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littlefuji

(Untitled)

Sep 01, 2009 10:45

Title: Forbidden Fruit
Author: littlefuji
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: One-shot
Genre: Real-life, drama
Pairing: ToraxHiroto
Length (words): 2414
Summary: Usually, they sparkled with indignance and passion - eyes that raised Tora's spirits considerably when they looked into his. But tonight, they were dark with pain - so much of it that it made Tora feel nauseous ( Read more... )

toraxhiroto, fic

Comments 17

beyondtheremix September 1 2009, 03:29:22 UTC

Wow! I liked this very much!
The portrayals of Nao and Tora and Hiroto ^-^!! I like how Hiroto's feeling down but he can feel down and show it around Tora all the same. ahhhh<3 It's the tiny details<33333
thank you ~

littlefuji September 1 2009, 22:24:35 UTC

That means a lot, thank you ;_; ♥

(The comment has been removed)

littlefuji September 1 2009, 22:26:49 UTC

Aw really? I'm flattered my story gets some thought ^///^

Thank you!

kage_no_kodoku September 1 2009, 13:26:22 UTC

Ahh, it's so different from the draft I saw. But not to worry, this is really excellent. I enjoyed reading it a lot, considering ToraPon is not of my usual pairings. And have I mentioned you're a pretty good writer?

PS: I love the cockroach scene, and the end is surprising and sweet. Good job. ^^

littlefuji September 1 2009, 22:29:01 UTC

It is very different, ne? XD ToraPon isn't one of my usual pairings either, I just decided to write it because I was inspired by another fic.

Thank you ♥

bauci September 2 2009, 04:59:46 UTC

Oooo this was really nice. I liked the pace of it. I liked how normal this whole thing sounded, it makes me want to believe in it.

littlefuji September 2 2009, 11:12:14 UTC

Aww thanks :D I'm glad you liked it!

sono_kiseki September 2 2009, 11:45:29 UTC

It's quite good n____n abit of awkward phrasing scattered here and there, but otherwise you did a good job! ♥

littlefuji September 2 2009, 11:50:29 UTC

Oh no! Which parts were awkwardly phrased? D:

sono_kiseki September 2 2009, 11:58:11 UTC

erm, backtrack : There were some phrases that seemed awkward to me, but it probably flows okay with others. XD" I have a weird style of reading/writing.

A tip, though - don't write numbers like 12 13 14 15. It breaks the flow. If the number is small enough, write it out. (twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen). :D

littlefuji September 2 2009, 12:10:28 UTC

Oh haha, I understand that XD; I do too actually. Guess everyone has their own style of reading and writing :3

Okay, I'll keep that in mind! Thank you for reading :D