(no subject)
SATurday, October 09, 2004:
The ringing alarm wakes me up at 6:30 am. Blah, today is the day I am taking the SAT REASONING TEST. I keep hitting snooze until my mom forces me to get out of bed. She’s running around all crazy, even more stressed out than me. I grab my number two pencils and all the other junk and drive away from my house. The same house I’d return to an hour and a half later.
Long lines of students outside Beaverton High confirm that I’ve reached the test center. After undergoing a series of weird processes, I finally get to the classroom where I would be taking the SAT. The desk-chair thing is made a little less uncomfortable by sitting on the pillow I brought with me. I’m addicted to that thing, if I can’t sit on it I suffer.
The supervisor is taking a long time issuing all the instructions. By this time I start to become increasingly aware of the environment I am in. Kids squirm nervously in their desks. People are coughing, clearing their throats, and sniffling all around me. It’s disgusting. The atmosphere is stifling. I feel restrained by an invisible force which keeps me silently locked in my seat. Now I am starting to feel slightly claustrophobic.
“Section One” happens to a verbal section. Yay, verbal is funner than math. I start answering the questions, but something is nagging at me in the back of my head. It’s like those cartoons you see with the angel and the devil talking to the character. Except with me, I don’t acknowledge either side as being “good.” My brain is a democracy - thoughts are not oppressed.
So while I am answering the SAT questions, I am struggling to answer another question: Should I even take this thing? This seemingly simple question launches my brain into a fierce debate. The “SAT-taking” portion of my mind is immensely weakened - I struggle to continue with the test, but I am weighed down by the other thoughts in my head. Soon I am thinking in philosophical terms. I interrupt myself to marvel at how the tiniest flicker of thought sparked off this whole thought-process. This reminds me of the idea of Determinism - which I then start thinking about. After about a minute I look down at my test sheet and answer another question: Skillet :: Chef as uh...Hammer :: Carpenter. I move to the next question. I feel so fatigued. I can’t concentrate. I can’t do this.
I put my head down on the desk - still trying to decide if I should take the test or not.
“Idiot,” I think to myself, “Of course you can’t take the rest of the test, your thought process is poisoned.”
“True.”
I get up and tell the supervisor person that I can’t take it and that he should cancel my scores n stuff.
I walk outside feeling good. It’s a relief from that cramped up room. I realize that I need to pee.
I scan the area for passing cars and people. There’s nobody in sight. I take a piss on the side of the building and leave.