Comments | little_grey_owl: Story: All in her Mind

little_grey_owl

Story: All in her Mind

Mar 21, 2010 20:57

Title: All in her Mind
Written for brigits_flame , March 2010, week 3
Prompt: Storyteller
Words: ~800
Warnings: none

( Take a step into her mind... )

story, brigits_flame

Comments 10

mistrali1 March 22 2010, 02:47:34 UTC

Much more terrifying were the times in which Robert was just left standing in the middle of whatever he had been doing before, nothing in his entire world moving.
No wonder!

I liked this insight into the story-life of a character, from the character's POV. Very creative!

little_grey_owl March 24 2010, 03:38:14 UTC

I'm glad you liked it, I thought it might be interesting to explore the feelings of a character that has to put up with everything the author comes up with....
Thanks for the comment!

so_wordy March 22 2010, 03:38:00 UTC

I really enjoyed the spin you put on the prompt. Writing this story from the pov of a character in a book is witty and original. Also, I like how the character matures from when Ashley wrote him, to Katie writing him now.

The fact that Katie got her hands on her older sister's notebook is also entertaining. This has the potential to turn into something larger. Well done!

little_grey_owl March 24 2010, 03:41:46 UTC

Thank you! I've had the general idea for this story in my head for a while and the prompt was the perfect occasion to finally write it. ;-) I am thinking about turning it into something larger but I don't have a real direction for a larger plot yet. Maybe I'll come up with something....

in_the_gleaning March 22 2010, 22:54:38 UTC

This hit one of my favorite fic-kinks so hard. =D Neat take on the idea, too.

little_grey_owl March 24 2010, 03:42:39 UTC

Thank you!

mister_troper March 26 2010, 16:34:09 UTC

Hi, I'm one of your editors!

"in the quiet moments Robert‘s life" - Probably should be a 'when' or 'while' in there.

"“a modern society”." - Drop the article. Also, cheerleaders? You can do better than cheerleaders.

"To be honest, Robert almost preferred the dragons to the drama he had to go through nowadays. There were only so many times that helping Ashley triumph over the schemes of the cheerleaders were even remotely interesting," - Very nice touch.

"Perhaps the recent improvements were only the beginning." - And that's sort of the problem here. You cut off way too early. I know, short piece and limited time and all, but I think you'd be better served with less of Robert effectively recounting everything that's wrong with Ashley, and more of what Robert's switchover to a new author is like. Is it good, bad, or creative?

little_grey_owl April 11 2010, 02:41:26 UTC

Thank you for the edit (yes, I know I'm really late)!
You're right, cheerleaders are a bit too cliché and I'm afraid I did take the easy way out by not elaborating on the switchover to the new author. :-/
Once again, thanks!

starriheavens March 30 2010, 16:19:42 UTC

Hi, I'm your other editor; I'm very sorry for the lateness. >__ ( ... )

little_grey_owl April 11 2010, 02:51:14 UTC

Thanks for editing!
I'm afraid I was running out of time and ideas towards the end of the story; I really should have gone into more detail about the effects of Robert's life being written by a different author. I need to stop writing my entries that late in the week. :-/
Thanks for your hints, I'll be sure to use them when I work through this story again! :-)