Absolution
Written for brigits_flame , December 2010, week 1
Prompt: Lie to me
Words: 1040
Warnings: violence, murder
Absolution
Did I ever tell you what my first memory was? I was angry with my mother, so I took her ring, the ring my father had given her for their engagement. I can‘t even remember what I did with it; perhaps I gave it to one of the beggars on the street. I can only recall my mother looking for it frantically, tears running down her face. I watched her and knew I was the one responsible for her misery.
I guess I was a horrible little boy, making my own mother cry like that. I still feel guilty, Lorna, even though you always say I wasn‘t to blame. After all, most children are occasionally horrible to their parents, aren‘t they?
When I was a child, I was the smallest of the children playing in front of the stables, running, yelling, playing catch. I was also the one who landed in the mud most frequently. That is, when I was lucky. When I wasn‘t as lucky, I fell into the horse manure.
One day, I realised that being small and skinny gave me an advantage: I may not have been able to push the others into the mud, but I could trip them. I could easily remember the taste of horse manure, but that didn‘t stop me. They soon left me alone and well, when smaller children joined in, they had to learn their lesson too, didn‘t they, Lorna?
I didn‘t cry when my older brother died. I remember him, lying still and pale in his coffin, cleaned up and dressed in his finest clothes so that the wounds left by the dagger were less visible. Of course, my mother was a mess and even my father‘s eyes were red. I just stood there and looked at him, and I felt nothing as they lowered his coffin into the grave. I heard the people whisper that I was in shock from the horrible tragedy, but I wasn‘t. I just didn‘t care.
He would have forgiven me, Lorna, wouldn‘t he? He was always so kind and forgiving that everybody loved him. But it‘s impossible to make yourself love someone, isn‘t it? So I felt nothing, except for a twinge of guilt.
As for my wife, I couldn‘t let her go on making a fool of me, could I? The entire town was whispering, “Did you hear about Elaine and Ragor? And her idiot of a husband never notices anything!” Oh, but I did notice, Lorna. I did. And who can really blame me that when the assassin was sent to kill Elaine and me in our sleep, Ragor was lying in my place?
Anyone would have done the same. They can’t really blame me, can they?
And then came Baradia. The relations to them had been tense for a while and their smuggling goods into the country was taking overhand. I had already shown more patience than every other man would have. No matter how many treaties were signed, they never kept to the agreements. It would have been only a matter of time before they invaded our country, so I had to lead my army to war.
I knew it would be brutal, but who could have guessed that they wouldn’t surrender sooner? They gave me no other choice but to destroy their entire army and countless villages while conquering the country down to its southernmost province.
To be honest, I‘m glad I did that. If I hadn‘t, I‘d never have met you. I can‘t even imagine the thought! Do you remember the trees, Lorna, trees like I‘d never seen before? Some with trunks touching the sky, others with the most wonderful fruit. Not to mention the flowers! Such colours, such scents! But then, you never did care much for flowers, did you?
And in comparison, what did the bloodshed really matter? You sang anyway, and I loved you for it, even though your singing voice is nowhere as lovely as you are. Surely, you will forgive me for loving you this much.
Who would tolerate his own people betraying him, not taking orders, helping the rebels of Baradia? I had to teach them, show them where their loyalty should lie. That isn’t a horrible thing, is it?
They just never wanted to see, to trust that I knew what was best for them. I can still hear their screams in my ears, hear their pleas. But I will be forgiven in time, won’t I? They will stop blaming me, accusing me. I must only wait for enough time to pass, and ensure that their mutinous thoughts do not spread even further.
They even managed to steal away my son, my poor Damor. I could see it in his eyes: he loved the rebels more than his own father. He said I loved you too much, Lorna, that I should open my eyes to see what really matters. I am afraid I recognised the traitorous thoughts in his heart only when it was already too late. There was blood, Lorna, so much blood, when my knife struck between his ribs. I had no other choice, Lorna, was there? There was nothing else I could do.
Oh Lorna, do you know what I regret most? My beautiful Lorna, they took you away from me and you couldn‘t escape, couldn‘t fly out of your cage, away from their traitorous hands, their bloody knives.
They came for you because they knew I couldn‘t stand being without you. My Lorna, my lovely Lorna, I couldn‘t help you.
Tell me I‘m forgiven, please.
It wasn‘t my fault, Lorna; there was nothing else I could do. I‘m really a good man, aren‘t I?
Lorna?
Lorna, tell me I had no other choice. I‘ll give you some of that apple you love so much.
Why are you just lying there? Come here, Lorna, let me stroke your emerald feathers. Why are your lovely feathers all red and wet?
My Lorna! Answer me!
Please, tell me I couldn‘t do anything else!
Lie to me, like you always do!
Please, Lorna!
Talk to me! Tell me the lies I need to hear….
Lorna? Why aren‘t you doing anything?
My Lorna, my lovely, lovely Lorna!
Please!
Lorna… Lorna….
My Lorna….
Prompt: Lie to me
Words: 1040
Warnings: violence, murder
Absolution
Did I ever tell you what my first memory was? I was angry with my mother, so I took her ring, the ring my father had given her for their engagement. I can‘t even remember what I did with it; perhaps I gave it to one of the beggars on the street. I can only recall my mother looking for it frantically, tears running down her face. I watched her and knew I was the one responsible for her misery.
I guess I was a horrible little boy, making my own mother cry like that. I still feel guilty, Lorna, even though you always say I wasn‘t to blame. After all, most children are occasionally horrible to their parents, aren‘t they?
When I was a child, I was the smallest of the children playing in front of the stables, running, yelling, playing catch. I was also the one who landed in the mud most frequently. That is, when I was lucky. When I wasn‘t as lucky, I fell into the horse manure.
One day, I realised that being small and skinny gave me an advantage: I may not have been able to push the others into the mud, but I could trip them. I could easily remember the taste of horse manure, but that didn‘t stop me. They soon left me alone and well, when smaller children joined in, they had to learn their lesson too, didn‘t they, Lorna?
I didn‘t cry when my older brother died. I remember him, lying still and pale in his coffin, cleaned up and dressed in his finest clothes so that the wounds left by the dagger were less visible. Of course, my mother was a mess and even my father‘s eyes were red. I just stood there and looked at him, and I felt nothing as they lowered his coffin into the grave. I heard the people whisper that I was in shock from the horrible tragedy, but I wasn‘t. I just didn‘t care.
He would have forgiven me, Lorna, wouldn‘t he? He was always so kind and forgiving that everybody loved him. But it‘s impossible to make yourself love someone, isn‘t it? So I felt nothing, except for a twinge of guilt.
As for my wife, I couldn‘t let her go on making a fool of me, could I? The entire town was whispering, “Did you hear about Elaine and Ragor? And her idiot of a husband never notices anything!” Oh, but I did notice, Lorna. I did. And who can really blame me that when the assassin was sent to kill Elaine and me in our sleep, Ragor was lying in my place?
Anyone would have done the same. They can’t really blame me, can they?
And then came Baradia. The relations to them had been tense for a while and their smuggling goods into the country was taking overhand. I had already shown more patience than every other man would have. No matter how many treaties were signed, they never kept to the agreements. It would have been only a matter of time before they invaded our country, so I had to lead my army to war.
I knew it would be brutal, but who could have guessed that they wouldn’t surrender sooner? They gave me no other choice but to destroy their entire army and countless villages while conquering the country down to its southernmost province.
To be honest, I‘m glad I did that. If I hadn‘t, I‘d never have met you. I can‘t even imagine the thought! Do you remember the trees, Lorna, trees like I‘d never seen before? Some with trunks touching the sky, others with the most wonderful fruit. Not to mention the flowers! Such colours, such scents! But then, you never did care much for flowers, did you?
And in comparison, what did the bloodshed really matter? You sang anyway, and I loved you for it, even though your singing voice is nowhere as lovely as you are. Surely, you will forgive me for loving you this much.
Who would tolerate his own people betraying him, not taking orders, helping the rebels of Baradia? I had to teach them, show them where their loyalty should lie. That isn’t a horrible thing, is it?
They just never wanted to see, to trust that I knew what was best for them. I can still hear their screams in my ears, hear their pleas. But I will be forgiven in time, won’t I? They will stop blaming me, accusing me. I must only wait for enough time to pass, and ensure that their mutinous thoughts do not spread even further.
They even managed to steal away my son, my poor Damor. I could see it in his eyes: he loved the rebels more than his own father. He said I loved you too much, Lorna, that I should open my eyes to see what really matters. I am afraid I recognised the traitorous thoughts in his heart only when it was already too late. There was blood, Lorna, so much blood, when my knife struck between his ribs. I had no other choice, Lorna, was there? There was nothing else I could do.
Oh Lorna, do you know what I regret most? My beautiful Lorna, they took you away from me and you couldn‘t escape, couldn‘t fly out of your cage, away from their traitorous hands, their bloody knives.
They came for you because they knew I couldn‘t stand being without you. My Lorna, my lovely Lorna, I couldn‘t help you.
Tell me I‘m forgiven, please.
It wasn‘t my fault, Lorna; there was nothing else I could do. I‘m really a good man, aren‘t I?
Lorna?
Lorna, tell me I had no other choice. I‘ll give you some of that apple you love so much.
Why are you just lying there? Come here, Lorna, let me stroke your emerald feathers. Why are your lovely feathers all red and wet?
My Lorna! Answer me!
Please, tell me I couldn‘t do anything else!
Lie to me, like you always do!
Please, Lorna!
Talk to me! Tell me the lies I need to hear….
Lorna? Why aren‘t you doing anything?
My Lorna, my lovely, lovely Lorna!
Please!
Lorna… Lorna….
My Lorna….