On the Second Go-Around (1/2)
Title: On the Second Go-Around (1/2)
Rating: pg-13
Disclaimer: Don't own the character or anything, just having fun.
Spoiler: set after episodes 5 and 6
Summary: She didn't want the same with Cindy.
Pairing: Cindy/Lindsay (Women's Murder Club)
A/N:Part 2 will be posted in a few days. Big thank you to sportysmurf for betaing!
On the Second Go-Around
“You’re weird.”
Startled for a moment, she looked up at the person sitting on her porch, seemingly waiting for her. “Why, thank you. It’s nice to see you, too.” Exhausted as she was, she couldn’t help the grin forming on her lips.
“I meant, you’re acting weird,” Cindy corrected her previous statement, fumbling slightly with the car keys in her hands. A brown paper bag was next to her and Lindsay eyed it curiously.
“Again, thank you,” Lindsay replied, sitting down next to her.
“Well, it’s true,” Cindy shrugged, looking at her expectantly; as if Lindsay had invited her there and therefore had now to offer an explanation.
“What are you doing here, Cindy?” There was a slight exasperation in her voice, seeing her quiet time alone going out the window.
Cindy glanced down at her hands, fidgeting even more with her keys. “I just wanted to check up on you,” she answered.
“I’m fine, thanks for coming by.” Lindsay stood up, hoping Cindy would catch her drift. Having her here only meant a lot of questions, quite likely questions she wasn’t ready to answer.
“I brought food,” she quickly interjected, holding up said paper back.
There was such a hopeful sparkle in her eyes, a sheepish smile on her lips that Lindsay simply couldn’t say no. Such innocent enthusiasm was too endearing. It wouldn’t be there forever, not with the jobs they had; Lindsay knew that much. But maybe tonight it was exactly what she needed. She sighed lightly and gestured for Cindy to follow her. The bright smile she received in return spread warmth in her she didn’t want to dissect or even acknowledge.
She watched her walk around the living room, probably trying to figure out if she should sit down or not, the bag of food in one hand, the other still holding onto the car keys just in case. Lindsay hung up her jacket, discarded gun and badge, then joined Cindy.
“You know, you can sit on the couch. It won’t bite.” Lindsay chuckled quietly when she saw the light blush on Cindy’s cheeks.
“Right,” she mumbled, putting the food on the table. “We’ll need plates and stuff, though.”
“On it,” Lindsay replied before disappearing in the kitchen.
Seeing Cindy make herself comfortable on the couch, Lindsay wondered what had brought her here. She couldn’t imagine it was just to check on her, at least not without any questions as follow up to it. Just two days ago, Tom had stood in her living room and she still had a very vivid recollection of how that night had ended. She could only pray that Cindy had no idea about that. She didn’t want to talk about that, or anything else related to that case.
“So, what do you have there?” Lindsay asked when she walked back in, handing a plate over to Cindy.
“Chinese,” Cindy replied, “That good?”
“Yes.” Lindsay smiled at her thankfully, gladly accepting the take out box Cindy was offering her.
Silence filled the room after that. Both were busy eating, Lindsay doing her best not to inspire any kind of conversation because with Cindy that could always lead to a topic she wasn’t about to discuss. And then she would ask relentlessly and finally Lindsay would give in. Lately, it was happening more and more often.
In the corner of her eyes, she could see Cindy shift, pulling one leg up on the couch and settling back further into the cushions. She looked as if she was getting comfortable for the night. Fingers were tapping on one thigh while she was still shoveling food into her mouth with the other and it seemed she was doing her best not to glance in Lindsay’s direction. Coming to that conclusion, she couldn’t help the grin, knowing that when Cindy was trying to avoid things, they were very likely to get her into trouble. Usually with Lindsay.
“So, again, why are you here?” Lindsay broke the silence and waited for Cindy to look up. Secretly, she couldn’t wait to hear what she had done this time.
“Uhm, I just… you know…” she stumbled over her words, wildly gesturing with the unoccupied hand, “Seeing how you were… I guess,” she finished, her skin tone changing to a livelier shade of red.
“Okay.” A smirk grazed Lindsay’s lips, clearly indicating that she wasn’t buying it. Some part of her immensely enjoyed seeing Cindy squirm. “What did you do?” Maybe if she cut to the chase, they would get somewhere.
“Nothing!” Cindy’s eyes went wide open as she claimed her innocence.
Lindsay pointed into the general direction of the food on the table and then looked directly back at her, “So all this here is just for…?” She didn’t finish the rest of the sentence, leaving it open for Cindy to finish. She was bound to cave under her stare at any moment now.
“Is it really that uncommon to spend some time with a friend?”
For you?, Lindsay thought and then added Or me?. “Just a bit,” she shrugged and leaned back, closing her eyes, taking in the silence for as long as it was to last.
“You seem off,” Cindy whispered, an uncertainty accompanying her statement as if she wasn’t sure of her words.
Lindsay kept her eyes closed for just a moment longer, suddenly seeing Cindy squirm wasn’t as enjoying anymore. Roles were reversed now and she wasn’t sure she could keep the secret from Cindy even if she wanted to. She had that way of getting information out of you, willing or not.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Lindsay denied the statement. “Just same old me.”
“Come on, Linz,” Cindy argued softly. “You seemed off during the baby case and after that, you were acting even weirder.”
Sometimes, Cindy’s ability to observe and take in things was unnerving, usually when Lindsay was the object to be watched and analyzed. Damned reporter curiosity. She sat up just a bit straighter, hoping to look at least a bit intimidating towards her friend. Though, she suspected, she had lost that power long ago. If she had ever had it in the first place.
“I’m really fine,” Lindsay sighed, putting the rest of her food back on the table. Her appetite was gone.
Cindy seemed to fight the urge to roll her eyes, “Yes, I can really see that.”
She felt uncomfortable. Cindy actually managed to make her feel uncomfortable while being scrutinized by her. When warm fingers glided over the back of her hand, she all but jumped, hurrying to her feet.
“Beer?” she asked, not even waiting for a reply before almost running into the kitchen.
To keep up the charade, she went for the fridge. She could only guess that she would be able to find said beer in there. If not, she would just have to make up another excuse. Strangely relieved, she found the last two bottles in it, mentally making a note that she would have to go grocery shopping eventually. She closed the door, leaning against it, telling herself she just needed another moment before going back.
Steps coming rapidly closer solved that problem for her. Turning her gaze to Cindy, she took in the worried expression on her face. Wordlessly, she handed her one of the bottles, taking a big sip from her own.
“Look, I’m not here to bother you,” Cindy offered quietly.
“Could have fooled me,” Lindsay muttered in response before she could stop the words from leaving. Seeing Cindy’s face fall, she immediately felt bad about them. “I’m sorry,” she quickly added, bashfully looking down.
“I’m worried about you.” Cindy walked over, speaking softly. “And I’m not the only one.”
“You really don’t have to worry,” Lindsay replied, curiously watching as Cindy’s fingers intertwined with hers, squeezing lightly.
“Something happened,” she continued, “and I guess, I just…I’m here to listen,. If you want.” Cindy shrugged slightly and smiled warmly at her.
“It’s complicated,” Lindsay paused to take another sip from her beer. There was a tiny bit of hope in her that the alcohol would loosen up her inhibitions. Part of her wanted to tell Cindy. A larger part of her wanted to keep everything in, protect her feelings from more harm. For a moment, fear of what Cindy would think if she knew rose up in her but was quickly pushed down again.
“I can do complicated,” Cindy joked and the lightness in her words and voice elicited a smile on her face.
Somehow their intertwined hands had an utter fascination for her, she couldn’t keep her gaze long enough on Cindy before staring down again. Lindsay watched her draw soothing circles on the back of her hand. “I can’t… don’t,” she mumbled after what she was sure had been a few minutes at least, her eyes still cast downward.
She felt Cindy squeeze her hand tightly and looked up again, almost wincing at the concern she saw on her face. She didn’t like having so much attention, even though it was only one person, focused on her. “I’m fine, really,” she repeated again with as much conviction as she could muster.
“Linz,” she sighed, never shifting her stare off Lindsay.
“Don’t even try the ‘laser vision’,” Lindsay replied with a small smirk, “It won’t work on me.”
“Oh, it won’t?” Cindy raised her eyebrows at her.
“Nope, I have way too much experience with it; usually directing it at you,” she pointed out, “I know how to withstand it.”
She saw the grin on her lips and heard the chuckle, trying to look sternly at her with little success. “Yeah, I know.” Cindy turned more serious again. “I can leave if you want me to,” she offered, “As I said, I’m not here to bother you.”
Lindsay felt Cindy’s eyes on her while she waited for her reply. It wasn’t a hard decision. Not really. No matter what she liked to make Cindy believe. “Nope,” she answered quietly, pushing herself away from the fridge and pulling Cindy along with her back to the living room. “You up for a movie?”
“Definitely.” Lindsay just knew Cindy was basically beaming for joy, she didn’t even need to look at her.
“Just one condition.” Lindsay stopped dead in her track and turned around to face her. The sudden change in pace caused a surprised Cindy to bump into her.
Flustered, she took a step back again, a faint blush in her cheeks. “Of course.” She tried to put as much sarcasm as she could into her reply, accompanied by rolling her eyes.
“No more questioning tonight.”
A smile tugged on Cindy’s lips. “I think I can manage that.” Lindsay gave her an odd glance, clearly indicating that she didn’t quite believe her words. “Seriously,” Cindy added and, just for the fun of it, saluted with her unoccupied hand.
“Come on, smartass,” Lindsay groaned, pulling her down on the couch, “What are you up for?”
“No crime or action movies,” Cindy answered strongly.
“I’m not sure I have much else,” Lindsay admitted with a sheepish smile.
Without preamble, Cindy was up again, walking over to the DVD shelf. Just a minute later, Cindy turned around with a huge smirk on her face. Lindsay in return felt like disappearing. “Sleepless in Seattle? Really, Lindsay?” she quipped.
“Whatever,” Lindsay growled and waved her hand dismissively. Maybe she wouldn’t notice Lindsay turning various shades of red. “You wanna stay or mock me?” She gave her another glare, hoping to convey the seriousness of the statement.
“Stay,” Cindy replied without a second thought, yet not able to conceal another laugh.
“Just put it in,” Lindsay sighed. She was resigned to the fact the she would never be able to live this down and she was sure Cindy wouldn’t let her forget about that damn movie. Blackmail would be the way to go.
“As you wish,” Cindy chuckled.
She wanted to say something more but before she could come up with another threat that would have sounded convincing enough, Cindy was back on the couch, letting herself fall back against the cushions just mere inches away from Lindsay. The little distance was unnerving. Oddly enough; a few minutes ago, she had stood there, holding her hand; now it was suddenly too close.
Shifting slightly, she turned her back to the armrest and leaned back, effectively creating some more space between them. There was a small smile on Cindy’s lips, as if she knew what Lindsay was doing, and she felt caught. Not bothering with a reply, Cindy only patted her hand quickly before turning on the movie.
Silence enfolded while both were watching the movie. On Lindsay’s part it was more pretending than anything. Her thoughts continued to drift away as often as her eyes fell on Cindy who looked cutely engrossed in the film. Her fingers were still resting on Lindsay’s hand, lazily moving back and forth, stopping a moment, then started again, then stilled again. Until she started all over again. It was distracting in the least.
Light tingles moved up her arm and Lindsay once more wondered about Cindy’s true intentions for coming over. Right now it felt more like a date than a friend checking up on another. She couldn’t deny that she liked the idea; yet it came at a very unsuitable time. Somehow, the whole thing with Tom made feel even guiltier for whatever reason.
She was still trying to figure things out when her eyes started getting heavy, staying awake becoming a difficult task to achieve. Glancing over at Cindy, she could see her still being fascinated by the story and she deemed it harmless to close her eyes for just a minute, giving herself some rest.
The next time she opened her eyes, the TV was dark and someone was clearly lying on her. She raised her head to look at her, at the same time doing all carefully to not wake her. The heat coming from Cindy’s body was making her dizzy, Cindy’s head resting on her stomach and an arm cradled around her waist. It was a feeling Lindsay knew she could get used to really quickly. A thought more scary than she wanted to admit.
Slowly, she reached out and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen into Cindy’s face behind her ear, trailing her finger softly along her jaw line. When she felt her stir, she immediately retracted her hand.
“What time is it?” Cindy asked, her voice low and raspy and Lindsay wondered if she was even awake enough to fully understand a reply.
“Ten to one,” she responded quietly.
“God,” Cindy groaned, burying her face in Lindsay’s shirt. Something Lindsay found quite endearing, and on top of it, made her nerves flutter, the awareness of Cindy’s body pressed against hers heightened even more.
“Yeah,” Lindsay simply agreed.
“Ugh, I still have to drive home,” she mumbled, her face still against Lindsay’s shirt.
“You could sleep here,” she offered.
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Cindy’s snapped around. Surprise registered on her face and Lindsay wondered what had been so astounding about her words.
“Really?”
Lindsay nodded. “It’s late,” she repeated, “And you can have my bed and I take the couch or vice versa.”
“Right,” Cindy muttered, her eyes wandering to a space above Lindsay’s head.
There was something in the air and she tried to put her finger on it. Silently regarding Cindy, she waited for her to look back down. It never even fully registered with her that, despite the time that had passed after waking up, Cindy was still on top of her with seemingly no intention to move. And it didn’t bother her in the least.
When Cindy finally dropped her gaze again, her expression had changed. It was more assured and certain, a smile appearing. Her hand came up to Lindsay’s face, pressing against her lips before she could ask. And when Cindy slowly leaned down, eyes never leaving hers, her breathing hitched and her heart picked up its pace in anticipation. Finally, Cindy’s mouth replaced her fingers; soft and gentle. Just a few seconds later, she pulled away, stopped by Lindsay’s hands on her hips from moving too far.
Fingers slipped beneath the seam of Cindy’s pants, dragging her back down, pressed flush against Lindsay. One of her hands moved up Cindy’s back to come to a halt at the nape of her neck and she closed the last remaining distance between them. There was nothing chaste about this kiss; intensifying quickly and before Lindsay knew, she granted Cindy’s tongue the access it was seeking.
Her hands traveled to Cindy’s back, slipping beneath the fabric of the shirt and grazing over soft skin. She could feel her shiver and suddenly it clicked and it registered what they were about to do. Flashbacks from two nights ago appeared, bringing along the shame and guilt she had felt the next day to come. Nothing she wanted to have with Cindy. Startled, she quickly pulled her hands back and gently pushed Cindy away. “We can’t do this,” she whispered.
“Why?” Her voice was full with confusion.
“It’s just…” Lindsay closed her eyes as she thought of the best explanation. Unfortunately all she got was, “That’s how my last mistake started.” The moment the words were out, she regretted her phrasing.
As if burnt, Cindy tumbled back right away and she was half way off the couch when Lindsay managed to catch her arm to hold her back. Seeing the hurt look on her face, Lindsay tried rectifying her previous statement. “I didn’t mean it that way,” she hurried to say.
In response, Cindy looked more than skeptical. “Sounded pretty straightforward to me.”
Lindsay pushed herself into a sitting position, still holding tight onto Cindy’s hand, afraid that if she let go, Cindy would be gone before she could set things straight.
“I did something really stupid,” she mumbled, avoiding looking at Cindy, “And I don’t mean now but two days ago.” She felt Cindy sit down again and some tension left her body with a relieved sigh. “I don’t want to make that same mistake with you.”
“What happened?” she asked softly.
“I slept with Tom.”
This time, Lindsay let her pull her hand away, aware that she shouldn’t have expected anything else. “You what?” Cindy blurted out in shock.
“After the case… I just had a weak moment,” she admitted quietly, “I don’t know, it just happened. It was beyond stupid and idiotic and if I could, I would change it. It was a mistake.” She would have rambled on with her explanation but the look on Cindy’s face made her shut up.
With a mix between sadness and utter hurt, she stated, “You’re still in love with him. God, I should have known.”
Quickly, Lindsay reached over and took her hand again, hoping she wouldn’t pull away again. “I’m not,” she assured her, suddenly needing her to see that it was the truth. No matter how much whatever was between them scared her, Cindy coming to the wrong conclusion and shutting her out completely, losing her, was even more frightening. “We have a history and the case hit close to home; it was a mistake out of that.”
She realized that what she just had said probably wakened Cindy’s interest and when she looked at her, she saw the curiosity on her face. “I feel bad about it, and you and me, I don’t want it to be another mistake just because I want to forget and you want to help,” she quickly continued before Cindy had a chance to ask or she would lose her scarce bravery to be honest about her feelings.
“So, what are you and me?” Cindy asked slowly, her thumb rubbing circles on the back of Lindsay’s hand.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” she sighed lightly, followed by a yawn, “I don’t want it to be out of comfort, though,” she admitted.
“Okay,” she nodded.
When Cindy got up, Lindsay felt panic rising in her, scared that she would leave. Maybe she had interpreted things wrong. Then she was pulled upwards, coming to a halt right in front of Cindy. Standing on her toes, she placed a soft kiss on her lips. “It’s late,” she muttered pulling away. “How about we discuss this tomorrow and go sleep now?” She looked up expectantly at Lindsay. Sensing the hesitation, she added, “Just sleep, I promise,” the last part said with a grin.
Reciprocating the smile, Lindsay answered, “Okay,” leading her into the direction of her bedroom.
Rating: pg-13
Disclaimer: Don't own the character or anything, just having fun.
Spoiler: set after episodes 5 and 6
Summary: She didn't want the same with Cindy.
Pairing: Cindy/Lindsay (Women's Murder Club)
A/N:Part 2 will be posted in a few days. Big thank you to sportysmurf for betaing!
On the Second Go-Around
“You’re weird.”
Startled for a moment, she looked up at the person sitting on her porch, seemingly waiting for her. “Why, thank you. It’s nice to see you, too.” Exhausted as she was, she couldn’t help the grin forming on her lips.
“I meant, you’re acting weird,” Cindy corrected her previous statement, fumbling slightly with the car keys in her hands. A brown paper bag was next to her and Lindsay eyed it curiously.
“Again, thank you,” Lindsay replied, sitting down next to her.
“Well, it’s true,” Cindy shrugged, looking at her expectantly; as if Lindsay had invited her there and therefore had now to offer an explanation.
“What are you doing here, Cindy?” There was a slight exasperation in her voice, seeing her quiet time alone going out the window.
Cindy glanced down at her hands, fidgeting even more with her keys. “I just wanted to check up on you,” she answered.
“I’m fine, thanks for coming by.” Lindsay stood up, hoping Cindy would catch her drift. Having her here only meant a lot of questions, quite likely questions she wasn’t ready to answer.
“I brought food,” she quickly interjected, holding up said paper back.
There was such a hopeful sparkle in her eyes, a sheepish smile on her lips that Lindsay simply couldn’t say no. Such innocent enthusiasm was too endearing. It wouldn’t be there forever, not with the jobs they had; Lindsay knew that much. But maybe tonight it was exactly what she needed. She sighed lightly and gestured for Cindy to follow her. The bright smile she received in return spread warmth in her she didn’t want to dissect or even acknowledge.
She watched her walk around the living room, probably trying to figure out if she should sit down or not, the bag of food in one hand, the other still holding onto the car keys just in case. Lindsay hung up her jacket, discarded gun and badge, then joined Cindy.
“You know, you can sit on the couch. It won’t bite.” Lindsay chuckled quietly when she saw the light blush on Cindy’s cheeks.
“Right,” she mumbled, putting the food on the table. “We’ll need plates and stuff, though.”
“On it,” Lindsay replied before disappearing in the kitchen.
Seeing Cindy make herself comfortable on the couch, Lindsay wondered what had brought her here. She couldn’t imagine it was just to check on her, at least not without any questions as follow up to it. Just two days ago, Tom had stood in her living room and she still had a very vivid recollection of how that night had ended. She could only pray that Cindy had no idea about that. She didn’t want to talk about that, or anything else related to that case.
“So, what do you have there?” Lindsay asked when she walked back in, handing a plate over to Cindy.
“Chinese,” Cindy replied, “That good?”
“Yes.” Lindsay smiled at her thankfully, gladly accepting the take out box Cindy was offering her.
Silence filled the room after that. Both were busy eating, Lindsay doing her best not to inspire any kind of conversation because with Cindy that could always lead to a topic she wasn’t about to discuss. And then she would ask relentlessly and finally Lindsay would give in. Lately, it was happening more and more often.
In the corner of her eyes, she could see Cindy shift, pulling one leg up on the couch and settling back further into the cushions. She looked as if she was getting comfortable for the night. Fingers were tapping on one thigh while she was still shoveling food into her mouth with the other and it seemed she was doing her best not to glance in Lindsay’s direction. Coming to that conclusion, she couldn’t help the grin, knowing that when Cindy was trying to avoid things, they were very likely to get her into trouble. Usually with Lindsay.
“So, again, why are you here?” Lindsay broke the silence and waited for Cindy to look up. Secretly, she couldn’t wait to hear what she had done this time.
“Uhm, I just… you know…” she stumbled over her words, wildly gesturing with the unoccupied hand, “Seeing how you were… I guess,” she finished, her skin tone changing to a livelier shade of red.
“Okay.” A smirk grazed Lindsay’s lips, clearly indicating that she wasn’t buying it. Some part of her immensely enjoyed seeing Cindy squirm. “What did you do?” Maybe if she cut to the chase, they would get somewhere.
“Nothing!” Cindy’s eyes went wide open as she claimed her innocence.
Lindsay pointed into the general direction of the food on the table and then looked directly back at her, “So all this here is just for…?” She didn’t finish the rest of the sentence, leaving it open for Cindy to finish. She was bound to cave under her stare at any moment now.
“Is it really that uncommon to spend some time with a friend?”
For you?, Lindsay thought and then added Or me?. “Just a bit,” she shrugged and leaned back, closing her eyes, taking in the silence for as long as it was to last.
“You seem off,” Cindy whispered, an uncertainty accompanying her statement as if she wasn’t sure of her words.
Lindsay kept her eyes closed for just a moment longer, suddenly seeing Cindy squirm wasn’t as enjoying anymore. Roles were reversed now and she wasn’t sure she could keep the secret from Cindy even if she wanted to. She had that way of getting information out of you, willing or not.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Lindsay denied the statement. “Just same old me.”
“Come on, Linz,” Cindy argued softly. “You seemed off during the baby case and after that, you were acting even weirder.”
Sometimes, Cindy’s ability to observe and take in things was unnerving, usually when Lindsay was the object to be watched and analyzed. Damned reporter curiosity. She sat up just a bit straighter, hoping to look at least a bit intimidating towards her friend. Though, she suspected, she had lost that power long ago. If she had ever had it in the first place.
“I’m really fine,” Lindsay sighed, putting the rest of her food back on the table. Her appetite was gone.
Cindy seemed to fight the urge to roll her eyes, “Yes, I can really see that.”
She felt uncomfortable. Cindy actually managed to make her feel uncomfortable while being scrutinized by her. When warm fingers glided over the back of her hand, she all but jumped, hurrying to her feet.
“Beer?” she asked, not even waiting for a reply before almost running into the kitchen.
To keep up the charade, she went for the fridge. She could only guess that she would be able to find said beer in there. If not, she would just have to make up another excuse. Strangely relieved, she found the last two bottles in it, mentally making a note that she would have to go grocery shopping eventually. She closed the door, leaning against it, telling herself she just needed another moment before going back.
Steps coming rapidly closer solved that problem for her. Turning her gaze to Cindy, she took in the worried expression on her face. Wordlessly, she handed her one of the bottles, taking a big sip from her own.
“Look, I’m not here to bother you,” Cindy offered quietly.
“Could have fooled me,” Lindsay muttered in response before she could stop the words from leaving. Seeing Cindy’s face fall, she immediately felt bad about them. “I’m sorry,” she quickly added, bashfully looking down.
“I’m worried about you.” Cindy walked over, speaking softly. “And I’m not the only one.”
“You really don’t have to worry,” Lindsay replied, curiously watching as Cindy’s fingers intertwined with hers, squeezing lightly.
“Something happened,” she continued, “and I guess, I just…I’m here to listen,. If you want.” Cindy shrugged slightly and smiled warmly at her.
“It’s complicated,” Lindsay paused to take another sip from her beer. There was a tiny bit of hope in her that the alcohol would loosen up her inhibitions. Part of her wanted to tell Cindy. A larger part of her wanted to keep everything in, protect her feelings from more harm. For a moment, fear of what Cindy would think if she knew rose up in her but was quickly pushed down again.
“I can do complicated,” Cindy joked and the lightness in her words and voice elicited a smile on her face.
Somehow their intertwined hands had an utter fascination for her, she couldn’t keep her gaze long enough on Cindy before staring down again. Lindsay watched her draw soothing circles on the back of her hand. “I can’t… don’t,” she mumbled after what she was sure had been a few minutes at least, her eyes still cast downward.
She felt Cindy squeeze her hand tightly and looked up again, almost wincing at the concern she saw on her face. She didn’t like having so much attention, even though it was only one person, focused on her. “I’m fine, really,” she repeated again with as much conviction as she could muster.
“Linz,” she sighed, never shifting her stare off Lindsay.
“Don’t even try the ‘laser vision’,” Lindsay replied with a small smirk, “It won’t work on me.”
“Oh, it won’t?” Cindy raised her eyebrows at her.
“Nope, I have way too much experience with it; usually directing it at you,” she pointed out, “I know how to withstand it.”
She saw the grin on her lips and heard the chuckle, trying to look sternly at her with little success. “Yeah, I know.” Cindy turned more serious again. “I can leave if you want me to,” she offered, “As I said, I’m not here to bother you.”
Lindsay felt Cindy’s eyes on her while she waited for her reply. It wasn’t a hard decision. Not really. No matter what she liked to make Cindy believe. “Nope,” she answered quietly, pushing herself away from the fridge and pulling Cindy along with her back to the living room. “You up for a movie?”
“Definitely.” Lindsay just knew Cindy was basically beaming for joy, she didn’t even need to look at her.
“Just one condition.” Lindsay stopped dead in her track and turned around to face her. The sudden change in pace caused a surprised Cindy to bump into her.
Flustered, she took a step back again, a faint blush in her cheeks. “Of course.” She tried to put as much sarcasm as she could into her reply, accompanied by rolling her eyes.
“No more questioning tonight.”
A smile tugged on Cindy’s lips. “I think I can manage that.” Lindsay gave her an odd glance, clearly indicating that she didn’t quite believe her words. “Seriously,” Cindy added and, just for the fun of it, saluted with her unoccupied hand.
“Come on, smartass,” Lindsay groaned, pulling her down on the couch, “What are you up for?”
“No crime or action movies,” Cindy answered strongly.
“I’m not sure I have much else,” Lindsay admitted with a sheepish smile.
Without preamble, Cindy was up again, walking over to the DVD shelf. Just a minute later, Cindy turned around with a huge smirk on her face. Lindsay in return felt like disappearing. “Sleepless in Seattle? Really, Lindsay?” she quipped.
“Whatever,” Lindsay growled and waved her hand dismissively. Maybe she wouldn’t notice Lindsay turning various shades of red. “You wanna stay or mock me?” She gave her another glare, hoping to convey the seriousness of the statement.
“Stay,” Cindy replied without a second thought, yet not able to conceal another laugh.
“Just put it in,” Lindsay sighed. She was resigned to the fact the she would never be able to live this down and she was sure Cindy wouldn’t let her forget about that damn movie. Blackmail would be the way to go.
“As you wish,” Cindy chuckled.
She wanted to say something more but before she could come up with another threat that would have sounded convincing enough, Cindy was back on the couch, letting herself fall back against the cushions just mere inches away from Lindsay. The little distance was unnerving. Oddly enough; a few minutes ago, she had stood there, holding her hand; now it was suddenly too close.
Shifting slightly, she turned her back to the armrest and leaned back, effectively creating some more space between them. There was a small smile on Cindy’s lips, as if she knew what Lindsay was doing, and she felt caught. Not bothering with a reply, Cindy only patted her hand quickly before turning on the movie.
Silence enfolded while both were watching the movie. On Lindsay’s part it was more pretending than anything. Her thoughts continued to drift away as often as her eyes fell on Cindy who looked cutely engrossed in the film. Her fingers were still resting on Lindsay’s hand, lazily moving back and forth, stopping a moment, then started again, then stilled again. Until she started all over again. It was distracting in the least.
Light tingles moved up her arm and Lindsay once more wondered about Cindy’s true intentions for coming over. Right now it felt more like a date than a friend checking up on another. She couldn’t deny that she liked the idea; yet it came at a very unsuitable time. Somehow, the whole thing with Tom made feel even guiltier for whatever reason.
She was still trying to figure things out when her eyes started getting heavy, staying awake becoming a difficult task to achieve. Glancing over at Cindy, she could see her still being fascinated by the story and she deemed it harmless to close her eyes for just a minute, giving herself some rest.
The next time she opened her eyes, the TV was dark and someone was clearly lying on her. She raised her head to look at her, at the same time doing all carefully to not wake her. The heat coming from Cindy’s body was making her dizzy, Cindy’s head resting on her stomach and an arm cradled around her waist. It was a feeling Lindsay knew she could get used to really quickly. A thought more scary than she wanted to admit.
Slowly, she reached out and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen into Cindy’s face behind her ear, trailing her finger softly along her jaw line. When she felt her stir, she immediately retracted her hand.
“What time is it?” Cindy asked, her voice low and raspy and Lindsay wondered if she was even awake enough to fully understand a reply.
“Ten to one,” she responded quietly.
“God,” Cindy groaned, burying her face in Lindsay’s shirt. Something Lindsay found quite endearing, and on top of it, made her nerves flutter, the awareness of Cindy’s body pressed against hers heightened even more.
“Yeah,” Lindsay simply agreed.
“Ugh, I still have to drive home,” she mumbled, her face still against Lindsay’s shirt.
“You could sleep here,” she offered.
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Cindy’s snapped around. Surprise registered on her face and Lindsay wondered what had been so astounding about her words.
“Really?”
Lindsay nodded. “It’s late,” she repeated, “And you can have my bed and I take the couch or vice versa.”
“Right,” Cindy muttered, her eyes wandering to a space above Lindsay’s head.
There was something in the air and she tried to put her finger on it. Silently regarding Cindy, she waited for her to look back down. It never even fully registered with her that, despite the time that had passed after waking up, Cindy was still on top of her with seemingly no intention to move. And it didn’t bother her in the least.
When Cindy finally dropped her gaze again, her expression had changed. It was more assured and certain, a smile appearing. Her hand came up to Lindsay’s face, pressing against her lips before she could ask. And when Cindy slowly leaned down, eyes never leaving hers, her breathing hitched and her heart picked up its pace in anticipation. Finally, Cindy’s mouth replaced her fingers; soft and gentle. Just a few seconds later, she pulled away, stopped by Lindsay’s hands on her hips from moving too far.
Fingers slipped beneath the seam of Cindy’s pants, dragging her back down, pressed flush against Lindsay. One of her hands moved up Cindy’s back to come to a halt at the nape of her neck and she closed the last remaining distance between them. There was nothing chaste about this kiss; intensifying quickly and before Lindsay knew, she granted Cindy’s tongue the access it was seeking.
Her hands traveled to Cindy’s back, slipping beneath the fabric of the shirt and grazing over soft skin. She could feel her shiver and suddenly it clicked and it registered what they were about to do. Flashbacks from two nights ago appeared, bringing along the shame and guilt she had felt the next day to come. Nothing she wanted to have with Cindy. Startled, she quickly pulled her hands back and gently pushed Cindy away. “We can’t do this,” she whispered.
“Why?” Her voice was full with confusion.
“It’s just…” Lindsay closed her eyes as she thought of the best explanation. Unfortunately all she got was, “That’s how my last mistake started.” The moment the words were out, she regretted her phrasing.
As if burnt, Cindy tumbled back right away and she was half way off the couch when Lindsay managed to catch her arm to hold her back. Seeing the hurt look on her face, Lindsay tried rectifying her previous statement. “I didn’t mean it that way,” she hurried to say.
In response, Cindy looked more than skeptical. “Sounded pretty straightforward to me.”
Lindsay pushed herself into a sitting position, still holding tight onto Cindy’s hand, afraid that if she let go, Cindy would be gone before she could set things straight.
“I did something really stupid,” she mumbled, avoiding looking at Cindy, “And I don’t mean now but two days ago.” She felt Cindy sit down again and some tension left her body with a relieved sigh. “I don’t want to make that same mistake with you.”
“What happened?” she asked softly.
“I slept with Tom.”
This time, Lindsay let her pull her hand away, aware that she shouldn’t have expected anything else. “You what?” Cindy blurted out in shock.
“After the case… I just had a weak moment,” she admitted quietly, “I don’t know, it just happened. It was beyond stupid and idiotic and if I could, I would change it. It was a mistake.” She would have rambled on with her explanation but the look on Cindy’s face made her shut up.
With a mix between sadness and utter hurt, she stated, “You’re still in love with him. God, I should have known.”
Quickly, Lindsay reached over and took her hand again, hoping she wouldn’t pull away again. “I’m not,” she assured her, suddenly needing her to see that it was the truth. No matter how much whatever was between them scared her, Cindy coming to the wrong conclusion and shutting her out completely, losing her, was even more frightening. “We have a history and the case hit close to home; it was a mistake out of that.”
She realized that what she just had said probably wakened Cindy’s interest and when she looked at her, she saw the curiosity on her face. “I feel bad about it, and you and me, I don’t want it to be another mistake just because I want to forget and you want to help,” she quickly continued before Cindy had a chance to ask or she would lose her scarce bravery to be honest about her feelings.
“So, what are you and me?” Cindy asked slowly, her thumb rubbing circles on the back of Lindsay’s hand.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” she sighed lightly, followed by a yawn, “I don’t want it to be out of comfort, though,” she admitted.
“Okay,” she nodded.
When Cindy got up, Lindsay felt panic rising in her, scared that she would leave. Maybe she had interpreted things wrong. Then she was pulled upwards, coming to a halt right in front of Cindy. Standing on her toes, she placed a soft kiss on her lips. “It’s late,” she muttered pulling away. “How about we discuss this tomorrow and go sleep now?” She looked up expectantly at Lindsay. Sensing the hesitation, she added, “Just sleep, I promise,” the last part said with a grin.
Reciprocating the smile, Lindsay answered, “Okay,” leading her into the direction of her bedroom.