Oh yummy yummy yummy dragons... and she sounds just like the sister of my big green fella here in my sittingroom Arcturus.!! (aka Fred). So THAT's how dragons are made/born/grow up. Splendid little story, and all little dreaming boys and girls should hear it! (Then maybe little dreaming boys and girls won't be afraid when they are growing up...) What a delightful take on the prompt... smashing. Thank you.
Hehe, there can never be too many dragons! ;-) I hadn't really planned for it to become this much of a coming-of-age story, but I'm kind of satisfied with the way it turned out to be (my best friend is trying to convince me to try expanding it into a children's chapter book, but I'm not sure if I can come up with more). Thank you for your lovely comment!
Oh but you COULD!!! it would be marvellous... a little tale on the hatching and the first days.. each, then oh my goodness, it would a beautiful children's sotry... Can I be the first to read??? Truly, I am such a kid and I remember how these sorts of stories made SUCH a difference to my terrified little life. DOOOOoooooo oh please DOOOOO have a go - these little books are not long, no epic stuff required, just a pretty, interesting and helpful to small children lovely tale. GO with it Gel GO GO GO!!!!!!
I love it when a concept that has become tired and recycled is taken and spun on it's head, and you've done a wonderful job of that here. Everyone knows that dragons live in caves and lairs and mountains, lay eggs and covet treasure; you took that model and spun it a way that nobody's ever considered before, and that takes intense creativity. Well done!
Hi there! I'm innana88, but most of the old-timers around here from a few years ago just call me Nanna. :) I'm trying to get back into the swing of things around here with writing and editing. I love this community! So lovely to meet you and read your work
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There was no sign of her mother, who had left them days ago without any fuss, knowing her children were old enough to leave, to take the jump and become fully grown dragons.
This is a bit of a run-on. A suggestion: "There was no sign of her mother. Knowing her children were old enough to take their jump and become fully grown dragons, she had left them without fuss a few days earlier."
As the warmth turned to burning heat, Pyrnala could only hope she was entering the atmosphere at the right angle, or she would turn to dust.
No comma necessary after 'angle'. Consider revising this a bit. "As the warmth turned to burning heat, Pyrnala tried so hard to remember all that her mother had taught her about entering the atmosphere at the correct angle. She knew if she made a mistake, she'd turn to dust." This reduces the multiple clauses in a sentence and also hearkens back to trying to grow by applying what she has learned, which you illustrated so nicely in an earlier paragraph.
Hi! Oh, don’t worry about the edit being a bit late; I know that there are things way more important than what’s going on online.
I’ll be sure to think about the questions you addressed about Pyrnala’s thoughts when I expand the story and go into more details of her childhood on the satellite.
Finding the name Pyrnala took quite some time actually, the earlier tries always ended up already having unpleasant meanings when I googled them. ;-)
Oh, you collected dragon hatchling statues? You must have had much better taste than I did, I collected dolphin stuff. ;-)
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(Then maybe little dreaming boys and girls won't be afraid when they are growing up...)
What a delightful take on the prompt... smashing. Thank you.
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I hadn't really planned for it to become this much of a coming-of-age story, but I'm kind of satisfied with the way it turned out to be (my best friend is trying to convince me to try expanding it into a children's chapter book, but I'm not sure if I can come up with more).
Thank you for your lovely comment!
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There was no sign of her mother, who had left them days ago without any fuss, knowing her children were old enough to leave, to take the jump and become fully grown dragons.
This is a bit of a run-on. A suggestion: "There was no sign of her mother. Knowing her children were old enough to take their jump and become fully grown dragons, she had left them without fuss a few days earlier."
As the warmth turned to burning heat, Pyrnala could only hope she was entering the atmosphere at the right angle, or she would turn to dust.
No comma necessary after 'angle'. Consider revising this a bit. "As the warmth turned to burning heat, Pyrnala tried so hard to remember all that her mother had taught her about entering the atmosphere at the correct angle. She knew if she made a mistake, she'd turn to dust." This reduces the multiple clauses in a sentence and also hearkens back to trying to grow by applying what she has learned, which you illustrated so nicely in an earlier paragraph.
She looked up to see the ( ... )
Reply
Oh, don’t worry about the edit being a bit late; I know that there are things way more important than what’s going on online.
I’ll be sure to think about the questions you addressed about Pyrnala’s thoughts when I expand the story and go into more details of her childhood on the satellite.
Finding the name Pyrnala took quite some time actually, the earlier tries always ended up already having unpleasant meanings when I googled them. ;-)
Oh, you collected dragon hatchling statues? You must have had much better taste than I did, I collected dolphin stuff. ;-)
Anyway, thanks for the fantastic edit!
Reply
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