Grey's Anatomy One-Partner
Title: Aftermath
Author: littleangelmary (Me)
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: She wanted to be okay.
Aftermath
Somehow the building seemed different.
Whenever she had stood in front of the hospital, she had always associated feeling like anxiety, nervousness, happiness and all other kinds of emotions with it. But never plain, simple fear. Then again, before two weeks ago, she had not had any reason to.
She could say with certainty that the day she had to watch that man die in front of her had to be one of the worst days in her life. If not the worst. Now, two weeks later, her time off was over and she was back at work. Or well, right at the moment, she was still in front of the building but at least, she was almost back to work.
And she was supposed to be alright again. After all, two weeks away from the hospital should do it and every time she had been asked in those weeks, she had always said that she was fine. But to be honest, she wasn’t really fine. She was doing okay, she managed to suppress the feelings and every leftover from that day.
But standing right there brought back memories she didn’t want to have.
Taking a deep breath, she took a few steps closer to the building, forcing herself to finally step inside and walk to the locker room. It wasn’t the hospital itself that made her palms sweat and her hands tremble lightly. It was the anticipation of having to walk by the corridor and OR where it had happened that made her delay coming back to work.
When she stepped inside the locker room, she saw the other four interns, already dressed in their scrubs, and Bailey standing there, telling each with which Attending they were today.
“You’re late,” Bailey told her once she saw her but Meredith noticed the usual strict, unfriendly tone missing.
“I’m sorry,” She mumbled in response and gave her an apologizing look.
Bailey nodded and said, “Just hurry. And then you’re with Shepard today.”
It took all Meredith possessed to keep herself from groaning loud. Of course she had to work with him. As is she wasn’t feeling bad enough already.
“You have a problem with that?” Bailey raised an eyebrow at her.
Meredith hurried to shake her head and assure her, “No, no, of course not.”
“Good,” Bailey nodded, “Go find him when you changed.”
‘Great’ Meredith rolled her eyes. Now this would be just an awesome day. Not only had she to keep herself from having a nervous breakdown, no she had also to work with Shepard. After the evening where he came by and told her about their last kiss, she hadn’t been able to get him out of her head again.
And that was bad because he was married and she wasn’t supposed to still have feelings for him. Having finished changing, she left the locker room and searched for Derek. She finally saw him in the CT room, looking at some CTs.
“So,” Meredith said only, making him aware that she had arrived.
“I have a patient for surgery later, I want you to prep him,” Derek told her, not even looking at her, “If you want, you can scrub in.”
“I do want,” Meredith replied, wishing he would at least give her the time of the day to look at her.
“He’s in room 224.” He kept his gaze fixated on the CT.
Meredith contemplated whether she should say something or not and then asked, “Everything okay?”
“Yes, everything’s fine,” He gave her a quick look and turned away again.
“Okay,” She shrugged. Whatever it was, he clearly didn’t want to talk about it with her. Since she had nothing else to say, she went to see and prep the patient. At least she got a surgery today. That was better than nothing. Even if it was with Shepard.
Four hours later, she was wheeling the patient in his gurney towards the OR. During the day she had managed to ignore that she would be in an OR again. No matter how much she wanted a surgery, the thought of walking by that certain area made her feel slightly sick.
Though, she didn’t have much of a choice if she ever wanted to operate again. She sighed quietly as she saw Derek standing at the end of the floor, near the operating room. When he noticed her, he walked to her, giving her a small smile. For the first time that day, he truly seemed to look at her.
“Everything done?” He asked, walking next to her.
“Yes,” Meredith answered quietly.
The closer they got, the more fear crept up inside her. Her hands started to sweat and her heartbeat increased. She now felt physically ill. Why couldn’t she just get over it and on with her life. There was nothing she wanted more.
“Are you okay?” Derek question when he saw her white face.
Interrupted in her thoughts, she looked at him slightly confused, “What? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” He wasn’t really convinced by her reply.
At this moment they arrived at the place where two weeks ago everything had happened. She suddenly stopped and if it had been possible, she probably would have turned even paler. Feeling like throwing up, she turned and quickly walked away, hiding in the nearest linen closet.
As soon as she had closed the door behind her, she sat down on the floor, taking deep breaths to calm herself. Only a few moments later, the was a knock on the door and Derek walked in.
“Meredith,” He said quietly, sitting down next to her.
“I’m sorry,” She replied with a trembling voice, trying to hide her shaking hands.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Derek said warmly and reached over to take her hands, wanting to help her.
“It’s just…what happened…” Meredith sighed lightly. Tears were forming in her eyes and even though it was almost completely dark, he could see them.
“It’s going to be okay,” He promised and leaned over, pulling her in a hug.
At first she tensed a bit, but then she relaxed and leaned in, tightening the embrace. “It was horrible, and I was so scared.” She mumbled into his shirt while tears were slowly making their way down her cheek.
“I know,” Derek replied softly, stroking her hair, “Me too.”
She pulled away lightly and looked at him. “I was so scared I would loose you,” He added, “And I realized that I was still in love with you.”
Her eyes went wide at his declaration, “You love me?”
“Yes,” He nodded smiling,” And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner and made this big mistake.”
Meredith looked at him stunned, “What does that mean?”
“I’m gonna make it right.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead, “I’m gonna talk to Addison.”
“Seriously?” Meredith smiled brightly.
“Yes,” Derek nodded, “You better now? Maybe you should go home a bit early.”
“That’s maybe for the best. Can you find another intern?” She looked at him questioning.
“No problem.” He assured her, “Can I come by later?”
“I’d like that.” Meredith replied happily.
“Good,” Derek kissed her softly and then got up, helping her to do the same.
Together they left the closet and Derek turned to face her, “See you later?”
“See you later.” Meredith nodded.