Fic: Get Your Filthy Fingers Out of My Pie
Title: Get Your Filthy Fingers Out of My Pie
Word Count: 3800
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: R/NC-17 IDK?
Summary: Chris gets a tad jealous when someone unexpected shows up at a party and Zach finds it kind of hot.
Warnings: h/c RPS. A slightly bloody Pine with a fluffy ending. And, mean girl!Colton. (eeew, I know, right?) Please don’t read if RPS and/or Colton squicks you.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, none of this is true.
A/N: eefreeboo wondered if Chris would get jealous and possessive over Colton flirting with Zach. My answer is, yes, yes he would. As much as I cannot stand Colton, I also can’t stop writing about him for some reason. The title is taken from “Girl with One Eye” by Florence + the Machine (*shrugs* it has the word pie, I couldn’t resist).
Chris was looking forward to seeing everyone together again. Filming was supposed to start in two days and Zoe had texted the gang that morning for an impromptu party. He’d never been to this club before, but Zoe was probably the most fabulous person he was friends with and managed to get their group a private room cause she knew the owner.
He headed toward the back and down the stairs to the room where the rest of the cast and some returning crew were. He smiled when he saw the familiar faces, some of them greeting him as “Captain” and slapping him on the back. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but soon he could see Zoe and Anton sprawled out on a couch laughing about something. He made his way over and Zoe jumped up to give him a hug and a kiss on each cheek. Anton stood and gave him a friendly wave and Chris noticed with amusement that, this time around, he was actually old enough to legally order drinks himself.
He scanned the room for Zach. Things had heated up pretty quickly between them once Zach was back from New York. There was always an underlying sexual tension to their friendship, a flirtation that manifested when they had been drinking or were left alone. Both of them were too conscientious of their working relationship, and perhaps also too shy, to actually initiate anything. But after spending nearly a year without seeing each other, they exchanged a few meaningful glances in Zach’s living room before Zach timidly confessed that he’d missed Chris. Zach’s lips brushed against his and all the excuses he’d repeated to himself over the last three years wilted and died.
Only a handful of people knew they were together, including the main members of the cast. When they pulled Zoe aside a few weeks ago, she simply rolled her eyes and muttered “obviously” under her breath. Karl was completely confounded: hadn’t they been a couple for years now?
He chatted with Zoe and Anton for a bit before he started looking around for Zach again. Anton must have picked up on it cause he pointed in the direction of a semicircular booth tucked toward the back corner of the room. Chris nodded his thanks and squinted to make out Zach’s form in the booth. He was a few feet away when he stopped in his tracks.
Colton.
What the fuck was he doing here? And why was he sitting in Zach’s lap? And why was Zach letting him? Chris felt a spike of jealousy in his gut.
Chris approached the booth cautiously, raising an eyebrow at John, who was seated across from Zach and Colton. John caught his eye, pressed his lips in a firm line, and shook his head in confusion. When Chris got close enough, John held his hand out and Chris slapped it before they did a fist bump.
“Hey Chris,” Zach greeted him, almost sheepishly.
Chris narrowed his eyes. “Hey.”
He looked at Zach and then pointedly looked at Colton, who was doing his best to pretend like he hadn’t seen Chris. Zach bit his lower lip and reached for his drink. Finally, Colton turned his gaze upward and looked him up and down.
“Oh, hey there. I don’t think we’ve met,” he very nearly cooed. He was perched sideways on Zach, his skinny jean-clad legs hanging off Zach’s lap, one arm around the back of Zach’s neck and the opposite hand on Zach’s shoulder. Chris felt the urge to rub his eyes in case he was seeing things because, really, it was a ridiculous sight. It was as though Zach was the star quarterback and Colton was the pretty head cheerleader. Which would make Chris the slightly less than perfect yet still out of place dorky smart girl vying for Zach’s attention as the underdog love interest. Really, when did his life become an episode of Glee? He blinked and shook his head slightly. That analogy didn’t even make sense cause Zach was a shitty football player. And he wasn’t vying for Zach’s attention. Zach was already his.
He offered the hand that was resting on Zach’s shoulder for Chris to shake. “I’m Colton. I suppose you’re Chris?” he said with faked friendliness.
“Yeah, I’m Chris,” he managed to get out tightly before shooting Zach another look. Colton’s hand returned to Zach’s shoulder and Chris felt the urge to rip the offending arm out its socket and beat him with it. Chris stepped closer and tried to look as intimidating as possible. Zach was his.
“I’m going to get another drink,” John said. “You guys want anything?” he asked Zach and Colton.
“I’m good,” Zach said, as Colton answered, “No thanks.”
John got up and threw his arm around Chris’ shoulders to steer him away from the booth.
“The fuck is going on,” Chris muttered under his breath.
“No idea. Zach showed up and he followed him in like a puppy dog. I thought maybe something happened between you two,” John said as they approached the bar.
“No, not that I know of,” Chris said defensively. “I just talked to him a couple hours ago. I had plans to have dinner at my sister’s and told him I’d meet him here.” He paused and glanced back at the table where Zach was shooing Colton off his lap. “John, really. What. The. Fuck.”
“I don’t know, man!” John shook his head.
Chris knew Zach was a flirt and had seen him use it to his advantage to get what he wanted numerous times, which made this all the more unnerving. The only thing Colton had to offer Zach was, well, Chris wouldn’t believe Zach would consider dating that again. He suddenly felt a rise of panic in his chest. What if this thing with Zach was more casual than he had thought? Chris just sort of assumed they were being exclusive. It was true that they hadn’t really specifically discussed it or named it, but Zach also didn’t object when Chris introduced him as his boyfriend when they ran into one of his college roommates last week at the grocery store.
After a few minutes, Chris and John returned to the booth with their drinks to find Colton laughing merrily at something Zach had said. Chris pursed his lips as Zach reached for his hand. Zach gave him a weak smile and Chris felt the muscle under his eye twitch.
“Scoot,” Chris commanded Zach gruffly, not attempting to hide is annoyance with the whole situation. Zach shifted over so Chris could sit on his other side while John slid in on the other side of Zach’s apparent plus one.
Chris cast a questioning look at Zach. Zach gave him a small shrug and placed a hand on Chris’ knee under the table. He rubbed Chris’ knee apologetically with his thumb. Chris stared intently at Zach, putting his hand on top of Zach’s before trailing it up the inside of Zach’s thigh, cupping his crotch and giving it possessive squeeze before threading his fingers through Zach’s on his own knee. He quirked his eyebrow as Zach sat up a bit straighter.
“I hear they’re shooting Zoe’s action sequence next week. I think I might hang around to watch it. She’s so excited about it,” John spoke up.
“Yeah,” Chris chimed in, thankful for John’s presence and still annoyed with Zach. “She’s been training for a month now.”
“Are you going to win any of your fights scenes this time around? Or do you just get beaten all the time again?” Colton leaned forward to look at Chris.
Chris’ hand paused with his glass halfway to his mouth. He looked at Zach who lifted his eyebrows and glanced over with his eyes wide.
“I win plenty,” Chris answered. He really didn’t want to acknowledge Colton, but Zach was clearly not doing anything to discourage his condescending attitude toward Chris.
“By the way, you’re far more suited to be a blonde. The mousy brown was unfortunate, to be honest. But I get what it’s like to do that kind of stuff for roles.” Chris and John gaped. Zach coughed into his hand. “I really admire your commitment.”
John winced as Chris nearly slammed his glass down.
“Zach, you wanna come with me? I need a cigarette,” Chris grumbled. Zach nodded and slid out of the booth behind Chris.
Colton sighed heavily. “You got a problem?” Chris challenged, his blue eyes blazing.
Feigning innocence, Colton shook his head. “No, it’s just that, smoking is so bad for your complexion. And especially at your age where creases and lines are beginning to show and all...” he shrugged as he trailed off.
“Oh, that’s not,” Zach muttered under his breath at the same time John whistled lowly. Chris was quite sensitive about his skin. It was one thing to read negative criticism about his performances; he could always learn and improve, it was part of acting. But comments about the nature of his complexion and the little acne scars that dotted his cheek were just an unnecessary low blow.
“Why are you even here?” Chris hissed. “Seriously. Cause all you’ve been doing is hitting on my boyfriend. I’ve had enough of you twirling your hair with your skinny ass planted in his lap.”
Colton stood up to face Chris.
Chris took a step into his space. “This is a cast and crew party. Are you part of the cast and crew? No. You’re. Not. And he’s not. Your. Boyfriend. So get the fuck out.”
Several people turned and the room got quieter as Chris’ voice got louder.
Colton smiled sweetly at Chris. “Funny. Zach doesn’t usually like bossy bottoms.”
The shock of his fist connecting with Colton’s jaw didn’t even register until the other man pushed Chris to the ground. He closed his eyes in time to absorb the punch that Colton threw. Chris tried to shove him off, but not before another firm fist collided with his mouth. Scrambling to his knees, Chris yanked Colton toward him by the shirt aimed his punch in the vicinity of his face as John hauled him backwards. Once he was on his feet, he realized that several crew members had formed a barrier between him and Colton.
“Don’t fucking touch what’s not yours!” Chris yelled.
He wiped at his bloody lip and made eye contact with a worried looking Zoe. He averted his eyes for a split second before mouthing an apology in her direction. Chris really did feel awful for causing this scene at her party.
“Come on,” he heard in his ear. He turned to see Zach standing next to him, a nervous and serious look on his face. Chris pulled his arm away when Zach placed a gentle hand on his elbow. “Okay,” Zach said quietly.
John gave him a quick nod as he headed up the small set of steps that led to the rest of the club and then out to the warm night air. Chris could feel Zach behind him the entire time, his thoughts and hands hovering over Chris.
“I’ll drive you home?” Zach asked quietly. Chris nodded and wiped his lip again. He dug out his wallet and handed Zach the valet stub. Briefly, Chris thought that maybe Zach had brought his own car, and then realized that he didn’t really give a shit at this point cause his head was starting to hurt and this was least Zach could do for bringing him and ruining the night.
Chris was thankful for the fact that there were no paparazzi at the moment. In the few minutes it took for them to fetch Chris’ car, his headache had worsened and all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed. The valet’s eyes had widened when he saw Chris, but quickly recovered and remained quiet. Zach opened the passenger side door for him and helped buckle him into the seat. He closed his eyes and felt the slight jarring of the car as Zach got into the driver’s side and settled in before driving off.
The car ride home was silent and Chris didn’t open his eyes until he felt Zach’s hands trying to help him out of the car.
“This isn’t my house,” he said gruffly. “Fuck,” he swore when he noticed his lip was already swollen.
“Come on.”
Chris allowed himself to be guided to Zach’s door. He leaned against the doorframe as Zach unlocked the door. He stumbled inside and felt Zach’s hand on the small of his back. He just wanted to sit, so he headed toward the couch until Noah’s bark echoed through the small house and he dog came bounding up to him. Chris winced and held his hand out unsteadily to pet Noah.
“Noah,” Zach said sternly. “Not now, buddy.” He took Noah by the collar and put him in the spare room.
Chris dropped onto the couch and leaned his head back onto the cushions and closed his eyes. He felt the couch dip next to him when Zach returned minutes later.
“Take this,” Zach whispered and handed him two aspirin and a glass of water. Chris cracked his eyes open and found that the left one would only open halfway. He took the pills and drained the entire glass of water before handing it back to Zach.
His head fell back again and screwed his eyes shut at the constant throbbing. He felt gentle fingers on his chin before a damp washcloth was dabbing around his eye and lips.
“I’m sorry.”
Chris lifted his head and looked at Zach. “You should be.”
“Chris, you didn’t have to punch him,” Zach said quietly as he reached for a bag of frozen peas.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I show up and the little fucker is in your lap. And then he gives me backhanded compliments all night and you just sit there and let me have it. And now you’re all hippie and yoga and about to lecture me about ‘stop the violence, Chris’? You know what, Zach? Fuck you, and fucking fuck, my lip hurts!”
Chris held his head in his hands and felt Zach rubbing circles into his back.
“Just, can you tell me why he was there?” Chris pleaded.
“He called earlier today and wanted to hang out. I told him I was seeing someone but that if he wanted to, he could meet me at the club for Zoe’s thing,” Zach explained and put the frozen vegetables back on the coffee table. “When I got there, he was waiting for me outside. I told him right away that you’d be showing up soon, and I don’t know, he just... he didn’t care and kept flirting. I feel awful.” The guilt in his voice was evident and for a moment Chris felt his anger sway.
“You couldn’t have just told him no? That you’re already seeing someone and maybe, I don’t know, him sitting in your lap is not allowed?” Chris said with biting sarcasm.
Zach exhaled and took his glasses off, revealing his sharp eyebrows. “I know, I should’ve just...” he sighed. “But then you got so jealous,” he confessed softly. “And it was really hot.”
Chris lifted his head and studied Zach with one and a half eyes. “What?”
“When you were... acting all possessive.” Zach met his gaze and looked a bit embarrassed. “I mean, I didn’t think you’d actually get into a fistfight over me. I feel really bad about that part,” he added quickly. “But really, really turned on too.”
Zach reached out and gingerly touched Chris upper lip with his forefinger. He hadn’t seen himself in a mirror yet, but he could tell it was freakishly swollen cause he couldn’t even close his mouth. Zach moved closer and leaned in to kiss the side of Chris’ face that wasn’t slowly bruising. He gently kissed Chris’ lip.
Chris fisted his hand in Zach’s shirt and pushed him back. “I’m your boyfriend, right?” he asked.
Zach look at him in confusion.
“I can’t do casual with you, Zach. I don’t share.” He emphasized the last part and watched as something sparked in Zach’s eyes.
“Yeah, it’s, you’re,” Zach stuttered. “It wasn’t even an option for me.”
Chris pulled him forward again so his lips brushed Zach’s and felt him shiver and gasp. Zach was really enjoying the possessive boyfriend act. “Better stay that way,” he said against Zach’s mouth, his voice dropping an octave.
Zach’s eyes fluttered shut as he moaned. He kissed back, tentatively, not wanting to hurt Chris, who leaned back and stretched out on the couch. His hands rubbed down Chris’ sides as he was pulled down with him. Zach propped himself up with one hand, keeping the other one on Chris’ waist. The hand that Chris was using to grip the front of Zach’s shirt moved up and wrapped around the back of his neck, guiding Zach’s lips over his skin.
They stayed like that for a while, kissing and nipping at each other, testing out what was too painful for Chris’ mouth, until Chris’ hands wandered down to unfasten Zach’s belt. His fingers firmly teased around the zipper, pressing at what was already uncomfortably tight. He managed to shove Zach’s pants halfway down his thighs before sliding a hand underneath the front of his black briefs. “Mine,” Chris whispered against Zach’s mouth. Zach gasped and his arms gave. Chris groaned as he collapsed on him, but enjoyed the effect that he was having on Zach.
Zach sat up a bit and looked down at Chris and saw blue eyes glazed with desire, one barely able to be opened, a purplish red blooming right under his eyebrow. His gaze fell to that panting mouth, even more swollen than usual, the upper left corner fat and pink, a bright red split near the corner. The tip of Chris’ tongue peaked out and Zach growled and leaned forward, licking at that top lip and sucking it into his mouth as Chris moaned loudly and gripped him tighter.
Zach sat back suddenly. “Was that, did I hurt you?” he asked breathlessly.
“What? Get back here,” Chris demanded and pulled at his shoulder until Zach’s hands landed on either side of his head. In the back of his mind, he did find it somewhat endearing that Zach was so concerned about not wanting to hurt him. It wasn’t as if Zach hadn’t been much rougher on him in the bedroom before. But right now, Chris just wanted to watch Zach’s eyes roll to the back of his head, his arms quaking with the effort to hold himself up, as Chris stroked him and rasped obscenities in his ear. It only took a minute before Zach shouted, with a calculated and perfected twist of Chris’ wrist, and he fell again, his shoulder colliding with Chris’ lip.
“Oww, fuck!” Chris yelped.
“Sorry, sorry,” Zach gasped and shifted quickly, removing Chris’ hand in the process.
“Shit, you’re bleeding again,” Zach whispered.
“Really, you should be more concerned about me being still fully clothed,” Chris replied.
Zach nodded. “Yeah, we should fix that,” he answered breathlessly. He took his own shirt off and threw it across the room before his fingers began working at Chris’ jeans, nudging at his hips to slide his pants and boxers off in one swift motion. His mouth descended on Chris, earning a guttural moan followed by keening and more obscenities. Chris glanced down at Zach, dark eyes locked on his, and grasped at the cushions of the couch. He threw his head back as Zach did that thing with his tongue.
Then, suddenly, Zach was gone. Chris’ arms flailed around, trying to figure out what the hell was happening and saw Zach hurrying back with a tube in his hands. Zach barely prepped himself and Chris tried to protest, but Zach was already positioned above him and the next thing Chris knew was the feel of Zach sliding around him. Chris had rarely seen him so enthusiastic, even when Zach was topping. Soon, Chris’ breathing became shallower as that familiar tightness in his belly gave way to lightheadedness. He reached for Zach, wanting him close as he panted Zach’s name.
He felt Zach’s warm hands rubbing lightly under his shirt before Zach shifted next to him and cupped his face. Chris cracked his good eye open.
“Hi,” Zach said quietly. Chris grunted in response. “We should clean your face again and ice it.” He helped Chris sit and then stand up.
“Oww, my face.”
“Ice,” Zach said, reaching for the bag of frozen peas. He grabbed it by the corner and tossed it at Chris. Instead of catching it, Chris let it hit him square in the chest with an icy crunch before it landed on the floor with another crunch. It made Chris giggle.
“Oww!” Chris whined again.
“Ice!” Zach pointed and screeched.
“Okay, bossy bottom!”
Zach laughed and hugged Chris tightly.
A few minutes later, Chris was tucked in bed, leaning back on two pillows with a bag of frozen corn wrapped in a towel pressed to his face. Zach climbed on the bed and knelt next to him for a moment before stretching out beside him, his head resting on Chris’ chest while he rubbed Chris’ stomach.
“I’m sorry,” Zach whispered.
Chris carded his fingers through Zach’s hair and noticed his knuckles were a bit sore.
“I look awful, don’t I?” Chris asked.
“No, you don’t.” He sat up and kissed Chris on his puffy upper lip and gave him a coy smile. “You look like the perfect boyfriend,” Zach finished quietly. He turned off the light and snuggled back into position, hooking a leg over Chris’.
A month later, Chris was scrunched around a little round table with Zoe and John at some premiere party. Zach and Anton approached them with their drinks. Out of the corner of his eye, Chris noticed someone lingering a few tables away. He turned his head a bit and narrowed his eyes when he recognized who it was.
“Zach, thanks for getting my drink for me,” he said loudly.
Zach gave him a little frown. “Yeah, of course.”
Chris reached out and hooked his fingers through Zach’s belt loops and yanked him forward suddenly.
“Whoa.” Half of Zach’s drink splashed onto the floor.
Chris made Zach turn and then pulled him down into his lap. Zach landed with a surprised oof but cooperatively put his arm around Chris’ shoulder to steady himself. Chris removed the drink from Zach’s hand and placed it on the table. With his other hand on Zach’s waist, he tilted his boyfriend’s face toward him and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Zoe gasped and Zach’s eyes went wide before he relaxed into Chris’ embrace.
Chris looked back to where Colton was standing, half hidden behind some decorative plant, and smiled innocently.