I hate being forgotten (I would rather not even bother). I hate being talked over (I would rather not talk). I hate realizing that I am taking my survival habits and using them in a situation where I shouldn't need to survive (I should be easily thriving ( Read more... )

Sometimes, I get depressed enough that I want to sit and cry.

but I don't... because I'm not a crybaby.

I'm a big girl. I can handle life. I can handle planning. I can handle disappointment. I can handle being forgotten.

I can take it.

I wonder how much the lack in family relationships is due to my persceptions from the past.

Are the things I still despise still as they were, or am I just seeing things?

I'll admit my greatest gift is not forgiving and forgetting... but is that all there is to blame?

I've been doing everything but plan. I wish it would be here and gone already, or that someone else would do it for me.

I'm not sure what kind of motivation I need, but hopefully it kicks in soon.

Disappoints always sting more when you bring them on yourself.

Okay, so there weren't as many vendors as I had hoped, but oh WOW... The convention was pretty much everything I hoped it would be... plus some extra.

I WILL be going next year.

Every once in a while, it'll strick me that all the planning, mine and everyone else's could be for nothing. I have to stop, give it all back to God, and then I'm okay again... for a little while.

Then I want to disappear for a while.

Sometimes, I feel like I've crawled out of my body and the slimey mess of consciousness can't find the way back to actually being me ( Read more... )

Whenever I look at something in my past, regreting it, mourning it, wishing I had the guts to do it over again, I try to remember this ( Read more... )

One second I don't know. the next nothing could sway me. until something does.

I can't remember my thoughts from one moment to the next sometimes. I get so tired that I don't want to think about anything. I get so confused that I want to say "Just for get it. This was all a mistake." I get so angry I wonder where it's coming from ( Read more... )