Fic: Through Space and Time
Title: Through Space and Time
Word Count: 5400
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: R
Summary: A year in the life of Pinto. Zach finds that being in a relationship with Chris is both easier and harder than he thought it would be.
Warnings: Fluff and sap everywhere with a dash of angst. Oh, and very brief mention of Zach/OMC and Chris/OFC. This RPS, yo. Please don’t it read if it squicks you.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, none of this is true.
A/N: This was inspired by the Glee version of “Faithfully”, originally by Journey, and may or may not be my headcanon. *eyes eefreeboo* Happy 6-month Pinto de Mayo Anniversary to my fellow beans!
It had started during the press tour, somewhere in Europe, Zach wasn’t too clear about which city, exactly. He remembered other details, though, like how Chris had kept leaning into him at the club, how he kept his hand on the small of Zach’s back as they left, and how he blushed and shyly took Zach’s hand and rubbed small circles into his palm as he scooted closer to Zach in the cab. He remembered the disappointment on Chris’ face as Zach gently told him that he didn’t get involved with friends or co-workers. He remembered the way Chris stood petulantly at his door, watching Zach slide the key card in, stubbornly refusing to go to his own room. With a sigh, Zach ushered him in, intending to let Chris pout it out for a few minutes then convincing Chris to leave. He would remember that as the decision that changed everything.
But before he could even construct the bullet points to his argument, Chris’s hands were pulling him close then pushing him up against the wall, those pink lips hovering just a few inches away from his own, and those damn blue eyes pleading with him. Zach exhaled slowly and with his breath left what little will power he had in him.
An hour later, Zach was on his back staring at the ceiling and silently freaking out. It suddenly registered that he’d just kneaded Chris’ ass while sucking the moans right out of Chris’ mouth. Lying on his stomach facing Zach, Chris must have sensed his panic and traced his finger down Zach’s nose and over his lips, gently prodding the corner of his mouth up to mimic a smile. Zach turned his head and found Chris gazing at him affectionately. It was incredibly intimate, but instead of a rising panic, Zach felt an unfamiliar calm wash over him. He fell asleep with Chris’ hand curled around his shoulder.
The first couple mornings, Zach was a bit disoriented by Chris’ warm presence next to him in his bed. It was unusual for anyone to stay the night with Zach, but Chris was a strange comfort. Sometimes Chris would have his backside tucked against Zach’s side, other times he’d have an arm wrapped around his waist, his head resting on Zach’s shoulder.
Chris never asked if he could stay each night, and like the first night, just sort of stayed. He left for his own room only to change or shower. A few days later, somewhere else on the tour, three bottles of Chris’ skin care regimen had appeared discreetly in the corner of Zach’s bathroom counter. Zach was brushing his teeth one morning when he noticed them. With his toothbrush still in his mouth, he picked one of the bottles up and examined it. Chris walked in wearing just boxers, hair sticking up in every direction, and stopped in his tracks when he saw his toner in Zach’s hand.
“Oh. I meant to ask...” Chris began, running a hand through his hair and turning pink.
Zach looked at Chris’ refection through the mirror. He spat out in the sink and rinsed his mouth. “It’s okay,” he said quickly. He should’ve been panicking. He should’ve been panicking that he wasn’t panicking. Turning to face Chris, Zach took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “I mean it, it’s okay,” he repeated.
“Okay,” Chris said with a nod. Zach left the bathroom, giving Chris’ ass a firm and playful slap on the way out.
~*~
The last of their friends had just left Zach’s house and Chris was rinsing out wine glasses and empty beer bottles in the kitchen sink. Zach hung up his suit and made a mental note to have it cleaned before they left for New York. He pulled on pajama pants and an old t-shirt and shuffled out of his bedroom to check on Chris. From the living room, he watched Chris as he hummed softly to himself, rinsing things in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher while haloed by the pastel glow of dawn just peaking through the kitchen window. No one had ever so effortlessly forced themselves into Zach’s space the way Chris did; there wasn’t anyone who really belonged.
“Hey,” Zach said as he walked into the kitchen.
Chris turned and smiled. “Hey. Can you believe it? LA premiere of our little movie? Crazy.” He finished up in the sink and dried off his hands.
“You staying?” Zach asked quietly.
Chris’ rested his hands on Zach’s hips and his eyes darted away. “I’m kind of tired. I don’t think I’d be up for, well,” he shrugged.
Zach nodded. “Me too.” He wrapped his arms around Chris’ shoulders. “Stay anyway?” he whispered.
“Yeah. Okay.”
He woke up around noon to find that Chris was still asleep on his stomach, two fingers hooked innocently inside the elastic of Zach’s pajama pants. Zach turned on his side and watched the rise and fall of his breathing. Chris was imperfect but quite possibly the most beautiful thing Zach had ever seen. He lightly brushed the pads of his fingers down the smooth skin of Chris’ back, ghosting over the sparse dusting of freckles and spots, trying to convince himself that if he had to, he could end things right now and not feel like he was leaving anything behind. Chris gave him a sleepy smile before trying to burrow his face further into his pillow. Zach then poked at Chris until he curled into a ball and started laughing. With a nudge to Chris’ shoulder, Zach rolled him over onto his back and untangled the sheets from Chris’ legs. He kept his eyes on Chris’ face as he kissed down his stomach and worked at the front of the white boxers.
“You’re going to be late for your meeting,” Chris objected.
Zach pulled gently at his waistband. “Lift your hips,” Zach whispered.
A couple hours later, Zach was struggling to focus on whatever Corey was saying to the person on the other end of the conference call. He told himself it was cause he was exhausted from his trip, but really, he just couldn’t stop thinking about the way Chris gasped his name that morning as he came.
~*~
They rushed back to the hotel after the SNL party and changed their clothes. Zach was pulling on a striped t-shirt when he started giggling.
“Let’s go bowling,” he said.
Chris glared at him as he pulled on a pair of grey jeans. “No.”
“C’mon, dude!” Zach whined.
“We’re in New York City! We have hundreds of options and places we can go and you want to go bowling?”
Zach laughed at Chris’ indignation and reached for his hand. “What do you have against bowling?”
“Nothing.” Chris pulled his hand away so he could buckle his belt. “It’s just, this is like the first time where it’s just, you know, just us.”
Something in Zach’s chest fluttered. “It’s like our first date,” he said quietly. He watched Chris blush furiously as he finished dressing. Zach crossed his arms and smirked. “Bowling can be romantic,” he said. “But if you really don’t want to...”
“I didn’t say anything about it being romantic. Or not,” Chris said.
“Then what is it?” Zach challenged with a raised eyebrow. He watched Chris fumble for a reason, licking his lips and splaying his hands before sighing in defeat.
“Okay, it’s not romantic,” Chris finally admitted.
“So how about this. We’ll go bowling tonight cause it’s fun, and when we get back to LA, you get to plan our next date,” Zach offered. For a moment, Chris just stared at him and Zach worried that he’d been a bit presumptuous about landing a second date. “And if it’s anything less than a perfect candlelit and rose petal covered evening, I refuse to put out,” Zach added hurriedly.
Chris cracked a smile. “You’re a moron.”
Two weeks later, Zach came home one night to find Chris busy in his kitchen.
“Hey, man,” Zach greeted him.
“Hey, good timing. Go check out your backyard,” he said with a grin.
Zach gave him a skeptical look. His backyard was currently being renovated, the privacy fence having just been finished earlier in the week, with piles of dirt and sand and overturned broken concrete blocks everywhere. But he nearly gasped as he stepped out the sliding door and saw that Chris had cleared a small space and covered the ground with an old bed sheet, folded in half with the corners held down by rocks. Chris had arranged plates, silverware, a bottle of wine, and two wine glasses on top. He emerged from the house and placed a large bowl in the center. The light from about a dozen candles scattered around the dirt flickered and cast strange shadows on the remains of Zach’s dusty lawn.
“Sorry, no rose petals. And it’s just pasta, but I thought it would be a nice break from eating in restaurants all the time,” Chris said.
Zach watched as Chris poured the wine and handed a glass to him. Chris held his wine glass up to Zach’s.
“To being home.”
“Yeah. To being home,” Zach echoed.
It ended in the early fall, while they were at dinner with Joe and his girlfriend. Zach joked that he’d finally be getting some alone time with Chris leaving for Pittsburgh for a couple months. Chris’s head snapped up and his mouth gaped open, unsure of what to say, but not wanting to make a scene at dinner. The scab had finally been ripped open. Things blew up in the car on the way home.
Summer had flown by happily but by the end of summer, Zach’s insecurities had gotten the best of him. He’d made a couple off-handed comments and half-serious jokes alluding to Chris getting sick of him and leaving him, to which Chris had rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. It was true that Chris had issues with commitment, had had said so himself, and he admitted to feeling smothered sometimes with other people he had been with, but he’d also assured Zach that he’d be honest if he ever thought their relationship was about to take that turn.
Strangely, it was Chris who was constantly co-dependent, wanting to share every free moment with Zach. Not that Zach minded, but it felt too effortless and too comfortable for everything to be right. Zach was hopelessly torn, wanting to both lose himself in Chris, but also wanting to spare himself of heartbreak when the inevitable end occurred. And with Chris he was sure it would be a heartbreak that would ruin him. Here he was at thirty-two, in love for the first time and more terrified than he’d ever been his entire life. He convinced himself it was about self-preservation when he began to slowly push Chris away.
So when Chris showed up the next day to talk, Zach recited the lines from the script he had mentally written for himself. He told Chris that things had gotten too serious too quickly and it would be best if they spend some time on their own. Chris put up a good fight. He yelled and begged, his arms waving wildly and his eyes raging. Zach stood his ground while his heart protested madly, pounding and screaming traitor at him from within his chest. He kept his eyes downcast, knowing that he’d cave if he saw the look on Chris’ face and recognized the brokenness in those wet eyes.
“The worst part about this is, Zach, I can’t even bring myself to hate you right now,” Chris said shakily as he closed the door behind him.
~*~
Months passed and Zach pretended he was fine. Colton wasn’t really a friend as much as he was convenient, and with that firmly in his mind, Zach reinstated his rule of not sleeping with friends. There was only ever one person who was the exception to that rule and, well, Zach thought, he was the exception to a lot of other things. Colton was a pretty face and an eager partner and not much else. They were both okay with that arrangement so long as Colton got photographed a couple times in public with Zach. He was clearly getting the better end of the deal, cause every time Zach ran his hands down Colton’s carefully waxed and chiseled chest, his heart ached and it just reminded him of what he’d given away. Even if Chris didn’t hate him, Zach sort of hated himself.
Of course he knew about Olivia. She was pretty, smart, funny, and apparently Chris was completely smitten with her. Zach sort of hated her too, but it was his own damn fault so he tried to remain mature about it. Chris deserved to be with someone that made him happy, not someone who managed to sabotage the only real and meaningful relationship he’d had because of his own insecurities.
Zach was beyond relieved that John was going be at the Critics Choice Awards. He hadn’t really spoken to Chris since September and wasn’t sure what to expect. He didn’t think Chris would do or say anything purposely hurtful. That just wasn’t part of his character. The worse thing that could happen was if Chris outright ignored Zach the entire night. His hope was that if things got too uncomfortable, John could act as a good buffer.
Chris arrived late and approached the table with a sheepish grin. He nodded at everyone and shook Zach’s hand.
“Captain,” Zach greeted him.
“Hey, man,” Chris replied with a smile.
Still beautiful, Zach thought wistfully.
Within minutes they were laughing and making small talk, as though Zach hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life just a few months ago. They made it through the awards show and afterparty, and the party after the afterparty, and Zach took every opportunity to watch Chris and rememorize every line and curve of his face, knowing that reality would steal him away in a few hours. Chris caught him staring at one point and gave him a slightly questioning look.
Zach swallowed. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I mean, I’m sorry for what happened and the stupid excuses and being selfish and not realizing that I was being selfish.” He felt his face getting hot as the words tumbled out awkwardly. “Thanks for, for not hating me, I guess, cause you have every right to,” he added.
He watched as Chris just stood there, processing what Zach had said, not really looking at anything in particular.
“I’m going to go get another drink,” Chris said and pointed to the bar before walking away.
This is what heartbreak feels like, Zach realized.
Later, they were sitting in the car in silence on their way to Zach’s house after John had been dropped off. Zach was looking out the window, debating whether he should apologize for his earlier apology, when Chris cleared his throat.
“It was Paris. I know you don’t remember. But it was Paris.”
Zach turned to him, his mind reeling. “What was Paris?”
Chris laughed and looked at his hands. “When we first hooked up, you idiot. We were in Paris.”
Zach stared at him, completely speechless. Finally, Chris met his gaze. “It’s also when I first realized I was in love with you. Call me a romantic, but it happened in Paris.” He paused before continuing, “I still am. In love with you, that is. Just so you know.”
And with that, it started again on a January night.
“Are you asleep?” Zach whispered.
“No.”
“Okay, just checking.” He smiled and went back to his book.
They were lying in the grass in Central Park, side by side. Chris was on his back, eyes closed beneath his sunglasses, legs kicked out with his arms folded underneath his head. Zach was on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, knees bent and feet hanging in the air.
Chris had flown in that morning on a red-eye. He pushed his way into Zach’s apartment and launched himself at Zach. Zach was barely able to close his apartment door with Chris’s limbs and hands everywhere on him, while trying to strip himself of his own clothing at the same time.
“Bed, bed, bed, c’mon,” he panted against Zach’s mouth.
His apartment was small, but Zach still ran with Chris in tow to the bedroom. Chris pushed him down onto the plush comforter and climbed on top with an expression of absolute joy.
“God, I missed you,” Zach breathed from under him.
Chris was “too excited to sleep” afterwards and they decided to get breakfast at a local diner before heading over to the park. Zach’s departure for New York had come just as they’d gotten back into the routine of being a couple. During the time they were apart in the fall, Chris and Zach both similarly busied themselves with projects that were now coming together in the spring. They agreed that being apart wouldn’t be easy, but they would give it an honest effort. They called and texted each other every day, but it was nothing like having Chris with him in person.
Chris rolled onto his side, took his sunglasses off and propped his head up with his hand to smile at Zach.
“Hi,” Chris said coyly. He then rolled onto his stomach and stretched out, folding his arms under his head while continuing to stare sideways at Zach with a dopey grin.
Zach dropped his arms and laid his head down too, staring back at Chris. He couldn't help but smirk at Chris’ goofy smile. It only made Chris smile even bigger and soon they were both laughing hysterically at nothing. Zach sobered for a moment and really looked at Chris, who had rolled on his back again and was laughing so hard that his eyes were squeezed shut. He reached out and touched Chris’ shoulder.
“Are you happy?” Zach asked. “With me?”
Chris’ laughter died and he turned his head to face Zach. His expression became serious and thoughtful. “It’s maybe the only time I ever feel like I’m truly myself.”
Zach felt his chest tighten. He pulled himself up and crossed his legs, his hand in his lap. “You make me happier than I think I’ve ever been,” he confessed quietly. Chris reached over and placed his hand on Zach’s knee, rubbing at the denim with his thumb.
~*~
“What’s wrong?” Zach whispered, reaching again for Chris.
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Nothing,” he repeated and curled his hand around the back of Zach’s head, pulling him close for a kiss.
Chris was just in New York the week before, but went back to LA for a couple days before Zach called with the news: it was unofficial, but Heroes was probably going to be cancelled, which meant he would be committed to staying on the east coast until the end of the year for Angels in America. Zach heard Chris drop the phone in his excitement. But then the conversation turned serious and they both admitted they were also disappointed that they would be apart for the foreseeable future. Chris decided to return to New York for another few days. His agent wasn’t exactly happy about it, but Chris agreed to go to some costume ball at the Met while he was there. Whatever, Chris would wear a blue tux if it meant he could see Zach again.
Zach’s fingers skimmed along the hem of his shirt. Chris leaned back just enough to pull his shirt off and immediately Zach’s hands were rubbing across his chest, around his shoulders, down his back.
“God, Chris,” Zach breathed against his neck.
Within a couple minutes, they were a naked and jumbled mess of limbs on Zach’s bed. Again, Chris pulled back. Zach looked up at him. His tongue darted out lick at swollen lips and Zach couldn’t hold back a moan.
“Your mouth is obscene, Chris,” he gasped.
“Fuck yeah,” Chris replied and scooted down Zach’s body.
Moments later, Chris had Zach moaning even louder when his hips began to slow. Zach opened his eyes and shot Chris an accusing look, but Chris wasn’t teasing him.
He moved his hand from where it was gripping Zach’s hip to cup his face. Chris’ eyes were focused on his thumb as it slowly traced the curve of Zach’s lower lip. Zach wrapped his hand around Chris’ wrist as Chris leaned down and reverently kissed down his nose, his jaw, and his cheeks. Zach felt tears stinging the back of his eyes.
“I forgot you have freckles,” Chris murmured.
Zach couldn’t stop watching Chris as he lightly touched and cupped his face.
“Chris,” Zach pleaded and wrapped his legs around Chris’ waist.
He felt Chris push deeper in him and grasp him at the same time. Zach threw his head back as he came, his fingers pressing half-mooned apologies into the skin of Chris’ shoulders. Afterward, he pulled Chris close. He fell asleep with Chris’ head tucked beneath his chin and their long legs tangled together, as his mind counted down May, June, July, August, September...
Sorry to hear about Heroes even though you knew it was going to happen.
thanks. and sorry this means our plans haven’t changed.
~*~
so rehearsals went well?
It was awesome! So excited! I have to keep growing my hair out. I wish you could see it.
wish i could too.
~*~
What are you wearing?
i’m in the park. in the middle of the day. reading.
You didn’t answer my question.
teal tanktop. jean shorts. flip flops. sunglasses. hairband.
That hairband sounds hot. Not so much for the teal tank.
~*~
You sent me a singing telegram?
break a leg on your opening night.
You’re so weird.
i wish i could be there. really. with all my heart.
Wish you were here too.
~*~
i got delayed at a panel. i won’t be able to get there and back in time to get back for my flight out of sd.
Can you fly out of LAX?
i checked the flights. nothing that will get me back in time. i’m so sorry. i truly am.
It’s not your fault. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out next time.
~*~
happy birthday! look, you even got an exclamation point.
I LOVE YOU
i love you too.
I LOVE YOU ZACH
are you drunk already? what’s with the capslock?
I WANT A BLOW JOB
i’m calling you in 5 minutes.
~*~
Vancouver sucks.
don’t say that. it’s a really nice city.
I miss you. Everyone else here brought their significant others.
i miss you too. i’m sorry i can’t be there.
Tom Hardy is short.
okay.
~*~
Kick ass tonight at the opening! You’re going to be awesome! I’m so proud of you! Say hi to Joe!
thanks. i will. it’s going to be fun. have a safe flight back to vancouver. call me when you get in tomorrow?
Love you.
love you.
“Sorry, I really have to go,” Chris whispered as he combed his fingers through Zach’s hair.
Zach groaned and rolled over onto Chris. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that it was still dark out. “Take a later flight,” he mumbled into Chris’ chest.
Chris had shown up unexpectedly two days ago. He arrived in the evening and went straight to the theater to wait in the lobby. Zach almost tripped over himself when he saw Chris standing there with his hands in his pockets, horrifically underdressed for autumn in New York, and smiling widely. Luckily, Zach didn’t have a performance the next day, but the time they had together still went by too quickly.
“This is a later flight. Remember? I was supposed to leave last night,” Chris responded playfully.
With a heavy sigh, Zach pushed himself off Chris and sat up. He watched as Chris got dressed and haphazardly tossed things into his duffle bag.
It had been nearly half a year since they saw each other and they spent the first couple hours that night adjusting to being in each other’s space again. Zach noticed right away that Chris had lost weight. His face was a little less round, making his cheekbones more prominent. Chris had squirmed and whined impatiently under him as Zach’s fingers traced down his firmer tummy and slimmer waist that made his hipbones appear all the more pronounced. His hands smoothed over that dip in the small of Chris’ back and then lower. Well, not everything shrank, Zach had thought with a smirk.
“When will we see each other again?” Zach asked.
“I don’t know, Zach.” Chris frowned. “They might extend filming through the end of December. Maybe not until next year.”
Chris saw Zach nod sadly and rushed over to the bed. “Hey, we’ll be okay,” he said quietly. He took Zach’s hands in his as he sat down.
“Listen, I know in the beginning I told you I wasn’t into this relationship thing. And I wanted to be honest with you at the time, but I think... I’ve been thinking. I didn’t really understand it myself. But there’s always sacrifices, right? What it came down to was that, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice certain things for other people,” he paused. “But with you, Zach... these long months apart... it’s killing me. It’s awful. This sounds stupid, but if I get to see you once every however many months, it’s worth it to me. I’d rather do this with you than be alone. Or be with someone who I can see everyday.”
Zach couldn’t look at him. His throat closed and his eyes filled tears. He’d never been a crier or overly sentimental, but Chris had some sort of power over him. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you. Now is one of those times.”
“Don’t say that.” Chris gave him a lopsided and encouraging smile. “You know we deserve each other.”
~*~
Zach managed to get him a seat into a performance of Angels during the second to last week of its run. Chris waited for him in the lobby afterward, attempting to ignore the not so subtle “oh my god, that’s Chris Pine, it’s so cute that he came to see Zach!” whispers he overheard two girls exchange. After a few minutes, Zach came out, bundled up in his coat and scarf.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Chris returned. He hugged Zach, rubbing his face on the plaid scarf. He pulled away and beamed at Zach. “You were awesome. Like really really awesome. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Zach replied with a laugh. He lowered his voice, ”I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“You were inspiring.”
“You’re trying to make me blush.” Zach smiled. He took a deep breath and looked away. “I’m starving.”
“Me too,” Chris agreed.
Just as they were about to leave, Chris spotted the middle-aged couple who were sitting next to him in the theater. He approached the woman and held up his camera.
“Would you mind, umm, taking a photo for us?” he asked politely. The woman nodded with a smile and took Chris’ camera.
“Oh my god, Chris,” Zach said under his breath, but obliged Chris and stood still for the photo.
The flash went off and Chris happily thanked the woman. “You were terrific. A wonderful performance!” she said to Zach. Zach expressed his thanks as she left with her husband.
“Wait, Zach, stand here,” Chris waved his arm excitedly.
“I’ve already done this,” Zach sighed. “Twice. Once for Joe, and then again for my mom and my aunts--”
“Just, shhhh,” Chris grabbed Zach’s arm by the elbow and steered him in front of a huge poster of Angels in America. “Okay, smile.” Chris held the camera up.
“No.”
“Please?”
Zach sighed again.
“Okay, can you not look annoyed then?”
Zach did his best.
~*~
The last performance of Angels was emotional for the cast and crew. Chris hung around and waited as Zach said goodbye to everyone afterward. They hopped in a cab and Zach all but stumbled into his apartment.
Zach brushed his teeth and shuffled into the bedroom. He yawned and noticed that Chris was hovering around Zach’s bed in a white t-shirt and pajama pants. “You okay?”
“Is this what you always wanted?” Chris asked softly.
Zach flipped the corner of the striped comforter down. “What do you mean?”
Chris looked in the direction of the window and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “You know. New York. Theater. Standing ovations.”
Zach climbed into bed and stretched his legs out under the covers. “Yeah, it’s what I always wanted.” He studied Chris for a minute. “But there are other things, too.”
“And by other things, you mean me, right?”
“Chris, get your ass in bed,” Zach laughed. Chris crawled onto the bed and wiggled his way under the sheets.
“Stop kicking me.”
“I’m trying to get comfortable.” He snuggled up against Zach. “But seriously, you want a home here.”
“I want the option to have a career here,” Zach answered.
He could feel Chris thinking before asking, “That’s not the same thing?”
“I can’t tell you the amount of time I’ve spent in the last year looking up flights from here to LA or Vancouver, calculating how long it would take to get there and back, and paralyzed with indecision and guilt about whether I should click the ‘Book Flight’ button. What if the flight gets canceled? What if there’s a delay? What if I show up and you’re busy and I’m just in the way?”
Chris sat up and turned to Zach. “I’m sorry, I should’ve tried harder,” he said quietly.
“No, I’m not blaming you. I’ve spent the entire last year doing that to myself.” He took Chris’ hand. “I don’t think home is a place I should be constantly trying to leave. If there’s anything I’ve come to realize in the past year, it’s that I could be living here or LA or some arbitrary place, and it wouldn’t matter cause I’d still feel like I’m lost or just going through the motions unless you’re around.”
Chris squeezed his hand and settled closer to Zach.
“It’s always going to be like this for us. One of us will have to be on location at some point,” Zach continued. “And I’m okay with that for a few weeks or even a couple months as long as I get to come home to you.
He felt Chris nod against his shoulder. They stayed silent for a few minutes.
“You feel like home to me,” Zach whispered into his hair. “I’ve been thinking about this. When we get back to LA next week, if you want to, you could move in with me. You don’t have to make any decisions now--”
“Yes,” Chris interrupted. He lifted his head and propped himself on his elbow to beam at Zach.
“You sure? You want to think about it?” Zach grinned.
Chris shook his head. “Can I bring my couch?”
Zach frowned. “I already have a couch, so...”
“What about my desk?” Chris asked.
“The one with the all the band stickers on it? How old are you?”
“And my bookcase? The one that’s being held together by duct tape?"
“Chris, I have plenty of bookshelves.”
“So you’ll think about it?” Chris asked with an enthusiastic nod.
Zach ran his fingers through Chris’ hair and rubbed over his lower lip with his thumb. He could never say no when those endlessly blue eyes were silently pleading with him. “I’ll think about it,” Zach agreed with a sigh and Chris leaned down to kiss him.
He reached over and turned off the lamp and settled back into bed. Chris rearranged himself so that he was half next to and half on top of him. Zach closed his eyes and thought about how he’d foolishly tried to throw this away once, only to realize that they were inextricably tied and it was just a matter of time before they’d come barreling back at one another. No one else in this world could fit as seamlessly into Zach’s life as Chris did, and somehow he was sure the same would be true of the broken and wayward furniture Chris was about bring to his home.
Our home, Zach corrected himself.
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am lost without you
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I’m forever yours
Faithfully
--"Faithfully" by Journey
Word Count: 5400
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: R
Summary: A year in the life of Pinto. Zach finds that being in a relationship with Chris is both easier and harder than he thought it would be.
Warnings: Fluff and sap everywhere with a dash of angst. Oh, and very brief mention of Zach/OMC and Chris/OFC. This RPS, yo. Please don’t it read if it squicks you.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, none of this is true.
A/N: This was inspired by the Glee version of “Faithfully”, originally by Journey, and may or may not be my headcanon. *eyes eefreeboo* Happy 6-month Pinto de Mayo Anniversary to my fellow beans!
It had started during the press tour, somewhere in Europe, Zach wasn’t too clear about which city, exactly. He remembered other details, though, like how Chris had kept leaning into him at the club, how he kept his hand on the small of Zach’s back as they left, and how he blushed and shyly took Zach’s hand and rubbed small circles into his palm as he scooted closer to Zach in the cab. He remembered the disappointment on Chris’ face as Zach gently told him that he didn’t get involved with friends or co-workers. He remembered the way Chris stood petulantly at his door, watching Zach slide the key card in, stubbornly refusing to go to his own room. With a sigh, Zach ushered him in, intending to let Chris pout it out for a few minutes then convincing Chris to leave. He would remember that as the decision that changed everything.
But before he could even construct the bullet points to his argument, Chris’s hands were pulling him close then pushing him up against the wall, those pink lips hovering just a few inches away from his own, and those damn blue eyes pleading with him. Zach exhaled slowly and with his breath left what little will power he had in him.
An hour later, Zach was on his back staring at the ceiling and silently freaking out. It suddenly registered that he’d just kneaded Chris’ ass while sucking the moans right out of Chris’ mouth. Lying on his stomach facing Zach, Chris must have sensed his panic and traced his finger down Zach’s nose and over his lips, gently prodding the corner of his mouth up to mimic a smile. Zach turned his head and found Chris gazing at him affectionately. It was incredibly intimate, but instead of a rising panic, Zach felt an unfamiliar calm wash over him. He fell asleep with Chris’ hand curled around his shoulder.
The first couple mornings, Zach was a bit disoriented by Chris’ warm presence next to him in his bed. It was unusual for anyone to stay the night with Zach, but Chris was a strange comfort. Sometimes Chris would have his backside tucked against Zach’s side, other times he’d have an arm wrapped around his waist, his head resting on Zach’s shoulder.
Chris never asked if he could stay each night, and like the first night, just sort of stayed. He left for his own room only to change or shower. A few days later, somewhere else on the tour, three bottles of Chris’ skin care regimen had appeared discreetly in the corner of Zach’s bathroom counter. Zach was brushing his teeth one morning when he noticed them. With his toothbrush still in his mouth, he picked one of the bottles up and examined it. Chris walked in wearing just boxers, hair sticking up in every direction, and stopped in his tracks when he saw his toner in Zach’s hand.
“Oh. I meant to ask...” Chris began, running a hand through his hair and turning pink.
Zach looked at Chris’ refection through the mirror. He spat out in the sink and rinsed his mouth. “It’s okay,” he said quickly. He should’ve been panicking. He should’ve been panicking that he wasn’t panicking. Turning to face Chris, Zach took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “I mean it, it’s okay,” he repeated.
“Okay,” Chris said with a nod. Zach left the bathroom, giving Chris’ ass a firm and playful slap on the way out.
~*~
The last of their friends had just left Zach’s house and Chris was rinsing out wine glasses and empty beer bottles in the kitchen sink. Zach hung up his suit and made a mental note to have it cleaned before they left for New York. He pulled on pajama pants and an old t-shirt and shuffled out of his bedroom to check on Chris. From the living room, he watched Chris as he hummed softly to himself, rinsing things in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher while haloed by the pastel glow of dawn just peaking through the kitchen window. No one had ever so effortlessly forced themselves into Zach’s space the way Chris did; there wasn’t anyone who really belonged.
“Hey,” Zach said as he walked into the kitchen.
Chris turned and smiled. “Hey. Can you believe it? LA premiere of our little movie? Crazy.” He finished up in the sink and dried off his hands.
“You staying?” Zach asked quietly.
Chris’ rested his hands on Zach’s hips and his eyes darted away. “I’m kind of tired. I don’t think I’d be up for, well,” he shrugged.
Zach nodded. “Me too.” He wrapped his arms around Chris’ shoulders. “Stay anyway?” he whispered.
“Yeah. Okay.”
He woke up around noon to find that Chris was still asleep on his stomach, two fingers hooked innocently inside the elastic of Zach’s pajama pants. Zach turned on his side and watched the rise and fall of his breathing. Chris was imperfect but quite possibly the most beautiful thing Zach had ever seen. He lightly brushed the pads of his fingers down the smooth skin of Chris’ back, ghosting over the sparse dusting of freckles and spots, trying to convince himself that if he had to, he could end things right now and not feel like he was leaving anything behind. Chris gave him a sleepy smile before trying to burrow his face further into his pillow. Zach then poked at Chris until he curled into a ball and started laughing. With a nudge to Chris’ shoulder, Zach rolled him over onto his back and untangled the sheets from Chris’ legs. He kept his eyes on Chris’ face as he kissed down his stomach and worked at the front of the white boxers.
“You’re going to be late for your meeting,” Chris objected.
Zach pulled gently at his waistband. “Lift your hips,” Zach whispered.
A couple hours later, Zach was struggling to focus on whatever Corey was saying to the person on the other end of the conference call. He told himself it was cause he was exhausted from his trip, but really, he just couldn’t stop thinking about the way Chris gasped his name that morning as he came.
~*~
They rushed back to the hotel after the SNL party and changed their clothes. Zach was pulling on a striped t-shirt when he started giggling.
“Let’s go bowling,” he said.
Chris glared at him as he pulled on a pair of grey jeans. “No.”
“C’mon, dude!” Zach whined.
“We’re in New York City! We have hundreds of options and places we can go and you want to go bowling?”
Zach laughed at Chris’ indignation and reached for his hand. “What do you have against bowling?”
“Nothing.” Chris pulled his hand away so he could buckle his belt. “It’s just, this is like the first time where it’s just, you know, just us.”
Something in Zach’s chest fluttered. “It’s like our first date,” he said quietly. He watched Chris blush furiously as he finished dressing. Zach crossed his arms and smirked. “Bowling can be romantic,” he said. “But if you really don’t want to...”
“I didn’t say anything about it being romantic. Or not,” Chris said.
“Then what is it?” Zach challenged with a raised eyebrow. He watched Chris fumble for a reason, licking his lips and splaying his hands before sighing in defeat.
“Okay, it’s not romantic,” Chris finally admitted.
“So how about this. We’ll go bowling tonight cause it’s fun, and when we get back to LA, you get to plan our next date,” Zach offered. For a moment, Chris just stared at him and Zach worried that he’d been a bit presumptuous about landing a second date. “And if it’s anything less than a perfect candlelit and rose petal covered evening, I refuse to put out,” Zach added hurriedly.
Chris cracked a smile. “You’re a moron.”
Two weeks later, Zach came home one night to find Chris busy in his kitchen.
“Hey, man,” Zach greeted him.
“Hey, good timing. Go check out your backyard,” he said with a grin.
Zach gave him a skeptical look. His backyard was currently being renovated, the privacy fence having just been finished earlier in the week, with piles of dirt and sand and overturned broken concrete blocks everywhere. But he nearly gasped as he stepped out the sliding door and saw that Chris had cleared a small space and covered the ground with an old bed sheet, folded in half with the corners held down by rocks. Chris had arranged plates, silverware, a bottle of wine, and two wine glasses on top. He emerged from the house and placed a large bowl in the center. The light from about a dozen candles scattered around the dirt flickered and cast strange shadows on the remains of Zach’s dusty lawn.
“Sorry, no rose petals. And it’s just pasta, but I thought it would be a nice break from eating in restaurants all the time,” Chris said.
Zach watched as Chris poured the wine and handed a glass to him. Chris held his wine glass up to Zach’s.
“To being home.”
“Yeah. To being home,” Zach echoed.
It ended in the early fall, while they were at dinner with Joe and his girlfriend. Zach joked that he’d finally be getting some alone time with Chris leaving for Pittsburgh for a couple months. Chris’s head snapped up and his mouth gaped open, unsure of what to say, but not wanting to make a scene at dinner. The scab had finally been ripped open. Things blew up in the car on the way home.
Summer had flown by happily but by the end of summer, Zach’s insecurities had gotten the best of him. He’d made a couple off-handed comments and half-serious jokes alluding to Chris getting sick of him and leaving him, to which Chris had rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. It was true that Chris had issues with commitment, had had said so himself, and he admitted to feeling smothered sometimes with other people he had been with, but he’d also assured Zach that he’d be honest if he ever thought their relationship was about to take that turn.
Strangely, it was Chris who was constantly co-dependent, wanting to share every free moment with Zach. Not that Zach minded, but it felt too effortless and too comfortable for everything to be right. Zach was hopelessly torn, wanting to both lose himself in Chris, but also wanting to spare himself of heartbreak when the inevitable end occurred. And with Chris he was sure it would be a heartbreak that would ruin him. Here he was at thirty-two, in love for the first time and more terrified than he’d ever been his entire life. He convinced himself it was about self-preservation when he began to slowly push Chris away.
So when Chris showed up the next day to talk, Zach recited the lines from the script he had mentally written for himself. He told Chris that things had gotten too serious too quickly and it would be best if they spend some time on their own. Chris put up a good fight. He yelled and begged, his arms waving wildly and his eyes raging. Zach stood his ground while his heart protested madly, pounding and screaming traitor at him from within his chest. He kept his eyes downcast, knowing that he’d cave if he saw the look on Chris’ face and recognized the brokenness in those wet eyes.
“The worst part about this is, Zach, I can’t even bring myself to hate you right now,” Chris said shakily as he closed the door behind him.
~*~
Months passed and Zach pretended he was fine. Colton wasn’t really a friend as much as he was convenient, and with that firmly in his mind, Zach reinstated his rule of not sleeping with friends. There was only ever one person who was the exception to that rule and, well, Zach thought, he was the exception to a lot of other things. Colton was a pretty face and an eager partner and not much else. They were both okay with that arrangement so long as Colton got photographed a couple times in public with Zach. He was clearly getting the better end of the deal, cause every time Zach ran his hands down Colton’s carefully waxed and chiseled chest, his heart ached and it just reminded him of what he’d given away. Even if Chris didn’t hate him, Zach sort of hated himself.
Of course he knew about Olivia. She was pretty, smart, funny, and apparently Chris was completely smitten with her. Zach sort of hated her too, but it was his own damn fault so he tried to remain mature about it. Chris deserved to be with someone that made him happy, not someone who managed to sabotage the only real and meaningful relationship he’d had because of his own insecurities.
Zach was beyond relieved that John was going be at the Critics Choice Awards. He hadn’t really spoken to Chris since September and wasn’t sure what to expect. He didn’t think Chris would do or say anything purposely hurtful. That just wasn’t part of his character. The worse thing that could happen was if Chris outright ignored Zach the entire night. His hope was that if things got too uncomfortable, John could act as a good buffer.
Chris arrived late and approached the table with a sheepish grin. He nodded at everyone and shook Zach’s hand.
“Captain,” Zach greeted him.
“Hey, man,” Chris replied with a smile.
Still beautiful, Zach thought wistfully.
Within minutes they were laughing and making small talk, as though Zach hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life just a few months ago. They made it through the awards show and afterparty, and the party after the afterparty, and Zach took every opportunity to watch Chris and rememorize every line and curve of his face, knowing that reality would steal him away in a few hours. Chris caught him staring at one point and gave him a slightly questioning look.
Zach swallowed. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I mean, I’m sorry for what happened and the stupid excuses and being selfish and not realizing that I was being selfish.” He felt his face getting hot as the words tumbled out awkwardly. “Thanks for, for not hating me, I guess, cause you have every right to,” he added.
He watched as Chris just stood there, processing what Zach had said, not really looking at anything in particular.
“I’m going to go get another drink,” Chris said and pointed to the bar before walking away.
This is what heartbreak feels like, Zach realized.
Later, they were sitting in the car in silence on their way to Zach’s house after John had been dropped off. Zach was looking out the window, debating whether he should apologize for his earlier apology, when Chris cleared his throat.
“It was Paris. I know you don’t remember. But it was Paris.”
Zach turned to him, his mind reeling. “What was Paris?”
Chris laughed and looked at his hands. “When we first hooked up, you idiot. We were in Paris.”
Zach stared at him, completely speechless. Finally, Chris met his gaze. “It’s also when I first realized I was in love with you. Call me a romantic, but it happened in Paris.” He paused before continuing, “I still am. In love with you, that is. Just so you know.”
And with that, it started again on a January night.
“Are you asleep?” Zach whispered.
“No.”
“Okay, just checking.” He smiled and went back to his book.
They were lying in the grass in Central Park, side by side. Chris was on his back, eyes closed beneath his sunglasses, legs kicked out with his arms folded underneath his head. Zach was on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, knees bent and feet hanging in the air.
Chris had flown in that morning on a red-eye. He pushed his way into Zach’s apartment and launched himself at Zach. Zach was barely able to close his apartment door with Chris’s limbs and hands everywhere on him, while trying to strip himself of his own clothing at the same time.
“Bed, bed, bed, c’mon,” he panted against Zach’s mouth.
His apartment was small, but Zach still ran with Chris in tow to the bedroom. Chris pushed him down onto the plush comforter and climbed on top with an expression of absolute joy.
“God, I missed you,” Zach breathed from under him.
Chris was “too excited to sleep” afterwards and they decided to get breakfast at a local diner before heading over to the park. Zach’s departure for New York had come just as they’d gotten back into the routine of being a couple. During the time they were apart in the fall, Chris and Zach both similarly busied themselves with projects that were now coming together in the spring. They agreed that being apart wouldn’t be easy, but they would give it an honest effort. They called and texted each other every day, but it was nothing like having Chris with him in person.
Chris rolled onto his side, took his sunglasses off and propped his head up with his hand to smile at Zach.
“Hi,” Chris said coyly. He then rolled onto his stomach and stretched out, folding his arms under his head while continuing to stare sideways at Zach with a dopey grin.
Zach dropped his arms and laid his head down too, staring back at Chris. He couldn't help but smirk at Chris’ goofy smile. It only made Chris smile even bigger and soon they were both laughing hysterically at nothing. Zach sobered for a moment and really looked at Chris, who had rolled on his back again and was laughing so hard that his eyes were squeezed shut. He reached out and touched Chris’ shoulder.
“Are you happy?” Zach asked. “With me?”
Chris’ laughter died and he turned his head to face Zach. His expression became serious and thoughtful. “It’s maybe the only time I ever feel like I’m truly myself.”
Zach felt his chest tighten. He pulled himself up and crossed his legs, his hand in his lap. “You make me happier than I think I’ve ever been,” he confessed quietly. Chris reached over and placed his hand on Zach’s knee, rubbing at the denim with his thumb.
~*~
“What’s wrong?” Zach whispered, reaching again for Chris.
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Nothing,” he repeated and curled his hand around the back of Zach’s head, pulling him close for a kiss.
Chris was just in New York the week before, but went back to LA for a couple days before Zach called with the news: it was unofficial, but Heroes was probably going to be cancelled, which meant he would be committed to staying on the east coast until the end of the year for Angels in America. Zach heard Chris drop the phone in his excitement. But then the conversation turned serious and they both admitted they were also disappointed that they would be apart for the foreseeable future. Chris decided to return to New York for another few days. His agent wasn’t exactly happy about it, but Chris agreed to go to some costume ball at the Met while he was there. Whatever, Chris would wear a blue tux if it meant he could see Zach again.
Zach’s fingers skimmed along the hem of his shirt. Chris leaned back just enough to pull his shirt off and immediately Zach’s hands were rubbing across his chest, around his shoulders, down his back.
“God, Chris,” Zach breathed against his neck.
Within a couple minutes, they were a naked and jumbled mess of limbs on Zach’s bed. Again, Chris pulled back. Zach looked up at him. His tongue darted out lick at swollen lips and Zach couldn’t hold back a moan.
“Your mouth is obscene, Chris,” he gasped.
“Fuck yeah,” Chris replied and scooted down Zach’s body.
Moments later, Chris had Zach moaning even louder when his hips began to slow. Zach opened his eyes and shot Chris an accusing look, but Chris wasn’t teasing him.
He moved his hand from where it was gripping Zach’s hip to cup his face. Chris’ eyes were focused on his thumb as it slowly traced the curve of Zach’s lower lip. Zach wrapped his hand around Chris’ wrist as Chris leaned down and reverently kissed down his nose, his jaw, and his cheeks. Zach felt tears stinging the back of his eyes.
“I forgot you have freckles,” Chris murmured.
Zach couldn’t stop watching Chris as he lightly touched and cupped his face.
“Chris,” Zach pleaded and wrapped his legs around Chris’ waist.
He felt Chris push deeper in him and grasp him at the same time. Zach threw his head back as he came, his fingers pressing half-mooned apologies into the skin of Chris’ shoulders. Afterward, he pulled Chris close. He fell asleep with Chris’ head tucked beneath his chin and their long legs tangled together, as his mind counted down May, June, July, August, September...
Sorry to hear about Heroes even though you knew it was going to happen.
thanks. and sorry this means our plans haven’t changed.
~*~
so rehearsals went well?
It was awesome! So excited! I have to keep growing my hair out. I wish you could see it.
wish i could too.
~*~
What are you wearing?
i’m in the park. in the middle of the day. reading.
You didn’t answer my question.
teal tanktop. jean shorts. flip flops. sunglasses. hairband.
That hairband sounds hot. Not so much for the teal tank.
~*~
You sent me a singing telegram?
break a leg on your opening night.
You’re so weird.
i wish i could be there. really. with all my heart.
Wish you were here too.
~*~
i got delayed at a panel. i won’t be able to get there and back in time to get back for my flight out of sd.
Can you fly out of LAX?
i checked the flights. nothing that will get me back in time. i’m so sorry. i truly am.
It’s not your fault. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out next time.
~*~
happy birthday! look, you even got an exclamation point.
I LOVE YOU
i love you too.
I LOVE YOU ZACH
are you drunk already? what’s with the capslock?
I WANT A BLOW JOB
i’m calling you in 5 minutes.
~*~
Vancouver sucks.
don’t say that. it’s a really nice city.
I miss you. Everyone else here brought their significant others.
i miss you too. i’m sorry i can’t be there.
Tom Hardy is short.
okay.
~*~
Kick ass tonight at the opening! You’re going to be awesome! I’m so proud of you! Say hi to Joe!
thanks. i will. it’s going to be fun. have a safe flight back to vancouver. call me when you get in tomorrow?
Love you.
love you.
“Sorry, I really have to go,” Chris whispered as he combed his fingers through Zach’s hair.
Zach groaned and rolled over onto Chris. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that it was still dark out. “Take a later flight,” he mumbled into Chris’ chest.
Chris had shown up unexpectedly two days ago. He arrived in the evening and went straight to the theater to wait in the lobby. Zach almost tripped over himself when he saw Chris standing there with his hands in his pockets, horrifically underdressed for autumn in New York, and smiling widely. Luckily, Zach didn’t have a performance the next day, but the time they had together still went by too quickly.
“This is a later flight. Remember? I was supposed to leave last night,” Chris responded playfully.
With a heavy sigh, Zach pushed himself off Chris and sat up. He watched as Chris got dressed and haphazardly tossed things into his duffle bag.
It had been nearly half a year since they saw each other and they spent the first couple hours that night adjusting to being in each other’s space again. Zach noticed right away that Chris had lost weight. His face was a little less round, making his cheekbones more prominent. Chris had squirmed and whined impatiently under him as Zach’s fingers traced down his firmer tummy and slimmer waist that made his hipbones appear all the more pronounced. His hands smoothed over that dip in the small of Chris’ back and then lower. Well, not everything shrank, Zach had thought with a smirk.
“When will we see each other again?” Zach asked.
“I don’t know, Zach.” Chris frowned. “They might extend filming through the end of December. Maybe not until next year.”
Chris saw Zach nod sadly and rushed over to the bed. “Hey, we’ll be okay,” he said quietly. He took Zach’s hands in his as he sat down.
“Listen, I know in the beginning I told you I wasn’t into this relationship thing. And I wanted to be honest with you at the time, but I think... I’ve been thinking. I didn’t really understand it myself. But there’s always sacrifices, right? What it came down to was that, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice certain things for other people,” he paused. “But with you, Zach... these long months apart... it’s killing me. It’s awful. This sounds stupid, but if I get to see you once every however many months, it’s worth it to me. I’d rather do this with you than be alone. Or be with someone who I can see everyday.”
Zach couldn’t look at him. His throat closed and his eyes filled tears. He’d never been a crier or overly sentimental, but Chris had some sort of power over him. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you. Now is one of those times.”
“Don’t say that.” Chris gave him a lopsided and encouraging smile. “You know we deserve each other.”
~*~
Zach managed to get him a seat into a performance of Angels during the second to last week of its run. Chris waited for him in the lobby afterward, attempting to ignore the not so subtle “oh my god, that’s Chris Pine, it’s so cute that he came to see Zach!” whispers he overheard two girls exchange. After a few minutes, Zach came out, bundled up in his coat and scarf.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Chris returned. He hugged Zach, rubbing his face on the plaid scarf. He pulled away and beamed at Zach. “You were awesome. Like really really awesome. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Zach replied with a laugh. He lowered his voice, ”I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“You were inspiring.”
“You’re trying to make me blush.” Zach smiled. He took a deep breath and looked away. “I’m starving.”
“Me too,” Chris agreed.
Just as they were about to leave, Chris spotted the middle-aged couple who were sitting next to him in the theater. He approached the woman and held up his camera.
“Would you mind, umm, taking a photo for us?” he asked politely. The woman nodded with a smile and took Chris’ camera.
“Oh my god, Chris,” Zach said under his breath, but obliged Chris and stood still for the photo.
The flash went off and Chris happily thanked the woman. “You were terrific. A wonderful performance!” she said to Zach. Zach expressed his thanks as she left with her husband.
“Wait, Zach, stand here,” Chris waved his arm excitedly.
“I’ve already done this,” Zach sighed. “Twice. Once for Joe, and then again for my mom and my aunts--”
“Just, shhhh,” Chris grabbed Zach’s arm by the elbow and steered him in front of a huge poster of Angels in America. “Okay, smile.” Chris held the camera up.
“No.”
“Please?”
Zach sighed again.
“Okay, can you not look annoyed then?”
Zach did his best.
~*~
The last performance of Angels was emotional for the cast and crew. Chris hung around and waited as Zach said goodbye to everyone afterward. They hopped in a cab and Zach all but stumbled into his apartment.
Zach brushed his teeth and shuffled into the bedroom. He yawned and noticed that Chris was hovering around Zach’s bed in a white t-shirt and pajama pants. “You okay?”
“Is this what you always wanted?” Chris asked softly.
Zach flipped the corner of the striped comforter down. “What do you mean?”
Chris looked in the direction of the window and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “You know. New York. Theater. Standing ovations.”
Zach climbed into bed and stretched his legs out under the covers. “Yeah, it’s what I always wanted.” He studied Chris for a minute. “But there are other things, too.”
“And by other things, you mean me, right?”
“Chris, get your ass in bed,” Zach laughed. Chris crawled onto the bed and wiggled his way under the sheets.
“Stop kicking me.”
“I’m trying to get comfortable.” He snuggled up against Zach. “But seriously, you want a home here.”
“I want the option to have a career here,” Zach answered.
He could feel Chris thinking before asking, “That’s not the same thing?”
“I can’t tell you the amount of time I’ve spent in the last year looking up flights from here to LA or Vancouver, calculating how long it would take to get there and back, and paralyzed with indecision and guilt about whether I should click the ‘Book Flight’ button. What if the flight gets canceled? What if there’s a delay? What if I show up and you’re busy and I’m just in the way?”
Chris sat up and turned to Zach. “I’m sorry, I should’ve tried harder,” he said quietly.
“No, I’m not blaming you. I’ve spent the entire last year doing that to myself.” He took Chris’ hand. “I don’t think home is a place I should be constantly trying to leave. If there’s anything I’ve come to realize in the past year, it’s that I could be living here or LA or some arbitrary place, and it wouldn’t matter cause I’d still feel like I’m lost or just going through the motions unless you’re around.”
Chris squeezed his hand and settled closer to Zach.
“It’s always going to be like this for us. One of us will have to be on location at some point,” Zach continued. “And I’m okay with that for a few weeks or even a couple months as long as I get to come home to you.
He felt Chris nod against his shoulder. They stayed silent for a few minutes.
“You feel like home to me,” Zach whispered into his hair. “I’ve been thinking about this. When we get back to LA next week, if you want to, you could move in with me. You don’t have to make any decisions now--”
“Yes,” Chris interrupted. He lifted his head and propped himself on his elbow to beam at Zach.
“You sure? You want to think about it?” Zach grinned.
Chris shook his head. “Can I bring my couch?”
Zach frowned. “I already have a couch, so...”
“What about my desk?” Chris asked.
“The one with the all the band stickers on it? How old are you?”
“And my bookcase? The one that’s being held together by duct tape?"
“Chris, I have plenty of bookshelves.”
“So you’ll think about it?” Chris asked with an enthusiastic nod.
Zach ran his fingers through Chris’ hair and rubbed over his lower lip with his thumb. He could never say no when those endlessly blue eyes were silently pleading with him. “I’ll think about it,” Zach agreed with a sigh and Chris leaned down to kiss him.
He reached over and turned off the lamp and settled back into bed. Chris rearranged himself so that he was half next to and half on top of him. Zach closed his eyes and thought about how he’d foolishly tried to throw this away once, only to realize that they were inextricably tied and it was just a matter of time before they’d come barreling back at one another. No one else in this world could fit as seamlessly into Zach’s life as Chris did, and somehow he was sure the same would be true of the broken and wayward furniture Chris was about bring to his home.
Our home, Zach corrected himself.
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am lost without you
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I’m forever yours
Faithfully
--"Faithfully" by Journey