So Many Questions
Title: So Many Questions
Pairing: Kyusung
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I'm from Ohio...not too many hot korean idols to own or make money of off. So do you think I'm doing that with these boys?...didn't think so
Summary: Is this who I've always been? Or is this version of me all your fault?
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When did I become like this? Was it because of you? Or have I always just been this way and didn't realize it until you came around?
Is it worth asking these questions or am I just wasting time thinking about it?
I can say for certain that it's not my usual self.
Usually I'm so calm and collected, maybe not the happiest person in the world, but people don't question if I'm upset either. Content with life is probably the best way to say it.
But now, something is different. When you're around I find myself strangely happy. And when you're away, I feel depressed for no apparent reason. There seems to be more weight pushing down on me at times when I'm alone. I used to love being alone, but now...I'm almost afraid of it.
That idea of being content is completely gone nowadays. Things that I was happy about, looked forward to seeing or doing, don't interest me anymore and there is no excitement for anything. It all just feels like a bore. And although the things I still disliked still don't interest me, I just find myself not caring about it at all to remind others that I dislike it.
Have I become depressed? Is depression something you can develop out of the blue?
Or maybe it's something else.
Maybe I've fallen in love?
Is that possible?
Would that explain everything?
Is that why you seem to be the cure for everything?
Is it just that everything without you is not worth being excited about? Did you take my excitement away? Did you make it so I could only feel that way when you're around?
Is that fair?
Fair, huh? I'm asking for something to be fair now? I learned long ago that there is no such thing as fairness. So why should I expect anything different when it comes to you?
Can you see this? This is what I have become. And the more I think, the more I am certain that it is your fault.
We met through a mutual friend. You stayed quiet in the corner talking with just a couple close friends where I was hiding away in my room. You didn't know but I could see you and everyone else. Everyone thought I was playing games, but I was really trying to figure you out.
It would have been nice if someone had told me that I was getting in over my head. There was no way to truly understand you. You are too complex, too strange to really know. Years have past since that first day, yet I still don't know what goes on in that head of yours.
So how did I manage to fall for you?
Is it because I couldn't read you like I could read others?
Are you so different that I am just drawn to you unlike any one else?
If I asked you, would you know the answer?
Probably not.
We have gone from being two people who didn't know each other well with a mutual friend to now spending more time together than with that friend. Friends almost expect us to be together now at any given moment.
When did we become so inseparable?
Even if I think back, there is no way to determine it.
I don't know how it happened either. If someone else were to look at us, they would say we have nothing in common.
I'm impatient and want things done my way on my schedule, yet I'm very lazy. But you, you have more patients then anyone else I have met. And you're so quick to get things done, and so willing to help others. You're so giving, and I'm so selfish.
Is this what they mean when they say opposites attract?
Or am I secretly being selfish by liking you and your giving nature?
Would you heed to my every desire? Or would you one day break and become selfish yourself? Would I still feel the same about you afterwards?
Logic wants me to say no, I wouldn't, it just doesn't make sense for me to, because that's me. But something else says yes. That no matter what you do, I'm going to feel this way towards you.
So does that mean that all of this is something that logic can't explain?
Is love logical?
That's the number one question in the world, isn't it?
There are so many questions, yet no answers. Non that either you or I may be able to answer. At least not now. Maybe it's something we figure out as we age. But now when we're still young, I believe it will all stay a mystery.
Though there is one thing I know for certain.
When you tell me those three little words. Those words with so much meaning and weight on them.
When you tell me that you love me,
I'll always respond with:
I love you, Kim Jongwoon.
And suddenly the questions don't matter.
A/N: Don't ask. Seriously I have no idea about this. I get in these strange moods and if the desire to write comes up, stuff like this happens.
Thanks guys for putting up with me even when I write stuff like this.
^^♥