Mom
For those not attending my mom's memorial service tomorrow, I thought I would post the eulogy I plan to read at the service. I wanted to capture some of what she had meant to me personally, rather than who she was in general. I could probably fill a book just writing down memories and reflections on them, but sadly I can only talk for so long.
Almost a month ago, my biggest cheerleader went away. She was called home because her work was finally done. My mom lived for Richard and me. She was the best mom she knew how to be, and then some, in spite of her mistakes and challenges. She loved us unconditionally, and made sure we knew it at all times. As we both grew up into adults, she was incredibly proud of the choices we made and of the people we had grown into, and she never missed a chance to tell everyone how wonderful we were. I would not be the person I am today without her.
While I was growing up, one of the things Mom always made sure of was that I knew I was loved and appreciated. No matter what I did or however much I might disappoint them, my parents would always love me and be there for me. As I entered my late teens and started to find myself, the reassurance that my parents would care and never turn their backs on me gave me the confidence and security to move outside my comfort zone, meet new people, and even question the assumptions I was raised with. I can't thank Mom enough for being strong and secure enough to allow me to actively challenge her, to grow with me as I grew, and to meet me on an adult level. I was always Mom's precious little girl, but she rarely made the mistake of treating me like a child, and would actively check herself when she did, often apologizing if it had bothered me.
I was so proud of how much Mom grew and continued to grow as a person, as I grew up and became an adult. She wasn't perfect, but she did her honest best to recognize her failings and work on them, in all areas of life. She actively encouraged my own personal growth and awareness, and she was always interested in whatever I needed to talk about. We spent many late nights sitting up and talking, sometimes about important things, sometimes about stupid stuff. She considered her "late night parenting" to be a very serious and important matter.
One of the things I miss most, and will continue to miss the most, is being able to simply pick up my phone and call Mom. She was always happy to hear from me, sometimes just to hear my voice while she was in so much pain she couldn't think straight. Sometimes she would literally ask me to just babble about something inane, because it would ease the pain, knowing I was there. She always wanted to hear what was going on in my life, from challenges at school or work, to the new nail polish I picked up and how awesome it was. She figured out when to listen, and when to give advice, and I always felt better about something after getting a chance to chat with her about it, no matter how big or small it might have been. Yet at the same time she helped me develop the ability to trust my own judgment, and not just rely on hers.
Mom loved being able to talk to me about things, too, especially once I was older. She loved talking about her marriage, and the joy it brought her, and sometimes the pain as well. She loved talking about how she felt about Richard and me, about the challenges she faced raising us, and about how proud she was of how we'd turned out. She and my dad modeled a good marriage for both of us, both the ups and the downs, the joys and the pains, and the fierce love and loyalty they had for each other. Mom never tired of telling me how glad she was that Richard and I had found good partners, and of talking about how our marriages were going.
There are many other things my mom taught me that I simply don't have time to mention in detail. Her faith in God and trust in His guidance and love, her strength in the face of crippling health challenges and hardships that truly frightened her, her devotion to her friends and willingness to be there in every way she could for them, a conscious effort to take joy in the small things in life, in spite of the hardships, all of these were things she modeled beautifully and I can only hope to emulate. I know, from talking to her friends online and everywhere else, and even my friends who only met her once or twice, that she truly was loved by all who got to know her. She was an amazing, wonderful, loving person, and she is deeply missed.
In the end, she had the things that mattered the most to her. She had my dad, with her from the age of 16 until her very last day at 60. She was able to be there to help him through the loss of both his parents, with my grandma passing away only a month earlier than Mom did. She had Richard and me, grown up into strong adults with good spouses and established lives, who kept her involved in our lives and treasured her place there. She had friends to visit and talk to on the phone, friends to support through hard times even when she was frightened for herself, and who could support and provide encouragement through her own hardships. And lastly, and I am utterly grateful for this, she had several days at least of almost no pain after her last surgery. After so many years of chronic and worsening pain, this was such a blessing that she and I were literally giddy over it.
I miss my mom terribly. I don't know how many years it will be until I see her again, or where my life will go in that time. But I can always look back and remember just how much my mom helped make me who I am today, not as a copy of herself but as a strong individual who will always love her deeply and appreciate all she did and all she gave me.
Thank you.
In case anyone here does wish to attend but had not already spoken to me about it, the service is at 1pm on Saturday, at Irvington Presbyterian Church in Fremont.
Almost a month ago, my biggest cheerleader went away. She was called home because her work was finally done. My mom lived for Richard and me. She was the best mom she knew how to be, and then some, in spite of her mistakes and challenges. She loved us unconditionally, and made sure we knew it at all times. As we both grew up into adults, she was incredibly proud of the choices we made and of the people we had grown into, and she never missed a chance to tell everyone how wonderful we were. I would not be the person I am today without her.
While I was growing up, one of the things Mom always made sure of was that I knew I was loved and appreciated. No matter what I did or however much I might disappoint them, my parents would always love me and be there for me. As I entered my late teens and started to find myself, the reassurance that my parents would care and never turn their backs on me gave me the confidence and security to move outside my comfort zone, meet new people, and even question the assumptions I was raised with. I can't thank Mom enough for being strong and secure enough to allow me to actively challenge her, to grow with me as I grew, and to meet me on an adult level. I was always Mom's precious little girl, but she rarely made the mistake of treating me like a child, and would actively check herself when she did, often apologizing if it had bothered me.
I was so proud of how much Mom grew and continued to grow as a person, as I grew up and became an adult. She wasn't perfect, but she did her honest best to recognize her failings and work on them, in all areas of life. She actively encouraged my own personal growth and awareness, and she was always interested in whatever I needed to talk about. We spent many late nights sitting up and talking, sometimes about important things, sometimes about stupid stuff. She considered her "late night parenting" to be a very serious and important matter.
One of the things I miss most, and will continue to miss the most, is being able to simply pick up my phone and call Mom. She was always happy to hear from me, sometimes just to hear my voice while she was in so much pain she couldn't think straight. Sometimes she would literally ask me to just babble about something inane, because it would ease the pain, knowing I was there. She always wanted to hear what was going on in my life, from challenges at school or work, to the new nail polish I picked up and how awesome it was. She figured out when to listen, and when to give advice, and I always felt better about something after getting a chance to chat with her about it, no matter how big or small it might have been. Yet at the same time she helped me develop the ability to trust my own judgment, and not just rely on hers.
Mom loved being able to talk to me about things, too, especially once I was older. She loved talking about her marriage, and the joy it brought her, and sometimes the pain as well. She loved talking about how she felt about Richard and me, about the challenges she faced raising us, and about how proud she was of how we'd turned out. She and my dad modeled a good marriage for both of us, both the ups and the downs, the joys and the pains, and the fierce love and loyalty they had for each other. Mom never tired of telling me how glad she was that Richard and I had found good partners, and of talking about how our marriages were going.
There are many other things my mom taught me that I simply don't have time to mention in detail. Her faith in God and trust in His guidance and love, her strength in the face of crippling health challenges and hardships that truly frightened her, her devotion to her friends and willingness to be there in every way she could for them, a conscious effort to take joy in the small things in life, in spite of the hardships, all of these were things she modeled beautifully and I can only hope to emulate. I know, from talking to her friends online and everywhere else, and even my friends who only met her once or twice, that she truly was loved by all who got to know her. She was an amazing, wonderful, loving person, and she is deeply missed.
In the end, she had the things that mattered the most to her. She had my dad, with her from the age of 16 until her very last day at 60. She was able to be there to help him through the loss of both his parents, with my grandma passing away only a month earlier than Mom did. She had Richard and me, grown up into strong adults with good spouses and established lives, who kept her involved in our lives and treasured her place there. She had friends to visit and talk to on the phone, friends to support through hard times even when she was frightened for herself, and who could support and provide encouragement through her own hardships. And lastly, and I am utterly grateful for this, she had several days at least of almost no pain after her last surgery. After so many years of chronic and worsening pain, this was such a blessing that she and I were literally giddy over it.
I miss my mom terribly. I don't know how many years it will be until I see her again, or where my life will go in that time. But I can always look back and remember just how much my mom helped make me who I am today, not as a copy of herself but as a strong individual who will always love her deeply and appreciate all she did and all she gave me.
Thank you.
In case anyone here does wish to attend but had not already spoken to me about it, the service is at 1pm on Saturday, at Irvington Presbyterian Church in Fremont.