(no subject)
or, How I Got Home From Midget's House.
1. Got map from Midget's mother. Jokingly said I would take forty minutes to get home, knowing my sense of direction. These words would echo cruelly in my ears forty minutes later, little did I suspect.
2. Got past the letterbox.
3. Got hideously lost.
4. Walked a k or two up a large hill. Realised I was going the wrong way when I suddenly realised I was in the middle of the bush.
5. Consulted map.
6. Realisation dawned.
7. Turned map round other way. Checked to see if Midget, Hayley and Philly were behind a tree laughing hysterically.
8. They weren't. In a state of bewildered cunning, decided to wisely not retrace steps, but to take a completely random road.
9. Twenty minutes later. Recognised Midget's house. Frowned. Consulted map.
10. Went down road again the RIGHT way. Took a left hand turn. Walked for fifteen minutes. Looked up where roundabout should be.
11. No roundabout.
12. In a state of temper. Yelled at map. Attempted to beat crap out of it.
13. Received plenty of stares from the family across the road. Pretended was just trying to smooth map out. By bashing it against street sign.
14. Upon examing street sign more closely after removing map, recognised the name. Whipped out map again excitedly.
15. Dragged sorry self up and down numerous streets. Got by on own cunning (i.e, "NO THROUGH ROAD"). Went down street which I recognised as being near my house. Went past creepy brick building that looked like the mental hospital out of Gothika.
16. Man in giant red jumpsuit-thingy appeared from mental hospital from Gothika. Began following me.
17. Walked faster. Zig-zagged all over road trying to shake him off. He determinedly trailed me down Bedford St. Looked over shoulder repeatedly at him in suspcious manner.
18. Nearly got run over by zig-zagging. Fortunately the red jumpsuit man was so close behind me he nearly got run over too. Threw him off by taking a detour through Hope St. Playground.
19. Detour backfired when I was unable to resist the call of the swingset. Played on swings.
20. Large group of staring children showed up. Stubbornly remained on swing.
21. After half an hour, small girl with large puppy dog eyes sent forward. Politely conveyed the request that I remove myself from the swings.
22. Resisted urge to throw pinebark in her eyes. Got off swing and sulked on the rocking elephant.
23. After sulk, felt better. Elbowed offending children out of way. Went off down random street and dodged roadworks. Put foot in cement/gravel hole thing. Both roadworkers and I unimpressed.
24. Finally went down Hope St. Saw dog behind gate. Teased it with meowing noises. The teeny terrier across the street heard, wriggled out from under it's fence and went after me.
25. Shouted lovely varieties of filthy words at dog as it yapped at me. Angry owner appeared.
26. Hurried down street. Turned corner. Bumped straight into Red Jumpsuit.
27. Looked at him with a mix of frustration and horror. Backed away. Tripped and nearly landed in gutter.
28. Home barely 100m away. Sprinted up to it, inside, slammed door.
29. Watched Red Jumpsuit come closer and closer to my house....
30. Before realising he lived next door.
So there you have it. The 30 Step Misadventure of one sorry Dark Overlord.