"The Night Before He Went Away" - Tony/Ziva
disclaimer: Not mine. Just borrowed them for play. Put them back where they belong.
setting: NCIS, during 7x24 "Rule Fifty-One" and yes, spoilers for the finale. A missing scene that follows "With Benefits" and "Over Troubled Water". Really, they shouldn't have left this one on the cutting room floor... ;)
summary: The night before Ziva's ceremony.
word count: around 1,600
comments & feedback: as always, very much appreciated.
The Night Before He Went Away
In some ways, she isn't really surprised by the knock on her door later that night. In other ways, she is.
Maybe it is just because this is all still new and not how things were between them for the better part of five years. Maybe it is for other reasons. But Tony showing up at her doorstep and looking at her like he does now makes her breath hitch in her throat and her pulse beat faster, and he doesn't have to try very hard to have that effect on her.
She says his name, softly, and just when she wants to smile at him, he meets her gaze, and she realizes that something happened since she saw him at the Yard barely two hours ago.
"What's wrong?" she asks, and he takes a deep breath, his hands clenching for a heartbeat. Then he just steps inside her apartment and reaches for her, and she moves to meet him, out of reflex, because lately it just feels like the right thing to do.
The door falls shut behind him, but he doesn't even notice. He is too wrapped up in kissing her, his hands undoing her buttons at the same time, and she moans when his fingers slip into her blouse and move over her bare skin. She's not used yet to all of this, neither to him wanting her like this, without restraint or hesitation, nor to herself reacting so strongly to his caresses. And so each time he touches her, it feels a bit like trying to ride a wild horse, with no idea what to expect and how soon she would end up on the ground.
They don't even make it to the bed this time, and he takes her in heated urgency on the living room floor while their clothes scatter all over the carpet. And Ziva can't help but follow his lead, can't help clinging to him and gasping into his mouth while he makes her come and rides the wave with her.
*** *** ***
His hand, brushing up and down her bare back, is soothing and unnerving at the same time. She loves it when he touches her, when he explores her body leisurely like this, and yet, it feels so weird... mostly because it is such an unexpectedly natural thing, after all. They do work well together without words, in all regards of their partnership.
Tonight she feels his restless tension, though, feels it in the way he keeps his arm around her shoulders, the way he runs the tips of his fingers down her arm until she gets goose bumps. He still hasn't said a word since she opened the door, and by now she actually starts to gets nervous.
"What is going on, Tony?" she asks, propping herself up on one elbow so she can look at his face.
He hesitates, and she already knows he can't tell her before he meets her eyes, and that makes her frown. She wants to say something, but before she can think of the right something, he opens his mouth.
"I can't be there tomorrow."
His hand keeps running up and down her back, but it feels different now, slightly tense because he waits for her reaction. Waits for her anger and for the questions he can't answer.
She gives him neither of these. She is Ziva, after all, and Ziva has never been like other women. Ziva understands obligations and orders better than anyone else, and Ziva knows that Vance has called him back for a reason. She suspected it before. Now she knows.
"Well," she says eventually, forming the words slowly because despite her understanding she is not sure if her voice will play along. "You will be there in thought, at least."
Something uneasy stirs in him, ripples the surface, and he rolls to his side, facing her.
"I can't even promise you that."
She feels strange, unsettled, maybe because it is still so new that they started speaking their mind with each other... maybe, though, because his words make her worry. She tries not to show her concern and turns to her side, too, so she can rest against his chest. She raises her arm and slings it around his neck, running her fingers through his already ruffled hair. Her throat tightens up, but she still shrugs slightly and says, "You will be back."
There is no answer, and her eyes widen while her hand in his hair stills. "Tony..."
Panic rises in her at the way he looks at her, and she fights the urge to scream and hit him because this shouldn't be happening, it can't be happening, not when they finally found a way to deal with each other.
He sighs and leans closer, then presses his lips to her temple. "Just... I don't want to break another promise."
She breathes deeply. Wants to cling to him and not let go. Wants to step back in time and undo the past two weeks, right up to the point where this wouldn't have twisted a knife in her gut.
All she says is, though, "You can promise to try."
He looks at her quietly, his expression shaken, much like she feels herself by now. He nods, still silent, and then he pulls her into an embrace that is just for comfort this time, for closeness, not for lust. She closes her eyes and presses her face into the curve of his neck, and there is this one moment when she almost cries. Almost.
"It would have been... nice to have you there," she says, breathing out, and it feels weird to admit that she wants him around instead of merely expecting him to be.
He raises a hand and pushes her hair back, watching her. His eyes narrow when he sees the disappointment she tries to hide, and she shakes her head at his expression, trying to get her composure back. She fails, because for a lot of reasons it has become hard to hide things from him lately, and so he smiles at her in that smooth way that makes her knees weak, and then he kisses her again and offers that she could practice her oath on him, after all.
"I do not need to practice," she says, frowning at him despite the fact that she knows he just wants to yank her chain and distract her.
He chuckles at her reaction. "Are you sure? Wouldn't want you to drop a few important bits out in the heat of the moment, my irritating alien. You should give me a dry run, really."
She hesitates, even though the idea sends wild flutters through her stomach, and he draws back to watch her, a grin making his mouth curve and his eyes sparkle. "Come on, Ziva, can't be that hard. Just repeat after me - 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good'..."
"You might want to check the one you took," she frowns at him, and he snickers. "It would seem that there are different ones in use...?"
He just smiles at her some more and runs his hand down her side, and that turns the situation into one of those moments that make her calm down and focus again, just like that.
"I hereby declare," she mumbles while she watches him, holding his gaze, "on oath..." The words don't come as easily as she thought they would, and maybe the dry run wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Her voice stops shaking halfway through the oath, and maybe that is because he looks at her so intently now. She tries out which words hold the most meaning for her, and it is ridiculously easy to meet his eyes when she says that she takes this obligation freely.
When she is finished, it's a bit like something unravels in her chest, and he smiles at her again, watching her face.
"See? That wasn't so bad. And still the same Ziva I l-- know..."
His voice stutters and trails off, and she feels her eyes widen. She knows she looks just as shocked as he does at his almost-slip, and that is when her pulse speeds up and she starts to feel scared.
She wraps her arms around him then, pulls him to her until he feels heavy against her chest and his scent is all around her, making him real. And she can't help it then, she just needs to hear him say it, after all.
"Promise you will come back," she says, pressing her eyes shut against the unwanted proof of her emotional involvement. "Promise you will try."
His breathing is harsh against her ear, and just like she does, he fights against it, tries to keep it bottled up. And fails, just as miserably.
"I swear," he whispers, and she bites back the sound that wants to rise in her throat and kisses him instead.
Maybe it is a good thing that they are both still so easily distracted by their bodies' needs. It certainly seems easier to let him go after they make love once more. Much easier than after a talk, at least.
*** *** ***
The words feel strangely different this time. They are the same ones she spoke to Tony, and yet, this time other words seem important than when she swore allegiance to him.
She feels something loosen up inside her when she is finished, like a knot that has been pulled too tight finally gives.
She managed. She made do without them. Without Tony. Without Gibbs, even.
She did alright.
And yet, it would have been... nice.
*** *** ***
Written mostly to the music of "Trading Yesterday", in particular to the wonderful "May I"... which has, coincidentally, been made into one of my favorite T/Z vids. ;)
setting: NCIS, during 7x24 "Rule Fifty-One" and yes, spoilers for the finale. A missing scene that follows "With Benefits" and "Over Troubled Water". Really, they shouldn't have left this one on the cutting room floor... ;)
summary: The night before Ziva's ceremony.
word count: around 1,600
comments & feedback: as always, very much appreciated.
The Night Before He Went Away
In some ways, she isn't really surprised by the knock on her door later that night. In other ways, she is.
Maybe it is just because this is all still new and not how things were between them for the better part of five years. Maybe it is for other reasons. But Tony showing up at her doorstep and looking at her like he does now makes her breath hitch in her throat and her pulse beat faster, and he doesn't have to try very hard to have that effect on her.
She says his name, softly, and just when she wants to smile at him, he meets her gaze, and she realizes that something happened since she saw him at the Yard barely two hours ago.
"What's wrong?" she asks, and he takes a deep breath, his hands clenching for a heartbeat. Then he just steps inside her apartment and reaches for her, and she moves to meet him, out of reflex, because lately it just feels like the right thing to do.
The door falls shut behind him, but he doesn't even notice. He is too wrapped up in kissing her, his hands undoing her buttons at the same time, and she moans when his fingers slip into her blouse and move over her bare skin. She's not used yet to all of this, neither to him wanting her like this, without restraint or hesitation, nor to herself reacting so strongly to his caresses. And so each time he touches her, it feels a bit like trying to ride a wild horse, with no idea what to expect and how soon she would end up on the ground.
They don't even make it to the bed this time, and he takes her in heated urgency on the living room floor while their clothes scatter all over the carpet. And Ziva can't help but follow his lead, can't help clinging to him and gasping into his mouth while he makes her come and rides the wave with her.
*** *** ***
His hand, brushing up and down her bare back, is soothing and unnerving at the same time. She loves it when he touches her, when he explores her body leisurely like this, and yet, it feels so weird... mostly because it is such an unexpectedly natural thing, after all. They do work well together without words, in all regards of their partnership.
Tonight she feels his restless tension, though, feels it in the way he keeps his arm around her shoulders, the way he runs the tips of his fingers down her arm until she gets goose bumps. He still hasn't said a word since she opened the door, and by now she actually starts to gets nervous.
"What is going on, Tony?" she asks, propping herself up on one elbow so she can look at his face.
He hesitates, and she already knows he can't tell her before he meets her eyes, and that makes her frown. She wants to say something, but before she can think of the right something, he opens his mouth.
"I can't be there tomorrow."
His hand keeps running up and down her back, but it feels different now, slightly tense because he waits for her reaction. Waits for her anger and for the questions he can't answer.
She gives him neither of these. She is Ziva, after all, and Ziva has never been like other women. Ziva understands obligations and orders better than anyone else, and Ziva knows that Vance has called him back for a reason. She suspected it before. Now she knows.
"Well," she says eventually, forming the words slowly because despite her understanding she is not sure if her voice will play along. "You will be there in thought, at least."
Something uneasy stirs in him, ripples the surface, and he rolls to his side, facing her.
"I can't even promise you that."
She feels strange, unsettled, maybe because it is still so new that they started speaking their mind with each other... maybe, though, because his words make her worry. She tries not to show her concern and turns to her side, too, so she can rest against his chest. She raises her arm and slings it around his neck, running her fingers through his already ruffled hair. Her throat tightens up, but she still shrugs slightly and says, "You will be back."
There is no answer, and her eyes widen while her hand in his hair stills. "Tony..."
Panic rises in her at the way he looks at her, and she fights the urge to scream and hit him because this shouldn't be happening, it can't be happening, not when they finally found a way to deal with each other.
He sighs and leans closer, then presses his lips to her temple. "Just... I don't want to break another promise."
She breathes deeply. Wants to cling to him and not let go. Wants to step back in time and undo the past two weeks, right up to the point where this wouldn't have twisted a knife in her gut.
All she says is, though, "You can promise to try."
He looks at her quietly, his expression shaken, much like she feels herself by now. He nods, still silent, and then he pulls her into an embrace that is just for comfort this time, for closeness, not for lust. She closes her eyes and presses her face into the curve of his neck, and there is this one moment when she almost cries. Almost.
"It would have been... nice to have you there," she says, breathing out, and it feels weird to admit that she wants him around instead of merely expecting him to be.
He raises a hand and pushes her hair back, watching her. His eyes narrow when he sees the disappointment she tries to hide, and she shakes her head at his expression, trying to get her composure back. She fails, because for a lot of reasons it has become hard to hide things from him lately, and so he smiles at her in that smooth way that makes her knees weak, and then he kisses her again and offers that she could practice her oath on him, after all.
"I do not need to practice," she says, frowning at him despite the fact that she knows he just wants to yank her chain and distract her.
He chuckles at her reaction. "Are you sure? Wouldn't want you to drop a few important bits out in the heat of the moment, my irritating alien. You should give me a dry run, really."
She hesitates, even though the idea sends wild flutters through her stomach, and he draws back to watch her, a grin making his mouth curve and his eyes sparkle. "Come on, Ziva, can't be that hard. Just repeat after me - 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good'..."
"You might want to check the one you took," she frowns at him, and he snickers. "It would seem that there are different ones in use...?"
He just smiles at her some more and runs his hand down her side, and that turns the situation into one of those moments that make her calm down and focus again, just like that.
"I hereby declare," she mumbles while she watches him, holding his gaze, "on oath..." The words don't come as easily as she thought they would, and maybe the dry run wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Her voice stops shaking halfway through the oath, and maybe that is because he looks at her so intently now. She tries out which words hold the most meaning for her, and it is ridiculously easy to meet his eyes when she says that she takes this obligation freely.
When she is finished, it's a bit like something unravels in her chest, and he smiles at her again, watching her face.
"See? That wasn't so bad. And still the same Ziva I l-- know..."
His voice stutters and trails off, and she feels her eyes widen. She knows she looks just as shocked as he does at his almost-slip, and that is when her pulse speeds up and she starts to feel scared.
She wraps her arms around him then, pulls him to her until he feels heavy against her chest and his scent is all around her, making him real. And she can't help it then, she just needs to hear him say it, after all.
"Promise you will come back," she says, pressing her eyes shut against the unwanted proof of her emotional involvement. "Promise you will try."
His breathing is harsh against her ear, and just like she does, he fights against it, tries to keep it bottled up. And fails, just as miserably.
"I swear," he whispers, and she bites back the sound that wants to rise in her throat and kisses him instead.
Maybe it is a good thing that they are both still so easily distracted by their bodies' needs. It certainly seems easier to let him go after they make love once more. Much easier than after a talk, at least.
*** *** ***
The words feel strangely different this time. They are the same ones she spoke to Tony, and yet, this time other words seem important than when she swore allegiance to him.
She feels something loosen up inside her when she is finished, like a knot that has been pulled too tight finally gives.
She managed. She made do without them. Without Tony. Without Gibbs, even.
She did alright.
And yet, it would have been... nice.
*** *** ***
Written mostly to the music of "Trading Yesterday", in particular to the wonderful "May I"... which has, coincidentally, been made into one of my favorite T/Z vids. ;)