Don't Forget
OT5/TVXQ
1765 words;
“Why?”
It was the only thing that Yunho could say, feeling as if he’s lost his voice under all the emotions he was feeling at the news. His knuckles had turned white from gripping the phone too tightly. The other person on the line drone on and on in explanation but he wasn’t listening, because there was no explanation enough to justify the absurdity of their action. When the man finished, Yunho shut his phone off without so much as a goodbye, and throw the phone across the room. At that exact moment, Changmin walked in and saw Yunho with his hands fisted at his sides.
“Stop throwing things, I don’t want another wrist injury.” Changmin simply stated as he watched the older man breathe so hard he looks like he might explode any second. But he knows that Yunho’s emotions at the moment are insatiable, and as he saw the other man raised his hand to punch the wall he was there holding his wrist before it made contact. “And it’s not ideal for the both of us to have broken wrists either.”
Yunho looked at him then, his eyes burning with the overflowing emotions ready to combust him. Changmin sighed and, letting go of Yunho’s wrist, reached for his pocket. “Why don’t you go for a drive…to clear your mind” he said, dangling Yunho’s car keys in front of him. Changmin doesn’t say it, but Yunho heard the unspoken. And without as much as a second thought he grabs the keys and made his way out of the apartment.
As the door shut with a slam, Changmin lets go another breath he didn’t know he was holding and sat down heavily on the sofa. He looked up and saw the poster of the five of them hung above the TV set as if mocking him. Lowering his head, Changmin cried silent tears.
It was through Eunhyuk that Yunho got to contact Junsu. “Hello” said the all too familiar husky voice of Junsu. “I need to see Jaejoong” Yunho said without preamble. “Hyung” Junsu sounded shocked, but there was recognition and Yunho can’t help but felt his chest tighten at the sound of his friend’s voice.
“I need to see Jaejoong, Junsu.” He said again, and as always Junsu instantly understood the importance of such matter without Yunho having to explain. “He’s coming over in a few minutes” Junsu said with a knowing tone.
“Okay, I’ll be there in ten.”
Standing outside Junsu’s door made Yunho’s heart race like crazy, adding to the already overflowing emotions he was trying hard to control. It’s been more than a year since he last saw and talk to them. No matter how he long to see them it didn't lessen his feelings of being scared at seeing them now. Carefully, he rings the doorbell and as the sound of the bell reached his ears he felt like running away. But before he could do so, someone opened the door.
Jaejoong.
“Junsu said you were coming over” Jaejoong said as he led Yunho inside the apartment. “Where is he?” Yunho asked as Jaejoong walked ahead of him and went straight to the balcony. The other man reached for a cigarette inside his pockets and lighted it. Leaning against the balcony railings, and facing Yunho, Jaejoong took a drag from his cigarette before answering, “He went out to buy some cat food.”
Yunho stands near the balcony door which wasn’t so far from where Jaejoong was, but he can’t help but feel the distance between them, as if they were oceans and miles apart. He watched as Jaejoong took another drag from his cancer stick and blow smoke into the night air. He still looks like the Jaejoong he knows; he was still gorgeous despite the worn-out look, and although he had lost an inconsiderable amount of weight, as if he was trying to beat Yoochun at it, he still looked healthy. What strikes him most though was the air of maturity around his bestfriend; he looked as if he had just come out from a battlefield, bruised and wounded, but he looked happy. Jaejoong’s eyes sparkled with utter happiness that he can no longer remember when he had last saw from him.
I miss you, was what he wanted to say but instead, “Stop smoking Jaejoong”. The said man looked at him with unreadable expression and then took the ashtray from the floor and put out his cigarette. “Okay” Jaejoong started saying after putting back the ashtray, “I’m all yours now.” And Yunho briefly thought, are you really Jaejoong?, but he knows that wasn’t what Jaejoong meant.
“Your song…they…” Yunho started to say, but he can’t seem to find the right words to explain to Jaejoong what he meant. Years ago, he would never even have to say anything because Jaejoong would have understand, he would know what Yunho wanted to say without having so much as to explain. Words were not needed between them. It had always been like that, but after all the time that has passed he wasn’t sure if that was still the case. So Yunho tried again, looking directly at Jaejoong, “Your song, someone else sang it.”
“I know” Jaejoong said without missing a beat, without taking his eyes off Yunho’s, “the fans have been tweeting me about it.” And for a moment Yunho saw a fleeting smile grace Jae’s lips but it was gone in an instant.
“I wanted to tell them no, but I…I can’t, it’s…”
“It’s okay Yunho.”
“It’s not okay!” Yunho snapped but caught himself, and in a softer voice, “It’s not okay, Jaejoong…that song, it was for-”
“For my mother. I know Yunho, I was the one who wrote the song remember?” Jaejoong said calmly. And it unnerves Yunho, this new calm Jaejoong makes him want to explode or throw things around.
“Why the hell are you so calm about this Jaejoong?!” But Jaejoong just looked at him with an unreadable look on his face.
“Because I won’t be able to think straight if I let my emotions get into my head.” Jaejoong replies, looking straight into Yunho’s eyes, “I’ll lose it…this little piece of sanity that I still have if I don’t keep calm.”
Jaejoong’s words struck Yunho in the pit of his stomach, and he realized that all this time he’s been blinding himself of the reality that Jae is going through a tough time too despite all the façade he wears. “I’m…I’m sorry Jae…it’s just…” Yunho started to explain, lowering his head in resignation. Because the man standing before him is no longer the man his bestfriend was. He should have known that everything is no longer the way they were.
“I understand how you feel Yunho and I appreciate your being pissed off for me about this matter. But that song…” Jaejoong sighed, “I wrote that song for my mother, you know that. And the first time I sung it, I thought of her and all of the things I wish I could give her as a son. When we recorded it, I pour out all my feelings for her in the song. And I know, my heart and my soul know, that…that song belongs to her and me. But when it was out, when the whole world heard it with all our voices together I also know that it was no longer just mine…it became ours, the five of us.”
Yunho looked up at Jaejoong then, and saw the love Jaejoong has in his eyes as the other man continued, “So, I’m not the only one who’s supposed to have a say on this. All five of us should have. Junsu and Yoochun, like you, don’t get what I mean but they agree anyway and said that they didn’t want to hear other people sing it because it’s our song. So how do you and Changmin feel about it?”
Yunho unconsciously smirked at this, and without intending so, sounded sarcastic, “You’re still asking me that?”
Jaejoong just smiled at him, “Yes, because although you’re very pissed off right now, it’s because you feel bad for me. I wanted to know how you, as TVXQ’s leader, feels about it, about other people just singing our songs without permission?”
Yunho was out of words because Jaejoong was right. The anger he was feeling was not his own, it was for Jaejoong, his precious member, who he had tried to forgive all these months. And he felt ashamed because a part of him told him that this anger was directed to the three members too. He felt blaming them for this situation because if they didn’t leave then none of this would’ve happened.
So without looking at Jaejoong and with a sigh he said, “I…I should go.” But when he turned to leave an all too familiar voice sings a familiar song, stopping him in his tracks.
“I’ll become the wind and wrap gently around you.
Right now, I want to fly to a world with you in it.
I want to see you so much, I miss you so much.
I’m waiting for you…don’t forget me.
I’m right here, wasurenaide.”
Jaejoong breathed in the last word, voice so broken that it shakes Yunho up. When he looked back Jaejoong was looking at him, eyes filled with held up tears. And there, he saw his bestfriend again, the same Jaejoong he’s known for almost a decade. And his heart stopped as he heard what Jaejoong whispered into the night.
“When I sing it now…I think of you…”
“Where’s hyung?” Yoochun asked as he entered the all-too-quiet apartment of Junsu and goes straight into the balcony where he was sure Jaejoong was. Leaning against the doorframe of the balcony, he watches the older man’s back as he blew out smoke in the air. Normally, he would’ve joined him and shared that piece of stick but something tells him not this time.
“He went home.” Jaejoong’s voice was hoarse, and Yoochun was sure it wasn’t just because of too much smoking, he knew the man too well to not hear the tears in his voice.
“Hmm…” he hummed in understanding, “get back inside when you’re done, it’s getting cold out here.”
“How did the drive go?” Changmin asked the moment Yunho slumped down on their couch. Walking back from the kitchen he sat down beside him and watched as Yunho looked up at the ceiling and sighed.
“Best drive ever.” Yunho said after a moment, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Yeah, I miss them too.” Changmin whispered.
1765 words;
“Why?”
It was the only thing that Yunho could say, feeling as if he’s lost his voice under all the emotions he was feeling at the news. His knuckles had turned white from gripping the phone too tightly. The other person on the line drone on and on in explanation but he wasn’t listening, because there was no explanation enough to justify the absurdity of their action. When the man finished, Yunho shut his phone off without so much as a goodbye, and throw the phone across the room. At that exact moment, Changmin walked in and saw Yunho with his hands fisted at his sides.
“Stop throwing things, I don’t want another wrist injury.” Changmin simply stated as he watched the older man breathe so hard he looks like he might explode any second. But he knows that Yunho’s emotions at the moment are insatiable, and as he saw the other man raised his hand to punch the wall he was there holding his wrist before it made contact. “And it’s not ideal for the both of us to have broken wrists either.”
Yunho looked at him then, his eyes burning with the overflowing emotions ready to combust him. Changmin sighed and, letting go of Yunho’s wrist, reached for his pocket. “Why don’t you go for a drive…to clear your mind” he said, dangling Yunho’s car keys in front of him. Changmin doesn’t say it, but Yunho heard the unspoken. And without as much as a second thought he grabs the keys and made his way out of the apartment.
As the door shut with a slam, Changmin lets go another breath he didn’t know he was holding and sat down heavily on the sofa. He looked up and saw the poster of the five of them hung above the TV set as if mocking him. Lowering his head, Changmin cried silent tears.
It was through Eunhyuk that Yunho got to contact Junsu. “Hello” said the all too familiar husky voice of Junsu. “I need to see Jaejoong” Yunho said without preamble. “Hyung” Junsu sounded shocked, but there was recognition and Yunho can’t help but felt his chest tighten at the sound of his friend’s voice.
“I need to see Jaejoong, Junsu.” He said again, and as always Junsu instantly understood the importance of such matter without Yunho having to explain. “He’s coming over in a few minutes” Junsu said with a knowing tone.
“Okay, I’ll be there in ten.”
Standing outside Junsu’s door made Yunho’s heart race like crazy, adding to the already overflowing emotions he was trying hard to control. It’s been more than a year since he last saw and talk to them. No matter how he long to see them it didn't lessen his feelings of being scared at seeing them now. Carefully, he rings the doorbell and as the sound of the bell reached his ears he felt like running away. But before he could do so, someone opened the door.
Jaejoong.
“Junsu said you were coming over” Jaejoong said as he led Yunho inside the apartment. “Where is he?” Yunho asked as Jaejoong walked ahead of him and went straight to the balcony. The other man reached for a cigarette inside his pockets and lighted it. Leaning against the balcony railings, and facing Yunho, Jaejoong took a drag from his cigarette before answering, “He went out to buy some cat food.”
Yunho stands near the balcony door which wasn’t so far from where Jaejoong was, but he can’t help but feel the distance between them, as if they were oceans and miles apart. He watched as Jaejoong took another drag from his cancer stick and blow smoke into the night air. He still looks like the Jaejoong he knows; he was still gorgeous despite the worn-out look, and although he had lost an inconsiderable amount of weight, as if he was trying to beat Yoochun at it, he still looked healthy. What strikes him most though was the air of maturity around his bestfriend; he looked as if he had just come out from a battlefield, bruised and wounded, but he looked happy. Jaejoong’s eyes sparkled with utter happiness that he can no longer remember when he had last saw from him.
I miss you, was what he wanted to say but instead, “Stop smoking Jaejoong”. The said man looked at him with unreadable expression and then took the ashtray from the floor and put out his cigarette. “Okay” Jaejoong started saying after putting back the ashtray, “I’m all yours now.” And Yunho briefly thought, are you really Jaejoong?, but he knows that wasn’t what Jaejoong meant.
“Your song…they…” Yunho started to say, but he can’t seem to find the right words to explain to Jaejoong what he meant. Years ago, he would never even have to say anything because Jaejoong would have understand, he would know what Yunho wanted to say without having so much as to explain. Words were not needed between them. It had always been like that, but after all the time that has passed he wasn’t sure if that was still the case. So Yunho tried again, looking directly at Jaejoong, “Your song, someone else sang it.”
“I know” Jaejoong said without missing a beat, without taking his eyes off Yunho’s, “the fans have been tweeting me about it.” And for a moment Yunho saw a fleeting smile grace Jae’s lips but it was gone in an instant.
“I wanted to tell them no, but I…I can’t, it’s…”
“It’s okay Yunho.”
“It’s not okay!” Yunho snapped but caught himself, and in a softer voice, “It’s not okay, Jaejoong…that song, it was for-”
“For my mother. I know Yunho, I was the one who wrote the song remember?” Jaejoong said calmly. And it unnerves Yunho, this new calm Jaejoong makes him want to explode or throw things around.
“Why the hell are you so calm about this Jaejoong?!” But Jaejoong just looked at him with an unreadable look on his face.
“Because I won’t be able to think straight if I let my emotions get into my head.” Jaejoong replies, looking straight into Yunho’s eyes, “I’ll lose it…this little piece of sanity that I still have if I don’t keep calm.”
Jaejoong’s words struck Yunho in the pit of his stomach, and he realized that all this time he’s been blinding himself of the reality that Jae is going through a tough time too despite all the façade he wears. “I’m…I’m sorry Jae…it’s just…” Yunho started to explain, lowering his head in resignation. Because the man standing before him is no longer the man his bestfriend was. He should have known that everything is no longer the way they were.
“I understand how you feel Yunho and I appreciate your being pissed off for me about this matter. But that song…” Jaejoong sighed, “I wrote that song for my mother, you know that. And the first time I sung it, I thought of her and all of the things I wish I could give her as a son. When we recorded it, I pour out all my feelings for her in the song. And I know, my heart and my soul know, that…that song belongs to her and me. But when it was out, when the whole world heard it with all our voices together I also know that it was no longer just mine…it became ours, the five of us.”
Yunho looked up at Jaejoong then, and saw the love Jaejoong has in his eyes as the other man continued, “So, I’m not the only one who’s supposed to have a say on this. All five of us should have. Junsu and Yoochun, like you, don’t get what I mean but they agree anyway and said that they didn’t want to hear other people sing it because it’s our song. So how do you and Changmin feel about it?”
Yunho unconsciously smirked at this, and without intending so, sounded sarcastic, “You’re still asking me that?”
Jaejoong just smiled at him, “Yes, because although you’re very pissed off right now, it’s because you feel bad for me. I wanted to know how you, as TVXQ’s leader, feels about it, about other people just singing our songs without permission?”
Yunho was out of words because Jaejoong was right. The anger he was feeling was not his own, it was for Jaejoong, his precious member, who he had tried to forgive all these months. And he felt ashamed because a part of him told him that this anger was directed to the three members too. He felt blaming them for this situation because if they didn’t leave then none of this would’ve happened.
So without looking at Jaejoong and with a sigh he said, “I…I should go.” But when he turned to leave an all too familiar voice sings a familiar song, stopping him in his tracks.
“I’ll become the wind and wrap gently around you.
Right now, I want to fly to a world with you in it.
I want to see you so much, I miss you so much.
I’m waiting for you…don’t forget me.
I’m right here, wasurenaide.”
Jaejoong breathed in the last word, voice so broken that it shakes Yunho up. When he looked back Jaejoong was looking at him, eyes filled with held up tears. And there, he saw his bestfriend again, the same Jaejoong he’s known for almost a decade. And his heart stopped as he heard what Jaejoong whispered into the night.
“When I sing it now…I think of you…”
“Where’s hyung?” Yoochun asked as he entered the all-too-quiet apartment of Junsu and goes straight into the balcony where he was sure Jaejoong was. Leaning against the doorframe of the balcony, he watches the older man’s back as he blew out smoke in the air. Normally, he would’ve joined him and shared that piece of stick but something tells him not this time.
“He went home.” Jaejoong’s voice was hoarse, and Yoochun was sure it wasn’t just because of too much smoking, he knew the man too well to not hear the tears in his voice.
“Hmm…” he hummed in understanding, “get back inside when you’re done, it’s getting cold out here.”
“How did the drive go?” Changmin asked the moment Yunho slumped down on their couch. Walking back from the kitchen he sat down beside him and watched as Yunho looked up at the ceiling and sighed.
“Best drive ever.” Yunho said after a moment, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Yeah, I miss them too.” Changmin whispered.