The Breaking Point
Title: The Breaking Point
Pairing(s): Ohmiya
Rated: PG-13
Genre: Romance, drama, angst, self-harming
Summary: "Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just be happy?"
Note: hi, i'm new at writing fics, so i'm sorry if there are some mistakes! english is not my native language
Big hug and kisses to sho_nyan ! thank you for helping me x3
"Do you know how I feel?” I asked calmly
"Yes, yes I know, jus-” he started, reaching his hands towards me.
"No, you don't.” I can see it from your eyes I thought in my mind as I stepped back, not letting him reach me.
I know that if those hands touch me, I'm going to melt and my escape is ruined. And I need to escape, I can't keep on this anymore, even though I would just love to fall for those beautiful artistic hands.
"I have to go.." I said, as I moved closer to the door.
”No, Don't go!” he pleaded,moving closer to me "Please...stay"
"Sorry, Satoshi” I mumbled. Rushing out of the room,sighing deeply as I heard the door close behind me, quieting my soothed name behind it. I felt the tears building in my eyes as I forced myself to walk forward and not think about the sight of him inside the dressing room. The person who I love. 'It's better this way' i convince myself. Even though, it didn't help.
As I got out of the building, the cold snow, hit on my heated skin, I started to feel those miserable feelings again. 'Why do i feel this way? Why can't i just be happy?' I cried in my head, as I watch the snow falling gracefully from above, 'Why does it hurt so much?' The tears spill onto my warm cheeks.
Finally, after half hour of walking, I reached home. The feeling of coming back home...It was different..The love to return wasn't there. It felt more like cave full of depressed feelings and it didn't matter how much I tried to erase, it came back. No, more like it didn't even leave.
Sighing, I removed my shoes and jacket and moved to kitchen to pour myself a refreshment.
After getting full glass of water on my hand, I walked to the living room, same time trying to ignore my buzzing phone in my pocket. Reaching for the remote and open the T.V, I hoped the idiot would finally end the call. I was quite sure who it would be and i didn't want to talk with him. Not now, not today.
After watching couple commercials, i reached to my phone that hadn't still stopped puzzling. Checking out the name proved that I was right. I made a long sigh and answered, knowing that Satoshi would never hang up, until I answered him.
”Oh-chan...” I said coldly.
”Why did you leave!? I begged you to stay! Why did you leave?” Satoshi started to cry.
"I'm sorry, I'm really tired, i just want to go to sleep” I really didn't feel like to talk. It didn't make me feel any better. No, it made me feel much more worse.
”I'm tired too!” Ohno yelled, ”I'm tired, but I want to be with you, I want to-” he took a shaky breath and continued, "I want to stay close to you"
”Me too, Oh-chan, me too” I said, but I knew he was lying. Why would he want to stay close to me, or spend time with me? He didn't love me, good that he did like me, as a friend, as a best friend, as a band mate, as a brother. But he meant to me so much more. I love him. I love him that it's breaking me apart.
”I'm coming to visit you” Satoshi spoke up.
”What!?” I squeaked,'Oh Satoshi, dear Satoshi, don't do this to me!' I screamed in my mind, with panic.
”I'm coming to visit you and talk with you.” Ohno said with a voice that told you that "There is no way you're going to stop me".
”Yeah right” i sighed. I shouldn't get my hopes up, I know he's not really coming. ”See you soon.” he finally said and closed the phone.
”Satoshi, why do you want to break me?” i cried to the dead phone.
-
I stood up, pushing the phone to my pocket and moving to the bathroom. It really was late and I needed to go shower. Just to relax and maybe getting Satoshi away from my mind. But after looking at the mirror, I knew that it wouldn't work. Seeing the hope in my eyes, the hope for him to really reach out for me.
I started to brush my teeth, not letting myself think about him anymore. After washing my face and changing into my snug pajamas, I didn't know what to do. To not let my brain think about him. I looked up to check the time and recognizing it had been already an hour after the call. Obviously, that phone call didn't mean anything to him.
”I should have known” I whispered and letting the sad angry feelings come to resurface on my heart. Tears and the feeling of wanting to end everything were so strong that I ran back to bathroom and found my razor blade. I watched the blade, where was little bit of old blood left from last month's break down.
'I can't take this anymore!' I thought aloud and dug deep into my wrist, deeper than i have ever before done. Another as deep as the first one, Pain..was the only thing I lived for. I felt the blood gushed out from my wrist. I stopped to sob for awhile, letting the pain flow away, the pain that had been increasing inside my heart.
I heard couple knocks on the front door, but it was far away as my vision started to change black. I felt so weak already that i just let myself drop to the floor, not hearing the door opening and letting the person inside the house. 'Ah, so is this it then?' I asked to myself. 'I'm i finally going to feel peace?' almost crying, feeling the hope of feeling peace.
As I was closing my eyes, I heard the bathroom door open and loud scream of anger from behind it.
”K-KAZU!?"
My eyes widened, but I was too lazy to move my head to look at the person who had rushed inside.
"Oh-chan?” I said softly, surprised and bit happy.
”Nino, why? Why did you do this to yourself? Oh my god, Try to stay awake, I'll call for help” Ohno continued to mumble as he grabbed me and let my head rest on his chest. Hearing his fast heart beat, I closed my eyes. Peaceful
”Oh-chan, you're really here” whispering and letting all the happy feelings flow. I was happy, he didn't lie to me this time, he really had come to me.
”Kazu! don't you dare to close your eyes! Don't you dare to leave me!” he yelled with tears ”Help is coming, just wait! So don't leave me Kazu, don't leave me!”. I opened my eyes and looked straight to his beautiful brown eyes, raised my free hand to touch his cheeks as Ohno had taken the one where the cuts where, pressing it and hoping the blood to stop flowing. I kept staring at them for awhile, mesmerized by their beauty.
”I love you” I whispered. Confessing now, until it was too late. Too late for him to hear. Before, this becomes only a faint memory.
Seeing his shocked face by my words before letting more tears flow, "I love you too" he cried.
"no you don't understand" i tried to explain, "i love you, more than as a friend" and smiled as i finally saw him understanding my words.
"Oh Kazu, I love you too, more than as a friend, So..please..don't..leave me" he confessed desperately and closed the distance, kissing me sweetly. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the taste.
”Your lips..so soft..and..hehe..yummy” I faintly whispered, feeling all the small energy left slipping away. ”Kazu! No, don't you dare to leave me! Fight!” Ohno yelled and shaked me. I couldn't but smile, My eyes started to close.
”Kazunari...don't leave me..Kazu...not yet!” Ohno yelled and stood up with me and moved closer to the door as I began getting weaker and weaker, hoping pain go away and let me finally find peace.
”Thank you” I said once more and letting the darkness wrap around me.
”K-Kazu...Don't..you dare.." Ohno crumbled as my eyes shut closed, medicals finally coming around the corner, "Please...live"