten worse, he'd been determined to put all matters but those concerning his family behind him. Kim Junsu had been one of them. That and perhaps it was due to the blow to the head he'd just experienced, but memories came to him in stilted pictures. He couldn't recall whole conversations they'd had or specifics, but he recalled he'd learned to appreciate his friends a little more during that time. Something which he seemed to have forgotten along with everything else.
"I always wondered why you would ask me that," Junsu said, looking across the room, trying to get his thoughts straight. "We're opposites, you know. You've stuck so rigidly to this one path and I tried everything to get out of mine. I wondered if you were looking for some kind of affirmation that my decision was wrong or less ideal than yours. If I had said no, would you feel justified in what you did, that you stopped something bad from getting worse?"
He was genuinely shocked. "Junsu, I wouldn't - "
"Oh I know," Junsu waved nonchalantly, "your intentions were good. I understand that."
Yunho wasn't sure what to say. This was all a little bewildering. He hadn't expected this at all.
"When I heard you were in the hospital, somehow it just came to me. You really weren't looking to disapprove, were you." It wasn't a question. "You were looking for a possibility."
"To run away?" It came out before he could stop it and he looked stricken, afraid he'd unintentionally offended him.
Junsu shrugged. "Run away, escape, take the easy way out - don't worry, I heard it all from my manager. Haven't you ever had the feeling of just wanting to get away from everything? Even for a day? Not having to worry about living up to expectations, doing what you're told?"
Every day. If he was being truthful to himself. Yunho sighed wearily and then winced as an ache spread from his shoulders up his neck. "No."
When Junsu grinned knowingly, Yunho made a note to ask Yoochun if he was able to hide anything from this man. "I was under contractual obligation and you're under family obligation. Not so different, don't you think?"
A little put off by comparison, he shook his head. "Look, Junsu, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Yoochun made the same argument. I recognize that I have a...problem - " he practically had to spit the word out, "but this is something I have to consult my family with and get through on my own."
"That's the problem, isn't it?"
"What?"
"Yunho, if you could get through this on your own here, you'd have gotten over it a long time ago. You're the most capable person I know. If all you needed was your family and some time and space to get everything sorted out so you don't sacrifice your health and well being over your father's company, you would have done so. It's the fact that you're here, stuck between the office and your mansion, that's keeping you from doing what you need to do for yourself. Don't you see?"
Junsu let that settle before continuing. Yunho's gaze was razor sharp but despair broke over him in the way his hands clenched the blanket on his lap and his shoulders bunched together from the tension he was unable to release.
"If you ever feel the need to get away, let me know." He made his offer in a soft voice, his face radiating kindness and empathy.
Yunho stared at him, before tilting his head back wordlessly, closing his eyes tightly from the pain, both from within and without.
"I know just the place."
~*~*~
They walked side by side down the hall. It was silent in the elevator and on the way out of the hospital. Once they got past the glass doors, however, Jihye stopped him with a hand on his arm, a pinched determination on her face.
"You used to come by a lot in the past," she said softly, tucking wayward strands of hair behind her ear.
He nodded. "You've grown up a lot, Jihye." They weren't strangers and neither were they close enough to be called friends, but they had had a polite acquaintanceship. They had always greeted each other whenever they saw the other without Yunho present, but given the circumstances, the awkwardness couldn't be helped.
"You must know what oppa's doing to himself," she said fiercely, ignoring the conversational statement.
Startled, he could do nothing but nod hesitantly.
She took a deep breath. "I've been thinking that we should sell the company."
His jaw dropped. "Have you asked Yunho about it?"
Jihye threw him an odd glance. "No. I know we'll need his final say. But he's so...attached to the company; he's been like that for so long. It's like he thinks the company itself replaces father in our lives."
Something told him she was drastically oversimplifying the situation but he chose not to voice his doubts. Instead, he said, "What about you?"
"I'm the baby of the family, don't you know?" She smiled bitterly. "I don't have to exert even an ounce of effort to do what I want to do. I never wanted anything to do with the company. But at least I had the choice. I want to give oppa that choice too."
"What makes you think he didn't make that choice?" A sudden memory came to him - it was days before Yunho's convocation and they were celebrating at Dong Bang Shin Ki - waiting for Junsu to arrive, he thought with a smile - Yunho had said he was happy to follow in his father's footsteps. Yoochun didn't think he'd been lying then.
"That's why he's lying in that hospital bed with a lump on his head the size of Seoul." The sarcasm was sharp.
'I never said it was a good choice,' he thought to himself and sighed. Yoochun couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't right. It wasn't the right thing to do. "Maybe this is what he wants to do with his life. He just needs to learn to lessen the workload, you know?"
Jihye reeled back incredulously. "I thought you of all people would understand. You're his friend. Why would you want him to continue to suffer like this?"
"Look, why are you telling me this?" He demanded, frustration etched all over his face. "Of course I don't want him to suffer. It's shitty that he got into this accident. But it doesn't mean he wants to give up everything too." It scared Yoochun when it suddenly came to his mind - what did Yunho have left, if Jihye really got him to sell the company? What else could he hold onto and would provide him with a purpose for all that he had done in the past? More importantly, what would Yunho do if he were to lose that purpose?
"Even in death, father still gets what he wants," she muttered softly, glaring up at the sky as if she was talking directly to him.
It made him sad too, despite Jihye's attitude towards him. Although her statement was antagonistic and hostile to a man who had died less than two weeks ago and whom was her father, it had obviously hit her hard. The hopelessness of her position - as she watched one man in her life die and the other slowly drive himself, literally, further downhill - seemed endless.
"Can you talk to oppa about this?"
"I won't try to convince him to sell the company," he answered immediately.
Her expression stuttered; she'd clearly been thinking that, but she nodded instead. "I know. You asked me why I'm telling you this - normally I wouldn't dare. Mother would kill me if she knew." Jihye clutched at the handle of her bag a little tighter. "But I want to know what he wants. He'll tell me and Mother he likes working for the company and everything, just to reassure us. If he talks to you about it, he wouldn't do that because you're a friend."
Her maturity surprised him, as did her naiveté. "I'll try. But I can't promise anything, Jihye. You should know better than anyone that if Yunho doesn't want to talk about it, he won't."
Jihye nodded. "I know."
As Yoochun watched her make her way to her car, he took a deep breath. After a second, he turned around and went back inside.