I think relationships need to be based on trust. If you find out that you've been lied to for the past 2 years, can you ever really trust that person again? Even if you forgive the person, I think that there will always be a part of you that questions the validity of his word.
They lied for two reasons: 1) they never thought their partner would be able to handle the truth, or were ashamed of the truth. By opening up about the lie, risking their reputation and relationship, they have shown their trust. If the lie was exposed, the premise of being ashamed still applies, and therefore I would still forgive them.
Also, in two years their partner has learned what their significant other is like inside. Who cares about something that may have happened in the past?
If it is something they are doing, like drugs or an affair, this is a different matter entirely. Skeletons in the closet and actions that are continuing even as the lie is exposed are polar opposites in my book... and if it is an action-based lie, that would be much harder for me.
It's all more complicated than being able to say what anyone would do in a given situation. I don't know if you are doubting your original decision or are only asking out of interest, but I still believe that neither decision you make is wrong. In either case, you will hurt. In either case, you will grow. The same for him, and the same for the boys, even if it seems they don't really know what's happening
( ... )
i'd have a really low tolerance, so this would freak me the hell out regardless of what the lie was about - but my response would depend a lot on the what and why of the lie.
Comments 4
Reply
1) they never thought their partner would be able to handle the truth, or were ashamed of the truth. By opening up about the lie, risking their reputation and relationship, they have shown their trust. If the lie was exposed, the premise of being ashamed still applies, and therefore I would still forgive them.
Also, in two years their partner has learned what their significant other is like inside. Who cares about something that may have happened in the past?
If it is something they are doing, like drugs or an affair, this is a different matter entirely. Skeletons in the closet and actions that are continuing even as the lie is exposed are polar opposites in my book... and if it is an action-based lie, that would be much harder for me.
Hope this helps.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment